Question #1130: Discipline, consistency, backlash

[AskSatanOperator]

Hello brothers and sisters.
I have been struggling with a few things since i joined this path. I'll start with one i struggle most with and its discipline and being conscious of the actions and results of being indiscipline but lack the drive to put the discipline into place.

Punning enough is that I have Saturn in the first house with a few aspects for discipline but the pain of being stuck in a vicious cycle of ups and down trying to be disciplined is getting too heavy, The more i try to be consistent with it the harder it hits me back to the starting point, but it has a catch, a little bit of being disciplined i get heavily rewarded for it, but the journey feels more merciless to me reason for the inconsistency, which leads to the next question.

I have tried using Nauthis, Cleaning and freeing, but I've never been able to ground myself well to finish up a working due to the backlash cos it seems to target harder the weakest areas in my life. like i can do a working for drugs for freeing the soul (My ruler is Neptune, 7+ years into addiction) and the end result is people keep bringing the drugs while they are still well aware I'm quitting and most of all they can see how much I've come to hate them, to even people i don't know are just ready to offer . I'm well aware sublimating the energies from Neptune is hard, but how do you work around the backlash when they are manifesting into reality even when you are doing lower reps of vibrations ? (My financial capability cannot allow me to change my environment). Bringing me to the third question.

Being conscious, such a beautiful thing but hard to maintain it with such a ruler, i end up running back to my mind instead of placing the action to work, leading me to an inner fight with myself, I would love to win it cos i need growth not being stuck in one place, but it seems it's the hard things that make our lives easier. I need a way to trigger the discipline I've had enough of the problems brought forth due to lack of it and still remain conscious and focused without running away to the '' the safe place, the mind" and maintain the consistency until it is programmed well enough in my subconscious and soul and keep pressing on matter how hard it gets.

Also, How do i ground myself to reality it feels like I'm missing out something every time.
I know i need to man up and this is what aches me most feels too hard to even start again but I'm lacking the drive to progress no matter how many times i fall but I'm well aware i need it. I don't want to quit trying, I want to grow myself to a better person but their is too much around me with huge walls and heavy weight backlash and repetitive karmic patterns, which I'm well aware of.

Apologies if it seems too repetitive.

 

[BlackOnyx8 [JG]]

Raw willpower. If you have Saturn in the first house you inherently know what this is and how to apply it. Gather all your strength and consciously force yourself into it, you know how to do this. Do not rationalize it, and especially do not listen to your feelings about it, just force yourself to do whatever you have to do and endure it no matter what. Keep enduring it, whatever it is that you have to endure, and force yourself into it every single day.

Remind yourself every day what is at stake and balance things in your mind, your Neptune might try to keep you in the fantasy, but your Saturn will show you the hard reality and the consequences of deviating from your true path. Listen to Saturn and he will reward you, ignore him and you will be brutally punished by both him AND Neptune. You know what I'm talking about here, because you feel this, but you consciously choose the easiest way out. Always choose the hard way even if it seems to challenge your perceived reality. Go through Saturn, go through the pain of discipline, and come out victorious on the other side. If you keep enduring for long enough eventually it will become permanent, this may take a while and be extremely painful, just ignore it and keep going. You got this.

This is very important - If people around you are bringing you drugs cut them off immediately. Tell them to fuck off, politely or not, just do it. Own your decision and be loyal to it. Do not allow them to have any control over you. You are a full grown man capable of making your own decisions.

And besides, why are you hanging around with junkies anyway? They will not be positive to your life in any way whatsoever, even if they're your childhood friends, family or whatever, at some point you'll have to draw a line somewhere. Don't be afraid to be selfish here. Surround yourself with people that empower you and elevate you or be alone. Most people are on a downward spiral and they will bring you down with them.

Keep pushing the Nauthiz and Munka workings if you fail, try again. The problem is not failing, it is giving up. When you are more experienced with this and have removed a considerable amount of karma, move on to the Saturn Square.

For inciting action work with the Sun Square, Sowilo, the Fire element or even just the breath of fire. Do yoga every day and clean and protect at least 2 times a day. If this is not enough do 3 times, 4 times, whatever it takes.

Lastly, void meditation and training your mind through continuous self-hypnosis. Never allow your mind to think anything negative about yourself, about addition, about your progress, about your failure, about anything. Always be aware of your mind. Whenever such a thought pops up in your mind immediately remove it and replace it with something positive and empowering. You own your mind, not the other way around.

Always challenge yourself to do things that are hard for you, things that you don't feel like doing but you know you should. Force yourself to do it. Start with small things if you have to, like making your bed, cleaning your house, etc. Over time this builds discipline and you can move on to harder things to build even more discipline.