Purification, protection, and emptiness are the three fundamental meditations for every Zevista.
Regarding the experiences, I can tell you my opinion, since I'm practicing them: as soon as I finish, I feel very reflective, and thoughts or feelings that impede my emotional growth and self-esteem often resurface. Purification is essential.
Confront your thoughts and then let them go; you're no longer like that, and you're healing. Always look forward and never dwell on the past; you're no longer that person.
Then, as soon as you have time, dedicate yourself to what you enjoy most: working out, doing yoga, watching a movie, taking care of your skin, applying makeup, doing face masks, taking a walk in nature, or reading a book. Enrich what you love and remember what our HPS Lydia said: "Feel worthy of what you do and what you enjoy."
You'll see results. Don't rush it.
You're talking to someone whose self-esteem was truly at rock bottom, who didn't even believe he deserved to live. Instead, YOU ARE A CHILD OF THE GODS and you deserve to live and progress.
Give things time. I hope you feel better once this is over.