Nah, I long lost hope even for a close friend, not even for a partner. Hoping is just make it hurt more. But still, in fact, it hurts

I dont enjoy the journey. I do it, because I must in order to achive my goals. Because I must advance. There is no joy in it, nor anything really, that I find joyous, except a very bad habit I try to get rid of. Noone enjoys climbing the mountian, or running a marathon, only the succes at the end.

To be honest, its been five years now since I try and fail to quit porn. And whenever, no matter how long I quit it, my life becomes significantly worse. It does not feel like quitting a bad habit, it feels like cutting out my lst source of joy from life, and torturing myself for nothing! And it...

Im more of an overachiaver. 10 Sannisvara, 10 Baumaya, 10 Surya... every day. Even this is very few compared what I could do a few years ago, when 108 repeat for each was just the first of my routine. And even into the accessory chakras. I could try the one chakra a day method, just hard to...

I just have in mind that I must hurry, and advance as fast as possible. Sure, Im in my 20s yet, and have around 50 more years, or 70 at best, but who knows if its enough time for me.

Quick note, after a month of grayness and a very depressive and gray month, I had my first big fallback. Yep, Im not proud of myself, but this is the first time for long when I finally feel relaxed and happy, and not constantly feeling that what I do is not enough. Damn. Guess its back to...

Apostoles from Berserk are the most disgusting creatures who sacrificed their loved ones to jewish 'angels' in exchange of a lovecraftian horror body🤦

And quick refreshing, they didnt choosed me to that shit. Which is good, since I would have decline it anyway, but now how the fuck will I earn money...

Greetings! So, I have one big part of my mentality, which was a great fuel in the past but slowly turned against me, and I just dont know how to change it anymore. I want to do everything. Endlessly evolve, endlessly train, every, single, fucking day. It was good way back to stick to routine...

Greetings! I bought this piece of wood a week ago to make pyrography into it, but Im stuck. I just cant figure out what would look the best into it. Tought makeing the weightening the hearth scene from papyrus of any, a scane from illiad, the portrait of Apollon and Astarte in the two sides...

INteresting, for some reason I was obsessed with tongue splitting in the past for some reason...

Exactly that😁 https://ancient-forums.com/threads/i-quitted-porn-and-life-feels-gray-now.303698/

Greetings! (Mostly best would be for myself to wait a few days to digest it a bit more, but you might know, Im really impatient). So, I spent a lot of time reflecting myself, questioning what part of me is really me and what is just something external factor, or just something I tell myself to...

I tried out five different kundalini yoga so far, and most of had very intense benfeits, just hard to choose wich one to stick for

So... I looked up the sympthoms, and I was overly skeptical, since I feel like it would just make every unique or great man just sick in some way or another, and now they arent geniuses just some sick weirdos. Well sadly some list are true for me, I learned to read on my on very early, had and...

Sad thing is, I would lilely start at 300k huf for a few years, or may 500k huf which is just slavery. I will very likely decline it

I already sacrificed a big portion of my health just to get the damn college degree(that stress caused diabetes), I wouldnt do it again. Bad thing is, I cant really imagine any job that doesnt sucks away your time, energy and helath for money.

Greetings! Recently I got the chance for a pretty good paying job. I was all hopeful until I looked how exactly it goes. I speanded a day there, and in summery, 12 hours a day I would sit in a mobile office with loud beeping noise and staring monitors in lamp light. It very much have a negative...

This was not meant specially to me, but definitly weights a lot to me. Just hard to imagine there is someone out there for whom I would be her type. Im pretty sure there are a lot of us who feels the same. But hey, I have three more decades to have a children then😅

Yep, I know that feeling. Having not the best genetics, not the best health. But listen, everything can be cured with enough time, it might take several lifetimes but it worths it. And even with not perfect race and illnesses, raising a Zevist child would worth it.

If its porn, heres how I did it: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/i-quitted-porn-and-life-feels-gray-now.303698/ Also note that healing the emotional body might be crucial for it.

So, its been three weeks, and havent watched porn since, and not feel the slightest missing of it. This book was truly a treasure, thank you. Specially the metafore that watching porn is like drinking bleach. Of course, life isnt good just because of it(I ranted out in the past days, sorry for...

Yes, yes youre right High Priestess, thank you. I just lost hope for a while. Ill find a TCM doctor. Sadly comfronting my endokrin doctors always withers away the hope I had, but I got some back now.

Im even decided to ending this existence once my cpeptid get to zero. Feels no point of trying after it

I dedicated a decade ago, I just havent joined before I learned english, but Im certain its not my first life. I was only diagnosed and worked on healing it two years ago. And Im not sure, truly. Even the best diet is for increasing insulin resistence, not beta cells. And I have damned type one...

I just tought Im already strong enough to do it. The cruel realisation is that Im nowhere near where I hoped...😓 And I swear, I truly did everything I could

Your words are kind for me, but Im out of ideas how possibly could I do that. For me, heroic act would have been curing type one diabetes, which is impossible and I failed. Everything else feels like stoicly embracing the loss.

Greetings! I got myself a really gorgeous, blueish colored labradorite necklance, but it wasnt a good moonphase to program it. Now it soon be, can you give me ideas to it? Programming it to help me focus on my goals was in my mind, but I dont see my goal clearly enough for that yet Thanks😅

Beautifulnsermon High Priest, and really in the time I needed to hear it. Makes me think other members needed to hear it just as much. Reminds me to that Confucios quote 'We have two lives, and the second begins when we realize we only have one.' And how true is it. If something happens in life...

For magestein, no second chance or redemtion. Tartaros, or if he was truly jew(undecided), total annihilation, which awaits all that sick race. For you, dont be too harsh to yourself. I highly doubt you would do that much harm with clear porpuse. The Gods not just 'forgive' in that term, rather...

I know, Im working on letting go my old self. Honestly, I just hoped I would (literally)magically cure it in a few months or years and it will be like getting better from cold. Thus, I saw it as a failure. That was my reason for selfpity and selfhatred. I work on letting that self of me die in...

I know, I know, sorry... but, heres my problem. If I just accept it, that means I just keep it in control as much as I can, but dont try to cure diabetes. If I fight against it and try to do the impossible and heal it, fix myself, then I wont accepted it.

I recommend some Nietzsche. Mind and body are equally important, thats why we also must strengthen our body. Xianty was heavily against the physical body, so they produced the skeleton like frail abominations of humans and called them saints. Disgusting.

I know, but its much easier said than done. You have any idea how devastating it is, that no matter what I try, my bloodsugar just goes up and I feel powerless to fix it? Something every single other human can do without chemicals? There are literal days when I spend every living hour trying to...

Wow, increadible how much you can write without actually saying anything or answering a question even the slightest. Please, if you dont know the answer dont answer it, its just insanely annoying, and I have more than enough problems.

Obviously I talk about the fucking type one diabetes I have. And its not nearly my first life.

Can someone, whith serious physical disability still achive it? Even if he couldnt heal his disability?

I highly doubt China would share it with the world, even more that I ever will have the chance of recieving it. Still, I feel like it would be late, the amount of self hatred and failures this shit caused me left nothing of me. I feel like I died there, just still moving

I wont desire it. It these conditions, I wont even desire my own company, my own existence. What legacy I could leave!? Nothing. Ill just be forgotten, a fool, who thinked himself somthing strongband failed miserably. Maybe the only good thing I can do is tonnot make kids and not spread such a...

I literally have all these checked, tremendous daily yoga, meditation, diet, exercise, and even the Succubi. Yet still Im here sadly

The only reason I could think of, I once cursed adam. He was an idiot, he called himself a Satanist, but shared jewish practices, thinked that he fully raised kundalini in a month, and he have 'snake poison' from it, and other delusional shit. He havent even done the dedication ritual properly...

Just saying, I could also help the statistic with destroying all ten childrens of all the abduls and muhammads, even more than what I could by making even 20 childrens

All well and good, until it wont work anymore, until despite all my work, efforts and sacrifice, my condition gets worse still. It feels like I try to regrow a lost limb, no matter how much I want and try, it wont happen. Im not a god, and no human can do this.

Im happy to use the ancient greek names. In Illiad they spoke to Apollo so high, so divine way, and to all the Gods, you can feel the power radiating from it. Just have to get to used to it

Greetings! So... sorry for writing this, it will be raw, long, sometikes evil and bitter, and mostly just ranting. I try to write down my problem as precise as I can. I try to stay away from self hatred, but its not the easiest. Still, I trusth some can provide me an answer, that can hold even...

Gladly, thank you Guardian!

Are we still supposed to use the 'newer' names of the Gods(Azazel, Astarte), or only the old pagan names(Apollo, Innana) from now?

That was extremly useful to read, Im greatful for it. Its definitly better now. Give me a few weeks and Ill be on my best version mentally

Definitly a good idea, but have to warn you, during it its nothing. Not bad, but all feels uninteresting and futile, which isnt much better than just bad feeling. And I found no tips at all anywhere, how to make it significantly shorther or easier sadly

There arent. The things that makes me better, stronger, more useful are hard and not enjoyable to do. The things that feels good are waste of time or even harmful. but these times nothing feels good. Like, I finally mastered pigeon pose, nothing. Got the degree from geology. Nothing. I might got...

I have a lot of hobby, create and learn a lot, and exercise and do yoga beyond my limit. None brings me joy. Just another thing I must practice daily, else I would waste all what I achived so far and what talent I have already for them.

Thanks, Ill read it

Problem is, over a decade porn heavily infuenced my imagination, and every time I tried I just fell back to porn

Greetings! So, after whats like 10+ years, I finally blocked all porn in all of my device, and it feels pretty miserable to be honest. Tried nofap for a while(Im past four weeks now), it went without any major problem, but this... I know, dopamine reset and all, but life feels so boring and gray...

Lot of meat, lot of eggs, and black tea with mct, thats my usual daily menu for a while now

So some news, I started keto diet in early august, without bolus inzulin and a tremendous healing work that will last at least two years. Things went well, bg was stable around 6-8 mmol/l, I was happy... now september, bg is a fucking chaos, I cant understand how, it swings 2-14 every fucking...

I know, problem is, this working on myself was the whole time on university, dealing with others, responsibilities, etc. Yes, I grew, but in the same time it quite literally broke me(thanks to the stress, I have type one diabetes😩). Its mostly the reason why I terrified of getting back and...

Greetings! I recently finally gratuated, and got a degree. Problem is, university succesfully destroyed all of my motivation to study the subject more, and now Im here with a degree that feels like wasted years, and almost literally no job. The facultacies mostly closed and run out of money, the...

Well, you belive me or not, this did a trick in me. I didnt jumped to carnivore diet just yet but a low carb keto-type diet, in two days I barely ate carbs or had insulin and I already feel better, not to mention my results! My bloodsugar is good, really good! And of course mentally, just the...

If it would be parasite related, I would be way more hungry and slim than already, not to mention that parasites would be visible in the waste. No, its just the fact that its strictly given when and how much I have to eat, and sometimes I mess up the balance of it(like eating something sweet but...

And I stopped selfpity

Fair point. Not to mention the countless gypsies who have ten or nine braindead offsprings. Ill work on it, even started the self hypnosis today

HPS Lydia's emotional body healing, around 140 days in two part. It did helped a lot. For the physical part I mainly used Sun squares, Uruz working and Mars and Jupiter squares when my vitality got weaker. And not so suprisingly, like last time, Saturn made an ugly transit on me, but I think I...

I do that, but after two years I barely made any progress, and nothing important change medically, which really broke down my motivation

Thank you. I will give it a try

I did, and did something similar when I had the last burnout, around january. Still, I always feel the cruel tought, that if I would be healthy, I would advance a lot easier or faster

Some genetical disises(like diabetes) skips one generation, goes down from grandparents to grandchilds

Its because I lost most of my hope, and its barely about kids. Im not even sure my existence like this worth continueing. Truth is, I, with all of my heart and all droos of my blood, do not desire to live as a diabetic. But so far, any and all healing works dont seem to help a lot

Just to be clear, I really doubting I made the right choice back then, when I choosed life. I might would be reborned already in a non diabetic body, and would not feel this horrible. But guess thats it, I had a choice then, and I dont have it anymore.

That same duality makes it difficult for me also

*couldnt really slow it down. Beta cells dies out like it would to any lowly anthropoda

I know, but thats the type two diabetes. Reversing a type one diabetes like mine would be equivalent of growing back an amputated arm, and so far the tremendous amount of healing works I did could really slow it down. To be honest, my motivation and vitality, that 'saying yes to life even in...

Type one(mine) is known as genetrational, type two isnt, and it usually skips one generation. If your parents have type one diabetes, its very likely your child will have it

Ideal would be if humanity would be on a level to cure any and all disises, but we are not. Having diabetes is a lot worse, and thinking of living with it... you would need a very strong goal in life and something to not feel like your body is broken. Every single living organism is capable of...

The quality of humanity is horrible,makes it difficult to socialise. I remember I was forced to it all my childhood and it was absolutly horrible. Though it would be better if they would seek solace in nature on in books, art, or any other healthier way

Greeting I not long ago had another rock bottom regarding of diabetes, lucky for me, it only lasted a few weeks instead of months, but it left me with a cruel idea that maybe not everyone should have children, and maybe I shouldnt have one either. Im nowhere for that of course, but still, at...

I dont have insulin resistency, I literally dont have enough beta cells to produce enough insulin to keep me alive

Thanks, but... honestly, despite my best efforts, I still see myself as something lesser, because of diabetes. Since every other human can produce insulin, but I. Because in nature, I would have been dead already

Yours is type 2 diabetes, if I right. Type 2 is reversable, yet mine is type 1, wich would almost require a smaller miracle to ever be reversed. In type 2, your beta cells are unharmed, your body makes enough insulin, just cant use them properly. In type 1, beta cells are dead, and you no longer...

As always, I just have to become more powerful. Powerful enough to reverse it, or to make diabetes doesnt matter anymore

I once spended 2 hours every morning, for two weeks, to write a horror story. Just whatever I had in mind. I dare to say its the best I wrote so far, moreover I enjoyed the process. But still, I need to get money from something, dont I? I could be a writer. Would even enjoy it, making stories...

I... I just cant. This whole shit, despite all my efforts, all control, runic working, squares, just slowly but surely get worse, exactly as an anthropod with diabetes would slowly decay. Glucose? Worse than ever! Cgm? Draw nice rollercoasters all day! Insulin? My stomach filled with pins, yet...

And... suddenly I find my old post two years later, after I finished university and searching for jobs, or thinking what to do with my life. Time have a humor, I have to say

I get to gym a lot, get extra protein and all, but its significantly harder to get more miscle with diabetes(or overall get back any weight, Im still too slim, 10 kg lighter than I was before).

Before skyrim I played with fighting fantasy books and lego😅 Or lord of the rings, these days. Funny is, it actually isnt that hard to progress in lige as fast and enjoyable way, just of course took more effort than pressing buttons

Greeting So, a while back I made this and this is realted to it: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/a-little-memorial.299564/ I didnt mentioned, that when he got sick, and his conditions got worse, I asked the Gods for help. They assured me that both he and I will be fine, protected, and wont...

Nicely written sister! Yes, porn is a curse, literally. Its even worth putting porn blocker for yourself if its necessery, it can help a lot(speaking of experiment). But, as much as I agree in theory, I have so bitter experiences in practice, that even when I do all I just got used, refused...

Greetings Can the negative aspects of Pluto can be fully fixed, or is it something you always have to pay attention, and only be eased? It tend to cause me some problem over the years

Those stones likely formed way back, two years ago, when I got diagnosed. I havent ate and had lethally high blood sugar, lost 10 kg, and so on. The other reasons for stones, like low physical actuvity, poorly controled blood sugar, high cholesterine doesnt match with me. Sadly it means fsting...

So, you dont have a gallbladder anymore... does it change a lot? Read a lot of very uncomfortable(and permanent) side effects of it, and not for last, removing stresses pancreas, there are even studies removing gallbladder can lead to diabetes. Which I already have, so I really, really dont want...

Hey, some fresh information. Step one is in process. But you possibly know how much work it takes for me. But despite my last rant, Im doing progress. The new ritual also helps a lot, and the fact that health issues are in my natal chart(thanks a lot, fucking Saturn!), it helps me to not think...

Father Satan wants all of us to become the best version of ourself. And the sad reality is, you cannot grow in comfort, you cannot grow without challenge, hardships, etc. Its hard, but we will succeed

Yes, I think that will work. Thank you all. Guess I just make some working and programming ingo hdr aura that she is always free of any side effect of medicines, like stroke, emboli, etc. Most of the vitamins are already at home, zink did some real wonders with me, the rest isnt that hard to gather

Thank you my friend! Sadly, life would be easy if things would go smootly, right? Remember, way back I mentioned my and my fathers stomach is so resistent could digest even an iron nail? Well, its only for that side, my mother always had a sensitive stomach and guts, she even have some minor...

Thats already in progress, this medicine is for healing the part of her spine and hip when it seriously decreased the bone density

*Loss ot tooths. The first madicine would make her lose all her tooths

Greetings! Seems like all my posts are about either physical or mental health problems, just as this, but unlike the rest, this one is not for myself. My mother got diagnosed with post menopausa osteoporosis(decresing bone density) this year. She only got the medicine for this now, since the...

And really struggle to find a blance between fighting against it and trying to fix it no matter what, or just afcepting it and live like it wont bothers me

Dear of you High Priestess, but luckily my blood sugar is very stable, around 98 percent of the time in normal measure. If I would be more optimistic, I would say ita better than most of non-diabetics bloodsugar. Eating isnt stressing me that much anymore, at least I made a lot of sacrifice and...

*169 days, I just couldnt count😅

But I must thank you for your healing work High Priestess, after 164 days it seem fully removed my emotional bond to a very, very serious sexual problem(which was also caused by my pluto, so, it was as severe as possible). Started those workings last october, and stopped it two days ago. Thank...

Dont worry, I already do. One teaspoon for a big cup of water, so far only twice a weak and also plan to find a doctor to speak with two possible medicine that could possible dissolve the stones... and so on. Next spring I get back to stomach ultrasound to check it. Well, this is nowhere near...

Type one. I use this topic to the overall results: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/diabetes-and-my-near-death-experience.96515/#post-1124623 Physically, I treat it perfectly, other diabetics jealous of me for having so rare high and lows. Mentally, a disaster, and even in better days, hard to...

But maybe, if it was on my birth chart, onbmy karma, since the minute I borned... and nkt the failure of my body, a weakness, something I am ashamed so much... that would mean I havent changed. That I still can be the best version of myself. And one day, I might forgive to myself all this suffering

Can I? Would I be free of the shadow of what could have been? Can this damn body be fully fixed, and can I still get the best version of myself? Not the best I could be from here, but the overall best. Just say yes, and I stand up to continue walking. Even if I dont fully belive it

Increadible. Im out of words, Guardian. Thank you. And painfully accurate for me. Saturn, that damn Saturn... now, Im not too great at astrology yet, I dont often rely to it for that, but its there. I doubt I could say which house its in, but seems to clear some things, why I had allergy as a...

It was on my to do list, but I got gallstones. I try to get rid of them without removing my whole gallbladder, maybe after it

How could I grow past this nightmare when its constantly here and if I dont sacrifice my focus, time and energy for it, I lose even more than I already did? Every damn time, I see where I would be now, without this maddeining sickness, how much easier or faster I would achive my goals. I dont...

I took my final farewell from him. Told all I should, nd he tried to cheer me up. Sadly, I was wrong, and even he couldnt help me look into this life with a hopeful eye. Just small joking that he sweared to not see me on the afterlife for at least 30 years.

Im trying High Priestess, I really do. Gym, yoga, meditating, healthier diet, more time in nature, more than ever. But still, diabetes here, and despite my best erforts, its still here. So sadly my physical health wont get better anytime soon

My self esteem was very high before. But, judging the facts and results, it decreased by a LOT. Sure, one can see himself as a near indestructible, almost godlike being with great power, but not being able to heal myself so far or saving my friend? It shattered it so painfully, that looking into...

Greetings, to all, who are luckier with life than me! I might going to rant out, and sorry for that, but I fant really take much more of this. Recently learned some news, which was enough to my barely existing mental health to get a deep diving, and instantly lose all hope I oainfully gathered...

But apple cinder vinegar can theoritically lower blood sugar, so its a win-win situation for me. Doesnt taste as bad as I expected, just a sour apple juice

Most likely diabetes caused it. When I got diagnosed I lost 10 kg(because I couldnt for a week). If theres any reason for it that could have, which means I have them for two years, but they dont cause pain, thats why it bothers me. I went to stomach ultrasound to find out why I cant gain back...

Yes, vitality defenitly does the trick with me, even if we look it philosophically(since high vitality makes you accept life with all of its pain). Ill work on it, thank you

As always, your advices helps me more than any doctors could. I thank you that, once again. There is a big chance my gallbladder wont get removed, but trying to make peace with the idea, if it have to be

Amd that my dear friend who was also ss and very much alike me died to cancer. I tought he would survive it, since that I questioning if I will

Two years of restless healing, sun squares and runicnworkings without any significant effect. And having side effects, despite I do all I can to evade them. Those combined did a very, very bad work on my mental health

The thing is, I might have to be my gallbladder removed, and my pancreas barely produce insulin, that I might never be able to fix. What can I even hope like this? What microscopic chance do I even have to succed in this life and get just a bit close to achiving magnum opus? With a fucking body...

Diabetes already tie me to a very strickt and not much enjoyable diet. Meat is the last few food I enjoy

I know, I already got everything and trying them out. Bad thing is, these are mostly to prevent stones, not to dissolve them. And these are not so tiny stones, tiny stones are between 2-5 mm, mines are 1 cm, so... fuck me I guess

Yes, I read it, but mine does not cause any pain, or feeling, nothing. I wasnt even there to find them, just to find out why I lose weight. They likely there since I got dibetes. They just said I should speak with the surgery if I want them to remove, which is a pretty hopeless situation I...

Tough question, how to love or accept yourself, when you have basically uncurable disises? These completly shattered my tiny hope of just gettig close to Magnum Opus in this lifetime. How could I with a body like this?

Well, it worked good and bad wonders. Im doing my third working of it, about 30 in. First was 14 days, second was a 100 days, hopefully this third will be 100 days too. Apart how well it worked removing some very deep bad habit and near addictions, since I started the third one, I feel absolute...

How does having a surgery changes you spiritually? Like gettig a kidney or gallbladder removed? Can someone recover from it, or forever be just a bit 'less', or having problems in spiritual level? Same for amputation. Or just the part of your astral body still remains, even after loosing the...

Yeah, but they cant remove just the stones, they took out the whole gallbladder. And Im really not a fan of getting my organs removed, specially if they cause no pain. Like, just a half working pancreas was enough to send me into near suicidal depression, I really dont want to find out what a...

Greetings Finally got to stomach untrasound and good news, my orgams works properly(expect my pancreas, but you know, diabetes). Bad news, they found some 1 cm sized gallstones. Now, they dont cause me any pain, I dont even feel them, but I want them out. Hopefully in a natural, operation free...

How long until it worked? Turned out I have some 1 cm big, but wont cause pain

I dont want another shallow friendship. I have enough of those, and they are a tiresome burden. And to find another deep friendship... I got used, betrayed and backstabbed by these a lot, all the way back to preschool. Basically he was the first true friend I ever had. And I dont know if I will...

Worst of all, while henwas alive, I handled all stress with ease. Diabetes, mental lowpoints, family stress, physical stress, college? None of them caused much problem or stress. But now, that he is gone, even small things enough to break my spirit. One bad bloodsugar is usually enough to send...

Greetings! Im not sure what to do. My father is gone long time ago, despite his body is alive. He broke, and just a very toxic shade of himself, who cant let go anything. Collecting the past, and, whats worse, collecting junks, which attracts rodents. Last time one got into the house(about...

Like a night sky, huge, unending darkness with small shiny dots. Having long emotional downpoints, mostly becuse diabetes and a painful saturn transit. But also bked mersu(ancient mesopotamian cake) that turned out really good. But ruined my bloodsugar, so it was rather bittersweet

Overall, Im oroud of this one. Definitly theres place to grow, but so far my best work. It was also an enjoyable process

Greating! This is the third time, I spend my time and energy on recreating an illustration to Milton's Paradise Lost. This pieve took me five weeks during a very, very rough time, when saturn tried to break me, and I never felt that isolated and lost. This piece get a lot more melancolic...

Not yet, its just a saturn transit with one of my natal planet(dont know if I should or should share that). It should end soon, yet it devastating. And yeah, I dont just have it but read it through so many times the book looks ancient and almost falling apart. But I like Nietzsche more

And I likely never be healthy again

In other words, my past two years of nearly endless workings to heal dibetes did basically nothing.

I got the result, and since I got diagnosed my pancreas insuline production decreased by 60 percent. Just as it medically should. There is barely any chance of this ever getting healed. Its a fitting end for this transit

Well, bad news. Finally got the c-peptid levels. In less than two years, since I got diagnosed, it decreased by almost 60 percent. It wasnt high enough when I got diagnosed either, now its less then hlf of it. I still have some, but its not hopeful. On paper ist should drop zero in 3-5 years, if...

This whole time have a strong feeling to the tower card. In fact, in the past few years I had different events, all following the cards of the great arcanum. And now comes the stars, seems fitting to me. After that, the Sun, when I can rebuild myself from the ruins. Because of what remained from...

Yes. You cant save someone who dont want to be saved - I learned that on my friends death. A cruel lesson he left me with, but cruel lessons stays the longest. Ill just keep up, since not much more to go now. I would be even ahsamed just writing down how much time of this painful transit...

I wrote that a bit more details here if youre interested: https://ancient-forums.com/threads/a-little-memorial.299564/ This whole period just makes me so bitter. That I no longer see my own life as a heroic epic, rather a tragedy. The hero of it will fail, no matter how long it took. Just as I...

Im not proud of it, but my only happiness for really, really dark times was porn. And after the near-death lowpoints was gone I get off from it again, and no happiness since. That was also a really shitty halpiness, but still. Gaming, reading, creativity and art, petting dog, yoga, gym, breath...

I know, but it seemed like it only worked on negative things, and didnt matter how much I tell myself 'it can get better', I feel like a stupid kid who touch the hot oven, even after burning his hand a dosen times. I tought for a long time I destined to achive greatness. Then diabetes. Then my...

I try to believe it. But, loosing my dearest friend to cancer, loosing loves, loosing almost all ambition for the jobbI study for five years now, getting diabetes with very severe side effects if I dont follow a cruel routine... I try to look like that its the best for me. But if its, I dint...

Highly unlucky for me, I was hyper disciolined for two months, with a bullet journal and advanced rapidly, making 10-20 things daily for every day. I got burnout and had enough from all just a few weeks before saturn started, so it all went withkut a bigger routine. Guess Im just fucked

Problem is, I stressed out myself really badly for doing too much, and these times I kept myself lower. I cutted back my meditations to a lot lighter routine, so my body wont break into it and I wont get overstressed(at least from that). Its almost over, and I already did a lot of yoga, gym and...

Yeah, and I shared a lot less than I would have wanted to. Sadly, Im not that good at astrology, only started to learn it properly a few years ago, and I have very minimal experiences. And this transit I have now, is shit.

Another minor update, its not as small transit as I hoped, its a whole fucking Saturn transit, wich started around the same time as my lowpoints. Before that this whole illness didnt seemed that bad. And it will stay in a whole damn year...

And since it entered just not long ago, I only have about 11 more months to go. Gods, I honestly dont know if I can endure it. Its a smaller miracle I could endure so far

I have never felt so isolated. That I dont have a future, or any reason to go forth

Almost exactly what happens to my right now, only differnece it hits my emotional side a lot. I wish you strength, if I ever get better I share it with you

Saturn has given a pretty rough transit for one and a half months now. Good news, only a few days left from it, but its effect match pretty closely to a Saturn return. Is it? Because this period is devastating, horribly. Feels like I lost everything from my oast and have nothing for the future...

Almost there. Made a working for self-love and acceptence, Im around 30 days, but will continue to 40. It worked well, only had some lowpoints when I had to get back to the hospital to routine visits(see above). And finally, after a ton of paperwork I got 80 percent off cgm for the next three...

Yeah, you can imagine the dissapointment and more likely panic I had that I might end up the same. Nobody is perfect, I have smaller and bigger flaws as well, and some of them is really hard to fix. But swear to the Gods, Im doing it. Maybe not my best, but doing as much as feels healthy and...

It happens with a lot of us lately. At least we have plenty of experience to treat these periods

First off all, I truly sorry if its off topic. I just really want to get this off from my chest. So, way back then I bad the stupid idea, to teach others on discord. It was a big failure of course, and soon it all crumbled to nothing, but I found a young man there who was around the same age as...

I usually keep a list of everything I achived so far, for whenever I feel really low(times get more often sadly). It also keep me motivated to achive new things (like pushing up my body weight) so I can prove to myself that I, in fact, stronger than I was before

Two more days, and I finish the three weeks of self love and acceptance. At least this time the whole lowpoint only lasted for half a day, and not two whole week like last time. Please, forgive me, if I sound too pessimistic in these moments. Im just the kind who really live out both the...

With all honesty, the reason I choosed life on that day on the hospital was because we had rtrs to do. Because we had to fight, and for that glory, I would have endure even a hundred worse thing. But now its done

Alright, some new info. I finally got a cgm. The amount of stress it cause might turn into heart attack, but I have one, and it works fine Mentally I was pretty good so far. I had to go to usual routine visit, and boy, do I feel like a failed being once again! In truth is, I dont really have...

In pre-socratic greek Cronus was the persification of time itself. Time, that sooner or later devoured everything, even the gods, one by one(f.e. Goya's painting of it), until Zeus bested him. And with His victory, humanity could live, without the fear from time. Without the fear, that what they...

So thats what they missing, I was wondering🤣

And Quetzalcoatl, the Feathered Serpent, their God of knowledge was the one who actively refused any kind of blood sacrifice. Just wondering, is that mean every other of their Gods have been corrupted into bloodthirsty dieties, or just replaced original Gods with false onesml. Ancient greek was...

Mostly, if not all my problems roots from stress. Im nit the best handling it, avoiding it, and I just overall get stressed from problems. What would be the best rune/working to fix it?

Wunjo and raising my energies helped me against self-destructive toughts.

Is it? The version I read was that Shiva simply neutralized the poison, that made his troath blue colored. I havent read anything about that causing him pain.

Alright, think Im better now. Ill wait that one or two weeks to be sure, but it seems things are back to normal, and have some positive changes. Ill write them after Ill be certain of it😊

Sonone or two weeks after and its gone forever? No chance of ever rssd hitting on? I read some truly terrifying things online

Hey, quick refresh, did some research,.discovered pssd (witch now definitly my number one fear) and now I wouldnt took those if my life would depend on them. Only tought for two days, and yet, my usually high libido got really low, and emotions havent get back as well as they should. Could be...

Greetigs! So... I was in deep depression lately, and its nowhere near as good now as I would want to. Cant accept myself, cant love myself(both partly, but not only because of diabetes), hate the feeling that my life dont really have a porpuse anymore, that I might not be strong enough to achive...

Oh, you cant imagine what I would give to gain some fat back😢 Since I got diagnosed I lost more than 10 kg and no matter what I did, I never gained a single gramm. Its especially bad in winter, Im cold, and badly slim. If I pull back my stomach it feels like a dried corpse with my ribs nearly...

I would really need a new way of seeing all this. A perspective where I can see even this illness as something I can beat, something I can fix and becoming stronger, better, something that was needed to make me my best version...

Just realised how difficult would be fasting for me🤦 Since all the damn insulin is calculated to the fact I eat three times a day, even if I wont take those shots, my bloodsugar would go low very quickly. One time I skipped dinner, and I woke up four times in the middle of the night bcs low...

And if any too high or too low bloodsugar happens to me(the lows are painful, the highs risk nerve damage), I have noone to blame just myself.

*About taking back meditations

Thank you for always providing great amount of information, I appraise it😊 I will definitly try fasting, if Im already hungry it wouldnt matter much. But regarding that its damaged or deactivated... I have no idea, and its annoys me beyond words, that no matter what, I cant know more from my...

Im not sure it could be related to my guts, my digestion system usually endures anything. Same for my father, we often jokes we two could even 'digest an iron nail' if it would be needed. Nope, not a singe one type one diabetic as long as my family tree goes back. And since my aunt maniacally...

Type 1 For about a year and a half now

Greatings! Its been a while since anything would drastically changed, and I wish I would have good news to share. Physically everything remained the same, expect that too high or low tempeture weather cause rapid changes on my bloodsugar level. But mentally... dear Gods, Im all time low, and it...

*Rtrs Tvr is the hungarian translations

This is almost unbeliveable... I joined right as tvrs started, and joined to the rituals as early as I could... Ik really happy, but its hard to embrace that its done😅

Greetings! I got back into pottery a bit, and tried to make a cndle holder this time. Tried to make something antiqe looking, its get a lot better than my last one😅 Hail Satan

My eternal thank High Priestess. I did it for two weeks, and it already had huge effects on a problem, I tought unchangeable before. Ill start it again today, and if everything goes well, Ill do it for 100 days.

The meaning of sin change to something like "dont do this because it offend the xian god" because they had no logical reasoning to it. Stupidity is the only sin, not against the Gods, but against your own self, because it stops you from advancing

Beautiful work Libra😁

For example Mayhem. Now they are just straight up fallen antropods

Has good parts in it, and has bad parts in it. I dont think they are willfully with the enemy(there are far worse metal bands that call themself Satanists), they are just verily misinformed

I havent😅 You have my thanks, it solves my problem

I feel horrible about it so far, like I just wasted a lot of years, a bigger fortune and a big partion of my health to university for something I dont even enjoy

Im sure my birth time is right, I checked several times. Its just really unusual, the pluto in the next house would be the closest describing of my from all the book. Yet what houses its in my natal chart barely fitting for me

Greetings I study geology for a long time now, and even thou I enjoy the classes, I hated the actual work, more than anything before. Tried different geology related jobs, but never felt so bored before. I looked my natal chart, there are several houses and planets that means good scientific...

Is it possible, that if a planet is close to the end of a house, the next house will be more fitting for the person? Like Pluto is in my 'x'th house, but the Pluto on x+1 house literally described me. Its like four degree away from the next house

This one always helps me to calm down

If you dont mess up the numbers it wont ruin it, just weakens it. Do some void meditation before it, that helps to remain focused

I bought a nice piece of smoke quartz, but it turned out it was artifically made black. Does it still have the same effect as a regular quartz, or its useless as it is?

Scrubs is a better sitcom, but even that show have jewish actors in, not even those. Big bang theory can be funny sometimes, but if you take out the recorded laughing it become an akward mess. Thats why I prefer scrubs, that dont have recorded laugh

Finally done😁

I still have some work with it. I want to make a leather sheath for it, and polish off the grinders work

Thats exactly why I bought a new grinder. The first one was an old and cheap crap, I could change its disk and it fell apart after a few days. Fortunatly it barely moved at that point, so it just scratched my arms. This new one even have a safety lock around its disk. Costed around two days of...