I'm sorry for the length of this, but please read it through. I seriously need some answers.
Hi, everyone! Firstly, I wanna apologize. I don't often get to post here anymore because of work, so I'm sorry for not contributing a whole lot. There's that and I don't have WiFi at home. I literally have to go to restaurants and stuff to get WiFi from my phone, and I just today figured out how to post from my phone. But I've been following along with the groups best I can.
Now, onto my questions. For awhile, I was in not the best if relationships and I got depressed. Nightshift was also extremely exhausting for me. But I was stupid enough to stop meditating, so I missed some days, and for awhile I was on again and off again with meditation and yoga. My momentum had been screwed up now, no doubt, but I've been slowly building back to what I used to do. So far, I'm doing meditation and hatha yoga during the day, and I'm working on implementing the night meditation and kundalini yoga back into my regular schedule. I'm trying not to do it all at once because I tried that before and it took a lot out of me, so I'm slowly but surely rebuilding my momentum. My question is, is it bad that instead of restarting the 40 day program I picked up where I used to be with breathing exercises, yoga, meditation, etc? Is that damaging for my soul? It doesn't seem like it's harmful so far; my energy buzzes are getting stronger and stronger by the day like they used to. But I just need confirmation that I'm not doing something harmful.
As for my second question, when I left that bad relationship, I got with another person. That person was the first person I ever had sex with, but as we were doing it I recognized the feeling of being inside someone. It physically felt so familiar, and almost immediately after I realized this, I thought of my "mother". I don't know how to explain it, but I felt dirty and had a feeling that she had sex with me. I put mother in quotes because she was very abusive and not a mother at all to me. But still, I don't remember anything like that. I have no clear memories of childhood rape. I remember emotional and physical abuse from her and my "father", and sexual abuse from his girlfriend, but I don't have any explicit memories of being raped.. Is there any meditation I can do to see the past? I want to know if this is real or not. I feel like I'm crazy sometimes. I say to myself, "there's no way even she wouldve done that", but then I have doubts, and then if I try to say "maybe she did do it", I second guess myself and I think "or maybe you're crazy and you imagined it all". I'm so sick of not knowing. Could vibrating Wunjo help with this, or is there a more effective way of verifying whether these memories are real or false?
