Botan shijo
New member
- Joined
- Apr 13, 2002
- Messages
- 5
Hi everyone
As you know i am new around here, i was really surprised when i came across JoS and started reading about Satan, i never looked at him the way JoS made me look, not from that prespective but i came across JoS in the first place because i was trying to find a way to devote myself to Satan having Satan pictured in my head the way i was taught as a "normal" guy, you may think i am a evil person but that is not the case, trust me, on my first post i explain my motives, basically i hate the christian god (also explained on my first post).
My first post:
http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/Joyof ... sage/98663
Turns out, like i said, that Satan (according to JoS description) is nowere near what i though he was, all my life we are taught that satan is evil and then, among millions of people you find a couple dozen saying he is good and the true god, i can live with it, regardless, i came here to devote myself to him, because we can all agree on something, he hates the christian god and jesus, enough for me, took me some time to picture him the way JoS describes and sometimes i still struggle a bit.
I did my dedication nontheless, actually i did when my doubts about info on JoS were at a peak, i still did it simply because regardless of JoS being true or false i know i want to dedicate myself to him, so i did it convinced that the christian god do exist and that i would surely die for turning myself against him so i dont really care about who's right and whos wrong about Satan, in my mind i always pictured him as some kind of rebel who doesn't give a damm about what is good or bad, just what he wants, i think in some way we can all identify ourselves with that.
Anyway, the thing that is troubling me is that i am still finding a bit hard to "digest" some info on JoS and like that wasn't enough i see guys everyday talking about conversations with demons like they are talking about conversations with some friend from school or something like that, make it sound so common that you almost doubt if it's really true, until one talks to me i will always doubt and then, there i go again, struggling again, and when i am about to get over it then some guy pops up talking about shapeshifting and astral projection, or pyrokinesis (setting objects on fire with our mind), i mean, i want to take this serious, i DO want to establish some relation with the one i very PROUDLY< adress to as my father but one must wonder, am i really in the right place?
Maybe i am but truth is, i can't help but feel ridiculous sometimes and that thought is almost built-in in my subconscious when i am meditating, even if i am not thinking about it its always present.
Trust me, now this WILL sound ridiculous, i dont remember what post it was but i even said that i would like to see anything out of normal, even if it was greys attacking me and even not being prepared to fight them, if i saw just the tinniest thing that i saw as demon intervention or any kind of "unexplainable phenomenon" all my determination and beliefs would take a huge leap for the better but being constantly bombarded with stuff that sound like fairy tales (not saying it is but put yourself in my shoes for a moment) when i am still struggling on my first meditation steps is seriously driving me nuts.
I know that regardless of JoS being true or false, i haven't mastered the knowllege there to make precise conclusions, so right now the only things that keeps me going is the fact that i am looking at myself as a ignorant waiting to be enlightned, always looking for new posts, trying to hear of others experiences but there are aways guys who make this sound like it's all fake, i think i would be happy if i saw a knife flying arround trying to stab me right now.
One thing is for sure, i dont regret my dedication... for all it's worth to our father satan, at least the intention was clear.
Thanks for reading
Tiago Cabral
As you know i am new around here, i was really surprised when i came across JoS and started reading about Satan, i never looked at him the way JoS made me look, not from that prespective but i came across JoS in the first place because i was trying to find a way to devote myself to Satan having Satan pictured in my head the way i was taught as a "normal" guy, you may think i am a evil person but that is not the case, trust me, on my first post i explain my motives, basically i hate the christian god (also explained on my first post).
My first post:
http://dir.groups.yahoo.com/group/Joyof ... sage/98663
Turns out, like i said, that Satan (according to JoS description) is nowere near what i though he was, all my life we are taught that satan is evil and then, among millions of people you find a couple dozen saying he is good and the true god, i can live with it, regardless, i came here to devote myself to him, because we can all agree on something, he hates the christian god and jesus, enough for me, took me some time to picture him the way JoS describes and sometimes i still struggle a bit.
I did my dedication nontheless, actually i did when my doubts about info on JoS were at a peak, i still did it simply because regardless of JoS being true or false i know i want to dedicate myself to him, so i did it convinced that the christian god do exist and that i would surely die for turning myself against him so i dont really care about who's right and whos wrong about Satan, in my mind i always pictured him as some kind of rebel who doesn't give a damm about what is good or bad, just what he wants, i think in some way we can all identify ourselves with that.
Anyway, the thing that is troubling me is that i am still finding a bit hard to "digest" some info on JoS and like that wasn't enough i see guys everyday talking about conversations with demons like they are talking about conversations with some friend from school or something like that, make it sound so common that you almost doubt if it's really true, until one talks to me i will always doubt and then, there i go again, struggling again, and when i am about to get over it then some guy pops up talking about shapeshifting and astral projection, or pyrokinesis (setting objects on fire with our mind), i mean, i want to take this serious, i DO want to establish some relation with the one i very PROUDLY< adress to as my father but one must wonder, am i really in the right place?
Maybe i am but truth is, i can't help but feel ridiculous sometimes and that thought is almost built-in in my subconscious when i am meditating, even if i am not thinking about it its always present.
Trust me, now this WILL sound ridiculous, i dont remember what post it was but i even said that i would like to see anything out of normal, even if it was greys attacking me and even not being prepared to fight them, if i saw just the tinniest thing that i saw as demon intervention or any kind of "unexplainable phenomenon" all my determination and beliefs would take a huge leap for the better but being constantly bombarded with stuff that sound like fairy tales (not saying it is but put yourself in my shoes for a moment) when i am still struggling on my first meditation steps is seriously driving me nuts.
I know that regardless of JoS being true or false, i haven't mastered the knowllege there to make precise conclusions, so right now the only things that keeps me going is the fact that i am looking at myself as a ignorant waiting to be enlightned, always looking for new posts, trying to hear of others experiences but there are aways guys who make this sound like it's all fake, i think i would be happy if i saw a knife flying arround trying to stab me right now.
One thing is for sure, i dont regret my dedication... for all it's worth to our father satan, at least the intention was clear.
Thanks for reading
Tiago Cabral