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I am tired of wasting time...!!

Dragonheart666

Dragonheart666

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 12, 2022
Messages
1,980
I Seriously..!!! And honestly feel like I am not doing enough. People on here are smart and have it together. Lol
And all I do is work in a grocery store! And come home and cook and clean.
I know I have time to read and study! Laugh out loud or I wouldn't be on here! And then there are those days where I don't feel like doing anything much at all! Other than hang out in my bedroom and listen to music. And read and study! I hate watching tv! I don't even go to the movie theater anymore!
Video games you get bored with after a while... everything is expensive these days! So going to dance studios and fitness clubs are out of the question for right now? I'm 52 years old! And I am somebody that loves to dance! And get out and do things anyway..πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ
I hate this time of year! I hate being a shut-in! Because of the cold and because of the pollution all the crap were breathing in the air out here..where I live.
I don't like shopping in the same shopping malls or the same Walmart and grocery stores!.
People are too antagonizing! And it's too stressful! I am not somebody who likes to ski.. to much money...!!!
Plus I don't like being in crowds! And picking up germs and diseases! And picking up whatever cold germ or flu bug whatever people have that are passing around!
I hate being in doctor's offices as it is!
And I will admit it! I love to travel! But everything has gone up and places are not the same much anymore! People are not as friendly as they used to be.
It saddens me to think that there's so much hatred out there! Instead of people that want to go out and have fun! Longing to go out and have a party and have fun! Which makes me want to go back in time and relive the 80s!
And hang out with my girlfriends and go to rock concerts! Go shopping at the mall! And the fun I used to have growing up as a young girl!❀
I miss going to school.
I enjoy learning things! And it doesn't matter how old I am. And it seems that I've forgotten a lot! Especially when it comes to my handwriting! And the way I put things together, typing and posting Etc. Because I got used to texting! My handwriting and my grammar skills have gone downhill! In spite of all the reading that I do! At least I have a memory. And remember everything that I've read. Other than that! I just feel like I'm wasting away!...
And yes I do have seasonal depression! I do get really dark and moody this time of year!. I get on here and I seem anxious. I just want to jump in and do everything all at once! And I drive people nuts.. and it seems like I'm pushing people away! I feel like I'm being in a nuisance. And normally that's not who I am πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ I don't want to be a bother to people and I don't like wasting my time either! I do whatever I can to entertain myself on my own when I'm at home especially when I'm not on social media or anything like that. And seriously all I want to do was just get on here and hang out with people that are comforting to me! And just to keep up on what is going on and find out what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to learn so that I could keep ahead! And be like everybody else on here.
And it's sad because I know that you guys are busy too! And you guys have your things to do! And I don't want to get in the way like some pesky little sibling kid..
You guys have a right to do your thing and do as you please just the same as the next person!
I do appreciate your help! You guys have been kind in every way! And you guys have been very helpfulπŸ™‚
And I appreciate that! But today it has been really weird on here.
Almost spooky because nobody has really done or said anything much? Normally it's just buzzing with people! People literally jumping out of the woodwork asking a question and starting a conversation or a thread.
Eager to talk about something or solve a problem? Or just to get on here and have fun and study and read! Just the same as I do. And then I take a look at my room and how dirty it is? Piles of laundry all over the place... I'm lucky I've got to clean toilet to sit on laugh out loud! Which reminds me that I need to tidy up a bit! And do things on my end!. And get things cleaned up and ready for this spring. There is so much that I want to do! And yet there is so much that I need to do! And focus on and pay attention to!...THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START...!???πŸ€”πŸ˜–πŸ€ͺ😡 and I hate cleaning up messes! And I don't like the idea of being a slob!... and I don't like being left behind either! And being one of those little pesky kids tagging along the group annoying the shit out of people either. β˜•πŸ‘“πŸŽ and somebody like me should be proud of being my age! Knowing that I've got better things to do with my time and energy! That I've got plenty to read and catch up on. And I've got plenty to do here at home!..and then I complain....? And still I feel like I'm not doing enough...
 
I'm a summer baby !!πŸŒžπŸ–.. I miss having the blue skies the green grass under my feet! And the smell of somebody barbecuing chicken
Pretty flowers growing in my garden bumble bees flying around.
And hearing a little kids laughing and playing and riding their bikes all over the neighborhood. Having conversations with the neighbors under the hot sun. Going swimming! Having my own barbecue in the backyard with friends and family! And going out for walks and hitting the gym! And going on a nice vacation trips with my husbandπŸŒŽβœˆοΈπŸβ€οΈπŸ‘©β€β€οΈβ€πŸ’‹β€πŸ‘¨
 
If you love dance & music but don't want fitness because it's expensive, do your fitness and hatha yoga with your music at home.

Do you have study you birth chart ? You seem full of Fire and as sensible than disorganized. It's obviously indicated in your birth chart.

Another stuff, there is no newline in your posts, it's unreadable. Try to write in paragraph.
 
Yes I do have a birth chart.. and I do have yoga mats and blocks and hand weights and stuff here at home. And I think I would be much happier doing my yoga at home!.. and save money
 
If you love dancing, you should try to use it as a way to getting into trance and enhance witchpower. This practice was done by african shamans, native americans shaman, hindus, etc. I suggest using music such as drumming for vibrant movement, or smooth movements using Devil's Thrill . Dancing is also a great way to improve the flexibility of the body especially one would be flexing their spine. After dancing for 30 minutes or so, or that you feel the witchpower, you can use Fefu and Odhall to improve your financial situations, or perform other workings that you would like doing so.
Dragonheart666 said:
I Seriously..!!! And honestly feel like I am not doing enough. People on here are smart and have it together. Lol
And all I do is work in a grocery store! And come home and cook and clean.
I know I have time to read and study! Laugh out loud or I wouldn't be on here! And then there are those days where I don't feel like doing anything much at all! Other than hang out in my bedroom and listen to music. And read and study! I hate watching tv! I don't even go to the movie theater anymore!
Video games you get bored with after a while... everything is expensive these days! So going to dance studios and fitness clubs are out of the question for right now? I'm 52 years old! And I am somebody that loves to dance! And get out and do things anyway..πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ
I hate this time of year! I hate being a shut-in! Because of the cold and because of the pollution all the crap were breathing in the air out here..where I live.
I don't like shopping in the same shopping malls or the same Walmart and grocery stores!.
People are too antagonizing! And it's too stressful! I am not somebody who likes to ski.. to much money...!!!
Plus I don't like being in crowds! And picking up germs and diseases! And picking up whatever cold germ or flu bug whatever people have that are passing around!
I hate being in doctor's offices as it is!
And I will admit it! I love to travel! But everything has gone up and places are not the same much anymore! People are not as friendly as they used to be.
It saddens me to think that there's so much hatred out there! Instead of people that want to go out and have fun! Longing to go out and have a party and have fun! Which makes me want to go back in time and relive the 80s!
And hang out with my girlfriends and go to rock concerts! Go shopping at the mall! And the fun I used to have growing up as a young girl!❀
I miss going to school.
I enjoy learning things! And it doesn't matter how old I am. And it seems that I've forgotten a lot! Especially when it comes to my handwriting! And the way I put things together, typing and posting Etc. Because I got used to texting! My handwriting and my grammar skills have gone downhill! In spite of all the reading that I do! At least I have a memory. And remember everything that I've read. Other than that! I just feel like I'm wasting away!...
And yes I do have seasonal depression! I do get really dark and moody this time of year!. I get on here and I seem anxious. I just want to jump in and do everything all at once! And I drive people nuts.. and it seems like I'm pushing people away! I feel like I'm being in a nuisance. And normally that's not who I am πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ I don't want to be a bother to people and I don't like wasting my time either! I do whatever I can to entertain myself on my own when I'm at home especially when I'm not on social media or anything like that. And seriously all I want to do was just get on here and hang out with people that are comforting to me! And just to keep up on what is going on and find out what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to learn so that I could keep ahead! And be like everybody else on here.
And it's sad because I know that you guys are busy too! And you guys have your things to do! And I don't want to get in the way like some pesky little sibling kid..
You guys have a right to do your thing and do as you please just the same as the next person!
I do appreciate your help! You guys have been kind in every way! And you guys have been very helpfulπŸ™‚
And I appreciate that! But today it has been really weird on here.
Almost spooky because nobody has really done or said anything much? Normally it's just buzzing with people! People literally jumping out of the woodwork asking a question and starting a conversation or a thread.
Eager to talk about something or solve a problem? Or just to get on here and have fun and study and read! Just the same as I do. And then I take a look at my room and how dirty it is? Piles of laundry all over the place... I'm lucky I've got to clean toilet to sit on laugh out loud! Which reminds me that I need to tidy up a bit! And do things on my end!. And get things cleaned up and ready for this spring. There is so much that I want to do! And yet there is so much that I need to do! And focus on and pay attention to!...THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START...!???πŸ€”πŸ˜–πŸ€ͺ😡 and I hate cleaning up messes! And I don't like the idea of being a slob!... and I don't like being left behind either! And being one of those little pesky kids tagging along the group annoying the shit out of people either. β˜•πŸ‘“πŸŽ and somebody like me should be proud of being my age! Knowing that I've got better things to do with my time and energy! That I've got plenty to read and catch up on. And I've got plenty to do here at home!..and then I complain....? And still I feel like I'm not doing enough...
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Lol, Dragonheart666. I apologize if laughing at you makes you angry, but I laugh because I've been here and completely understand your position.
I'm not attacking you, I'm attempting to get across a point here. So be patient with me. You say you want to do something to better yourself, and to grow your power. And don't get me wrong Yoga, dancing, meditation, all of this stuff is great stuff I love the suggestions. But you've just listed off the stuff you need to work on more importantly than these other things. You say you don't go out to watch movies, you don't like to be among people, you get bored with video games, and you (possibly) have a fear of germs. All of these are valid complaints in the world we live in today. And take it from a guy that spent 6 months unable to leave his house because of agoraphobia. Its not a place you want to be in. But all of these things are a mind that is being overused. This is the purpose of meditation.
If I may make a suggestion, I recommend you practice an exercise that was given to me when I was just beginning. Go to a crowded place, with lots of people talking. The food court at the mall for instance.
Here's the exercise. Sit, and listen. Maybe someone says something about the weather outside, and you know full well the jews have weather manipulation. You want to say something. The exercise here is to calm you mind. Maybe someone says something about Diablo 4 and how horrible Lilith is. You want to say something. Calm your mind. The world today is programmed to react immediately from something that is said, or something someone does to you. People waste their energy on pitiful things. Same goes for driving in a car. Someone cuts you off, and you instinctively want to swear up a storm at them and tell them what an idiot they are. Calm your mind.
The person that helped me when I couldn't leave the house explained it this way to me. If you were walking in a forest and a tree fell in your path would you start screaming at it? No. Its a tree. We are angry at people because we EXPECT them to not act like a tree. This expectation is the problem. And we waste so much energy building up expectations.
Why can't you watch and enjoy a movie anymore? Is it because of what is going through your mind as you watch it? Then you've already taught yourself to not enjoy everyday things because of warfare. This battles already won for them. Don't win their wars for them. Write, create. You say you enjoy to do these things, but I feel you don't understand why you enjoy doing these things. And last you say that the world is so full of hate, but the only things you've mentioned seeing is hateful things. In doing any of these things have you seen the other emotions tied to them? Or were you just looking for the hate? All of this is the purpose of meditation.
 
Dragonheart666 said:
Laugh out loud I can make jewelry I can grow plants. And I can do many things πŸ’š
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I am not laughing at you, it’s quite opposite, this made me sad a bit to read.

What can you do to help? Start with basic things first. You say you have very little time. That is understandable. Can you spare like 30 minutes or your time per day to do RTRs? That is already a lot, don’t be too hard on yourself.

And I think I HP HC has already said that who is in bad financial situation doesn’t have to feel bad about not being able to donate. So don’t beat yourself over it as long as you’re not able to improve your material situation.
 
Γ†lberiigor said:
If you love dance & music but don't want fitness because it's expensive, do your fitness and hatha yoga with your music at home.

Do you have study you birth chart ? You seem full of Fire and as sensible than disorganized. It's obviously indicated in your birth chart.

Another stuff, there is no newline in your posts, it's unreadable. Try to write in paragraph.
Click to expand...
This person is an innocent and pure heart soul ..This person feels she needs good friends who can care for her ,I think ..Let us appreciate all satanic souls
 
OmegaWrath β˜•οΈπŸͺ·πŸ™ YOU are right on. About getting out there and facing crowds and having fun! I do like going shopping and spending time with friends. I know people are busy and they have their jobs and everything. And I respect that! And yes I would like to go into the forest and scream at the top of my lungs and just go play in the snow. I really haven't been out too much these last couple of months laugh out loud people in my neighborhood are kind of annoying. And I know places are expensive and after dealing with the covid I haven't been around people too much and I've been avoiding crowds. Especially this time of year. I miss being able to go out and have fun and enjoying myself. And there is a sense of freedom and just letting yourself go and having that Adventure! Bringing out my inner child and laughing and playing like I used to. And no laugh out loud I'm not looking for hate! I did with plenty of that as it is dealing with Facebook and social media. There is too much hate in this world and that is the problem. It has kind of turned me into an introvert with all of this hatred and all of this cruelty that people dish out all over always looking for an excuse to start an argument or a battle somewhere. I am somebody that likes to do arts and crafts. And I am somebody who likes to be home when I want to be home. Especially when it comes down to saving money and being frugal. And it's not so much that I haven't really done much since the covid and I've had a battle for any get rid of that I had that shit for about 2 months. And I almost ended up in the hospital and since then I have been pretty careful with crowds and people. And I just do whatever I can to keep myself busy and just to let you know I was having a really bad day yesterday! The day before that my computer was not cooperating and there were all kinds of technical problems going on and it was not cool I was not trying to start a fight with anybody or blame anybody for anything! But I sort of felt like I was in the way bugging people and I felt like I was being annoying instead of taking care of my problems with the computer which only took me a few minutes to adjust and take care of! I wasn't trying to blame anybody for anything and I was not trying to start a fight! Believe me! Laugh out loud! I am not somebody who enjoys arguing and fighting with people! That is what draws me away from people and that is what makes me want to stay in the house and find better things to do and stay out of the way of the hatred that people dish out! If I have to fight laugh out loud and say what I have to say no problem! I'm not afraid of people and I'm not a coward! But then again people have a tendency to get under your skin these days and they know exactly the ropes to pull! I have done a lot of good things for people and I've done a lot of wonderful things for my family and for myself and for those I care about! But when it comes down to Friendship these days? A lot of people don't know what they want or what they're stepping into? Especially when it comes to helping people or giving advice! People have a tendency to take things the wrong way! Friendship these days is rare and it's not easy to find! Everyone nowadays is looking to rip each other's heads off and start a argument people are so fussy these days you can't even have a conversation let alone tell a joke! And everybody is always out there to jump on somebody's face and brutally attack somebody! I'm not afraid of fighting and putting somebody back in their place? But I don't have the time and the patience to put up with rudeness and hate! We've got so much of that shit in this world! That I would rather go sit up in the mountains and go fishing? Or hang out in a coffee shop and have a cup of coffee and read a good book!? Or go to a yoga studio somewhere where I can meditate or be somewhere where I feel wanted and accepted without having to prove myself or change something about myself! I didn't mean to give you the impression that I'm trying to start anything stupid laugh out loud that's the last thing I want is to do anything stupid but then again we're human and we make mistakes! And that is how people learn! I know you mean well and I read your post! And I appreciate your help and your adviceπŸ™β€οΈ
 
Larissa666. β˜•οΈπŸ™‚. I do have time to do things. It is all on how I arrange things and organize things. So this is pretty much all on me to take care of. I had a bad day yesterday and I didn't mean to take it out on everyone laugh out loud! You guys did nothing wrong! And it's not your fault! It was the way I handled it and the day before yesterday my computer was acting up and I just wanted to know what was going on? And if I was doing something wrong? Yes I do love to study and raid. I do whatever I can to keep myself busy. I don't like being in the way of people. Especially now since people love to argue and start one. I don't mind meeting people and making friends? That is something that I always enjoyed as a little kid! I didn't have too much of a social life as a teenager or as an adult growing up? Because I was always busy with work. And then of course I would come home and cook and clean and do the usual wifey things. The taking care of my family and my mom who has her health issues. And then there's my husband and he's got his wants and needs.
So I do the best I can. And I love doing RTRs I think those are very powerful and I think those are fun! Especially doing the power rituals for the Gods. And I enjoy reading the content on here. I have learned a lot on here! And believe me I have come a long way since I first started on here! And I'm doing everything I can on my behalf to organize things and make things more convenient. Time is on our hands and it is entirely up to me to take control of my time if I want more. And the thing is there's so much that I want to do and get into and enjoy! I just want to do my best and make the most of it! I don't want to give people the impression that I've got problems on here all the time. And I didn't mean to put that out there.
Giving people the impression that I want attention all the time and that I have problems when we have to take responsibility for our own shit and our own actions. Nobody has done anything wrong! It was me and how I handled it the last couple of days being on this new format and trying to figure it out! And then my computer acting up on me. I never meant to give anybody the impression that I'm problematic or have problems or to give people the impression that I want attention all the time.
But for a while there I didn't know what was going on? I was able to take care of the problem with my computer it only took me a few minutes and usually I go and do things on my own! I am pretty independent. β€οΈβ˜•οΈ and I've always been independent and self-reliant! But sometimes I like to get on here and talk and have conversations! I enjoy the content and reading what people share on all of the different threads and the articles that people share are very motivating and there are a lot of things that we can do to help each other and I appreciate your advice and your help!πŸ™‚πŸ™πŸͺ·
 
You guys are awesome!πŸ™πŸ™‚β˜•οΈβ€οΈ Thank you! For the advice. And thank you for your patience! These last couple of days I've been kind of a butthead on here trying to figure shit out. And I didn't mean to be a pain
Or give people the impression that I want attention or worst of all give people the impression that I want to fight and argue. Laugh out loud and no I am not on here looking for hate! Laugh out loud and TRUST ME!!! That is not the kind of person I am! I don't go knocking over people's beehives! And I'm not on their swinging a sword around like a little boy trying to get attention! I'm 52 years old and trust me I am not a pimple face adolescence! πŸ™πŸ™‚ at my age I've got better things to do with my time and energy! I don't go looking for trouble! Nor do I want any! We are tried and tested with all different kinds of things in this world people being tested for their knowledge and their skills how they treat and how they handle people? And many other things! I have got plenty of enemies and people and shit that I'd even ask for always knock you know my door and causing problems so trust me I've got enough of that on my plate ! I just want to let people know that I was having a bad day and I didn't mean to lose my cool on here . When my computer is not cooperating sometimes it makes me wonder what is really going on? Trying to figure out this new format is not easy ! And I noticed that a lot of people are having problems with it . And I am trying to be just like everybody else on here laugh out loud and trying to have a conversation sharing knowledge and information learning things! And just trying to be a part of it all. And like everyone on here! We all have our job and we all have our responsibilities and we have many things cut out for us to do and to learn! And just like everyone else on here! I'm just doing the best I can ❀️
 
Dragonheart666 said:
WHAT CAN I DO TO HELP???πŸ€”πŸ©·
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When we know that your soul is valuable, we want to constantly strive to improve it. This is the best thing you can do for yourself and the gods. Take care of your health. And about what you can contribute to this community. Talking less does not mean that you are worthless. Talking a lot does not mean that it is valuable and effective. This will vary depending on the situation. However, act as your intuition directs you. Stay in the light my friend
 
;) I'm a jerk sometimes myself without realizing it, think nothing of it. Sorry it took so long to reply, I worked a 12 hour shift today then had things with the parents I had to take care of. So I can't reply when I'd like to. You absolutely have not been a pain. In fact it makes me feel better knowing that on a bad day you can open yourself up to the forums and not get jumped about being obnoxious. Sometimes everyone needs someone to talk to, that's the entire purpose of community. So always feel free to be open and honest about yourself with me at the very least. And if you were being confrontational multiple people would have called you out on it. I'm not getting that vibe at all from you. It sounds like its been a rough couple of months, and as we learn on here its best to get that energy out rather than keep it in and bottled up.

I feel my meaning was lost when I said I felt you were looking for hatred, or malice. I was not trying to imply your looking for a fight, or were trying to stir things up. Far from it actually. I was mostly trying to convey that when a person is stressed and otherwise having a bad time they tend to focus only on negative aspects. And when we do that we only see the people trying to fight us. Then we lose sight of the other things that happen in the world. If a person is trying to aggravate you, or improperly burden you we become angry and focus only on the actions of that one person. We don't see the kind words from a stranger. We forget to also be kind to people who need it as well. Maybe you have people in your life that could use a kind word or two. Did you miss the chance to say those things because you were frustrated?

We can sometimes only see the one blocking our path. One of the goals of learning control is to be observant and understand that while someone blocked your path, maybe the gods opened up another for us we didn't see because we were frustrated or angry. That was all I meant by it. I hope you feel better about things today, and that things stay better for at least a little bit. I know this doesn't make sense right now, especially with the world we live in today. While it seems there is more anger and rage in the world than ever we have to learn to see through that to see that there's also amazing things happening right now that people aren't seeing. We can't hide ourselves away from the bad and wait for the good to come to us. The only way we find it is by being open to it. Hope that helps.
 
Dragonheart666 said:
I Seriously..!!! And honestly feel like I am not doing enough. People on here are smart and have it together. Lol
And all I do is work in a grocery store! And come home and cook and clean.
I know I have time to read and study! Laugh out loud or I wouldn't be on here! And then there are those days where I don't feel like doing anything much at all! Other than hang out in my bedroom and listen to music. And read and study! I hate watching tv! I don't even go to the movie theater anymore!
Video games you get bored with after a while... everything is expensive these days! So going to dance studios and fitness clubs are out of the question for right now? I'm 52 years old! And I am somebody that loves to dance! And get out and do things anyway..πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ
I hate this time of year! I hate being a shut-in! Because of the cold and because of the pollution all the crap were breathing in the air out here..where I live.
I don't like shopping in the same shopping malls or the same Walmart and grocery stores!.
People are too antagonizing! And it's too stressful! I am not somebody who likes to ski.. to much money...!!!
Plus I don't like being in crowds! And picking up germs and diseases! And picking up whatever cold germ or flu bug whatever people have that are passing around!
I hate being in doctor's offices as it is!
And I will admit it! I love to travel! But everything has gone up and places are not the same much anymore! People are not as friendly as they used to be.
It saddens me to think that there's so much hatred out there! Instead of people that want to go out and have fun! Longing to go out and have a party and have fun! Which makes me want to go back in time and relive the 80s!
And hang out with my girlfriends and go to rock concerts! Go shopping at the mall! And the fun I used to have growing up as a young girl!❀
I miss going to school.
I enjoy learning things! And it doesn't matter how old I am. And it seems that I've forgotten a lot! Especially when it comes to my handwriting! And the way I put things together, typing and posting Etc. Because I got used to texting! My handwriting and my grammar skills have gone downhill! In spite of all the reading that I do! At least I have a memory. And remember everything that I've read. Other than that! I just feel like I'm wasting away!...
And yes I do have seasonal depression! I do get really dark and moody this time of year!. I get on here and I seem anxious. I just want to jump in and do everything all at once! And I drive people nuts.. and it seems like I'm pushing people away! I feel like I'm being in a nuisance. And normally that's not who I am πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ I don't want to be a bother to people and I don't like wasting my time either! I do whatever I can to entertain myself on my own when I'm at home especially when I'm not on social media or anything like that. And seriously all I want to do was just get on here and hang out with people that are comforting to me! And just to keep up on what is going on and find out what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to learn so that I could keep ahead! And be like everybody else on here.
And it's sad because I know that you guys are busy too! And you guys have your things to do! And I don't want to get in the way like some pesky little sibling kid..
You guys have a right to do your thing and do as you please just the same as the next person!
I do appreciate your help! You guys have been kind in every way! And you guys have been very helpfulπŸ™‚
And I appreciate that! But today it has been really weird on here.
Almost spooky because nobody has really done or said anything much? Normally it's just buzzing with people! People literally jumping out of the woodwork asking a question and starting a conversation or a thread.
Eager to talk about something or solve a problem? Or just to get on here and have fun and study and read! Just the same as I do. And then I take a look at my room and how dirty it is? Piles of laundry all over the place... I'm lucky I've got to clean toilet to sit on laugh out loud! Which reminds me that I need to tidy up a bit! And do things on my end!. And get things cleaned up and ready for this spring. There is so much that I want to do! And yet there is so much that I need to do! And focus on and pay attention to!...THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START...!???πŸ€”πŸ˜–πŸ€ͺ😡 and I hate cleaning up messes! And I don't like the idea of being a slob!... and I don't like being left behind either! And being one of those little pesky kids tagging along the group annoying the shit out of people either. β˜•πŸ‘“πŸŽ and somebody like me should be proud of being my age! Knowing that I've got better things to do with my time and energy! That I've got plenty to read and catch up on. And I've got plenty to do here at home!..and then I complain....? And still I feel like I'm not doing enough...
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Well you successfully done it now bitch! People now think you're a fucking handicap! The worst thing you can give any kind of people like this! And you're smarter than this! And hear your spiritual satanist! I figured that maybe you'd fit perfectly on here! But then you get on here acting like it's some fucking alcohol and drug party! Or some kind of a fucking '80s dancehall! Were people can make asses of themselves drink and get stoned and be fucking pathetic apes! This is not a fucking dancehall! And this is not a high school reunion! And this is not some fucking drug party you were invited to! And this is not some fucking dive bar! And this is not your old high school with all your old high school friends! Laugh out loud! You really did it now you're a fucking class sack fucking clown! In the middle of the joy of Satan and everybody's laughing at you and making fun of you and treating you like your fucking stupid!
 
Dragonheart666 said:
Well you successfully done it now bitch! People now think you're a fucking handicap! The worst thing you can give any kind of people like this! And you're smarter than this! And hear your spiritual satanist! I figured that maybe you'd fit perfectly on here! But then you get on here acting like it's some fucking alcohol and drug party! Or some kind of a fucking '80s dancehall! Were people can make asses of themselves drink and get stoned and be fucking pathetic apes! This is not a fucking dancehall! And this is not a high school reunion! And this is not some fucking drug party you were invited to! And this is not some fucking dive bar! And this is not your old high school with all your old high school friends! Laugh out loud! You really did it now you're a fucking class sack fucking clown! In the middle of the joy of Satan and everybody's laughing at you and making fun of you and treating you like your fucking stupid!
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This is way too harsh on yourself. As far as I understand, you only had some difficulties learning the new forums system, so this is only a minor problem. It is not on the level that you should feel like a class clown, or like you were making this into a drunken dancehall or anything.

Everyone is on different levels and skills in all areas of life. People struggle with many things that they may not even share on the forums, so don't think you are the only person who had problems with something, or anything. The same message goes towards people who are excessively harsh towards others who were not intending to cause problems.

If you were to leave the forums or otherwise suppress yourself, it would only make it harder for you to advance. Sometimes life has a way of creating situations that force you to grow, and this could be thought of as one of them, regardless of whether it is frustrating.

But, please stop getting so hostile towards yourself. While I appreciate how seriously you take your own actions and behavior, what you are doing now is only worsening your mood and situation, because it is like punching yourself. The situation is not that bad and it will all clear up in time. It is better to take some deep breaths instead.
 
I just feel like I totally complete failure. That thread that Ethan set up to where everybody was talking shit about me is what got me the hardest.
It reminded me of being back in high school being beat up in the girl's bathroom everyday and getting my lunch money stolen from me by rich girls everyday! And seeing all those people on that page that Ethan created it remind me of the faces of every girl I literally want to punch and beat up! For the crap they put me through all through High School! It brought back so many bitter memories of my teen years.. and that awkward feeling and that anger hit me all at once and I didn't even know what to do or say other than lash out I could just picture every one of those girls and then bathroom this snare on their faces and they're laughing smirks and they're remarks! Of all of those people that were on that thread! That was what fueled me with the anger right there and that was what hurt me the most! And this is supposed to be the joy of satan? And we are supposed to be spiritual satanist? Ethan to me is not a spiritual Satanist He's a Bully and all of those that were on that thread act like they were about 15 years old and they call themselves spiritual satanist? They reminded me of all the rich bitch Christian snob girls I had to put up with and got into fights with them over my money my code everything they wanted to steal from me.. and this is the shit that I had to put up with all throughout my teen years! Fighting for what? Some kind of social status! The most popular name brand clothes? How somebody's lips should look? How somebody's hair should look according to their face and their nose and chin? Getting made fun of? Or getting beat up? Just because you're you and just because you're different? And it doesn't matter whatever reason? Being called out just because I said something or did something? And how people would write it and read it and read it and read it and push it and push it and push it! Until I would gradually lose interest and walk away! And after being on that threat and after watching all of those people laugh at me and getting off their remarks to me making me look like some poor pathetic little dumbass! That just about did it I just about lost my interest in Satan and I just about lost my interest in the joy of Satan and I almost logged off! And I don't want to have to do that! I tried so desperately to find friends and to be accepted and to be somewhere where I can learn and be happy! Without all of the fucking high school fucking drama and all the fucking snickering and lies and bullshit! Facebook was no more different only it was 15 times worse! And so was Google and twitter! And I am not going to go on some website like that and get beat up and put down day after day! Everyday I had to fight to learn to look at myself in the mirror everyday I had to learn to overcome this anger and this hurt! Evolve this shit everybody put me through as a kid growing up! The fights that I got into and the battles that I got into help people with piss me off so bad! Laugh out loud no it's not cool to end up in the principal's office or to be picked up by the police and to be arrested! Just because I got into it with somebody and because I had enough! Of being put down and called names! I literally had to fight my way through school! And still I am fucking fighting with idiot people to this very day! Just because I'm me and just because I'm who and what I am! And maybe I'm not pretty and maybe I'm not perfect! Maybe I'm not rich and maybe I'm not a movie star! And maybe I don't have some fancy ass college degree! And whether I'm normal or not handicapped or not black or white! With differences it make! So I made a mistake and I should have mentioned something about it I had technical issues and people were tired of hearing about it so I try to take issues and matters on my own and it just got worse and worse and then when rumor was going around that I was on a rampage? And seen my profile name and Avatar picture on it that was what set me off! Something a little high school girls would do just to get back at me and it wasn't funny! The things that they were saying making me look like I'm some poor pathetic child that doesn't know anything and then somebody assuming that I'm a handicap? And that little laughing emojis that I got underneath every one of my pictures and my posts even on my own threads! I honestly felt like I was back in high school on here! Dealing with all of my enemies! And that was what pushed me and that was why I got angry and that was what got me all upset and worked up and why I said the things that I said about myself! I hate going through this shit and I don't like being a loser and I don't like being a failure! And I hate it when I make mistakes and I hate it when I get yelled at and I hate it when I get called out! And when I do at least I speak up and talk about it and tell it like it is with nothing to hide and nothing to be ashamed of and still I get spanked and slapped and told to go to my room and treated like I'm some dumb little kid some mindless idiot teenager on drugs or something being chastised by my folks because of one little thing I did one little simple glitch because of some type of graphical error or because of some technical problem?
 
Dragonheart666 said:
I Seriously..!!! And honestly feel like I am not doing enough. People on here are smart and have it together. Lol
And all I do is work in a grocery store! And come home and cook and clean.
I know I have time to read and study! Laugh out loud or I wouldn't be on here! And then there are those days where I don't feel like doing anything much at all! Other than hang out in my bedroom and listen to music. And read and study! I hate watching tv! I don't even go to the movie theater anymore!
Video games you get bored with after a while... everything is expensive these days! So going to dance studios and fitness clubs are out of the question for right now? I'm 52 years old! And I am somebody that loves to dance! And get out and do things anyway..πŸ§˜β€β™€οΈ
I hate this time of year! I hate being a shut-in! Because of the cold and because of the pollution all the crap were breathing in the air out here..where I live.
I don't like shopping in the same shopping malls or the same Walmart and grocery stores!.
People are too antagonizing! And it's too stressful! I am not somebody who likes to ski.. to much money...!!!
Plus I don't like being in crowds! And picking up germs and diseases! And picking up whatever cold germ or flu bug whatever people have that are passing around!
I hate being in doctor's offices as it is!
And I will admit it! I love to travel! But everything has gone up and places are not the same much anymore! People are not as friendly as they used to be.
It saddens me to think that there's so much hatred out there! Instead of people that want to go out and have fun! Longing to go out and have a party and have fun! Which makes me want to go back in time and relive the 80s!
And hang out with my girlfriends and go to rock concerts! Go shopping at the mall! And the fun I used to have growing up as a young girl!❀
I miss going to school.
I enjoy learning things! And it doesn't matter how old I am. And it seems that I've forgotten a lot! Especially when it comes to my handwriting! And the way I put things together, typing and posting Etc. Because I got used to texting! My handwriting and my grammar skills have gone downhill! In spite of all the reading that I do! At least I have a memory. And remember everything that I've read. Other than that! I just feel like I'm wasting away!...
And yes I do have seasonal depression! I do get really dark and moody this time of year!. I get on here and I seem anxious. I just want to jump in and do everything all at once! And I drive people nuts.. and it seems like I'm pushing people away! I feel like I'm being in a nuisance. And normally that's not who I am πŸ˜ͺπŸ˜ͺ I don't want to be a bother to people and I don't like wasting my time either! I do whatever I can to entertain myself on my own when I'm at home especially when I'm not on social media or anything like that. And seriously all I want to do was just get on here and hang out with people that are comforting to me! And just to keep up on what is going on and find out what I'm supposed to do and what I'm supposed to learn so that I could keep ahead! And be like everybody else on here.
And it's sad because I know that you guys are busy too! And you guys have your things to do! And I don't want to get in the way like some pesky little sibling kid..
You guys have a right to do your thing and do as you please just the same as the next person!
I do appreciate your help! You guys have been kind in every way! And you guys have been very helpfulπŸ™‚
And I appreciate that! But today it has been really weird on here.
Almost spooky because nobody has really done or said anything much? Normally it's just buzzing with people! People literally jumping out of the woodwork asking a question and starting a conversation or a thread.
Eager to talk about something or solve a problem? Or just to get on here and have fun and study and read! Just the same as I do. And then I take a look at my room and how dirty it is? Piles of laundry all over the place... I'm lucky I've got to clean toilet to sit on laugh out loud! Which reminds me that I need to tidy up a bit! And do things on my end!. And get things cleaned up and ready for this spring. There is so much that I want to do! And yet there is so much that I need to do! And focus on and pay attention to!...THAT I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHERE TO START...!???πŸ€”πŸ˜–πŸ€ͺ😡 and I hate cleaning up messes! And I don't like the idea of being a slob!... and I don't like being left behind either! And being one of those little pesky kids tagging along the group annoying the shit out of people either. β˜•πŸ‘“πŸŽ and somebody like me should be proud of being my age! Knowing that I've got better things to do with my time and energy! That I've got plenty to read and catch up on. And I've got plenty to do here at home!..and then I complain....? And still I feel like I'm not doing enough...
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Most people are working on projects like translations, personal businesses or skills, programming/coding, creating memes/art, writing posts of information they have learned, and things of this nature. Maybe there is something in here you feel comfortable trying out, but otherwise, don't feel bad if not. JoS is continuing to expand and there will be more opportunities in the future.

Giving donations to JoS, or doing spiritual warfare, is also extremely important, even if it is not as visible for others on the community. Similarly, taking your own advancement seriously is also important as well, especially for the future when more jobs are available.

You had mentioned sometimes feeling like you don't want to do anything, but consistency is important. Earth energies help us be consistent, and fire energies help us feel motivated. You can chant the runes for these. For example, chant Sowilo and affirm it is making you motivated to work! Nauthiz can also be used to create discipline.

What sort of meditations or exercises do you do normally? Maybe it would help you if you wrote out what you do and others can give you some advice about this.
 
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Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

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