The title is self-explanatory and it seems to be exactly what I've been going through. I really need some advice but for that I need to give some background information for clarity, it's long but I hope someone will be able to help me:
My main element is Water. My astrological chart has a huge amount of Water planets and I simply know I am a Water person. This was pretty much confirmed when I found out who my Guardian Demon was as he is also of the Water element; elemental affinity seems to be a huge factor in this. All by itself, this makes one naturally open to the spiritual/astral, but can be overwhelming and cause problems if not controlled properly, including closing oneself to anything spiritual (even to emotions) as some sort of unconscious mechanism to preserve a sound mind and live a reasonably normal life. Another aggravating factor is that I have Saturn in Pisces (sign of everything psychic), in the 9th house of the higher mind and spirituality. Saturn causes all sorts of difficulties and blockages, and this could very well be cause number one. I believe it may be the strongest influence blocking my spiritual opening and development, but I feel it's not the only one.
What makes me believe there are other causes is that, up until a certain age, I was making very quick progress with everything psychic/spiritual. I've studied magick and everything related to it from a very early age. When I found JoS all the missing pieces just fell into their places. I was 13 when I dedicated. At this time, I was already adept at doing many things, such as telekinesis (moving small objects on flat surfaces etc.). I very quickly found my way through the awakening meditations and everything as going fine. At about the same time, I introduced an older friend to Satanism and we made lots of progress together.
However, I started noticing that no matter what I did, I could never, ever, get into a trance state or communicate with the Gods. I could easily visualize and control energy but I never really could get deeper. I thought it was just a matter of practice, so I kept trying but nothing would work. Months later I started focusing almost entirely on my 6th and 7th chakras, believing that would help and that eventually I would just be able to do what I wanted to do the most, which was speaking with my Guardian Demon. No luck. My friend on the other hand was very good at going into deep trances and she was already communicating with her Guardian and other entities, to the point I asked her to ask the Demons why I couldn't progress further.
She only got very vague answers, which was really weird since she was very good at that. A few weeks later she told me that all her summonings started getting very, very weird and they started giving obvious false information. At this moment we realized we were being targeted by the enemy and that they were pretending to be Demons. We lived very far from each other so we made separate banishing rituals and apparently they worked since her Guardian almost immediately came to her to tell the enemy was all over us. Satan then told her that I was being actively blocked by angels and that it was most likely the reason why I wasn't making any progress. He told her exactly what we should do to reopen my chakras and preventing them from being blocked again, which was a series of specific meditations to be performed daily involving her invoking the elements and breathing them out, directing them at me. It worked, I started feeling my chakras very strongly, especially the superior ones which I had been working on intensively.
I kept trying to get into a trance and speak with the Demons but I still couldn't do it. This all happened in about one year from my dedication, at which time some pretty shitty planetary transits (I unfortunately didn't know astrology back then) were starting to kick in; they would last for the next six years. Lots of things happened, I gave up on meditating (my fault), I moved 5 times in this period, couldn't really talk with my friend (she was having some problems on her end too). I completely lost contact with the spiritual - and my entire creative side as well, I stopped making music which was extremely important to me - in this period. However I was able to learn astrology, tarot and numerology in those years which was the key to get to know myself better and because of that I started noticing the patterns and taking control of my future.
This takes me to where I am today. I am going through a Saturn conjunct Jupiter transit, which brings me back to spirituality with a very serious tone, urging me to find concrete answers for my problems and to work hard on developing myself. For the past few months I have been meditating consistently, returning to my former self, however the same old issues still seem to linger. Don't get me wrong, I never expected to make progress overnight, but my chakras, especially the 6th and the 7th are extremely active and strong, I can feel them pulsating all the time. My aura seems very healthy and I can absolutely feel that I'm getting better everyday, however I am still locked away from the astral. It's like my rational mind just won't yield. What could be happening?
I have three main theories: I'm either being actively blocked by the enemy even after all these years or I have a deep-seated spiritual problem that keeps me from opening up to the astral or both. The feeling I have at this moment is of being almost literally disabled, I honestly don't know what else to do.
My main element is Water. My astrological chart has a huge amount of Water planets and I simply know I am a Water person. This was pretty much confirmed when I found out who my Guardian Demon was as he is also of the Water element; elemental affinity seems to be a huge factor in this. All by itself, this makes one naturally open to the spiritual/astral, but can be overwhelming and cause problems if not controlled properly, including closing oneself to anything spiritual (even to emotions) as some sort of unconscious mechanism to preserve a sound mind and live a reasonably normal life. Another aggravating factor is that I have Saturn in Pisces (sign of everything psychic), in the 9th house of the higher mind and spirituality. Saturn causes all sorts of difficulties and blockages, and this could very well be cause number one. I believe it may be the strongest influence blocking my spiritual opening and development, but I feel it's not the only one.
What makes me believe there are other causes is that, up until a certain age, I was making very quick progress with everything psychic/spiritual. I've studied magick and everything related to it from a very early age. When I found JoS all the missing pieces just fell into their places. I was 13 when I dedicated. At this time, I was already adept at doing many things, such as telekinesis (moving small objects on flat surfaces etc.). I very quickly found my way through the awakening meditations and everything as going fine. At about the same time, I introduced an older friend to Satanism and we made lots of progress together.
However, I started noticing that no matter what I did, I could never, ever, get into a trance state or communicate with the Gods. I could easily visualize and control energy but I never really could get deeper. I thought it was just a matter of practice, so I kept trying but nothing would work. Months later I started focusing almost entirely on my 6th and 7th chakras, believing that would help and that eventually I would just be able to do what I wanted to do the most, which was speaking with my Guardian Demon. No luck. My friend on the other hand was very good at going into deep trances and she was already communicating with her Guardian and other entities, to the point I asked her to ask the Demons why I couldn't progress further.
She only got very vague answers, which was really weird since she was very good at that. A few weeks later she told me that all her summonings started getting very, very weird and they started giving obvious false information. At this moment we realized we were being targeted by the enemy and that they were pretending to be Demons. We lived very far from each other so we made separate banishing rituals and apparently they worked since her Guardian almost immediately came to her to tell the enemy was all over us. Satan then told her that I was being actively blocked by angels and that it was most likely the reason why I wasn't making any progress. He told her exactly what we should do to reopen my chakras and preventing them from being blocked again, which was a series of specific meditations to be performed daily involving her invoking the elements and breathing them out, directing them at me. It worked, I started feeling my chakras very strongly, especially the superior ones which I had been working on intensively.
I kept trying to get into a trance and speak with the Demons but I still couldn't do it. This all happened in about one year from my dedication, at which time some pretty shitty planetary transits (I unfortunately didn't know astrology back then) were starting to kick in; they would last for the next six years. Lots of things happened, I gave up on meditating (my fault), I moved 5 times in this period, couldn't really talk with my friend (she was having some problems on her end too). I completely lost contact with the spiritual - and my entire creative side as well, I stopped making music which was extremely important to me - in this period. However I was able to learn astrology, tarot and numerology in those years which was the key to get to know myself better and because of that I started noticing the patterns and taking control of my future.
This takes me to where I am today. I am going through a Saturn conjunct Jupiter transit, which brings me back to spirituality with a very serious tone, urging me to find concrete answers for my problems and to work hard on developing myself. For the past few months I have been meditating consistently, returning to my former self, however the same old issues still seem to linger. Don't get me wrong, I never expected to make progress overnight, but my chakras, especially the 6th and the 7th are extremely active and strong, I can feel them pulsating all the time. My aura seems very healthy and I can absolutely feel that I'm getting better everyday, however I am still locked away from the astral. It's like my rational mind just won't yield. What could be happening?
I have three main theories: I'm either being actively blocked by the enemy even after all these years or I have a deep-seated spiritual problem that keeps me from opening up to the astral or both. The feeling I have at this moment is of being almost literally disabled, I honestly don't know what else to do.
