xxdarkbeautyxx
New member
- Joined
- Jan 29, 2007
- Messages
- 33
It is possible that a soul can be inverted? The soul needs light to empower itself, and this light is healthy and positive. But in my case when I work with white or White-gold energy it just feels off and kinda negative sometimes, a couple of times I felt sick. I have been performing meditation programs for almost 8 months yet I still can't even see or feel auras. I have been told that, that isn't long enough but the more I try to empower myself the further I seem to get from that goal. Also I noticed instead of the white energy bringing me good luck, I have worst luck the more I use it. Lately my luck has been horrible. White energy seems destructive for me.
I am the person that just wrote is it possible to empower yourself through Darkness in the posts.
I have noticed the more I use white or white-gold energy the more I seem to crave Black energy. Originally I wanted power to help my life get better, but that changed I started wanting to become a god then I decided to become a god of darkness and death. Even before I became a Spiritual Satanist I had wanted to become one with darkness itself. To quech my thurst for black energy I tried invoking it. I did it quite a few times and when I did it felt good and positive kinda. Also I started performing the aura of protection meditation with black energy and it also felt poistive. I soon stopped though because everyone said black is a negative energy to use. I stopped about 4 months ago. I heard that a soul that craves blackness is dangerous to have and needs a lot of light even more than others, but I can't stand using light energy. Is there any way at all to empower myself through Darkness and or black energy, my soul just won't accept it and I never liked white-gold energy to begin with. It is also hard to visulize.
I don't like speaking of this but, I am a Male that wishes I was born a Female. I am straight but I have etremely strong emotions towards being a girl. I often feel that I have a Female Soul. I have almost commited suicide a couple of times before and even prayed for Father to kill me. Even when I play a simple video game I can't help but pick a female. I have also had feelings that women were superoir to men in every aspect (not lately though). When ever I day dream I am always a female character, off of a anime show i've seen. I have always thought something was terribly wrong. I actually getting ready to cry about it rite now. These feelings have always brought uncontrolable pain for me through the years. Wanting to be a girl has been complete misery for me. I can't stand this gender problem. I feel like one day I'll break down because of it.
So I guess my main point is Everything about me seems backwards or inverted. The above have been major problems for me for ages I am out of ideas and my emotions are going to go crazy. I desepratly need help if anyone can. Please and Thank you.
I am the person that just wrote is it possible to empower yourself through Darkness in the posts.
I have noticed the more I use white or white-gold energy the more I seem to crave Black energy. Originally I wanted power to help my life get better, but that changed I started wanting to become a god then I decided to become a god of darkness and death. Even before I became a Spiritual Satanist I had wanted to become one with darkness itself. To quech my thurst for black energy I tried invoking it. I did it quite a few times and when I did it felt good and positive kinda. Also I started performing the aura of protection meditation with black energy and it also felt poistive. I soon stopped though because everyone said black is a negative energy to use. I stopped about 4 months ago. I heard that a soul that craves blackness is dangerous to have and needs a lot of light even more than others, but I can't stand using light energy. Is there any way at all to empower myself through Darkness and or black energy, my soul just won't accept it and I never liked white-gold energy to begin with. It is also hard to visulize.
I don't like speaking of this but, I am a Male that wishes I was born a Female. I am straight but I have etremely strong emotions towards being a girl. I often feel that I have a Female Soul. I have almost commited suicide a couple of times before and even prayed for Father to kill me. Even when I play a simple video game I can't help but pick a female. I have also had feelings that women were superoir to men in every aspect (not lately though). When ever I day dream I am always a female character, off of a anime show i've seen. I have always thought something was terribly wrong. I actually getting ready to cry about it rite now. These feelings have always brought uncontrolable pain for me through the years. Wanting to be a girl has been complete misery for me. I can't stand this gender problem. I feel like one day I'll break down because of it.
So I guess my main point is Everything about me seems backwards or inverted. The above have been major problems for me for ages I am out of ideas and my emotions are going to go crazy. I desepratly need help if anyone can. Please and Thank you.
