First off, don't be sorry, or think you're annoying. The reason these groups are here is to help others out. We are here to answer your questions.
You answered your question before you even started it. "and since then i've been slacking". That is the problem, slacking off and being lazy. Growing spiritually is the same as growing physically. When you work out for a few weeks, you will gain muscle and become fitter, but if you then stop for a few weeks, all the progress you made will be lost (for the most part) and you will have to start over. If you continue to do this on and off routine, you will esencially get nowhere. This is the same in spiritual grown, in that, if you meditate for a few weeks or month or so, then slack off and stop meditating. The next time you start up meditating again, its going to seem more difficult to get back into the groove of it.
You just have to get back on the horse and get back into it. And you will start to notice the changed, the improvements and the progress you're making.
About not knowing how to properly meditate. This is explained on the JoS website. I suggest you go to the Meditations page and just read through the lot of it. This is what I did when I was new, and it gave me a really good idea of how to meditate and what to expect. I'm not saying go through and give everything a try. Just read them to get a good perspective. Then spend some time each day just practicing breathing exercises. This is always a solid point to start off at. And next work on the Foundation Meditation, this meditation is invaluable and key to learn. If you need more help or explination about this meditation, then feel free to ask in the groups and there are plenty of people to help out.
Praying to Satan and the Gods is easy. A lot of people take the christian concept of praying, and think it has to be all about correct hand gestures and praises. This isn't true at all with Satan and the Gods. We are so much closer to them, we have a special bond with them that only a Satanist can truly understand.
When praying to the Gods, all you have to do is simply talk. Speak your mind, get whatever is on your chest out. You can speak out loud or in your head. You can do it during ritual and write down a prayer, or you can simply close your eyes before you go to sleep and talk to Satan about whatever is worrying you. You may not hear a reply, or feel anything. But They will listen. And you don't have to say anything to close. A simple "Thankyou" or "Hail Satan!".
Additionally, I personally say "Hail Satan and Praise the True Gods of Old" every night before bed, and thank the Gods for all they've done for me.
Lastly, don't be so hard on yourself. Wollowing in your own self loathing will achieve nothing. If you're going to kick yourself up the ass, then do it and learn the lesson. Then get right back up there and get back on track. One thing I always say to myself whenever I'm at a low point, and this is something Satan told me Himself. "Don't ever be sorry to me in these times. You are not hurting me, only yourself. Stop being sorry and just do what you need to do." When we slack off in our meditations, it is ourselves that we are hurting, ourselves that we are ruining. Remember that and keep strong.
Hail Satan! Praise the True Gods of Old!
-En Haradren Amlug.
--- In
[url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "mtc_kitten" wrote:
I'm sure I'm annoying all of you, I'm strain to annoy myself. I did the dedication roughly 5 months ago. And the first month I was all into it, an size then, I've been slacking. I don't even know how to properly mediate. All of you seem like professionals and it's so frustrating that I can't do this right. I just want to open my chakras, master astral projection, learn how to do magick, and get closer to satan. I pray to satan everyday just to thank him for getting me through it, and I don't even know what to say to end the prayer. Am I the only one who felt like a lame idiot when they first converted? I don't want pity or anything like that. I simply want someone to be blunt and tell me what to do in order to start taking my commitment to satan more serious.
Again, I'm sorry. I know it's annoying. Thank you all, though.
Hail satan
