I've been planning it for some time now. I remembered having a red candle at home so I started looking for it where I remembered it to be and there is was. I used an old chandelier that belonged to my grandparents. I wrote prayer on a paper word by word. I felt confident while doing it. Then I lit the candle and pricked my finger as strong as I could. To my surprise it didn't hurt at all. I squeezed it a bit and my blood dripped into the small chalice I prepared for that. I signed my name (there was more than enough blood for it) and lit the paper with the flame of the candle, put it into a stone mortar and watched it burn. The flame also had a greenish colour. As the paper was burnt completely I said the words and blew the canlde out. After that was done I crushed the ashes of the paper and let them go with the wind.
Right before starting the ritual I had a feeling of uncertainity. I knew this decision will change my life forever - for the better of worse (I'm not 100% sure about my parentage: you know what I mean if you read my previous post) - but whatever happens is decided by the creator of humanity so it is the way things should happen, I thought. Also I didn't want to be one of those cowards as I've always envisioned myself as someone who'll go through the darkest tunnel knowing he'll see the light at the end. I couldn't have forgiven myself if I turned back…
I feel better than I did before doing the ritual. It's like I've decalred my purpose: my life isn't meaningless and won't end like the lives of those who are without. I'm proud and happy for letting my one and only God know that I'm at his side.
Right before starting the ritual I had a feeling of uncertainity. I knew this decision will change my life forever - for the better of worse (I'm not 100% sure about my parentage: you know what I mean if you read my previous post) - but whatever happens is decided by the creator of humanity so it is the way things should happen, I thought. Also I didn't want to be one of those cowards as I've always envisioned myself as someone who'll go through the darkest tunnel knowing he'll see the light at the end. I couldn't have forgiven myself if I turned back…
I feel better than I did before doing the ritual. It's like I've decalred my purpose: my life isn't meaningless and won't end like the lives of those who are without. I'm proud and happy for letting my one and only God know that I'm at his side.
