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Finding it hard

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I feel like I truly realise that If i can just be me (my true self) I won’t help anyone. I know it’s dark but I feel two urgres to help people and to not really care which is my natural state in a sense. I’ve turn into a full fledged pussy. I don’t know exactly how to accept myself fully and I really want to fully. Im very confused and don’t enjoy life to it’s fullest but I still do get moments of happiness looking at nature the sky etc. but I honestly fell I have two ends of the spectrum im what you would call evil and good. How do I come to terms with this? I feel a deep urge to fully convert to satanism. I just don’t know how. I feel Satan in my life sometimes (I think and it feels so natural) but there’s a thought in my head that it’s all a trick. And I know logically that it’s not. But the stupid belief my mind can’t seem to detach from this christiany bullshit. I know it’s wrong. But I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head. Please I’ve read exposing Christianity but could someone give me more convincing. I want my freedom of thought I want to feel hate again. I want to have fun. I want to come into my inner self and child that I’ve shucked away for so long due to unnecessary guilt. I need it back. I need to be human in all it’s glory. Hate desire bliss personality freely loving but my own choice all sorts of wonderful freedoms. Freedom from guilt freedom sexually without disgust in the simplest human expression. Bacsically coming into my truest and honest self. That is our cultures worst nightmare. Could someone please give me reassurance. That I know completely and totally for sure that Christianity is a hoax. Set me fully free. Thank you
 
Exposing Kabbalah

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Read this too.
Hail Satan!
On Wednesday, July 11, 2018, 4:53:47 p.m. EDT, 8dimention@... [JoyofSatan666] <[email protected] wrote:

  I feel like I truly realise that If i can just be me (my true self) I won’t help anyone. I know it’s dark but I feel two urgres to help people and to not really care which is my natural state in a sense. I’ve turn into a full fledged pussy. I don’t know exactly how to accept myself fully and I really want to fully. Im very confused and don’t enjoy life to it’s fullest but I still do get moments of happiness looking at nature the sky etc. but I honestly fell I have two ends of the spectrum im what you would call evil and good. How do I come to terms with this? I feel a deep urge to fully convert to satanism. I just don’t know how. I feel Satan in my life sometimes (I think and it feels so natural) but there’s a thought in my head that it’s all a trick. And I know logically that it’s not. But the stupid belief my mind can’t seem to detach from this christiany bullshit. I know it’s wrong. But I can’t seem to get the idea out of my head. Please I’ve read exposing Christianity but could someone give me more convincing. I want my freedom of thought I want to feel hate again. I want to have fun. I want to come into my inner self and child that I’ve shucked away for so long due to unnecessary guilt. I need it back. I need to be human in all it’s glory. Hate desire bliss personality freely loving but my own choice all sorts of wonderful freedoms. Freedom from guilt freedom sexually without disgust in the simplest human expression. Bacsically coming into my truest and honest self. That is our cultures worst nightmare. Could someone please give me reassurance. That I know completely and totally for sure that Christianity is a hoax. Set me fully free. Thank you
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Shaitan

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