Health #78123 I destroyed myself

[AskSatanOperator]

I have been a dedicated (!) Zevist for about 5 years. Until about a year ago, everything was normal.

Despite the negative, destructive events I had experienced in my life, I was able to stand strong owing to the mental toughness, resilience, and wisdom that spiritual practices and Zevism provided me. I did not allow anything to stop me or weaken me.

However, over the past year, due to a series of extremely exhausting negative events and the pressure from my environment, I have had a systematic decline. Now I am in a very bad state, I have returned to the darkness and sickness I managed to escape through years of effort and determination.

Thoughts are tormenting my mind. The ability to control my mind, which I once had, has weakened. I feel disconnected from myself and experiencing dissociation. I struggle to understand who I am, I feel like I've disappeared and can't feel my own existence, making it almost impossible to move forward. Even moving a finger to fix this situation feels meaningless and unnecessary to my mind, and I can't find the energy or motivation to do so. Everything feels over, and I feel like my mind given up on everything. I am kind of aware of what I need to do to fix this, but I'm unable to do anything because of these issues.

I think I am to blame for this. I didn't put myself out there enough. I was satisfied with my progress and didn't have the courage to work for more. I am a coward. I didn't take this serious path seriously enough. I did not make an effort to learn and be more. I am ignorant and stupid. I betrayed myself. I betrayed the Gods. I deserve this.

Not being able to feel my own existence, feeling disconnected from myself, feeling like my personality has vanished is just terrifying. I want to cry but I can’t. When I breathe, I can’t feel the air I’m taking in. The only thing I feel is the stiffness and numbness in my chest. I’m completely empty. I also had difficulty writing all this because of incredible levels of distraction and disconnection.

Please understand me. I'm in need of your help.

 

[Anemos Aiteros]

You are a Zevist, so there is nothing wrong inside you.

You can do emotional workings: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/...body-for-men-too-don’t-disregard-this.292496/ and https://ancient-forums.com/threads/self-love-meditation.301583/

You can also do the introspective meditation: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/introspective-meditation-increasing-conscious-awareness.63176/

If you didn't, join here: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/vultus-templorum-outreach-and-temple-live-rituals.301975/

 

[Antireligioso]

this can be caused by several factors - energy vampirisms then other living things pulling energy from what you're made of i.e. energy/your consciousness - so then you feel bad and emptied.. after emptying psychic aliens do the rest - until one feels really bad... they don't catch one.. but human - he used to practice a dark psychic technique for me to pass on his urge to commit suicide...when my mind noticed I bounced off his psychic technique, and I was happy for a minute.. try visualizing yourself in a sphere - this after a while, psychically protects, the more you visualize yourself the stronger it becomes, alternatively just run and do muscle workouts, until your soul bounces off all the attacks..

 

[Karnonnos [TG]]

Please explain what the negative events and pressures were. Every solution must relate to a cause.

 

[OttoHart]

Well, can't change the past, all we can do is try to get back to improving.

As TG Karnonnos said, give us more details and bullet points of what problems you are facing.

Make a Forum account, get back on track with a meditation routine, join our chat platform, and we'll see what actions need to be taken.

 

[Meow!]

first off thank you for reaching out. it sounds like things are hard but you realized that you needed help and reached out which is a big first step. Now with what the others have said reach out to the gods if only just to feel their warmth. look thru the god rituals and pick one to do. after that ritual ask that god/ess for help or even just a sign on what to do and be open. You can get thru this and back on the path.


Hail Father Zeus

 

[Astrid]

We are here to help, this service is anonymous so feel free to share the details of what you are going through for better assistance. You are not alone! Many members have been at very low and weak points in life and have come out on top, so do not blame yourself or feel it is impossible. With the Gods any and all miracles are possible
Praying to your Guardian Daemon can be a good first step, our Gods are always with us, always listening and love us all as their children.
As member Meow! has said, you have already done a major step to reach out so you have not given up on yourself. When you get time, sit in the Sun and breathe in the energy and know it is helping you heal, you deserve to heal, then come back to us for assistance! You will be okay!