So I've been reading the JoS website and finding a lot of stuff that I like, a lot of stuff that explains doubts I've had for a long time, but this whole alien thing has been really hard for me to process... I am, since my childhood, terrified of aliens. I wouldn't go to the bathroom at night...

I can't help you with the satanism part because I'm new too, but let's work on your life.Dude, no... Life is precious, don't waste yours. Don't they have hostels in Germany? And what about welfare?