My Concerns

[Mike Grookin]

Welcome everyone.First of all I wanted to say 'Hello' as I am new here. This post will most likely be a huge wall of text; all I ask of You is to be patient. But to the point.I was going to perform a dedication ritual today (23rd Dec.) as this is Satan's day, however I'm having second thoughts. Let me explain:I hail from a christian catholic family, I was forced to go to church, never actually liked the place. I did receive the "sacraments" but even these were a sacrilege. I didn't really want any of those and wasn't even thinking about 'em, just got them the same way all other children did. When I finally was able to think critically, logically and was able to recognize what is best to me, I stopped going to church, I did pray maybe once in my whole life (even as a kid), the whole concept of a jewish martyr-god suddenly started looking utterly ridiculous. But what seemed the most rejecting to me, was the concept of confessing my sins to a man in a long dress, who would then absolve them in the name of his superior. I never wanted to confess anything, let alone to a stranger in confessional. If ever, that would have been to a God in person. Strangely, even as a kid, I was drawn to Satan and Hell itself, even if it was the one of jewish vision. It was a feeling as if Satan and Demons were not what they are said to be, as if they were a "a lot more just" than this so-called "god". A truly Promethean entities. A few years have passed, during which I wasn't really thinking about my faith or beliefs. Or at least I was trying not to. Now I'm a grown-up man and as I look back, there was always some kind of eagerness in me, a desire to know the truth, a strange fascination of Hell and Demonic forces. And then I stumbled upon Joy of Satan website. And so I've started thinking again. And thought "the hell with all the lies, maybe it's time to take a risk and join the Hell's side". But... "The risk". I was never a risk-taking person, nor a believer, who believes solely because somebody said so. And here I see the same approach as with christianity: believe first, dedicate Your soul, Your very being to an entity and afterwards You may get certainty, that what You're doing is right and good for You. I can't like that. What if it will turn out to be an ever bigger lie? This IS ME we're talking about here. It's MY soul. I don't want to be fooled again, even though the first time I didn't really have a choice. I take my independence very seriously, my soul is mine only. I do honour respectful, mutually beneficial and honest relationship.I guess then this is a matter to ponder by a long-time, dedicated Satanists, who actually live with Him and His Demons for some time now (not a few weeks/months but years or decades even). How would You describe Your relationship with Satan? Do You feel it's not another, well camouflaged deception? Do You think/feel Your lives have changed for the better? I'd like You to help me with my doubts, because if not You, then who?
Apart from those, I started on "The Spiritual Warfare Training Program for Satanists". I'm pretty new on those mental discipline things. I was doing some meditations in the past but not for long as I always had the feeling that nothing is actually going on. nothing happens. Guess I was too impatient back then. Even if I exercised a pretty good concentration, even that is gone now. I've been struggling with the trance technique for over three weeks now, even though the program says "seven days". I simply cannot reach that state, be it by inability to relax (this is pretty hard for me and time consuming), or by ending up asleep. I cannot stop feeling my body or alter the state of consciousness. It's either normal, conscious state or sleep. Maybe I'm doing something wrong, I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm not going to give up this time.And other thing: the program clearly states the first step should take a week to learn. Should I move further even if I can't actually enter the trance or stay and practice it as long as it takes to master and only then move onward?
All the feedback is greatly appreciated. I've got nothing to do with kikes and their propaganda, not anymore at least. So please, be polite.PS: Thank to all of You who were patient enough to get through all that rambling, it's really important to me.PS2: Sorry if what I wrote isn't entirely coherent, english isn't my mother tongue.
/Mike

 

[Lamia Sacerdos]

your dedicating your soul not selling it your soul is always gonna be your soul. and sorry no ones gonna like my responce to this but really dont care do the meditations and stuff and if you dont think its for you then dont dedicate. but also understand what happens for one person fast might take another person a few years to do it all depends on your own soul and mind. but if you quit then you cant really say you gave it your all. as for it saying should should is flexable should means it might happen but dont nessicarly mean it will happen with in your wanted time frame. and satanism is all about indipendence your your own individual. i have been a satanist for 12 years and i have had my flaws but im human too and so are you father expects that of us hence why satanism is so great your not condemed for all eternity for one itty bity mistake and i think alot of ppl for get that. this is the only real religion that i have tried that granted was at first to just piss of the family has been true to me. my moms a hypocrit catholic my other mother is just crazy my one dads a luthern the other is a born again xian and his new wife is the same a s him and i have 2 sibs who are muslim(diffrent fathers) i myself have practiced catholism, bhuddism, wicca, noe-drudism and some others b4 sellting on satanism. it was the only one that felt right and i have stayed with it ever sence. the good things that have happend to me since i became a satanist so many years ago are to much to count i went from being consistantly abused to being free.
From: Mike Grookin <misza2@...
To: "[email protected]" <[email protected]
Sent: Friday, December 23, 2011 12:43 PM
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] My Concerns

  Welcome everyone.First of all I wanted to say 'Hello' as I am new here. This post will most likely be a huge wall of text; all I ask of You is to be patient. But to the point.I was going to perform a dedication ritual today (23rd Dec.) as this is Satan's day, however I'm having second thoughts. Let me explain:I hail from a christian catholic family, I was forced to go to church, never actually liked the place. I did receive the "sacraments" but even these were a sacrilege. I didn't really want any of those and wasn't even thinking about 'em, just got them the same way all other children did. When I finally was able to think critically, logically and was able to recognize what is best to me, I stopped going to church, I did pray maybe once in my whole life (even as a kid), the whole concept of a jewish martyr-god suddenly started looking utterly ridiculous. But what seemed the most rejecting to me, was the concept of confessing my sins to a man in a long dress, who would then absolve them in the name of his superior. I never wanted to confess anything, let alone to a stranger in confessional. If ever, that would have been to a God in person. Strangely, even as a kid, I was drawn to Satan and Hell itself, even if it was the one of jewish vision. It was a feeling as if Satan and Demons were not what they are said to be, as if they were a "a lot more just" than this so-called "god". A truly Promethean entities. A few years have passed, during which I wasn't really thinking about my faith or beliefs. Or at least I was trying not to. Now I'm a grown-up man and as I look back, there was always some kind of eagerness in me, a desire to know the truth, a strange fascination of Hell and Demonic forces. And then I stumbled upon Joy of Satan website. And so I've started thinking again. And thought "the hell with all the lies, maybe it's time to take a risk and join the Hell's side". But... "The risk". I was never a risk-taking person, nor a believer, who believes solely because somebody said so. And here I see the same approach as with christianity: believe first, dedicate Your soul, Your very being to an entity and afterwards You may get certainty, that what You're doing is right and good for You. I can't like that. What if it will turn out to be an ever bigger lie? This IS ME we're talking about here. It's MY soul. I don't want to be fooled again, even though the first time I didn't really have a choice. I take my independence very seriously, my soul is mine only. I do honour respectful, mutually beneficial and honest relationship.I guess then this is a matter to ponder by a long-time, dedicated Satanists, who actually live with Him and His Demons for some time now (not a few weeks/months but years or decades even). How would You describe Your relationship with Satan? Do You feel it's not another, well camouflaged deception? Do You think/feel Your lives have changed for the better? I'd like You to help me with my doubts, because if not You, then who?
Apart from those, I started on "The Spiritual Warfare Training Program for Satanists". I'm pretty new on those mental discipline things. I was doing some meditations in the past but not for long as I always had the feeling that nothing is actually going on. nothing happens. Guess I was too impatient back then. Even if I exercised a pretty good concentration, even that is gone now. I've been struggling with the trance technique for over three weeks now, even though the program says "seven days". I simply cannot reach that state, be it by inability to relax (this is pretty hard for me and time consuming), or by ending up asleep. I cannot stop feeling my body or alter the state of consciousness. It's either normal, conscious state or sleep. Maybe I'm doing something wrong, I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm not going to give up this time.And other thing: the program clearly states the first step should take a week to learn. Should I move further even if I can't actually enter the trance or stay and practice it as long as it takes to master and only then move onward?
All the feedback is greatly appreciated. I've got nothing to do with kikes and their propaganda, not anymore at least. So please, be polite.PS: Thank to all of You who were patient enough to get through all that rambling, it's really important to me.PS2: Sorry if what I wrote isn't entirely coherent, english isn't my mother tongue.
/Mike

 

[darrklady13]

Thanks for sharing, dear.

about 12 yrs ago, I consciously made a decision, to follow the occult arts, and to dedicate myself to witchcraft and satanism.

The things is....

If you are one of Satan's own, and if you are a gentile, not a jew, then you ARE one of his own....

his domain is from whence you came, and from whence you will return. There is no pumishment or fiery "hell" and torment.

Its beautiful, really, the place where the gods reside.

You have to make a decision, to go for it bravely. Talk and meditate on this, ask Satan (Enki) yourself to give you a sign that he is legitimate.

The joy, love, power, elation, and overall happiness I feel as a person and a child of Enki is nothing I would trade.
So strongly I feel this, I will go in to death with it.

Satan is not a deceiver!!!!!! He is innocent of all charges against him!!!!!!
He is our true creator, from his own DNA.

hailz

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], Mike Grookin <misza2@... wrote:

Welcome everyone.
First of all I wanted to say 'Hello' as I am new here. This post will most likely be a huge wall of text; all I ask of You is to be patient. But to the point.
I was going to perform a dedication ritual today (23rd Dec.) as this is Satan's day, however I'm having second thoughts. Let me explain:
I hail from a christian catholic family, I was forced to go to church, never actually liked the place. I did receive the "sacraments" but even these were a sacrilege. I didn't really want any of those and wasn't even thinking about 'em, just got them the same way all other children did. When I finally was able to think critically, logically and was able to recognize what is best to me, I stopped going to church, I did pray maybe once in my whole life (even as a kid), the whole concept of a jewish martyr-god suddenly started looking utterly ridiculous. But what seemed the most rejecting to me, was the concept of confessing my sins to a man in a long dress, who would then absolve them in the name of his superior. I never wanted to confess anything, let alone to a stranger in confessional. If ever, that would have been to a God in person. Strangely, even as a kid, I was drawn to Satan and Hell itself, even if it was the one of jewish vision. It was a
feeling as if Satan and Demons were not what they are said to be, as if they were a "a lot more just" than this so-called "god". A truly Promethean entities. A few years have passed, during which I wasn't really thinking about my faith or beliefs. Or at least I was trying not to. Now I'm a grown-up man and as I look back, there was always some kind of eagerness in me, a desire to know the truth, a strange fascination of Hell and Demonic forces. And then I stumbled upon Joy of Satan website. And so I've started thinking again. And thought "the hell with all the lies, maybe it's time to take a risk and join the Hell's side". But... "The risk". I was never a risk-taking person, nor a believer, who believes solely because somebody said so. And here I see the same approach as with christianity: believe first, dedicate Your soul, Your very being to an entity and afterwards You may get certainty, that what You're doing is right and good for You. I can't like
that. What if it will turn out to be an ever bigger lie? This IS ME we're talking about here. It's MY soul. I don't want to be fooled again, even though the first time I didn't really have a choice. I take my independence very seriously, my soul is mine only. I do honour respectful, mutually beneficial and honest relationship.
I guess then this is a matter to ponder by a long-time, dedicated Satanists, who actually live with Him and His Demons for some time now (not a few weeks/months but years or decades even). How would You describe Your relationship with Satan? Do You feel it's not another, well camouflaged deception? Do You think/feel Your lives have changed for the better? I'd like You to help me with my doubts, because if not You, then who?

Apart from those, I started on "The Spiritual Warfare Training Program for Satanists". I'm pretty new on those mental discipline things. I was doing some meditations in the past but not for long as I always had the feeling that nothing is actually going on. nothing happens. Guess I was too impatient back then. Even if I exercised a pretty good concentration, even that is gone now. I've been struggling with the trance technique for over three weeks now, even though the program says "seven days". I simply cannot reach that state, be it by inability to relax (this is pretty hard for me and time consuming), or by ending up asleep. I cannot stop feeling my body or alter the state of consciousness. It's either normal, conscious state or sleep. Maybe I'm doing something wrong, I don't know. One thing is for sure, I'm not going to give up this time.
And other thing: the program clearly states the first step should take a week to learn. Should I move further even if I can't actually enter the trance or stay and practice it as long as it takes to master and only then move onward?

All the feedback is greatly appreciated. I've got nothing to do with kikes and their propaganda, not anymore at least. So please, be polite.
PS: Thank to all of You who were patient enough to get through all that rambling, it's really important to me.
PS2: Sorry if what I wrote isn't entirely coherent, english isn't my mother tongue.

/Mike

 

[Todd Bailey]

Mike...I understand somewhat what you have gone through as my road has been a similar one.  I grew up in a xtian family, attended a xtian church, and was even a xtian minister for some years.  It is not ironic that you mentioned in your post how confessing your sins made you feel so uncomfortable as this is one of the main ways the xtian church keeps it people weak and in check.  By keeping them focused on their weaknesses and shortcomings and making them feel like they NEED the man in the dress in the confessional across from them.  This in turn puts the power in the pocket of the pulpit.  Anyone who has attended a xtian church has been hurt by one and once your heart has been injured the risk of trusting someone else is multiplied.  After all, like you said your soul is your soul.  The best way I can compare the risk factor is that with xtianity you have to forfeit your soul to a judgmental god who takes and takes and takes and beats you down for doing wrong, but gives you no valid instruction on how to improve on your "downfalls".  In Spiritual Satanism, on the other hand, you are not selling or forfeiting your soul at all.  Father Satan helps us to nuture and grow our souls.  It seems to me that he gives and gives and gives and that I can never give back enough.  He is nonjudgmental and gives us instruction on how to better every facet of our lives.  He honestly is a personal and caring Father.  He teaches the mental discipline you mentioned in your post.  You said that you have a little problem with it.  It is just because of the religious brainwashing you went through all of those years.  The same as I did.  Thinking for oneself is a foreign affair outside the halls of religion. We spend so many years being told what to think and believe by the xtian church that when we are given the freedom to do it on our own it can be difficult at first.  We have to deprogram ourselves, but Father Satan is patient in helping us.  So if you are not following the exact schedule on the spiritual warfare training manual don't be discouraged.  It took me longer than normal to pick up trance technique also.  It was because I was spiritually dormant from being beat down by the xtian church and had to "awaken spiritually".  I don't know what the correct answer is as far as moving on with the program or staying until you get trance technique down pat, but I took longer.  I am still fairly new to SS, but feel so free.  It is like I have been able to throw down a box of rocks I was made to carry around.  I just feel lighter.  I am sure you feel the same

 

[misza2]

Great many thanks to all of You who decided to ease my doubts, even if a bit. Especially to Todd; it is as if you were me.
My distrust towards people went so far that I don't trust anyone, not even my parents. I never opened up to anyone or anything. This has gone to the point that I've decided to leave my life alone, knowing that I will not be able to give myself to that other person. Guess I have a serious issues; on the other hand I got used to it.
I'm starting to really understand what SS is all about. Although I sometimes feel like risking too much, I guess it's just the burden that was left within me, even though I have thought I got rid of it.
Well, seems like the best way is to try to stay true to myself, keep going and hope for the best.
Once again, thank You all for showing me what I was amiss.

 

[tfbailey1969]

Mike.....just always remember and know that you have family here. If you have questions or concerns people in our group genuinely care and are sincere at heart. I am sure in time trust will be earned, but understand how it takes time to heal religous wounds. I guess what I am trying to say and I hope you don't take offense to it is "don't disappear out of mistrust". You're wanted and needed here as a SS.

Hail Satan!!
Hail Morax!!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "misza2" <misza2@... wrote:

Great many thanks to all of You who decided to ease my doubts, even if a bit. Especially to Todd; it is as if you were me.
My distrust towards people went so far that I don't trust anyone, not even my parents. I never opened up to anyone or anything. This has gone to the point that I've decided to leave my life alone, knowing that I will not be able to give myself to that other person. Guess I have a serious issues; on the other hand I got used to it.
I'm starting to really understand what SS is all about. Although I sometimes feel like risking too much, I guess it's just the burden that was left within me, even though I have thought I got rid of it.
Well, seems like the best way is to try to stay true to myself, keep going and hope for the best.
Once again, thank You all for showing me what I was amiss.

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]You will find misza2,that as you grow in Satan,you will heal from many of the effects of the kike programs,and start to know who you really are,and what a special person Satan created as you grow.We all have issues,that steam from our sick up bringing,and as we advance,Satan and the Gods, shows us how to correct those imbalances.
Hail Satan
Brian

--- On Sun, 12/25/11, misza2 <misza2@... wrote:

From: misza2 <misza2@...
Subject: [JoyofSatan666] Re: My Concerns
To: [email protected]
Date: Sunday, December 25, 2011, 12:59 PM

  Great many thanks to all of You who decided to ease my doubts, even if a bit. Especially to Todd; it is as if you were me.
My distrust towards people went so far that I don't trust anyone, not even my parents. I never opened up to anyone or anything. This has gone to the point that I've decided to leave my life alone, knowing that I will not be able to give myself to that other person. Guess I have a serious issues; on the other hand I got used to it.
I'm starting to really understand what SS is all about. Although I sometimes feel like risking too much, I guess it's just the burden that was left within me, even though I have thought I got rid of it.
Well, seems like the best way is to try to stay true to myself, keep going and hope for the best.
Once again, thank You all for showing me what I was amiss.

[/TD]

 

[misza2]

Thank You all for understanding.
Actually, the whole community thing is totally new to me, I never felt like a part of something bigger, not a part of my family, lineage or a part of xtians back then as a kid. What I wanted to say is that I've always felt like I was alone, like there was only me and nothing/no one else. There was no bond. Looks like the lack of love, as I think it's safe to say and close to the truth that I've never loved anyone (probably even myself), originates from that simple fact of being the only one.
That's why I foresee a *long* and perilous journey. Or maybe I'm wrong again.
/Mike

Hail Satan
(is it OK to say Ave I wonder)

 

[tfbailey1969]

Mike.......It is impossible to truly love when living in the LIE of man made religion. I don't care what anyone says. We both know what it is like to be taught love, but love with conditions. A god who will love us IF we can do this and that and measure up here and there. That standard flows over into our social and everyday lives and we end up living by the standard of "do good get good, do bad get beat.". It is hard to love an angry, mean god and it is hard to love judgemental, harsh people. They are just following the lead of their god. There is hope for the wounded. His name is Father Satan. Religion breaks the heart of man and leaves their vessel(heart) broken. A broken heart is like a broken vessel that can't hold anything...love,compassion,etc. Father Satan is the healer of broken vessels(hearts). He understands and is totally compassionate. Mike, I can tell by your posts that you are a good guy with a good heart. I think that your journey out of the religious muck and brainwashing will be easier than you think. You are STRONG! You are a SS! You have an army of friends backing you up shouting the praises of Enki! I made it and so can you my brother. If you need to guard your heart as you see fit for the journey is yours and yours alone.

Ave Satanas!!
Hail Morax!!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "misza2" <misza2@... wrote:

Thank You all for understanding.
Actually, the whole community thing is totally new to me, I never felt like a part of something bigger, not a part of my family, lineage or a part of xtians back then as a kid. What I wanted to say is that I've always felt like I was alone, like there was only me and nothing/no one else. There was no bond. Looks like the lack of love, as I think it's safe to say and close to the truth that I've never loved anyone (probably even myself), originates from that simple fact of being the only one.
That's why I foresee a *long* and perilous journey. Or maybe I'm wrong again.
/Mike

Hail Satan
(is it OK to say Ave I wonder)

 

[Allison P]

Awww! That last post almost made me cry, Todd! ^

But yes, I can do nothing except echo the sentiments of others. Mike,
for what it's worth, I think you belong here, as a Brother of ours. I
was not raised xian, so I cannot really understand quite what you are
going through here, but nonetheless...I can certainly imagine! For,
after all, one of yahweh's names is 'Jealous', is it not? Jewhova is
wrothful, arrogant and heartless. Satan/Enki, by contrast, is loving,
patient and wise. And so beautiful! I have felt his presence, and it
is light, joy and love. Like a true Father, he is always there for his
children...helping, guiding and teaching. He is no deceiver. The
swindler from nazareth, called christ, is the true deceiver, which you
are obviously coming to understand. Will your journey be long? Yes.
Becoming truly advanced takes years. But perilous? Not really, for we
are strong. We may encounter opposition, but what does that matter, in
the end? Satan is always there for us, and we have our family, which
is true kin, unlike the xian mockery. I wouldn't trade being a
Satanist for anything. I've been one for three years, and it was by
far the best decision I ever made. Trust yourself, and trust Father
Satan. He will never steer you wrong. Hail Father Satan always!

On 12/26/11, tfbailey1969 <tfbailey1969@... wrote:
Mike.......It is impossible to truly love when living in the LIE of man made
religion. I don't care what anyone says. We both know what it is like to
be taught love, but love with conditions. A god who will love us IF we can
do this and that and measure up here and there. That standard flows over
into our social and everyday lives and we end up living by the standard of
"do good get good, do bad get beat.". It is hard to love an angry, mean god
and it is hard to love judgemental, harsh people. They are just following
the lead of their god. There is hope for the wounded. His name is Father
Satan. Religion breaks the heart of man and leaves their vessel(heart)
broken. A broken heart is like a broken vessel that can't hold
anything...love,compassion,etc. Father Satan is the healer of broken
vessels(hearts). He understands and is totally compassionate. Mike, I can
tell by your posts that you are a good guy with a good heart. I think that
your journey out of the religious muck and brainwashing will be easier than
you think. You are STRONG! You are a SS! You have an army of friends
backing you up shouting the praises of Enki! I made it and so can you my
brother. If you need to guard your heart as you see fit for the journey is
yours and yours alone.

Ave Satanas!!
Hail Morax!!


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "misza2" <misza2@... wrote:

Thank You all for understanding.
Actually, the whole community thing is totally new to me, I never felt
like a part of something bigger, not a part of my family, lineage or a
part of xtians back then as a kid. What I wanted to say is that I've
always felt like I was alone, like there was only me and nothing/no one
else. There was no bond. Looks like the lack of love, as I think it's safe
to say and close to the truth that I've never loved anyone (probably even
myself), originates from that simple fact of being the only one.
That's why I foresee a *long* and perilous journey. Or maybe I'm wrong
again.
/Mike

Hail Satan
(is it OK to say Ave I wonder)

 

[misza2]

Thank You. Actually, I've never thought I'd feel the way I feel, after reading Your reply, again. It's that kind of feeling with Your throat pinched, almost feeling the tears coming, knowing that what the other person say is true. I've felt like that... a long time ago. Even my parents kept telling me that I'm too sensitive, too compassionate for my own good. And what I decided to do? Yes, You probably guessed: buried my heart under a hard shell of materialism, determined to eradicate every feeling I was convinced that is wrong and against me. Oh, I understand hatred, rage and pain very well. Everything else is a weakness. And the worst kind of it is to show others that I have a heart. It fills me with disgust even now, still, I'm writing this. Maybe it's finally time to be weak... To be able to become strong.
Really, I don't even know why I've decided to write all of this, these are things I have never, ever told anyone. Especially to any so called "god". It's me. Maybe it's the wonder of an anonymous internet... Or maybe not. Or maybe I really had enough of this, even though I'd never admit it. I have no idea. But for the first time, since getting into adulthood, it seems that I AM HUMAN after all... And a man I simply am, not the one I was working so hard to become. A robot. It's sad how degenerated I've become...
Hail Satan.
/Mike

 

[Allison P]

Love, compassion...those are NOT weaknesses, Mike! I think I
understand why you think they are, but nonetheless, they are not.
Giving love and kindness where it is undeserved, now that is a
weakeness, and not healthy, but giving love and kindness where it is
deserved, to one's family is a great strength. Think of Satan/Enki.
What he did for us, was that weakness? No, it was not. He made us. He
loved us, and thus he sacrificed his power for us, and see, it paid
off because he and his brethren are free. I know that this is hard for
you, Brother, but you have to let go of the anger. You have to try and
learn to love and trust again. It won't be easy, and it will most
likely be a long road, but trust Father and trust yourself and you
will get through it. Hail Father Satan always!

On 12/26/11, misza2 <misza2@... wrote:
Thank You. Actually, I've never thought I'd feel the way I feel, after
reading Your reply, again. It's that kind of feeling with Your throat
pinched, almost feeling the tears coming, knowing that what the other person
say is true. I've felt like that... a long time ago. Even my parents kept
telling me that I'm too sensitive, too compassionate for my own good. And
what I decided to do? Yes, You probably guessed: buried my heart under a
hard shell of materialism, determined to eradicate every feeling I was
convinced that is wrong and against me. Oh, I understand hatred, rage and
pain very well. Everything else is a weakness. And the worst kind of it is
to show others that I have a heart. It fills me with disgust even now,
still, I'm writing this. Maybe it's finally time to be weak... To be able to
become strong.
Really, I don't even know why I've decided to write all of this, these are
things I have never, ever told anyone. Especially to any so called "god".
It's me. Maybe it's the wonder of an anonymous internet... Or maybe not. Or
maybe I really had enough of this, even though I'd never admit it. I have no
idea. But for the first time, since getting into adulthood, it seems that I
AM HUMAN after all... And a man I simply am, not the one I was working so
hard to become. A robot. It's sad how degenerated I've become...
Hail Satan.
/Mike

 

[misza2]

Many thanks sister. As of now, the only thing I can say is that I'll do my best. After all, nobody said it's going to be easy. Guess Power Meditations should also help, as well as guidance from Demons and Father himself. But there's still much for me to learn and do before I'll be able to communicate with them.
Hail Satan

/Mike

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

Love, compassion...those are NOT weaknesses, Mike! I think I
understand why you think they are, but nonetheless, they are not.
Giving love and kindness where it is undeserved, now that is a
weakeness, and not healthy, but giving love and kindness where it is
deserved, to one's family is a great strength. Think of Satan/Enki.
What he did for us, was that weakness? No, it was not. He made us. He
loved us, and thus he sacrificed his power for us, and see, it paid
off because he and his brethren are free. I know that this is hard for
you, Brother, but you have to let go of the anger. You have to try and
learn to love and trust again. It won't be easy, and it will most
likely be a long road, but trust Father and trust yourself and you
will get through it. Hail Father Satan always!

On 12/26/11, misza2 <misza2@... wrote:
Thank You. Actually, I've never thought I'd feel the way I feel, after
reading Your reply, again. It's that kind of feeling with Your throat
pinched, almost feeling the tears coming, knowing that what the other person
say is true. I've felt like that... a long time ago. Even my parents kept
telling me that I'm too sensitive, too compassionate for my own good. And
what I decided to do? Yes, You probably guessed: buried my heart under a
hard shell of materialism, determined to eradicate every feeling I was
convinced that is wrong and against me. Oh, I understand hatred, rage and
pain very well. Everything else is a weakness. And the worst kind of it is
to show others that I have a heart. It fills me with disgust even now,
still, I'm writing this. Maybe it's finally time to be weak... To be able to
become strong.
Really, I don't even know why I've decided to write all of this, these are
things I have never, ever told anyone. Especially to any so called "god".
It's me. Maybe it's the wonder of an anonymous internet... Or maybe not. Or
maybe I really had enough of this, even though I'd never admit it. I have no
idea. But for the first time, since getting into adulthood, it seems that I
AM HUMAN after all... And a man I simply am, not the one I was working so
hard to become. A robot. It's sad how degenerated I've become...
Hail Satan.
/Mike