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- Joined
- Dec 11, 2004
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Okay, well i was raised in a Catholic family and just about 3 years ago i left that shithole religion. And for about maybe 4 years ive been going through some depression state of mind and sought after psychedelics to help me though it and i cant say it didnt work but the depression feeling always comes back and i seriously have no idea whats causing this. pretty recently i had the idea of starting meditation and stuff and then i found the JOS websites (and nothing makes me more happy than reading about facts). I read like 95 %of the JOS content and found myself feeling like a new person. Reading the Exposingchristianity.com was great and reading about Satan and the Gods was a trip!
So i found myself coming to the conclusion that i found somewhere to be and put my energy toward. I dedicated myself and feel 100% about the decision. BUT heres the issue. I hve the feeling like 100% of the time that i am doing everything incorrectly. And to add to that, being in a place where i am location wise with no black candles, i dedicated myself using a white candle and not black like the website says. i know it does not matter to Satan, but it adds to the back of my head knowing i didnt do something right. And for as long as i remember, i have never been the same with feeling things the same as others. I think its because my expectations are SO high, that when i get result, its like nothing to me. I get the "That was it?" mindset.
That being said, when it comes to the meditations requiring a person to FEEL energy and all that, i can not relate to that and have to just hope im doing it right, and i ABSOLUTLY hate that feeling because im a person who wants optimal results and knowing im just starting the whole spirituality path i know i wont get optimal results in the beginning. So i ask Satan and my guardian Demon to help in anyway possible. But of course, im not spiritually open to anything. I cant sense anything related. Ive been trying to work on opening my chakras and currently im still on the 3rd eye, and again i feel like im not viabrating THOTH correctly and at the right tone. Again i probably am doing it right but i dont "feel" the dull ache and the third eye when doing so. So i feel like im on the right path but not taking any steps on it because im doing something incorrectly.
This is where i need help overcoming myself. I really just want to do somthing right and consciously know i am.
ALSO! Going into a deep meditative state and deep trance. And yes i did read the website and yes i doing everything on it, but thee feeling of a deep trance is completly new to me and i dont ever feel like my atmosphere changes or whatever. and the falling effect? I feel like i should be reading Spiritual Satanism for Dummies here.
Ive also been thiking A LOT about invoking a demon for assistance in the great scenic left hand path, but i dont know how that process really works although reading on it. So i do the ritual and Hope i get a positive result, ask a demon a question, get answer, give something in return then adios amigo see ya next time you think of me kind of thing? To be honest thats exactly what i dont need and i was hoping to ask if theres anyway to have a teacher like one you go to college for. Like the demon invest time and knowlage 1 on 1 with me to get better while i help fighting the enemy. Yeah i know im going off topic.
So, how do i shake this feeling of doing everything correctly and "feel" whatever needs to be felt progress myself. Ive hit a brick wall mentally and was maybe hoping for some light to hit me through this website. Because as far as im concerned my soul and mental state is closed up and need to be opened.
This is a direct message to the JOS Ministries and somebody that point me in the riht direction.
Thanks for your time.
PS. i do RTRs and i dont feel like im fucking those up, but if i do is there any reprocussions? as in accidentaly mispronouncing a word and yelling fuck because im thinking i said somthing totally different and ruined the RTR.
So i found myself coming to the conclusion that i found somewhere to be and put my energy toward. I dedicated myself and feel 100% about the decision. BUT heres the issue. I hve the feeling like 100% of the time that i am doing everything incorrectly. And to add to that, being in a place where i am location wise with no black candles, i dedicated myself using a white candle and not black like the website says. i know it does not matter to Satan, but it adds to the back of my head knowing i didnt do something right. And for as long as i remember, i have never been the same with feeling things the same as others. I think its because my expectations are SO high, that when i get result, its like nothing to me. I get the "That was it?" mindset.
That being said, when it comes to the meditations requiring a person to FEEL energy and all that, i can not relate to that and have to just hope im doing it right, and i ABSOLUTLY hate that feeling because im a person who wants optimal results and knowing im just starting the whole spirituality path i know i wont get optimal results in the beginning. So i ask Satan and my guardian Demon to help in anyway possible. But of course, im not spiritually open to anything. I cant sense anything related. Ive been trying to work on opening my chakras and currently im still on the 3rd eye, and again i feel like im not viabrating THOTH correctly and at the right tone. Again i probably am doing it right but i dont "feel" the dull ache and the third eye when doing so. So i feel like im on the right path but not taking any steps on it because im doing something incorrectly.
This is where i need help overcoming myself. I really just want to do somthing right and consciously know i am.
ALSO! Going into a deep meditative state and deep trance. And yes i did read the website and yes i doing everything on it, but thee feeling of a deep trance is completly new to me and i dont ever feel like my atmosphere changes or whatever. and the falling effect? I feel like i should be reading Spiritual Satanism for Dummies here.
Ive also been thiking A LOT about invoking a demon for assistance in the great scenic left hand path, but i dont know how that process really works although reading on it. So i do the ritual and Hope i get a positive result, ask a demon a question, get answer, give something in return then adios amigo see ya next time you think of me kind of thing? To be honest thats exactly what i dont need and i was hoping to ask if theres anyway to have a teacher like one you go to college for. Like the demon invest time and knowlage 1 on 1 with me to get better while i help fighting the enemy. Yeah i know im going off topic.
So, how do i shake this feeling of doing everything correctly and "feel" whatever needs to be felt progress myself. Ive hit a brick wall mentally and was maybe hoping for some light to hit me through this website. Because as far as im concerned my soul and mental state is closed up and need to be opened.
This is a direct message to the JOS Ministries and somebody that point me in the riht direction.
Thanks for your time.
PS. i do RTRs and i dont feel like im fucking those up, but if i do is there any reprocussions? as in accidentaly mispronouncing a word and yelling fuck because im thinking i said somthing totally different and ruined the RTR.
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