friends

[deadizbetter]

hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any other Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see there are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying to maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my views and even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it just seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially for this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a demon lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on that level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation and put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of thinking aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on his part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane and I do this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs and ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place to where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some kinda motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda had my own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind and even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling of what I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and focusing it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much for me to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing capabilities sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as I understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people as I feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this is paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my thinking to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am cool if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I know I don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very hard for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who shares my belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine to help focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at all coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic tendencies and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively been looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was done toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to let myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and discipline. well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to have seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in 2002- this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like it in town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year and every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't pay much but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so... the email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone else think this may have something to do with my starting of the meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go of everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up ...ready to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets hard when things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job peruses me - and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming from looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still think the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really feel like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there is great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work around our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side of me says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH SOMEONE WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything that is great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can say either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the signs point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just one to relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray where it wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist. although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been with another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much eats at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was to read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy like a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the first sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when it comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let those thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this group is very welcome

thank you all so much.

 

[Allison P]

I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other
Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,
we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with
others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only
really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great
friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in
the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst
give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and
lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only
breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have
a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your
reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human
thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves
me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does
this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already
half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,
it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice
of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it
works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,
give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life
sometimes. Just gert back up again.

Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do
you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called
mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you
gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of
eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as
bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a
while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it
slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.
Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?
There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society
expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or
normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,
well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver
accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the
sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,
though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never
truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!

Ceridwyn

On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@... wrote:
hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any other
Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see there
are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying to
maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my views and
even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it just
seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially for
this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a demon
lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on that
level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation and
put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of thinking
aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on his
part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane and I do
this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs and
ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place to
where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some kinda
motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda had my
own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind and
even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling of what
I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and focusing
it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much for me
to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing capabilities
sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as I
understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people as I
feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this is
paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my thinking
to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am cool
if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I know I
don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very hard
for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who shares my
belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the
spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine to help
focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at all
coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic tendencies
and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively been
looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was done
toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to let
myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and discipline.
well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to have
seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in 2002-
this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like it in
town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year and
every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't pay much
but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so... the
email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone else
think this may have something to do with my starting of the meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go of
everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up ...ready
to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot
people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets hard when
things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job peruses me
- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming from
looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still think
the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really feel
like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there is
great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work around
our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side of me
says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH SOMEONE
WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am
constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything that is
great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can say
either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the signs
point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just one to
relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray where it
wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist.
although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been with
another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much eats
at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was to
read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy like
a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am
supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the first
sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when it
comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let those
thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this group
is very welcome

thank you all so much.

 

[aeinar72]

Its normal to want to be with like minded people. Humans are social creatures after all. I feel you on alot of what your putting up with. The me thats out and about in public is not who i am privately. If i have new people coming over my house, i usually have to hide the really incriminating books and trinkets in my room. It sucks, but just keep pushing on. It's kinda silly but i kinda like the quote from the movie ninja assassin, "weakness compels strength". Not a bad motto IMO.

Feel free to email me if you ever want to talk or share info

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "deadizbetter" <jenneagle79@... wrote:

hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any other Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see there are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying to maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my views and even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it just seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially for this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a demon lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on that level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation and put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of thinking aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on his part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane and I do this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs and ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place to where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some kinda motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda had my own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind and even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling of what I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and focusing it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much for me to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing capabilities sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as I understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people as I feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this is paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my thinking to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am cool if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I know I don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very hard for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who shares my belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine to help focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at all coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic tendencies and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively been looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was done toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to let myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and discipline. well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to have seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in 2002- this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like it in town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year and every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't pay much but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so... the email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone else think this may have something to do with my starting of the meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go of everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up ...ready to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets hard when things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job peruses me - and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming from looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still think the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really feel like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there is great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work around our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side of me says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH SOMEONE WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything that is great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can say either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the signs point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just one to relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray where it wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist. although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been with another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much eats at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was to read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy like a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the first sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when it comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let those thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this group is very welcome

thank you all so much.

 

[dumatereli]

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other
Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,
we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with
others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only
really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great
friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in
the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst
give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and
lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only
breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have
a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your
reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human
thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves
me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does
this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already
half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,
it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice
of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it
works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,
give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life
sometimes. Just gert back up again.

Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do
you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called
mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you
gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of
eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as
bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a
while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it
slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.
Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?
There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society
expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or
normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,
well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver
accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the
sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,
though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never
truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!

Ceridwyn

On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@... wrote:
hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any other
Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see there
are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying to
maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my views and
even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it just
seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially for
this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a demon
lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on that
level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation and
put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of thinking
aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on his
part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane and I do
this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs and
ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place to
where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some kinda
motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda had my
own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind and
even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling of what
I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and focusing
it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much for me
to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing capabilities
sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as I
understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people as I
feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this is
paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my thinking
to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am cool
if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I know I
don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very hard
for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who shares my
belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the
spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine to help
focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at all
coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic tendencies
and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively been
looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was done
toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to let
myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and discipline.
well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to have
seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in 2002-
this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like it in
town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year and
every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't pay much
but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so... the
email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone else
think this may have something to do with my starting of the meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go of
everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up ...ready
to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot
people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets hard when
things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job peruses me
- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming from
looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still think
the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really feel
like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there is
great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work around
our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side of me
says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH SOMEONE
WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am
constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything that is
great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can say
either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the signs
point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just one to
relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray where it
wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist.
although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been with
another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much eats
at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was to
read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy like
a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am
supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the first
sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when it
comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let those
thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this group
is very welcome

thank you all so much.

I am very much like you except refuse even a cool job seeing as their are none really I personally attribute it to a hive mind worship not to mention I'd be discriminated against . If you want to chat a bit hit me up. It gets very boring feeling alone in a world full of ignorant sheep. Also I'm a single guy so if your interested in just talking or whatever that's fine .
Ave Lvcifer

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]Greetings Allison,
May I ask what your boyfriends beliefs are.My wife is a xtian in word only,because she does not act like one in any way.She is not judgmental,honors others beliefs,believes in many Gods, is the most supportive,encouraging,and loving person I could ever ask for.I was just curios,when you said that you were with someone who was not a Satanist.Hopefully both of our spouses will find the truth for themselves also.
Hail Satan!!

--- On Wed, 3/2/11, Allison P <apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

From: Allison P <apocalypseofjon@...
Subject: Re: [JoS4adults] friends
To: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 3:01 AM

  I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other
Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,
we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with
others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only
really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great
friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in
the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst
give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and
lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only
breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have
a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your
reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human
thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves
me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does
this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already
half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,
it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice
of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it
works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,
give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life
sometimes. Just gert back up again.

Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do
you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called
mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you
gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of
eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as
bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a
while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it
slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.
Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?
There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society
expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or
normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,
well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver
accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the
sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,
though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never
truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!

Ceridwyn

On 2/28/11, dead[/IMG]jenneagle79@... wrote:
hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any other
Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see there
are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying to
maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my views and
even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it just
seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially for
this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a demon
lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on that
level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation and
put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of thinking
aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on his
part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane and I do
this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs and
ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place to
where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some kinda
motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda had my
own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind and
even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling of what
I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and focusing
it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much for me
to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing capabilities
sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as I
understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people as I
feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this is
paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my thinking
to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am cool
if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I know I
don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very hard
for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who shares my
belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the
spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine to help
focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at all
coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic tendencies
and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively been
looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was done
toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to let
myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and discipline.
well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to have
seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in 2002-
this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like it in
town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year and
every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't pay much
but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so... the
email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone else
think this may have something to do with my starting of the meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go of
everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up ...ready
to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot
people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets hard when
things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job peruses me
- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming from
looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still think
the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really feel
like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there is
great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work around
our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side of me
says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH SOMEONE
WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am
constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything that is
great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can say
either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the signs
point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just one to
relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray where it
wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist.
although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been with
another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much eats
at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was to
read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy like
a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am
supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the first
sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when it
comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let those
thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this group
is very welcome

thank you all so much.

[/TD]

 

[deadizbetter]

I just want to say you guys are awesome- Thank you so much .I feel a ton better
I think the path itself is the love of my life, and they really want to keep me from it seems sometimes. and yes that makes sense to thank Father Satan for throwing me the job- the only one I could prolly tolerate right now. Even better is well it is a music store and I happen to be in need of a drummer and this is the most likely place to find one so things will work out- no more life preservers for me. Thanx to all and Hail Satan

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dumatereli" <dumatereli@... wrote:



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@ wrote:

I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other
Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,
we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with
others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only
really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great
friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in
the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst
give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and
lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only
breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have
a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your
reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human
thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves
me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does
this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already
half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,
it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice
of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it
works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,
give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life
sometimes. Just gert back up again.

Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do
you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called
mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you
gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of
eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as
bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a
while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it
slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.
Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?
There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society
expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or
normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,
well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver
accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the
sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,
though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never
truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!

Ceridwyn

On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@ wrote:
hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any other
Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see there
are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying to
maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my views and
even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it just
seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially for
this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a demon
lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on that
level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation and
put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of thinking
aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on his
part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane and I do
this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs and
ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place to
where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some kinda
motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda had my
own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind and
even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling of what
I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and focusing
it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much for me
to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing capabilities
sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as I
understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people as I
feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this is
paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my thinking
to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am cool
if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I know I
don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very hard
for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who shares my
belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the
spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine to help
focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at all
coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic tendencies
and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively been
looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was done
toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to let
myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and discipline.
well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to have
seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in 2002-
this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like it in
town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year and
every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't pay much
but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so... the
email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone else
think this may have something to do with my starting of the meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go of
everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up ...ready
to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot
people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets hard when
things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job peruses me
- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming from
looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still think
the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really feel
like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there is
great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work around
our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side of me
says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH SOMEONE
WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am
constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything that is
great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can say
either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the signs
point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just one to
relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray where it
wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist.
although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been with
another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much eats
at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was to
read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy like
a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am
supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the first
sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when it
comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let those
thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this group
is very welcome

thank you all so much.




I am very much like you except refuse even a cool job seeing as their are none really I personally attribute it to a hive mind worship not to mention I'd be discriminated against . If you want to chat a bit hit me up. It gets very boring feeling alone in a world full of ignorant sheep. Also I'm a single guy so if your interested in just talking or whatever that's fine .
Ave Lvcifer

 

[Allison P]

Sure Brian. I don't mind. My boy's beliefs are kinda hard to pin down.
Lol. I jokingly refer to him as a bushido shaman, because he follows
the tenets of bushido, but also considers himself a shaman of sorts.
He was briefly involved in wicca for a while, but then he got tired of
it 'cause he thought it was too fluffy. Understandable. He talks about
'Spirit' a lot, though I don't realy think it's a real entity. He says
that Father Satan is a part of it, like 'spirit' is the thing that
connects everything. And I was kinda like whatever. I don't want some
big, abstract, cosmic interconnected thingie; I want a being I can
touch and hear and have dialogue with. He seems happy though, so I
don't press the issue or anything. I don't think he's really had any
communication with a real God, like one of ours. But maybe Father will
come to him someday; I would of course be ecstatic if he decided to
dedicate, though I'm pretty sure he won't. He gave me this weird
speech one time about how he didn't like learning from male deities,
that he only wanted to learn from female ones. 'Fight men, learn from
women' were his exact words. Lol. My man's a strange bird, but I love
him anyways. ^ Sorry if this explanation is confusing, Brother, but
it's the best I can do. Like I say, his spirituality isn't easily
categorized or pinned down. Hail Father Satan!

On 3/2/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@... wrote:
I just want to say you guys are awesome- Thank you so much .I feel a ton
better
I think the path itself is the love of my life, and they really want to
keep me from it seems sometimes. and yes that makes sense to thank Father
Satan for throwing me the job- the only one I could prolly tolerate right
now. Even better is well it is a music store and I happen to be in need of
a drummer and this is the most likely place to find one so things will
work out- no more life preservers for me. Thanx to all and Hail Satan
--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dumatereli" <dumatereli@... wrote:



--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@ wrote:

I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other
Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,
we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with
others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only
really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great
friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in
the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst
give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and
lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only
breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have
a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your
reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human
thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves
me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does
this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already
half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,
it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice
of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it
works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,
give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life
sometimes. Just gert back up again.

Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do
you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called
mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you
gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of
eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as
bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a
while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it
slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.
Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?
There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society
expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or
normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,
well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver
accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the
sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,
though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never
truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!

Ceridwyn

On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@ wrote:
hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any
other
Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see
there
are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying
to
maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my
views and
even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it
just
seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially
for
this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a
demon
lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on
that
level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation
and
put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of
thinking
aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on
his
part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane
and I do
this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs
and
ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place
to
where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some
kinda
motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda
had my
own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind
and
even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling
of what
I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and
focusing
it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much
for me
to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing
capabilities
sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as
I
understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people
as I
feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this
is
paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my
thinking
to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am
cool
if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I
know I
don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very
hard
for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who
shares my
belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the
spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine
to help
focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at
all
coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic
tendencies
and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively
been
looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was
done
toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to
let
myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and
discipline.
well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to
have
seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in
2002-
this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like
it in
town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year
and
every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't
pay much
but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so...
the
email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone
else
think this may have something to do with my starting of the
meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go
of
everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up
...ready
to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot
people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets
hard when
things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job
peruses me
- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming
from
looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still
think
the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really
feel
like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there
is
great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work
around
our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side
of me
says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH
SOMEONE
WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am
constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything
that is
great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can
say
either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the
signs
point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just
one to
relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray
where it
wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist.
although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been
with
another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much
eats
at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was
to
read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy
like
a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am
supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the
first
sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when
it
comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let
those
thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this
group
is very welcome

thank you all so much.




I am very much like you except refuse even a cool job seeing as their are
none really I personally attribute it to a hive mind worship not to
mention I'd be discriminated against . If you want to chat a bit hit me
up. It gets very boring feeling alone in a world full of ignorant sheep.
Also I'm a single guy so if your interested in just talking or whatever
that's fine .
Ave Lvcifer

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]Not at all Allison,I understand completely.I had a lot of those same beliefs,till I became a Satanist.His was fight men,learn from woman,mine was men are dumb as stump posts,and we would be lost without woman's intuition.I have also felt a great closness to the Goddess archetype,in my pagan beliefs also.My wife has pagan beliefs too.Her great grandmother practiced paganism in England. So as I said she believes in the many Gods,and not just one.Paganism is what drew us together in the first place.We had an awesome pagan wedding in our back yard,after living with each other for almost a year.

That has carried over into my Satanic beliefs too,in that I am close to Astaroth,and of course Hagentti,who is my GD.Getting to know Father Satan,has been a great balance for me,in that I am comfortable with a male Diety again.Maybe one day that will happen for your boyfriend.As you said,I would like to see my wife dedicate also,but like you,I don't push her either.Beliefs have never posed a problem for us either.She has hers,and I have mine.We give each other the room to grow as we choose.She did ask what she would have to do to become a Satanist.I told her and she said she couldn't deny her xtian beliefs.So I just left it at that.But I did tell her that she would have to deny juwsus,and that whole filthy program to be one of His.And she said she couldn't,so I left it at that.

I do believe as HP Maxine said,that Father will protect them because of our commitment to Him,until the day that she is ready to be one of His.Until then I can just show her how He blesses our life every day.And she does see that,and understands that He is not what most people think He is.Sorry this is getting long.Take care out there in Oregon,and many Satanic blessings from the great state of Alabama.LOL
Hail Satan!!

---

On Wed, 3/2/11, Allison P <apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

From: Allison P <apocalypseofjon@...
Subject: Re: [JoS4adults] Re: friends
To: [email protected]
Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 8:55 PM

  Sure Brian. I don't mind. My boy's beliefs are kinda hard to pin down.
Lol. I jokingly refer to him as a bushido shaman, because he follows
the tenets of bushido, but also considers himself a shaman of sorts.
He was briefly involved in wicca for a while, but then he got tired of
it 'cause he thought it was too fluffy. Understandable. He talks about
'Spirit' a lot, though I don't realy think it's a real entity. He says
that Father Satan is a part of it, like 'spirit' is the thing that
connects everything. And I was kinda like whatever. I don't want some
big, abstract, cosmic interconnected thingie; I want a being I can
touch and hear and have dialogue with. He seems happy though, so I
don't press the issue or anything. I don't think he's really had any
communication with a real God, like one of ours. But maybe Father will
come to him someday; I would of course be ecstatic if he decided to
dedicate, though I'm pretty sure he won't. He gave me this weird
speech one time about how he didn't like learning from male deities,
that he only wanted to learn from female ones. 'Fight men, learn from
women' were his exact words. Lol. My man's a strange bird, but I love
him anyways. ^ Sorry if this explanation is confusing, Brother, but
it's the best I can do. Like I say, his spirituality isn't easily
categorized or pinned down. Hail Father Satan!

On 3/2/11, dead[/IMG]jenneagle79@... wrote:
I just want to say you guys are awesome- Thank you so much .I feel a ton
better
I think the path itself is the love of my life, and they really want to
keep me from it seems sometimes. and yes that makes sense to thank Father
Satan for throwing me the job- the only one I could prolly tolerate right
now. Even better is well it is a music store and I happen to be in need of
a drummer and this is the most likely place to find one so things will
work out- no more life preservers for me. Thanx to all and Hail Satan
--- [/IMG][email protected], "dumatereli" <dumatereli@... wrote:



--- [/IMG][email protected], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@ wrote:

I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other
Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,
we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with
others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only
really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great
friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in
the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst
give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and
lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only
breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have
a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your
reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human
thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves
me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does
this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already
half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,
it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice
of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it
works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,
give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life
sometimes. Just gert back up again.

Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do
you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called
mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you
gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of
eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as
bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a
while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it
slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.
Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?
There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society
expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or
normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,
well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver
accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the
sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,
though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never
truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!

Ceridwyn

On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@ wrote:
hello,
I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any
other
Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see
there
are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying
to
maintain relationships with with ordinary people.
they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my
views and
even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it
just
seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially
for
this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a
demon
lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on
that
level.

recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult situation
and
put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of
thinking
aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on
his
part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane
and I do
this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs
and
ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place
to
where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall- some
kinda
motivation I suppose.

Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda
had my
own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the mind
and
even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling
of what
I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and
focusing
it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much
for me
to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing
capabilities
sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as
I
understand more from the scientific side of things.

so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating people
as I
feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this
is
paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my
thinking
to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am
cool
if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I
know I
don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very
hard
for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .
sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who
shares my
belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.
so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the
spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine
to help
focus my terribly slow advancement.
I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at
all
coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic
tendencies
and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively
been
looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .
so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was
done
toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not to
let
myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and
discipline.
well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me to
have
seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in
2002-
this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like
it in
town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year
and
every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't
pay much
but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so...
the
email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone
else
think this may have something to do with my starting of the
meditations?

funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let go
of
everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up
...ready
to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these idiot
people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets
hard when
things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job
peruses me
- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.

well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming
from
looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still
think
the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really
feel
like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho there
is
great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work
around
our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side
of me
says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH
SOMEONE
WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am
constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything
that is
great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can
say
either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the
signs
point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.
I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just
one to
relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray
where it
wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another Satanist.
although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been
with
another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how much
eats
at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was
to
read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very heavy
like
a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am
supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the
first
sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when
it
comes to the heart.

I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let
those
thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this
group
is very welcome

thank you all so much.




I am very much like you except refuse even a cool job seeing as their are
none really I personally attribute it to a hive mind worship not to
mention I'd be discriminated against . If you want to chat a bit hit me
up. It gets very boring feeling alone in a world full of ignorant sheep.
Also I'm a single guy so if your interested in just talking or whatever
that's fine .
Ave Lvcifer

[/TD]

 

[Allison P]

hey Brian! that's great that your wife understands. Hope she comes
around one day; that would be awesome! Ave Satanas!

On 3/2/11, Brian Gibbons <briangibbons20@... wrote:
Not at all Allison,I understand completely.I had a lot of those same
beliefs,till I became a Satanist.His was fight men,learn from woman,mine was
men are dumb as stump posts,and we would be lost without woman's intuition.I
have also felt a great closness to the Goddess archetype,in my pagan beliefs
also.My wife has pagan beliefs too.Her great grandmother practiced paganism
in England. So as I said she believes in the many Gods,and not just
one.Paganism is what drew us together in the first place.We had an awesome
pagan wedding in our back yard,after living with each other for almost a
year.

That has carried over into my Satanic beliefs too,in that I am close to
Astaroth,and of course Hagentti,who is my GD.Getting to know Father
Satan,has been a great balance for me,in that I am comfortable with a male
Diety again.Maybe one day that will happen for your boyfriend.As you said,I
would like to see my wife dedicate also,but like you,I don't push her
either.Beliefs have never posed a problem for us either.She has hers,and I
have mine.We give each other the room to grow as we choose.She did ask what
she would have to do to become a Satanist.I told her and she said she
couldn't deny her xtian beliefs.So I just left it at that.But I did tell her
that she would have to deny juwsus,and that whole filthy program to be one
of His.And she said she couldn't,so I left it at that.

I do believe as HP Maxine said,that Father will protect them because of our
commitment to Him,until the day that she is ready to be one of His.Until
then I can just show her how He blesses our life every day.And she does see
that,and understands that He is not what most people think He is.Sorry this
is getting long.Take care out there in Oregon,and many Satanic blessings
from the great state of Alabama.LOL
Hail Satan!!

--- On Wed, 3/2/11, Allison P <apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

From: Allison P <apocalypseofjon@...
Subject: Re: [JoS4adults] Re: friends
To: [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url]
Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 8:55 PM

















Sure Brian. I don't mind. My boy's beliefs are kinda hard to pin down.

Lol. I jokingly refer to him as a bushido shaman, because he follows

the tenets of bushido, but also considers himself a shaman of sorts.

He was briefly involved in wicca for a while, but then he got tired of

it 'cause he thought it was too fluffy. Understandable. He talks about

'Spirit' a lot, though I don't realy think it's a real entity. He says

that Father Satan is a part of it, like 'spirit' is the thing that

connects everything. And I was kinda like whatever. I don't want some

big, abstract, cosmic interconnected thingie; I want a being I can

touch and hear and have dialogue with. He seems happy though, so I

don't press the issue or anything. I don't think he's really had any

communication with a real God, like one of ours. But maybe Father will

come to him someday; I would of course be ecstatic if he decided to

dedicate, though I'm pretty sure he won't. He gave me this weird

speech one time about how he didn't like learning from male deities,

that he only wanted to learn from female ones. 'Fight men, learn from

women' were his exact words. Lol. My man's a strange bird, but I love

him anyways. ^ Sorry if this explanation is confusing, Brother, but

it's the best I can do. Like I say, his spirituality isn't easily

categorized or pinned down. Hail Father Satan!



On 3/2/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@... wrote:

I just want to say you guys are awesome- Thank you so much .I feel a ton

better

I think the path itself is the love of my life, and they really want to

keep me from it seems sometimes. and yes that makes sense to thank Father

Satan for throwing me the job- the only one I could prolly tolerate right

now. Even better is well it is a music store and I happen to be in need
of

a drummer and this is the most likely place to find one so things will

work out- no more life preservers for me. Thanx to all and Hail Satan

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "dumatereli" <dumatereli@... wrote:







--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@ wrote:



I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other

Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,

we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with

others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only

really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great

friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in

the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst

give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and

lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only

breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have

a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your

reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human

thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves

me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does

this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already

half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,

it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice

of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it

works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,

give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life

sometimes. Just gert back up again.



Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do

you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called

mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you

gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of

eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as

bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a

while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it

slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.

Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?

There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society

expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or

normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,

well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver

accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the

sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,

though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never

truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!



Ceridwyn



On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@ wrote:

hello,

I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any

other

Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see

there

are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying

to

maintain relationships with with ordinary people.

they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my

views and

even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it

just

seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially

for

this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a

demon

lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on

that

level.



recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult
situation

and

put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of

thinking

aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on

his

part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane

and I do

this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs

and

ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place

to

where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall-
some

kinda

motivation I suppose.



Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda

had my

own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the
mind

and

even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling

of what

I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and

focusing

it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much

for me

to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing

capabilities

sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as

I

understand more from the scientific side of things.



so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating
people

as I

feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this

is

paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my

thinking

to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am

cool

if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I

know I

don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very

hard

for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .

sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who

shares my

belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.

so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the

spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine

to help

focus my terribly slow advancement.

I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at

all

coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic

tendencies

and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively

been

looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .

so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was

done

toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not
to

let

myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and

discipline.

well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me
to

have

seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in

2002-

this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like

it in

town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year

and

every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't

pay much

but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so...

the

email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone

else

think this may have something to do with my starting of the

meditations?



funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let
go

of

everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up

...ready

to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these
idiot

people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets

hard when

things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job

peruses me

- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.



well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming

from

looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still

think

the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really

feel

like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho
there

is

great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work

around

our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side

of me

says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH

SOMEONE

WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am

constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything

that is

great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can

say

either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the

signs

point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.

I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just

one to

relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray

where it

wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another
Satanist.

although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been

with

another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how
much

eats

at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was

to

read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very
heavy

like

a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am

supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the

first

sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when

it

comes to the heart.



I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let

those

thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this

group

is very welcome



thank you all so much.









I am very much like you except refuse even a cool job seeing as their are

none really I personally attribute it to a hive mind worship not to

mention I'd be discriminated against . If you want to chat a bit hit me

up. It gets very boring feeling alone in a world full of ignorant sheep.

Also I'm a single guy so if your interested in just talking or whatever

that's fine .

Ave Lvcifer

 

[Brian Gibbons]

<td val[/IMG]YOU TOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hail Satan!!

--- On Thu, 3/3/11, Allison P <apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

From: Allison P <apocalypseofjon@...
Subject: Re: [JoS4adults] Re: friends
To: [email protected]
Date: Thursday, March 3, 2011, 5:34 PM

  hey Brian! that's great that your wife understands. Hope she comes
around one day; that would be awesome! Ave Satanas!

On 3/2/11, Br[/IMG]briangibbons20@... wrote:
Not at all Allison,I understand completely.I had a lot of those same
beliefs,till I became a Satanist.His was fight men,learn from woman,mine was
men are dumb as stump posts,and we would be lost without woman's intuition.I
have also felt a great closness to the Goddess archetype,in my pagan beliefs
also.My wife has pagan beliefs too.Her great grandmother practiced paganism
in England. So as I said she believes in the many Gods,and not just
one.Paganism is what drew us together in the first place.We had an awesome
pagan wedding in our back yard,after living with each other for almost a
year.

That has carried over into my Satanic beliefs too,in that I am close to
Astaroth,and of course Hagentti,who is my GD.Getting to know Father
Satan,has been a great balance for me,in that I am comfortable with a male
Diety again.Maybe one day that will happen for your boyfriend.As you said,I
would like to see my wife dedicate also,but like you,I don't push her
either.Beliefs have never posed a problem for us either.She has hers,and I
have mine.We give each other the room to grow as we choose.She did ask what
she would have to do to become a Satanist.I told her and she said she
couldn't deny her xtian beliefs.So I just left it at that.But I did tell her
that she would have to deny juwsus,and that whole filthy program to be one
of His.And she said she couldn't,so I left it at that.

I do believe as HP Maxine said,that Father will protect them because of our
commitment to Him,until the day that she is ready to be one of His.Until
then I can just show her how He blesses our life every day.And she does see
that,and understands that He is not what most people think He is.Sorry this
is getting long.Take care out there in Oregon,and many Satanic blessings
from the great state of Alabama.LOL
Hail Satan!!

--- On Wed, 3/2/11, All[/IMG]apocalypseofjon@... wrote:

Fro[/IMG]apocalypseofjon@...
Subject: Re: [JoS4adults] Re: friends
To: <a rel="nofollow">[email protected]
Date: Wednesday, March 2, 2011, 8:55 PM

















Sure Brian. I don't mind. My boy's beliefs are kinda hard to pin down.

Lol. I jokingly refer to him as a bushido shaman, because he follows

the tenets of bushido, but also considers himself a shaman of sorts.

He was briefly involved in wicca for a while, but then he got tired of

it 'cause he thought it was too fluffy. Understandable. He talks about

'Spirit' a lot, though I don't realy think it's a real entity. He says

that Father Satan is a part of it, like 'spirit' is the thing that

connects everything. And I was kinda like whatever. I don't want some

big, abstract, cosmic interconnected thingie; I want a being I can

touch and hear and have dialogue with. He seems happy though, so I

don't press the issue or anything. I don't think he's really had any

communication with a real God, like one of ours. But maybe Father will

come to him someday; I would of course be ecstatic if he decided to

dedicate, though I'm pretty sure he won't. He gave me this weird

speech one time about how he didn't like learning from male deities,

that he only wanted to learn from female ones. 'Fight men, learn from

women' were his exact words. Lol. My man's a strange bird, but I love

him anyways. ^ Sorry if this explanation is confusing, Brother, but

it's the best I can do. Like I say, his spirituality isn't easily

categorized or pinned down. Hail Father Satan!



On 3/2/11, dead[/IMG]jenneagle79@... wrote:

I just want to say you guys are awesome- Thank you so much .I feel a ton

better

I think the path itself is the love of my life, and they really want to

keep me from it seems sometimes. and yes that makes sense to thank Father

Satan for throwing me the job- the only one I could prolly tolerate right

now. Even better is well it is a music store and I happen to be in need
of

a drummer and this is the most likely place to find one so things will

work out- no more life preservers for me. Thanx to all and Hail Satan

--- [/IMG][email protected], "dumatereli" <dumatereli@... wrote:







--- [/IMG][email protected], Allison P <apocalypseofjon@ wrote:



I hear you about the need for contactand socializing with other

Satanists; it's not 'curious' at all. It's perfectly normal. I mean,

we're social creatures, and it's natural to want to associate with

others who share our pasisons, interests and suchlike. I myself only

really know a few true Satanists, but they are both really great

friends to me and have helped me tremendously, both spiritually and in

the mundane as well. As for your love problem, well, why not at elst

give it a shot? You know the old syaing: better to have loved and

lost, blah blah blah'. Lol. Dont doubt yourself like this; it only

breeds failure. I know it's hard so emtimes, but you must try to have

a positive outlook; bizarre as it seems, your outlook does effect your

reality to some degree. You aren't crazy, and it's a perfectly human

thing to need to be loved. My boyfriend isn't a Satanist, but he loves

me and respects my beliefs and my relationship with Father Satan. Does

this person do likewise for you? If so, then in my book that's already

half the battle. When attempting relationships with non-Satanists,

it's all about mutual respects; I know my man is happy with his choice

of spirituality, and he knows I"m happy with mine, so that's why it

works. We aren't tyring to convert one another. Lol. So again I say,

give it a whirl; if you fal on your ass, well then, that's life

sometimes. Just gert back up again.



Are you right for this path? Well, only you can say for certain. Do

you love Father Satan? Do you seek knowledge of the so-called

mystereis of life? Well then, the answer is probably yes. LIke, you

gt a job that might be a cool job. I'd sy that's Father's way of

eltting you know that he's here for you, and that things are never as

bad as you might think. Keep doing those meditations! It'll take a

while, but your power will grow. Don't rush things, either; take it

slow. Doing five mutes is way beetr than not oding anythg at all.

Okay, I shall leave you with this one other htought. What is 'normal'?

There isno normal, in the mundane sense. It' sonly what society

expects or wants of you. Don't worry so much abourt what is natural or

normal for you, but just go with it. Dive in! If you get swept away,

well, there's always a way back to the shore. You will enver

accomplish anyting or obtain what you seek if you sit on the

sidelines. I ope this has helped you somewhat. Take care and remember,

though we may be apart from one another in the physical, we are never

truly alone. We are all Family, wherever we go. Hail Father Satan!



Ceridwyn



On 2/28/11, deadizbetter <jenneagle79@ wrote:

hello,

I just wanted to say it is extremely disheartening to not know any

other

Satanists, and especially now that I need only check my email to see

there

are more like me out there- in fact is it extremely difficult trying

to

maintain relationships with with ordinary people.

they can be very open minded non-religious and accepting of my

views and

even believe me when I tell them about the things I have seen but it

just

seems to lack any serious fulfillment. I'd sworn off love partially

for

this reason and I wont bother hiding that I get very curious about a

demon

lover but its very hard to have no one who I really connect with on

that

level.



recently giving it another try I got into a very difficult
situation

and

put my heart completely into it - set all of my typical ways of

thinking

aside to trust this person during very abnormal living conditions on

his

part.I really would have to wonder if this kinda thing even is sane

and I do

this for a connection with someone who does not share my beliefs

and

ways of thinking I guess I just like to jump from high enough place

to

where if I don't succeed at flight it will really hurt to fall-
some

kinda

motivation I suppose.



Although I do not follow specific meditations I have always kinda

had my

own little way of going about things pertaining to majick and the
mind

and

even with out guidance have made progress- it is just the juggling

of what

I have always known to just be a part of what I do naturally and

focusing

it with known methods of advancement. kinda like there isn't as much

for me

to unlearn as the average person so tend to see myself loosing

capabilities

sometimes when trying to learn new ways of going about them and as

I

understand more from the scientific side of things.



so basically I spend a lot of time trying to avoid irritating
people

as I

feel they think I am one to be judged- its funny tho as most of this

is

paranoia and the average person is too stupid to even catch onto my

thinking

to judge me and seems like the majority would actually think I am

cool

if U didn't ruin it by trippin off what they are thinking- and I

know I

don't really care what they are thinking it is just that it is very

hard

for me to ignore there thoughts- I cant help but observe them.. .

sometimes I still want more than anything to be with another who

shares my

belief to have someone to interact and learn with in this way.

so back to being depressed. well yesterday I did my first day of the

spiritual warfare program- I figured it was a clear enough routine

to help

focus my terribly slow advancement.

I have been surviving without work or unemployment with nothing at

all

coming in have been functioning for over a year, I have artistic

tendencies

and feel like a slave at most work places so have not actively

been

looking for work and grown very discouraged and detached .

so the first day of meditation yesterday was quick and rushed, was

done

toward the morning, that was good just to make myself do it as not
to

let

myself go completely wild and maintain a little structure and

discipline.

well just when I am like completely giving up it is amusing to me
to

have

seen an email form a boss at a job I was actually fired at back in

2002-

this is a record store (I am a musician) it is the only store like

it in

town and every one wants to work there , I am going on 32 this year

and

every sparkling youth fights to get to work there - it doesn't

pay much

but can be considered the cool job to have here in this town, so...

the

email I got yesterday was offering me hours to work- does anyone

else

think this may have something to do with my starting of the

meditations?



funny I gave up on perusing a job, pretty much ready to just let
go

of

everything- frustrated with my relationship,and just giving up

...ready

to start hunting soon - getting so sick of this place and these
idiot

people around me and trying to control my violent side - its gets

hard when

things get down- - - and here the first day of meditation a job

peruses me

- and one that I will actually consider doing at least for a while.



well they say life is a trip and that is so much more true coming

from

looking at the world from the view of a spiritual Satanist.I still

think

the longing to be with one of my kind is strong- Although I really

feel

like this can be love i feel for the one i am with now even tho
there

is

great obstacles to be overcome (doubt most would even try to work

around

our situation) but i do have my reasons, but still that other side

of me

says " you will never be normal no matter how hard YOU TRY- NOT WITH

SOMEONE

WHO IS" so as things change and the paranormal becomes normal i am

constantly reminded you have to work to truly accomplished anything

that is

great- I still wonder if I am making the right decisions- no one can

say

either way it is something that remains to be seen - although the

signs

point to me being crazy to try to go about things the way i do.

I really wonder how important it for me to find others or even just

one to

relate to- it constantly pulls at me and makes my attention stray

where it

wouldn't if not for the curious longing to be with another
Satanist.

although I have expressed to him the fact I have never even been

with

another witch much less satanist i don't know if he realizes how
much

eats

at me and i know this note could possible even bring pain if he was

to

read it - his heart at least if he is what he seems can be very
heavy

like

a anvil in the ocean. ..... I don't know if this is the path I am

supposed to be on as far as my place in the "world"- this may be the

first

sign of things changing with the job but I am still so confused when

it

comes to the heart.



I am really not asking anything in particular just needed to let

those

thoughts out....but of course any insight that comes my way from this

group

is very welcome



thank you all so much.









I am very much like you except refuse even a cool job seeing as their are

none really I personally attribute it to a hive mind worship not to

mention I'd be discriminated against . If you want to chat a bit hit me

up. It gets very boring feeling alone in a world full of ignorant sheep.

Also I'm a single guy so if your interested in just talking or whatever

that's fine .

Ave Lvcifer

[/TD]

 

[nfvanaardt]

How do I meet other members where I stay. If their are any other members near Groblersdal Limpopo, South Africa. Please contact me.

 

[hoodedcobra666]

Brother try to stay in safety, because there are many people who are not with Satan and may take step in meeting you, which can be unpleasant. You'll be fine and empower your relation with Satan.

HAIL SATAN!!!!!!!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "nfvanaardt" <nfvanaardt@... wrote:

How do I meet other members where I stay. If their are any other members near Groblersdal Limpopo, South Africa. Please contact me.