Issues with learning addiction, photographic memory, and maintaining human relationships

[sinbad]

Should ISA be used at this point? Or something else?

Void meditation and pointed-focus has helped narrow my interests down a bit, but the tendency and desire is still there.

But also, in a way, it kinda made things worse. My mind has become even more obsessive, just chanelled a bit more productively at least.

For example, I am interested in coding > ok, so make app > big money > donate to ToZ... there is a pragmatic end goal.

The negative is I have mentally lost all interest in everything besides knowledge/skill acquisition and don't feel like making time for friends/family/relationships/pets and turning into a complete recluse avoidant of biological interactions.

Like I still enjoy interacting with people, but I don't want to get close to anyone because they always start being demanding of my time and become f***ing irritatingly clingy.

I see no value interacting with someone unless I can extract/knowledge from them or form a business partnership, but I seem to be condemned to a life of interacting with midwits or something, which living in the "hood" hasn't helped.

I like to dissappear for 6+ months and do my own thing, so I am starting to wonder if I am just incompatible with the concept of human relationships.

So the main question here is, can I avoid the dodgy effects of celibacy if I just masturbate?

My Mars/Venus are in a position which seems to make it okay to just obsessively focus on the Gods and abandon close relationships, but I want to make sure.

Hitler was apparently celibate for a very long time until he met Eva Braun despite his 7th/Venusian emphasis and he seemed fine, although, I suspect he may have deliberately cultivated that image of himself.

The positive effect of void/pf has been that I've started to regain my photographic memory, but now everything is more traumatic.

Every little bad memory or event becomes unforgettable and difficult to let go. They become visceral and sensory, and the moment repeats itself.

I initially got in the habit of doing void meditation and erasing my thoughts/memories as they enter to deal with the daily bullshit of brain cancer inflicted upon me, but then it got to the point I started to consistently forget thoughts from literally just 5 seconds ago... so clearly that was the wrong strategy as well, of which I have lost huge swaths of knowledge because of how this habit atrophied my memory storage.

Am I just cooked...?

 

[Antireligioso]

If you have used substances, even just psychotropic drugs, on a constant and continuous basis, they can cause brain damage of this type, goldfish memory but also with loss of affectivity and passions... but it is not always due to substances or psychic attacks... it could also be some neurodegenerative disease in which you can no longer remember what you think in a few seconds. There is little to compare with famous historical people, they did not have romantic social relationships because they were full of curses and negative Christian influences. Especially if they are so famous, they were also the most affected by Jewish curses, for example, which are on all Satanists just because they are on the side of Ea. You understand that even average people can become mines, for souls affected by the reptilian enemy. Loneliness is quite normal, because no one can stand up to the level of Satanist meditators. This means that if the adept doesn't protect himself well, disasters can arise with average people. For example, during the Middle Ages, these people were hunted (by the Inquisition and tortured and killed). Even if witches, for example, were isolated on the paths, Catholic monsters would go there to torture and kill. There weren't always warriors to protect these people, or they didn't even arrive in time to protect them; there were no cars.
By this, I meant that you should try to build an aura of protection or meditate more and do the final RTR, or even have a neurological examination if you don't remember less than the goldfish

 

[sinbad]

...

In terms of loneliness, I'm going to focus my attention on befriending the Gods instead, but I will try once more when I go to University.

However, I don't think human connections of this shitty era will satisfy me outside of intelligent Zevist souls, so maybe in another 10 years.

Also yeah, I did probably give myself minor brain damage but I've removed the issue which tanked 95% of my potential.

My brain feels powerful again and my magick also got 10x'd after some shifts. It felt in comparison as if I had never meditated in my life, lol.

And yeah, I am probably heavily cursed, but I can also tell I am protected from it all. So I don't fear anything.

Very often I go outside, some random black tries to pick a fight with me simply for existing. But they get neutered and I can see their aggression dissolve instantly, I don't have to do anything but stand there and wait.

 

[sinbad]

...

But do you think it's necessary to form romantic relationships/friendships?

 

[Wotanwarrior]

I still enjoy interacting with people, but I don't want to get close to anyone because they always start being demanding of my time and become f***ing irritatingly clingy.

Some people are naturally more solitary, and this can be seen in the planetary positions in one's birth chart.

I've always felt the same way; I find it incredibly boring to try to establish deep connections with non-spiritual people and outsiders. For me, a suitable profession would be one that isn't public-facing, where I only have to interact with a few people daily, and I can dedicate the rest of my time to my spiritual development, my work for ToZ, and my private life.
And when you get older, after 40 it's the opposite; you feel even more inclined to focus on your private life and less on socializing.

 

[sinbad]

...

After 40, what changes? Does your relationship to the world differ in some way?

I think being solitary is preferrable, but it's also good to develop the skill to be able to lead/command others and navigate people.

But for me, it's more so I hate this era of humans and their brainlessness and lack of sensitivity to beauty.

If everyone were high IQ spiritualists then socialising and having intellectual discussions would be Heaven on Earth.

 

[Epiphany]

Some people are naturally more solitary, and this can be seen in the planetary positions in one's birth chart.

I've always felt the same way; I find it incredibly boring to try to establish deep connections with non-spiritual people and outsiders. For me, a suitable profession would be one that isn't public-facing, where I only have to interact with a few people daily, and I can dedicate the rest of my time to my spiritual development, my work for ToZ, and my private life.
And when you get older, after 40 it's the opposite; you feel even more inclined to focus on your private life and less on socializing.

After 40, what changes? Does your relationship to the world differ in some way?

I think being solitary is preferrable, but it's also good to develop the skill to be able to lead/command others and navigate people.

But for me, it's more so I hate this era of humans and their brainlessness and lack of sensitivity to beauty.

If everyone were high IQ spiritualists then socialising and having intellectual discussions would be Heaven on Earth.

I can see why people feel this way, but personally, I find alot of satisfaction in getting to know people on a deeper level. You get to see the heart of them. You can experience the same gift of conscience and spirit that you were given through them. It takes effort, it won't be just given to you. People don't feel safe being authentic, and they may not know or remember how, and granted, not everybody is somebody that you want to know, but the sense of loneliness & solitude goes away with meaningful connection. It's a privilege when somebody bears their heart to you.

More people than you think have a desire for meaningful and deep connection. The hard part is breaking through the surface. Sometimes it requires overcoming your own self and setting the ego aside, remembering that you don't know or experience everything and others have their own inner worlds too.

 

[Epiphany]

I can see why people feel this way, but personally, I find alot of satisfaction in getting to know people on a deeper level. You get to see the heart of them. You can experience the same gift of conscience and spirit that you were given through them. It takes effort, it won't be just given to you. People don't feel safe being authentic, and they may not know or remember how, and granted, not everybody is somebody that you want to know, but the sense of loneliness & solitude goes away with meaningful connection. It's a privilege when somebody bears their heart to you.

More people than you think have a desire for meaningful and deep connection. The hard part is breaking through the surface. Sometimes it requires overcoming your own self and setting the ego aside, remembering that you don't know or experience everything and others have their own inner worlds too.

Also, surface level conversation can't be discarded entirely, it's part of being human. It's a low risk and easy way to build and maintain connection. You can't have one without the other, it's a duality.

 

[Antireligioso]

But do you think it's necessary to form romantic relationships/friendships?

It depends on one's soul, it's not always true that one has "need", then if one goes through several past lives it may be that in a last one one isolates oneself more like monks and these people, because they feel bad, in this era many others are toxic for one's neuropsychological balance, for example they are too communist who would like to make everyone the same and make you equal to them

 

[Wotanwarrior]

Also, surface level conversation can't be discarded entirely, it's part of being human. It's a low risk and easy way to build and maintain connection. You can't have one without the other, it's a duality.

Having ability to converse is very important for navigating your environment and, for example, having good relationships with your coworkers or the people around you. What I find boring is trying to establish deep connections with them, especially if I only like to socialize for 3 or 4 hours and dedicate the rest of the day to my own things, while they like to socialize all day and they try to involve you.

 

[sinbad]

...

I'm actually interested in people as well, but "people" nowadays are closer to animals than humans so I prefer to read about Historical figures.

I've spent a lot of time befriending the weirdos, freaks, and trannies of society.

They're all boringly predictable or ugly in comparison to the heroics, bravery, and poetic lives from antiquity.

...

I agree, my social battery is pretty low, and it tanks completely if I have to interact with these people and pretend to be interested.

I'm just going to make it known IDGAF and see what happens.

Maybe it will attract people on my wavelength more easily.

 

[Wotanwarrior]

I agree, my social battery is pretty low, and it tanks completely if I have to interact with these people and pretend to be interested.

Especially when they try to involve me in activities that I don't even like and that don't interest me in the slightest, like going out partying or going to bars.

 

[sinbad]

Especially when they try to involve me in activities that I don't even like and that don't interest me in the slightest, like going out partying or going to bars.

It's such a complete waste of time. I don't see the appeal at all.

 

[Edward Lonsa]

I'm actually interested in people as well, but "people" nowadays are closer to animals than humans so I prefer to read about Historical figures.

I've spent a lot of time befriending the weirdos, freaks, and trannies of society.

They're all boringly predictable or ugly in comparison to the heroics, bravery, and poetic lives from antiquity.


I agree, my social battery is pretty low, and it tanks completely if I have to interact with these people and pretend to be interested.

I'm just going to make it known IDGAF and see what happens.

Maybe it will attract people on my wavelength more easily.

Greetings, Brother!

You always are able to 100% dedicate your life to your art / science if you have a specific nature for this. Example is Galileo. As far as affordable rectification goes, he had 8th house stellium and concentrated on science. Some people are designed for this specifically, their art or science being for them their first and foremost dedication and devotion. I saw such people with prominent Pluto / 8th / Scorpio. Geniuses dedicated to creation / invention. These water houses are very good for whole life affair dedication because they give staying power that is usually needed for such. We do not know house system of a lot of them, such as Da Vinci or Tesla, but we still can see their signs. Tesla had water sign stellium as an apex of T-square which is a story for another book in itself. Those geniuses whose house system I knew and who had prominent water houses, this worked for them partly as an analogue of a T-square in a sense of concentrating all their powers on work.

There also were tragic stories when some of these geniuses strayed from their life mission into the wrong misplaced relationship, which ended up with complete ruin and destruction of untold proportions. Because these souls come here for realization of their gifts in the most, and for them the destruction of their destiny in this ugly way like wasting it on andrapodeas is far wider evil than these andrapodas betraying them in the end (which andrapodas do anyway). Not all people are the same. HP said Tesla was a God. He could not afford wasting time on filth. His time decided the planetary fates.

Just because some lifestyles work for some people does not mean we all are the same and that we need to go force ourselves into unwanted lifestyle with unwanted people just because some people consider it to be a "standard". We have to use our brain that was given to us by Gods.

And yes, for some of us it is much easier to find relative soul in another epoch and to befriend a hero or a genius via white magic and soul linking rather than trying to follow the clown world rules forcing ourselves into unwanted places that fill us with sickness and vomit. Another part of this is that these geniuses might reincarnated and also trying to find a relative soul in the Mordor full of orcs.

There are movies telling about relative souls finding each other first on the astral and then - in reality. We might find our friends in the fairer epochs' legacy - via their books, writings, achievements, that give us purpose - then create soul link via white magic (NOT love spells or egocentric magic! White one: Chakra cleansing and related grand karmic help) and find them in this or other world via this link (white magic like heroic saving the soul cleansing it on many lifetimes' layers creates extremely powerful soul link). You can ask Gods to show you the path to them in dreams or elsewhere (long hard working with dreams or other method is demanded). We also might work with white magic to lead them to ToZ. If followed by success the Pythagorean soul link will be VERY close and powerful even if people never meet.

 

[sinbad]

...

Why do the water houses give staying power and being conducive to such dedication? Is it the receptive/absorbtion factor of water element?

With regards to relationships with andrapoda, I believe it is correct for me to abandon also, except of business/political relations.

Friends, family, relationships of this modern era would all distract from my goals and not even being worth it.

I've learnt the lessons I've needed to about these things, and I am on good terms with the above, but it feels to me a waste of time to continue "watering the plants" beyond the occasional get-together.

But I am worried about the backlash as many have said it can turn you into a pervert?

Personally, I think it lights my soul on fire and energises me to focus obsessively on ONE thing, and I have decided it to be the "umbrella" interests of the Gods.

Otherwise it will go to waste on some andrapoda.

I have tried for 8 years, but none of them are ever worthy beyond surface level amicability - at most I am "tolerant".

They are not all stupid, but usually two-dimensional in their thinking due to lack of integration of the right hemisphere and I've even met those with ~150 IQ who have this problem, it is draining to interact with.

Also is Tesla's time on astroseek not correct? It seems to add up, but Da Vinci's does seem off.

And do you remember where HP said Tesla was a God?

T-square stuff:

Outer planets in 4th at apex of several T-squares will help with work since it is in opposition to 10th? But 4th seems like a place of stagnation or retreat as well, so I guess it depends on native.

I think in Aquarius it is a place of someone to avoid normal human contacts in favour of higher sublimation?

But I am wondering if they will feel fulfilled doing so, because maybe, since 4th rules the emotional state to an extent.

As you say elsewhere it is indicative of one's past soul, so it seems an interesting dynamic integration of one's past talents/abilities too.

Due to past lives I have basically mastered every major subject and skill, but it is now about regaining my abilities.

But because of how "spread thin" I am it is actually difficult since my brain wants to study 20 different topics at once to quickly return to its previous position, but this produces mediocrity if I don't prioritise one at a time.

Which makes it difficult to dedicate myself to one thing let alone all of them if I have to waste time on random interpersonal commitments.

The Gods, old philosophers, artists, poets, and great one's of History are fulfilling enough as companions for me.

My end goal is to funnel everything into civilisation building... can you provide any information on how to properly channel my sexual energy into this goal in a healthy way instead of the disgusting version? I liked the comment you wrote about this on the other thread, if you could expand.

I appreciate your time/effort.

 

[Edward Lonsa]

Greetings!

T-squares with the apex in water houses are omnipotent if the apex is a gravitational point such as stellium or Pluto. Saturn or critical degree would also work but might need extreme karmic purification that for most comes with extreme work. Yes, water is a bottomless ocean of staying power ability and can provide bottomless loyalty and dedication if worked upon. This might be sublimated into deep concentration thus Scorpio's power of concentration. 12h might be a bit harder to use it in every day concentration in the modern sense. This house is mostly for spirituality and its specific type of concentration is that on the unworld. 4th might give non-stop growing expanding amplitude of emotions that goes through lifetimes to eternity, with trauma it can give infinite depth of trauma that pulls the one in, it has an ability of literally infinity of emotional experience of all kinds so if this gets consciously used in black magic it might create personal Tartar for yourself or for others - at the will of the magician. This is where second death might be the only escape. This is why it is called the Nadir - the Bottom. It can eat the soul. 8th is a powerhouse. It is near Serpent Bearer 13th Zodiac sign and represents the powers of the Serpent. 8th can give absolute infinite powers. Hitler's Pluto+Neptune conjunction in 8th demonstrates it in full power and in higher octave. Water houses also might give infinite suffering through which these powers are usually given. If you master your energy of infinite sufferings you might use them as your poison so to say to cause them to others or to heal others from them.

Water is depth. It gives any experience its depth, it gives sufferings their depth through connecting them to emotions. The depth keeps and can pull in. This is a greatest possibility for a staying power. Greatest sufferings might be used for greatest staying power such as lifelong or lifetimes long revenge (for example if yogi remembers his past lives and proceeds to torture a monster he caught in one of them, but with current siddhi he can find it in any corner of the world again). It also might give eternal love commitments with Gods when people keep and reinforce their vows of loyalty from lifetime to lifetime.

As for "andrapodas" not everyone in this world is an andrapoda, HPHC is not, Gods are not. There are sermons about other worlds and other beings, you can have commitments with different beings, but you have to watch your own side. Are YOU loyal to eternity? Did YOU give them yourself pure after many lifetimes of humblest and hardest work for them? Did YOU earn their hand like a hero should have done? These are the questions I always ask myself.