Well, if you really want to work this out, then I'll write it down in a global sense, because a lot of people face this problem at the Initial stage, so get ready to delve into it.
This isn't a coincidence or just a psychological glitch, but a manifestation of an
Imbalance in your Chakras and in your Aura, where the
Natural Forces that should Resonate within your Soul during properly performed Meditations are being Blocked on multiple levels at once. This might stem from weakened or
Blocked Heart,
Throat, or
Solar Chakras. It could also be due to
Holes in the Aura and certain Psychic attachments of an unperceived Nature. That's why you should investigate this more deeply and gradually Heal it through Meditations.
More on this:
This could be an echo of
Psychic Attacks from Enemy Entities or even
Subconscious Programs imposed by those same Hostile Forces to isolate you as a Pagan — which is a common problem. Feelings of
loneliness,
alienation, and
«perversion» — these are a powerful weapon of the Enemy, aimed at isolating you, stripping you of your Power, and making you believe in your own worthlessness, unworthiness, and inadequacy. When a person Spiritually Awakens, no matter how much time passes, Enemy Entities do everything in their power to suppress them.
They Attack the Aura,
trying to implant Programs of self-destruction,
fear,
and self-hatred into the Subconscious. What you call a fear of being hurt — is a
result of a weakened Energy Field, particularly your Manipura, which is responsible for personal Power, Will, and self-esteem. Bullying during childhood and school only exacerbated these breaches, making you even more vulnerable to external Negativity and Psychic Attacks. You can't get close to people not because there's something wrong with you, but because your Energy, being suppressed, is in a constant state of defense, spending Resources on it and instinctively pushing away any potential threat — which it perceives as any form of emotional intimacy, and so on. Therefore,
you should perform Workings to Deprogram your Consciousness from Enemy Programs, the Effects of which are then solidified through regular Meditations.
It’s also important to note here that you aren't necessarily being Attacked personally;
this could likely be just the result of centuries-old Curses on the Pagan Soul at a Racial level, leaving their scars on the Spiritual Body of all Pagans one way or another. This is why there are Rituals designed to Reverse this Effect, to turn them back.
This also Strengthens your overall Energetic Potential, having a beneficial Effect on your Advancement and interaction with the outside world.
From the individual perspective of Evolution,
War Rituals,
Blessing Rituals, and the
Power Rituals of the Gods are an excellent solution, as they significantly Open up and sharpen the Soul, and you also receive a Powerful charge of Beneficent Demonic Energy (
which you will begin to feel over time). This will grant you Insights, Foresight, and even Healing on a more transcendent level through the Activation of the deeper parts of the Soul.
Here is what can help you:
You can also Meditate on the Sigil of
Satan/Baalzebub/Astarte and
Breathe the Sigil's Energies into your Soul.
But it must necessarily be a bright Light of Energies: either
Electric Blue (
Demonic), or
bright White-Gold. To maximize the Effect, it is highly recommended that all your main Chakras are already Opened, and that you have mastered such Meditations as
Foundation Meditation,
Energy Meditation,
Directing Energy and
Chakra Breathing. Before Meditating on a Sigil,
I recommend Cleansing your Chakras and Aura and performing the
Void Meditation. You have to just
Concentrate on the Sigil and
«Breathe» its Energy into your Aura or Chakra you want to
Heal/Empower. You can also consolidate this Working by Affirmations.
Additionally,
you can combine this Exercise with your regular daily Affirmations to affirm your own Power:
Another reason — is a
Disharmony of Energy Flows between the Aura and the Spiritual Body, where external changes, such as a change in appearance or masks, don't touch the essence, because, for example, Astral Parasites and Negative ties from childhood cling to the Lower (
Male) Chakras, absorbing your Charisma and making you
«invisible» to those who could become your allies. Sometimes, it's the
Influence of weakened or negatively Aspected Planetary Energies, where
Mercury doesn't allow for ease in communication, and
Venus hides your attractiveness behind a layer of self-sabotage, born from a Karma that repeats Cycles of Suffering. Yes,
this can be related to your Karmic Knots, as one of the factors.
You need to start systematically and diligently performing Spiritual Workings. This is not a quick process, but it yields real and irreversible results. The goal isn't to change yourself, but to Cleanse and Strengthen who you truly are. Start with the foundation — a basic Program that includes the
Foundation Meditation,
Cleansing of the Chakras and Aura, and the
Aura of Protection. When I say
«start with this» I mean regularity and Discipline in performing these Exercises while increasing the Energetic loads that are beneficial for you. If your Chakras are Opened, then the Full Chakra Meditation — is the foundation for everything that follows.
Your
Natal Chart is, undoubtedly, a reflection of your innate Energies, predispositions, strengths, and weaknesses, but
it is not a sentence and does not determine your Destiny, but rather, a starting point that you can and should Work with.
The root of the problem often lies in afflicted Planets and difficult Aspects in certain Houses. First and foremost, pay attention to
the 11th House — the House of friends, like-minded people, and social groups.
The 7th House, which is responsible for partnerships and any one-on-one relationships, is also important.
The 3rd House — your immediate environment, daily communication — is also significant.
Look at the state of Venus in your Chart: it governs social harmony, likeability, and the ability to build relationships, but not only that. If it is weakened or under tense Aspects from
Saturn,
Neptune, or
Pluto, it creates the problems you describe; we are not considering the Sublimated Energies of these Planets, which are, of course, very important, valuable, and Powerful, because the Obliteration of their Negative Influence is achieved at the Higher Levels of Spiritual Practice.
The Moon, responsible for your Emotions, Subconscious, Intuition, and Sensitivity, also plays a key role. Its affliction can cause emotional instability and a fear of intimacy, as an example.
Your main Tools here — are the
Planetary Magic of Kabalistic Squares of the aforementioned Planets.
Perform the Spiritual Squares: of
Venus — to attract loyal, loving, and strong friends or any other harmonious relationships into your life; of the
Sun — to strengthen self-confidence, Charisma, and personal power; of
Jupiter — to attract luck and expand social opportunities; accordingly, the Spiritual Squares of the
Moon and
Mercury can also help.
More about Planetary Squares:
In addition to all of this,
you can appeal directly to our Gods for help. You can appeal to your
Guardian or to
Satan/Zeus with the Standard Ritual.
Lady Astarte can also guide you, point out your Blocks, and help bring true Fellows into your life.
Lord Belial can also help in gaining friends and social influence.
Balam and
Ipos can help you become more charismatic and confident. However, quite a few Demons and Gods are able to provide assistance, if you are ready to Learn from them and are sufficiently Open in Spirit to Perceive Signs and Signals from them.
More on this:
Additional information that will be useful in your situation:
Remember that your current State of Soul — is a symptom, not the disease. Begin the Work, be consistent, and the result will not be long in coming.
You yourself are the solution to your problem,
and the Gods are ready to guide you.
