Hello everyone!
I wanted to introduce myself, so I wouldn't be a complete lurker. I have begun the Spiritual Warfare Training and I found that reading the messages in this group has helped keep me focused. I have a problem with follow through, something that I have to work on with the Father and Azazel, my GD. I have had to work on self-dicipline to be consistant in the warfare training.
I dedicated myself 7 years ago February. The person who introduced me to Satanism is now my ex-husband. We are still friendly, and have a son together. We both intend to teach our son about Father Satan and the Gods, but we want to wait until he is old enough to understand and know the difference between fact and fiction with Satanism, so he may protect himself from false information. He already has a GD waiting for him. I am preacher's daughter and I always knew there was something not quite right with the xian religion. I experienced so much hypocrisy within the members of my dad's churches and I realized from as early as 8 that "God" must hate more than he loves, especially women. I had a period from about 10-12 years of age where I bought the bullshit and disassociated my real feelings toward xianity even though in the back of my mind I always felt that no one in their right mind would follow this mindset. As I got into my early teens, I began studying alternative religions, leaning heavily toward witchcraft based ones. I considered myself pagan until I was in my late 20's and then started searching again. Paganism just wasn't it. I realised I was still searching for something. I began looking toward Santaria and Voodoo, I loved the heavy ritual of those religions, but I just couldn't get past how Catholic based it was. When I met my ex and he told me he was a dedicated Satanist, it was like a jolt of electricity. I immediately knew I was where I needed to be. I know that the Father put him in my life to bring me to Him. It took only a couple of weeks to make my decision to dedicate myself.
When I did the dedication, I knew there was someone in the room with me. There was a physical presence behind me; the floorboards were creaking the whole time as they do when a person stands there shifting their weight from time to time. I was full of elation and I almost felt high after I was done. I know now that Azazel was the one present with me in the room. I became very close to him quickly and I know I fell in love with him...
Here is where I come to my question. I dedicated myself in 2004, and in 2008 I had to move back home to help my mother, who is disabled. She lives in another state from where I live now and I feel like I lost alot of the psychic ability and sensitivity I had developed prior to 2008, when I moved. I used to be able to feel Demons and know when they were around. I was never able to hear them, but I would receive information through dreams or thoughts. I was beginning to be able to recall past lives of not only my own, but of other people. When I had my son, I had felt slightly closed off, but it was explained to me that my most important job was my son and his protection. However, my psychic abilities continued to grow. I was even beginning to work on learning telekinesis. So I don't know what happened.
The problem is that I feel like my abilities have continued to dwindle. I have never felt this disabled before, even prior to dedicating myself. Has anyone ever experienced something like this before? This is part of what drew me to begin the Warfare training. I am also starting the Chakra meditations tomorrow. I realized that there is blockage that I need to address before I can apply the Warfare training effectively.
Any suggestions or information would be appreciated! Sorry for the long post.
Eugenia
I wanted to introduce myself, so I wouldn't be a complete lurker. I have begun the Spiritual Warfare Training and I found that reading the messages in this group has helped keep me focused. I have a problem with follow through, something that I have to work on with the Father and Azazel, my GD. I have had to work on self-dicipline to be consistant in the warfare training.
I dedicated myself 7 years ago February. The person who introduced me to Satanism is now my ex-husband. We are still friendly, and have a son together. We both intend to teach our son about Father Satan and the Gods, but we want to wait until he is old enough to understand and know the difference between fact and fiction with Satanism, so he may protect himself from false information. He already has a GD waiting for him. I am preacher's daughter and I always knew there was something not quite right with the xian religion. I experienced so much hypocrisy within the members of my dad's churches and I realized from as early as 8 that "God" must hate more than he loves, especially women. I had a period from about 10-12 years of age where I bought the bullshit and disassociated my real feelings toward xianity even though in the back of my mind I always felt that no one in their right mind would follow this mindset. As I got into my early teens, I began studying alternative religions, leaning heavily toward witchcraft based ones. I considered myself pagan until I was in my late 20's and then started searching again. Paganism just wasn't it. I realised I was still searching for something. I began looking toward Santaria and Voodoo, I loved the heavy ritual of those religions, but I just couldn't get past how Catholic based it was. When I met my ex and he told me he was a dedicated Satanist, it was like a jolt of electricity. I immediately knew I was where I needed to be. I know that the Father put him in my life to bring me to Him. It took only a couple of weeks to make my decision to dedicate myself.
When I did the dedication, I knew there was someone in the room with me. There was a physical presence behind me; the floorboards were creaking the whole time as they do when a person stands there shifting their weight from time to time. I was full of elation and I almost felt high after I was done. I know now that Azazel was the one present with me in the room. I became very close to him quickly and I know I fell in love with him...
Here is where I come to my question. I dedicated myself in 2004, and in 2008 I had to move back home to help my mother, who is disabled. She lives in another state from where I live now and I feel like I lost alot of the psychic ability and sensitivity I had developed prior to 2008, when I moved. I used to be able to feel Demons and know when they were around. I was never able to hear them, but I would receive information through dreams or thoughts. I was beginning to be able to recall past lives of not only my own, but of other people. When I had my son, I had felt slightly closed off, but it was explained to me that my most important job was my son and his protection. However, my psychic abilities continued to grow. I was even beginning to work on learning telekinesis. So I don't know what happened.
The problem is that I feel like my abilities have continued to dwindle. I have never felt this disabled before, even prior to dedicating myself. Has anyone ever experienced something like this before? This is part of what drew me to begin the Warfare training. I am also starting the Chakra meditations tomorrow. I realized that there is blockage that I need to address before I can apply the Warfare training effectively.
Any suggestions or information would be appreciated! Sorry for the long post.
Eugenia
