Here I am, stuck in the middle...alone

[norsebeast]

I have alot to say so, please if you have the time, hear me out.

My name is Zach and i have ruined my chance at religion. I really only had two true choices, chances, lives. let me start at the beginning.
I was raised a Methodist christian. Always told to keep an open heart, be tolerant of everyone. two years back i encountered a man who said he was a satanist. Kurgle, i think is what he called himself. I thought only the worst and wanted to know why he would do this sorta thing. i clicked on the link he showed and it changed my life.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I was really into it and devoted all my free time to it.I loved Satan with a passion. A few months later I dedicated my soul to him. except I signed my birthname, Mark. To me it just ment that much more. anyway after about a year of satanism i was on top of the world. I had so much power it was my dream come true. My life was just bliss. I was always on this higher plain.
Then that summer i went on a mission trip with my church. We helped the community in the name of jesus. I only went cause my friends. There i met a baptist lady. Again my life was changed. somehow she made satanism feel wrong. she prayed on my one weakness. i felt like the whole religion was so skeptical.I also felt i had a way out.(the signing mark)
after that i was christain again. so unsure and constantly asking the christain god for forgiveness. one i felt i never received... I was never truly sorry. I try to go back to satanism but the passion has left me and i have no want to be a christian again.
until i met this girl. We have been going out for 2 months today. She is the pastors daughter.so she is a huge christian. She contradicts me even further, now I want to be christian... for her. but she is also big on fantasie and i was a real life warlock. I could also be a better satanist now that my ADHD has been treated.
There is no power without a price. I have so many reasons to be christian and so many to be satanist. I doubt either god will take me back.
Is living my dreams worth my friends and family, is it worth my lover. My friends would except me. But my family would not. And my love would never look at me the same way.
so here i sit in the middle of life. A victim of open heartedness and curiosity. Not knowing what to do. I ask kindly only your advice.

 

[lightseeker15]

You don't have to be an xian, just lie to the pastor's daughter that you are a xian while you are a Satanist. Its so simple. Even the Al-Jilwah mentions to hide your religion if people can't understand it. And the christian "god" doesn't exist really.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "norsebeast" <norsebeast@... wrote:

I have alot to say so, please if you have the time, hear me out.

My name is Zach and i have ruined my chance at religion. I really only had two true choices, chances, lives. let me start at the beginning.
I was raised a Methodist christian. Always told to keep an open heart, be tolerant of everyone. two years back i encountered a man who said he was a satanist. Kurgle, i think is what he called himself. I thought only the worst and wanted to know why he would do this sorta thing. i clicked on the link he showed and it changed my life.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I was really into it and devoted all my free time to it.I loved Satan with a passion. A few months later I dedicated my soul to him. except I signed my birthname, Mark. To me it just ment that much more. anyway after about a year of satanism i was on top of the world. I had so much power it was my dream come true. My life was just bliss. I was always on this higher plain.
Then that summer i went on a mission trip with my church. We helped the community in the name of jesus. I only went cause my friends. There i met a baptist lady. Again my life was changed. somehow she made satanism feel wrong. she prayed on my one weakness. i felt like the whole religion was so skeptical.I also felt i had a way out.(the signing mark)
after that i was christain again. so unsure and constantly asking the christain god for forgiveness. one i felt i never received... I was never truly sorry. I try to go back to satanism but the passion has left me and i have no want to be a christian again.
until i met this girl. We have been going out for 2 months today. She is the pastors daughter.so she is a huge christian. She contradicts me even further, now I want to be christian... for her. but she is also big on fantasie and i was a real life warlock. I could also be a better satanist now that my ADHD has been treated.
There is no power without a price. I have so many reasons to be christian and so many to be satanist. I doubt either god will take me back.
Is living my dreams worth my friends and family, is it worth my lover. My friends would except me. But my family would not. And my love would never look at me the same way.
so here i sit in the middle of life. A victim of open heartedness and curiosity. Not knowing what to do. I ask kindly only your advice.

 

[barry1]

I agree, just lie thats what i do, what they dont know wont hurt them, it might even help them.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "lightseeker15" <lightseeker15@... wrote:

You don't have to be an xian, just lie to the pastor's daughter that you are a xian while you are a Satanist. Its so simple. Even the Al-Jilwah mentions to hide your religion if people can't understand it. And the christian "god" doesn't exist really.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "norsebeast" <norsebeast@ wrote:

I have alot to say so, please if you have the time, hear me out.

My name is Zach and i have ruined my chance at religion. I really only had two true choices, chances, lives. let me start at the beginning.
I was raised a Methodist christian. Always told to keep an open heart, be tolerant of everyone. two years back i encountered a man who said he was a satanist. Kurgle, i think is what he called himself. I thought only the worst and wanted to know why he would do this sorta thing. i clicked on the link he showed and it changed my life.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I was really into it and devoted all my free time to it.I loved Satan with a passion. A few months later I dedicated my soul to him. except I signed my birthname, Mark. To me it just ment that much more. anyway after about a year of satanism i was on top of the world. I had so much power it was my dream come true. My life was just bliss. I was always on this higher plain.
Then that summer i went on a mission trip with my church. We helped the community in the name of jesus. I only went cause my friends. There i met a baptist lady. Again my life was changed. somehow she made satanism feel wrong. she prayed on my one weakness. i felt like the whole religion was so skeptical.I also felt i had a way out.(the signing mark)
after that i was christain again. so unsure and constantly asking the christain god for forgiveness. one i felt i never received... I was never truly sorry. I try to go back to satanism but the passion has left me and i have no want to be a christian again.
until i met this girl. We have been going out for 2 months today. She is the pastors daughter.so she is a huge christian. She contradicts me even further, now I want to be christian... for her. but she is also big on fantasie and i was a real life warlock. I could also be a better satanist now that my ADHD has been treated.
There is no power without a price. I have so many reasons to be christian and so many to be satanist. I doubt either god will take me back.
Is living my dreams worth my friends and family, is it worth my lover. My friends would except me. But my family would not. And my love would never look at me the same way.
so here i sit in the middle of life. A victim of open heartedness and curiosity. Not knowing what to do. I ask kindly only your advice.

 

[Jim1]

I didn´t have the same problem as you but I always check out the religions bad sides (all of them). To be honest for me it would be inhuman to be a Christian, I would rather cut my tongue out then even act like I´m a Christian.

normanjim7@... If you want more information

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "barry" <barry_kidwell@... wrote:


I agree, just lie thats what i do, what they dont know wont hurt them, it might even help them.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "lightseeker15" <lightseeker15@ wrote:

You don't have to be an xian, just lie to the pastor's daughter that you are a xian while you are a Satanist. Its so simple. Even the Al-Jilwah mentions to hide your religion if people can't understand it. And the christian "god" doesn't exist really.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "norsebeast" <norsebeast@ wrote:

I have alot to say so, please if you have the time, hear me out.

My name is Zach and i have ruined my chance at religion. I really only had two true choices, chances, lives. let me start at the beginning.
I was raised a Methodist christian. Always told to keep an open heart, be tolerant of everyone. two years back i encountered a man who said he was a satanist. Kurgle, i think is what he called himself. I thought only the worst and wanted to know why he would do this sorta thing. i clicked on the link he showed and it changed my life.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I was really into it and devoted all my free time to it.I loved Satan with a passion. A few months later I dedicated my soul to him. except I signed my birthname, Mark. To me it just ment that much more. anyway after about a year of satanism i was on top of the world. I had so much power it was my dream come true. My life was just bliss. I was always on this higher plain.
Then that summer i went on a mission trip with my church. We helped the community in the name of jesus. I only went cause my friends. There i met a baptist lady. Again my life was changed. somehow she made satanism feel wrong. she prayed on my one weakness. i felt like the whole religion was so skeptical.I also felt i had a way out.(the signing mark)
after that i was christain again. so unsure and constantly asking the christain god for forgiveness. one i felt i never received... I was never truly sorry. I try to go back to satanism but the passion has left me and i have no want to be a christian again.
until i met this girl. We have been going out for 2 months today. She is the pastors daughter.so she is a huge christian. She contradicts me even further, now I want to be christian... for her. but she is also big on fantasie and i was a real life warlock. I could also be a better satanist now that my ADHD has been treated.
There is no power without a price. I have so many reasons to be christian and so many to be satanist. I doubt either god will take me back.
Is living my dreams worth my friends and family, is it worth my lover. My friends would except me. But my family would not. And my love would never look at me the same way.
so here i sit in the middle of life. A victim of open heartedness and curiosity. Not knowing what to do. I ask kindly only your advice.

 

[Dane]

Yeah, lying is the best way to get out of everything guys.

Listen, if you really like her, and she really likes you, than she should accept you for who you are. I know it sounds fuckin cheesy, but its true, you cant be with someone you have to lie to just to make them like you. It's immoral.

You don't need to talk about it, but if the question arises, there is no need to lie about what you believe in, tell her proudly, and if she is a little queasy at the idea, inform her, give her the links, and try to make her understand that your not about death and horrors and gore.

Lying gets you further into the shithole.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "barry" <barry_kidwell@... wrote:


I agree, just lie thats what i do, what they dont know wont hurt them, it might even help them.
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "lightseeker15" <lightseeker15@ wrote:

You don't have to be an xian, just lie to the pastor's daughter that you are a xian while you are a Satanist. Its so simple. Even the Al-Jilwah mentions to hide your religion if people can't understand it. And the christian "god" doesn't exist really.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "norsebeast" <norsebeast@ wrote:

I have alot to say so, please if you have the time, hear me out.

My name is Zach and i have ruined my chance at religion. I really only had two true choices, chances, lives. let me start at the beginning.
I was raised a Methodist christian. Always told to keep an open heart, be tolerant of everyone. two years back i encountered a man who said he was a satanist. Kurgle, i think is what he called himself. I thought only the worst and wanted to know why he would do this sorta thing. i clicked on the link he showed and it changed my life.
I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I was really into it and devoted all my free time to it.I loved Satan with a passion. A few months later I dedicated my soul to him. except I signed my birthname, Mark. To me it just ment that much more. anyway after about a year of satanism i was on top of the world. I had so much power it was my dream come true. My life was just bliss. I was always on this higher plain.
Then that summer i went on a mission trip with my church. We helped the community in the name of jesus. I only went cause my friends. There i met a baptist lady. Again my life was changed. somehow she made satanism feel wrong. she prayed on my one weakness. i felt like the whole religion was so skeptical.I also felt i had a way out.(the signing mark)
after that i was christain again. so unsure and constantly asking the christain god for forgiveness. one i felt i never received... I was never truly sorry. I try to go back to satanism but the passion has left me and i have no want to be a christian again.
until i met this girl. We have been going out for 2 months today. She is the pastors daughter.so she is a huge christian. She contradicts me even further, now I want to be christian... for her. but she is also big on fantasie and i was a real life warlock. I could also be a better satanist now that my ADHD has been treated.
There is no power without a price. I have so many reasons to be christian and so many to be satanist. I doubt either god will take me back.
Is living my dreams worth my friends and family, is it worth my lover. My friends would except me. But my family would not. And my love would never look at me the same way.
so here i sit in the middle of life. A victim of open heartedness and curiosity. Not knowing what to do. I ask kindly only your advice.