I'm posting this for a second time. Last time I tried to ask this was 2018 or so when I joined the forums sometime after my first postings. I never received an answer from it.
I'm aware my incident sounds fake. And I'm aware there is no possibility of providing beyond reasonable proof neither through my own personal account nor personal information. But this is exactly what happened albeit my capacity to explain things is rather limited and I'm usually criticized for my verbiage and lackluster succinct/distilled responses. The response is limited in my capacity and the amount of years that have passed by but I still remember despite blurry colored memory it's still held in my system so at least the memory is there even if blurred out by my minds eye to see it.
https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=77303
Basically to summarize it as little as possible.
1. Middle School: 2003 just before the end of the school year sometime in May of 2003 I did Chakra spin to the speed of light at some point. I did meditate and do the chakra opening back then and some meditations but it never did anything. I do recall experiencing a bliss state sometime during the second day of opening but it felt fake like I was like okay I feel good but I don't know.
So during lunch of that period of time I had an odd sensation/feeling and felt weird strange which at first came after I did chakra spin SoL 5 minutes before the bus came and had an odd sensation in the bus. But later it occurred again slightly stronger.
2. High School either '05 after the '04 period passing through January or the following year '05 with January being '06. I experienced the annoyance of not doing anything with meditation. In fact I got involved with void and trance since I knew that trance was for AP'ing and lucid dreaming entering i.e. dream incubation for example trance bringing up a visual hypnogogic imagery and then teleporting or zooming into a dream. In other words instead of lucid dreaming by waking up inside the dream you in essence enter the dream and work your way through it.
Void, trance never worked got frustrated then had a flash of superstition as I call it and did MerKaBa.
Had the incident in the bus as I mentioned in the quote. Daydreaming into a drug high.
3. I avoided meditation and all that pretty much till about late '09 entering '10 or so then 2011 with hearing voices and having weird episodes and then my eventual break down and hospitilization. Further 3 more for a total of 4 before I began to take my pills and never had an incident again.
So basically is it possible during my teenage years I incubated a mental health illness or the meditations did something. I'm not trying to blame JoS or attack JoS or whatever but there have been a number of mentally ill people who've been involved with the JoS as one person puts it they inasmuch were sent to a mental health ward because they opened up themselves to a higher level and were seeing and processing what is in essence the visual portion of the astral. If the astral is all over it's the Universe the entirety of it then this person moved themselves to see a small segment.
Still the person in question was institutionalized and was describing occult things but I have no idea if this something actual or derived from delusion.
4. I want to ask is the occult something we should be messing with? I'm being serious from a meditation and educative perspective. I'm a red pilled person I'm not a pink pussy hat liberal douche degenerate like with the pussy lefties that freak out over some person saying some mean words.
But to counter-fire the entirety of JoS and the occult in a friendly manner think of it like a military drill Army vs Opfor. Acting as OpFor.
Are we supposed to mess with meditation or be meditating or be in anyway shape or form doing occult things?
If 95% of Humanity is considered mentally ill in some way. As the meme joke goes most of Humanity maybe a Supermajority of Humanity has psychosis to a varying degree. I had a conversation with a family member who is pretty open to meditation and buddhist stuff and she was like I don't meditate as I can't quiet my mind. To which I replied that's not the point of that nor the main factor of doing it. She is like whatever the sheer fact is people who can meditate like those Thai monks or Tibetans or Japanese people under a waterfall. Those few people are the only people who are healthy. There ARE people who suffer zero mental disorders. There ARE people who grew up without a single negative byproduct in their body or organs like plastics or chemicals or caffeine or some modern human that is plasticized whereby yeah you can exercise, yeah you can eat proper, and yeah you can be healthy but something small keeps you from reaching your full potential, maybe an endocrine blocker or substance producer a byproduct maybe something like soy or BPA or something.
I had a tough time comprehending the person as I felt their ignorance was a hinderence but after thinking it over she made sense.
Are some people not meant to meditate or advance? Are Humans to stunlocked into being sick and poisoning themselves with substances?
I don't know about meditation as it never worked for me. I've never DONE a meditation properly or as how I imagine it is to be proper. But knowing that something indeed affected me IF it works. I don't know I never known if it works or doesn't work.
It's like a xtian saying their prayer changed something or like our members my Sun square manifested this wealth. And in both cases it's like if we rely on beings of higher power how does the person know or not know what they did. IF they aren't in communication with a higher observer how do they know?
I don't want to xtianize or create atheism or disruption but on a serious note I just don't understand. Sometimes I wonder if it's all fake and it's just meme/trolling for the future. It's not but just an OpFor understanding.
Sheer fact is, is humanity even capable of meditation or voiding or trancing or astral projecting or doing anything that it seems extra-terrestrials out there do on a multiple daily basis.
Like aliens/ayylmaos it's just about the most common thing. And yet humanity denies it.
It seems some people are content living 50-60-70-80 years nearing a 100 and dying all for not. All for whatever kinda like Electric Head Part 1 from White Zombie they burn through for the moment and that's all they ever wanted.
It seems some people just want to die and live the heaven game. I've had a family member state a lot just before they moved to their first official personal home. "In your dreams", maybe all the memeing and attacking my attacks whenever as a toddler/kid I would get upset or say something or say bad words and threatened people with violence. She would say "In your dreams".
Maybe that meme'd me into being just my dreams. My life is in my dreams. So dream and live in dream land.
Anyways I apologize if I sound anti-occult or anti-JoS or anti-meditation. But meditation nor magick nor occult has benefited me in any way. If anything it seems like it did the exact thing the occult does people learn kaballah like that crazy bitch Madonna or some xtian wanted to delve deeper into religion and they end up arrested or hospitalized or both or they become mentally psychotic and fucked up in the head and fill other people with non-sense.
It seems for me the only proof of religion, occult, meditation, and spirituality in total is a life-long preoccupation to make people be good and avoid people doing bad things.
That doesn't work for me cause if I was the adult I should be even though I'm not. I'd probably would do stuff that goes against that paradigm. Not do harm or bad but like the joke that most if not all people are breaking so many laws, rules, and regulations that it seems if people were hounded for it at least 80% of the population would be on trial or in jail or in holding due to breaking hundreds of rules a day.
It's supposed to be a joke but now a days it's become a fact. Even I doing this email probably violated a few spoken or unspoken rules in the World.
Anyways to make a point. Was I born or am I developed as a person to suffer a mental illness or was I supposed to be normal but meditation/spirituality boosted my mental illness to a heightened level doing meditation that is not supposed to be done at my level.
In other words if everything is done in "balance". Did I tip the balance or add that extra infinitesimal weight that tipped the balance and made me crash.
I've been trying to understand my mental illness not in what it is but in how the hell do I a person who is so superior and red pilled get dragged down into bullshit.
Like the Doctor in question who said "Because of your long hair, long beard, long nails, and those clothes your wearing your a bum from the streets".
Wonderful such a superior person as myself being labelled a bum from the streets. Spectacular World we live in. And then my family wonders why I'm always saying life sucks and life is a worthless piece of shit that serves no purpose. It's not me it's everyone else fucking the World over.
Anyways can someone help me understand if I incubated a mental illness or had some mental flux that reached that point several years later during my young adult life just around the time of my first waning Saturn.
I'm aware my incident sounds fake. And I'm aware there is no possibility of providing beyond reasonable proof neither through my own personal account nor personal information. But this is exactly what happened albeit my capacity to explain things is rather limited and I'm usually criticized for my verbiage and lackluster succinct/distilled responses. The response is limited in my capacity and the amount of years that have passed by but I still remember despite blurry colored memory it's still held in my system so at least the memory is there even if blurred out by my minds eye to see it.
https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=24&t=77303
Basically to summarize it as little as possible.
1. Middle School: 2003 just before the end of the school year sometime in May of 2003 I did Chakra spin to the speed of light at some point. I did meditate and do the chakra opening back then and some meditations but it never did anything. I do recall experiencing a bliss state sometime during the second day of opening but it felt fake like I was like okay I feel good but I don't know.
So during lunch of that period of time I had an odd sensation/feeling and felt weird strange which at first came after I did chakra spin SoL 5 minutes before the bus came and had an odd sensation in the bus. But later it occurred again slightly stronger.
2. High School either '05 after the '04 period passing through January or the following year '05 with January being '06. I experienced the annoyance of not doing anything with meditation. In fact I got involved with void and trance since I knew that trance was for AP'ing and lucid dreaming entering i.e. dream incubation for example trance bringing up a visual hypnogogic imagery and then teleporting or zooming into a dream. In other words instead of lucid dreaming by waking up inside the dream you in essence enter the dream and work your way through it.
Void, trance never worked got frustrated then had a flash of superstition as I call it and did MerKaBa.
Had the incident in the bus as I mentioned in the quote. Daydreaming into a drug high.
3. I avoided meditation and all that pretty much till about late '09 entering '10 or so then 2011 with hearing voices and having weird episodes and then my eventual break down and hospitilization. Further 3 more for a total of 4 before I began to take my pills and never had an incident again.
So basically is it possible during my teenage years I incubated a mental health illness or the meditations did something. I'm not trying to blame JoS or attack JoS or whatever but there have been a number of mentally ill people who've been involved with the JoS as one person puts it they inasmuch were sent to a mental health ward because they opened up themselves to a higher level and were seeing and processing what is in essence the visual portion of the astral. If the astral is all over it's the Universe the entirety of it then this person moved themselves to see a small segment.
Still the person in question was institutionalized and was describing occult things but I have no idea if this something actual or derived from delusion.
4. I want to ask is the occult something we should be messing with? I'm being serious from a meditation and educative perspective. I'm a red pilled person I'm not a pink pussy hat liberal douche degenerate like with the pussy lefties that freak out over some person saying some mean words.
But to counter-fire the entirety of JoS and the occult in a friendly manner think of it like a military drill Army vs Opfor. Acting as OpFor.
Are we supposed to mess with meditation or be meditating or be in anyway shape or form doing occult things?
If 95% of Humanity is considered mentally ill in some way. As the meme joke goes most of Humanity maybe a Supermajority of Humanity has psychosis to a varying degree. I had a conversation with a family member who is pretty open to meditation and buddhist stuff and she was like I don't meditate as I can't quiet my mind. To which I replied that's not the point of that nor the main factor of doing it. She is like whatever the sheer fact is people who can meditate like those Thai monks or Tibetans or Japanese people under a waterfall. Those few people are the only people who are healthy. There ARE people who suffer zero mental disorders. There ARE people who grew up without a single negative byproduct in their body or organs like plastics or chemicals or caffeine or some modern human that is plasticized whereby yeah you can exercise, yeah you can eat proper, and yeah you can be healthy but something small keeps you from reaching your full potential, maybe an endocrine blocker or substance producer a byproduct maybe something like soy or BPA or something.
I had a tough time comprehending the person as I felt their ignorance was a hinderence but after thinking it over she made sense.
Are some people not meant to meditate or advance? Are Humans to stunlocked into being sick and poisoning themselves with substances?
I don't know about meditation as it never worked for me. I've never DONE a meditation properly or as how I imagine it is to be proper. But knowing that something indeed affected me IF it works. I don't know I never known if it works or doesn't work.
It's like a xtian saying their prayer changed something or like our members my Sun square manifested this wealth. And in both cases it's like if we rely on beings of higher power how does the person know or not know what they did. IF they aren't in communication with a higher observer how do they know?
I don't want to xtianize or create atheism or disruption but on a serious note I just don't understand. Sometimes I wonder if it's all fake and it's just meme/trolling for the future. It's not but just an OpFor understanding.
Sheer fact is, is humanity even capable of meditation or voiding or trancing or astral projecting or doing anything that it seems extra-terrestrials out there do on a multiple daily basis.
Like aliens/ayylmaos it's just about the most common thing. And yet humanity denies it.
It seems some people are content living 50-60-70-80 years nearing a 100 and dying all for not. All for whatever kinda like Electric Head Part 1 from White Zombie they burn through for the moment and that's all they ever wanted.
It seems some people just want to die and live the heaven game. I've had a family member state a lot just before they moved to their first official personal home. "In your dreams", maybe all the memeing and attacking my attacks whenever as a toddler/kid I would get upset or say something or say bad words and threatened people with violence. She would say "In your dreams".
Maybe that meme'd me into being just my dreams. My life is in my dreams. So dream and live in dream land.
Anyways I apologize if I sound anti-occult or anti-JoS or anti-meditation. But meditation nor magick nor occult has benefited me in any way. If anything it seems like it did the exact thing the occult does people learn kaballah like that crazy bitch Madonna or some xtian wanted to delve deeper into religion and they end up arrested or hospitalized or both or they become mentally psychotic and fucked up in the head and fill other people with non-sense.
It seems for me the only proof of religion, occult, meditation, and spirituality in total is a life-long preoccupation to make people be good and avoid people doing bad things.
That doesn't work for me cause if I was the adult I should be even though I'm not. I'd probably would do stuff that goes against that paradigm. Not do harm or bad but like the joke that most if not all people are breaking so many laws, rules, and regulations that it seems if people were hounded for it at least 80% of the population would be on trial or in jail or in holding due to breaking hundreds of rules a day.
It's supposed to be a joke but now a days it's become a fact. Even I doing this email probably violated a few spoken or unspoken rules in the World.
Anyways to make a point. Was I born or am I developed as a person to suffer a mental illness or was I supposed to be normal but meditation/spirituality boosted my mental illness to a heightened level doing meditation that is not supposed to be done at my level.
In other words if everything is done in "balance". Did I tip the balance or add that extra infinitesimal weight that tipped the balance and made me crash.
I've been trying to understand my mental illness not in what it is but in how the hell do I a person who is so superior and red pilled get dragged down into bullshit.
Like the Doctor in question who said "Because of your long hair, long beard, long nails, and those clothes your wearing your a bum from the streets".
Wonderful such a superior person as myself being labelled a bum from the streets. Spectacular World we live in. And then my family wonders why I'm always saying life sucks and life is a worthless piece of shit that serves no purpose. It's not me it's everyone else fucking the World over.
Anyways can someone help me understand if I incubated a mental illness or had some mental flux that reached that point several years later during my young adult life just around the time of my first waning Saturn.
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