New To Satanism, where do I begin?

[wergetheownr]

I am a 14 year old male raised in a catholic christian family. I have for a while now been opposed to their beliefs and for the past few years haven't been sure in what I believe in. But recently I have been reading up much on theistic satanism. Including JoyofSatan.org where I came across the link to this group. For some reason I feel a sense of attraction to it, and do I believe Satan is our true god. That he is nothing like The Devil portrayed in Christianity. I have seen greys for sometime now, never direct contact. But in my mind, in pictures, one time I saw a man with a fedora hat in my room. I believe him to be associated with the Greys. No distinguishable features, all black.

He was no spirit or any type of positive energy. I felt fear and dread. I continue to see him every once and a while. But anyways, I want to form a bond with Satan. Not for selfish reasons or as a type of servant. I want guidance and protection, I want to become a stronger, better person and develope mentally. I want to know more about life and why me and other people exist here, and I want to be at peace with myself and my true creator.

I also never want to upset or anger him, or do anything that would insult or disrespect him. But I fear it is my ignorance and lack of knowledge that will do these very things. I don't know where to start. I'm pretty sure that I'm weak spiritually at this point. I've never done anything to strengthen myself in these areas. Although I am completely willing to do so, I am willing to dedicate myself as much as I'm able to to form a positive relationship with Satan and his other gods. I am willing to give in return what I can offer to them as long as it doesn't bring harm to me mentally or physically which I'm certain wouldn't be his intentions anyways.

But I am clueless to where I should begin, I understand Satan's relationships with people and their methods of worshiping him vary. All I want is somebody to push me in the right direction. Earlier today when I was home alone, I washed my hands and face. Grabbed a candle and sat quietly. I closed and my eyes and relaxed myself slowly taking deep breathes in and out. I then said out loud "I want to be purged of all the influences false religions and beliefs have had over me. I want to be at peace with my true father, Satan. Please see me as worthy father to form a connection and relationship with you. This is not a dedication or ritual as I don't see myself ready for such things yet. I mean no disrespect and I hope you can excuse my ignorance. I just want you to know I desire to become a better person mentally and spiritually. I apologize for anything I have ever done to upset, insult or disappoint you. Please deem me worthy.

Thank you, Father."

I then blew out the candle, put everything back in place and left the room. I'm considering carrying out a commitment ritual tonight. I have all the materials needed. I will of course like suggested bathe before hand and make sure there will be no disruptions. I feel this is the right thing to do, but am I venturing in too fast? I feel as long as I do it correctly, there is nothing wrong with performing a ritual at this point. But I'd still like to hear the opinions of others.

Basically what I'm asking is, am I going in the right direction to truly become a satanist and dedicate myself to him?

 

[martin362948]

Yes, I think you're going about it the right way. You seem nice, polite and not selfish so i don't see why you Satan wouldn't be happy to see you among those dedicated. I would also suggest that if you want to progress systematically in terms of psychic/spiritual abilities that you go on to the training programme for satanists on the 'join hell's army' section on the JoS website as this is quite a comprehensive guide.