im not shure were i am at in my faith

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i've been living in this religion for two months. Before i was in a xian household living in the lie with the rest of them. Though i still have to live there, and i have to keep my faith a secret. Before i was satanic, i would have this pool of hate and anger in me, and when i lost my coolm my mind became red. I would get to the point were i was affected by my anger in both mind and body. i can remmember one time when I woke up from a nightmare and i was literly heated up. I tried to drink some cold water,but i trew it up.Only, it was steaming hot. Now with said, can i harness this and use that power toward something like pyromance?