Meditations #78960 Am I jewish? Spiritual problems

[AskSatanOperator]

I was born in European white family. My whole family are atheists and I have never had any problems with xianity and other garbage, I have never been to church. I first learned about Spiritual Satanism in 2021 when I was 15. After studying the entire site, I almost immediately started meditating, starting a 40-day program. I did not do a soul dedication ritual, but simply experimented with meditations and felt pretty good, I clearly remember that time. Meditations from the 40-day program were easy and effortless. But then I gave up due to lack of time and great efforts to study at school.
I returned to meditation in August 2022, then I did a dedication ritual and started meditating again. Since then, some strange things and problems began, my life did not improve at all. Since October of the same year, I began to get sick, some panic attacks appeared that had never happened before, psychosomatic diseases, etc. Nothing serious really, but it had a strong effect on my psyche and almost drove me crazy. That same month I stopped meditating and my health problems went away on their own, as if they had never been there.
Then, after another six months, I returned to meditation again and started doing FRRT from time to time. Soon after that, my mother started getting sick, she had everything the same as me: undetectable diseases, panic attacks and anxiety. All the tests are normal and everything is fine, but the pain torments her in one organ or another and so on for quite a long time. It is probably worth clarifying that my mother has some Jewish-like features and curly hair. She looks Jewish to a small extent, but I'm not sure, besides, there were no Jews in the family, according to my parents.
I returned to meditation seriously and thoroughly again in June 2025, devoting an hour to meditation and an hour and a half to yoga. And damn it, my mother started getting sick again. I did the Valefor ritual for two days, planning to do it for five days. But after the second time, literally a few hours after performing the ritual, my mother's condition worsened even more and sharply - a strong increase in blood pressure and a panic attack. I finally despaired and from that day on I stopped meditating, doing yoga and doing any rituals of the gods. My mother's health is improving and returning to normal and I can't fucking understand what the problem is. Why such coincidences? I don't consider myself a Jew at all, on the contrary, I want to have justice by any means, both spiritually and physically. BUT why, as soon as I start meditating and doing yoga or FRRT, does my mother's health begin to deteriorate sharply and unexpectedly? Why is everything fine when I don't meditate? What is the problem?