Hello and Good Evening

[trevorbruttenholm]

Newbie here. For the past few days I've been pouring over the extensive info found on the JoS website, and I have to say, most of it makes an awful lot of sense. I am a young man, still a student, and I have been without faith for some time. The theological conflict between that of blissful ignorance brought from empty hope and that of absolute philosophy, (which has no room for faith), has done nothing for me but burden my soul with unwanted angst and depression. But now, for the first time in what seems like a very long time, I can feel the crackling energy of love flowing through me. I have yet to make the actual commitment, but I have an earnest feeling that this is the proper path for me.

There is but one problem, and that is doubt. It is the one thing that has the power to destroy everything, and my staunch, critical methodologies always left room for doubt. Nothing was right and everything was wrong. There was no answer and humanity was forever lost in its own worthless self-pity. I felt no love for myself, my family, and certainly not for the human race. Because anything has the possibility to be wrong, that there is always a simple, mundane explanation behind exciting phenomena, I keep having doubts over the sensations I've been experiencing and my unusual enlightened mood. How do I know that I'm not undergoing self-hypnosis; that my sub-contious desire to be loved and to understand a very confusing world isn't forcing my brain to produce its own fabricated reality.

A part of me is desperately telling me to just give in and let it take over, that my life will finally gain the direction and focus it so desperately needs, but the analytical half of my brain remains supreme, filling me the all powerful and all consuming doubt.

 

[HenryH]

Yes Satanism just makes way too much sense. You could pour over all of the JOS material and thats great and all, but you have to grasp at the truth with the immediate certainty of intuition. This is only possible with Power meditation. Then you will *FEEL* the truth flowing through you instead of just analyzing it. How would you be able to doubt after that?

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "trevorbruttenholm" <trevorbruttenholm@... wrote:

Newbie here. For the past few days I've been pouring over the extensive info found on the JoS website, and I have to say, most of it makes an awful lot of sense. I am a young man, still a student, and I have been without faith for some time. The theological conflict between that of blissful ignorance brought from empty hope and that of absolute philosophy, (which has no room for faith), has done nothing for me but burden my soul with unwanted angst and depression. But now, for the first time in what seems like a very long time, I can feel the crackling energy of love flowing through me. I have yet to make the actual commitment, but I have an earnest feeling that this is the proper path for me.

There is but one problem, and that is doubt. It is the one thing that has the power to destroy everything, and my staunch, critical methodologies always left room for doubt. Nothing was right and everything was wrong. There was no answer and humanity was forever lost in its own worthless self-pity. I felt no love for myself, my family, and certainly not for the human race. Because anything has the possibility to be wrong, that there is always a simple, mundane explanation behind exciting phenomena, I keep having doubts over the sensations I've been experiencing and my unusual enlightened mood. How do I know that I'm not undergoing self-hypnosis; that my sub-contious desire to be loved and to understand a very confusing world isn't forcing my brain to produce its own fabricated reality.

A part of me is desperately telling me to just give in and let it take over, that my life will finally gain the direction and focus it so desperately needs, but the analytical half of my brain remains supreme, filling me the all powerful and all consuming doubt.

 

[trevorbruttenholm]

What makes this different and exciting to me is that my commitment ritual will not be done before a congregation of my peers, much like my baptism at the age of 16, but by myself, (except for the loving presence of Satan), and by my own choice. I feel a greater presence from Satan than I ever did of Jehovah, and a greater warmth of love. When I read about him and the other gods, I feel more enlightened than any of the dribble from the bible.

A person of great animosity, who is the source of much of my anguish, confronted me this evening for no apparent reason. He left me in an emotional state of pain that I am all too familiar with. I am tired of what he does to me, and I no longer wish to avoid him. I feel the time is right to finally take the necessary step forward. I have been practicing my breathing, and I will make an effort bring power mediation into my daily actions.

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "HenryH" <astralnaut888@... wrote:

Yes Satanism just makes way too much sense. You could pour over all of the JOS material and thats great and all, but you have to grasp at the truth with the immediate certainty of intuition. This is only possible with Power meditation. Then you will *FEEL* the truth flowing through you instead of just analyzing it. How would you be able to doubt after that?

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "trevorbruttenholm" <trevorbruttenholm@ wrote:

Newbie here. For the past few days I've been pouring over the extensive info found on the JoS website, and I have to say, most of it makes an awful lot of sense. I am a young man, still a student, and I have been without faith for some time. The theological conflict between that of blissful ignorance brought from empty hope and that of absolute philosophy, (which has no room for faith), has done nothing for me but burden my soul with unwanted angst and depression. But now, for the first time in what seems like a very long time, I can feel the crackling energy of love flowing through me. I have yet to make the actual commitment, but I have an earnest feeling that this is the proper path for me.

There is but one problem, and that is doubt. It is the one thing that has the power to destroy everything, and my staunch, critical methodologies always left room for doubt. Nothing was right and everything was wrong. There was no answer and humanity was forever lost in its own worthless self-pity. I felt no love for myself, my family, and certainly not for the human race. Because anything has the possibility to be wrong, that there is always a simple, mundane explanation behind exciting phenomena, I keep having doubts over the sensations I've been experiencing and my unusual enlightened mood. How do I know that I'm not undergoing self-hypnosis; that my sub-contious desire to be loved and to understand a very confusing world isn't forcing my brain to produce its own fabricated reality.

A part of me is desperately telling me to just give in and let it take over, that my life will finally gain the direction and focus it so desperately needs, but the analytical half of my brain remains supreme, filling me the all powerful and all consuming doubt.

 

[dburnam1990]

trevor, i know exactly what you mean. In school my best classes were in science and history, and as a result I was always analyzing everything that i was taught. This is what led me to find the lies behind christianity. Recently I was at a low point in my life and ironically I stumbled onto the JoS website. I read the entire site, along with the sites of the other clergy members and started to "connect the dots" so to speak.
Anyways, after studying so much I was committed to performing the dedication ritual. I had some trouble getting the materials as I was layed-off at the time, and after a couple days that all threatening doubt started to creep in. But I continued studying and fought it off. Then one morning, before the sun had risen, I lay in bed thinking about what I had learned when I was visited by Satan. He cast all doubts out of my mind and even blessed me with a gift. It was desire, a literal, burning desire. This was new to me since I had been just drifting through life. I didn't have any long term goals or ambition. Now I had a purpose. I'm sure many know of the havoc this can have on you.
So I was more sure of myself than ever, and since I still didn't have any candles I had to make my own from the leftovers of a previous one. It still makes me chuckle, the sight of that ugly little thing. I was sure it would barely have enough time to burn my prayer. However, that small, pathetic little thing burned bright and long. Much more than it should have by all means, and as I watched it burn gloriously, I felt complete. The very next day I got a call from a job that was wanting to hire me ( with good pay, might I add).
If I seem like I'm rambling I apologize. I just felt it was necessary to help someone through the doubts, as even High Preistess Maxine states on the JoS website, that will be there.

HAIL SATAN!!!

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "trevorbruttenholm" <trevorbruttenholm@... wrote:

What makes this different and exciting to me is that my commitment ritual will not be done before a congregation of my peers, much like my baptism at the age of 16, but by myself, (except for the loving presence of Satan), and by my own choice. I feel a greater presence from Satan than I ever did of Jehovah, and a greater warmth of love. When I read about him and the other gods, I feel more enlightened than any of the dribble from the bible.

A person of great animosity, who is the source of much of my anguish, confronted me this evening for no apparent reason. He left me in an emotional state of pain that I am all too familiar with. I am tired of what he does to me, and I no longer wish to avoid him. I feel the time is right to finally take the necessary step forward. I have been practicing my breathing, and I will make an effort bring power mediation into my daily actions.


--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "HenryH" <astralnaut888@ wrote:

Yes Satanism just makes way too much sense. You could pour over all of the JOS material and thats great and all, but you have to grasp at the truth with the immediate certainty of intuition. This is only possible with Power meditation. Then you will *FEEL* the truth flowing through you instead of just analyzing it. How would you be able to doubt after that?

--- In [url=mailto:[email protected]][email protected][/url], "trevorbruttenholm" <trevorbruttenholm@ wrote:

Newbie here. For the past few days I've been pouring over the extensive info found on the JoS website, and I have to say, most of it makes an awful lot of sense. I am a young man, still a student, and I have been without faith for some time. The theological conflict between that of blissful ignorance brought from empty hope and that of absolute philosophy, (which has no room for faith), has done nothing for me but burden my soul with unwanted angst and depression. But now, for the first time in what seems like a very long time, I can feel the crackling energy of love flowing through me. I have yet to make the actual commitment, but I have an earnest feeling that this is the proper path for me.

There is but one problem, and that is doubt. It is the one thing that has the power to destroy everything, and my staunch, critical methodologies always left room for doubt. Nothing was right and everything was wrong. There was no answer and humanity was forever lost in its own worthless self-pity. I felt no love for myself, my family, and certainly not for the human race. Because anything has the possibility to be wrong, that there is always a simple, mundane explanation behind exciting phenomena, I keep having doubts over the sensations I've been experiencing and my unusual enlightened mood. How do I know that I'm not undergoing self-hypnosis; that my sub-contious desire to be loved and to understand a very confusing world isn't forcing my brain to produce its own fabricated reality.

A part of me is desperately telling me to just give in and let it take over, that my life will finally gain the direction and focus it so desperately needs, but the analytical half of my brain remains supreme, filling me the all powerful and all consuming doubt.