Azorm
New member
Going insane
Well, this is embarrassing but, yeah I kinda got mentally ill. They told me how important is to be clean and all before triggering Kundalini transformation, but due to my immaturity, obvious retardation, and sudden progress that I somehow made, I got unstable and lost my shit. For months I kept trying to recollect myself after first wave of dirt came in touch with the serpent, managed to clean something, only to find even more dirt coming from me.
My health is bad now, bodies not doing so good. Blockage is somewhere around 3/4 chakra, serpent is trying to push through like crazy, making me feel such a pain, followed by heat, weird feels in physical body and other bodies are feeling odd most of the time when it happens. I can't behave normally, I can't think straight. Severe distortion of reality, mind making illusions, playing with me. I don't know what is real and what is not, everything seems the same. Panic attacks, rage issues and similar are daily thing now almost. I had huge pain and weird feels in stomach when serpent tried to move up, and I had to go to hospital few times. I'm trying to heal it now. Something really odd happened and they found small wounds in my stomach. I had some problems with this before it seems, but now it got nasty. It should be better soon.
When I try to talk to people then or write somewhere to people I see them getting angry at me, yelling at me hitting me or similar. I also am afraid that I will hurt them somehow. I am afraid to talk and I am afraid to even be near people. I also feel inferior, sad and jealous, and I feel like everybody is better than me. I feel like a fucking failure no matter what I do. I feel like I have no place in this world and that nobody will accept me fully and understand me. I feel hopeless and depressed. Those pictures keep coming in my mind, feelings are bad and too strong and often followed by voices that are driving me insane. I completely keep losing my shit, and I don't know how to force myself to behave more normally then. I barely can void properly then. I just get consumed by bad energy and I don't want to even fight against it. Now it just fucked up my mind, I had this going on for a months and wanted to go in a mental hospital before few weeks but gave up.
Anyways, I want to say that I am sorry if I hurt, annoyed someone in some way. I am embarassed by my weird behaviour and actions lately. I have gone insane almost completely and I often act like that. I barely can interact with people as I am panicking a lot and going insane from it and I do stupid and weird things .
My friends are worried about me. I am sorry for being so stupid and this all is my fault, I feel like they should abandon me, they deserve someone better, I just keep being insane all the time and I still don't want to stop my meditations.
I will isolate myself as much as possible for few weeks or months from forums and people as I don't want to hurt anybody in some way, or to go even more insane. Hopefully others who are in this are doing better than me. I have not yet gave up, I just don't know how to be around others now.
Well, this is embarrassing but, yeah I kinda got mentally ill. They told me how important is to be clean and all before triggering Kundalini transformation, but due to my immaturity, obvious retardation, and sudden progress that I somehow made, I got unstable and lost my shit. For months I kept trying to recollect myself after first wave of dirt came in touch with the serpent, managed to clean something, only to find even more dirt coming from me.
My health is bad now, bodies not doing so good. Blockage is somewhere around 3/4 chakra, serpent is trying to push through like crazy, making me feel such a pain, followed by heat, weird feels in physical body and other bodies are feeling odd most of the time when it happens. I can't behave normally, I can't think straight. Severe distortion of reality, mind making illusions, playing with me. I don't know what is real and what is not, everything seems the same. Panic attacks, rage issues and similar are daily thing now almost. I had huge pain and weird feels in stomach when serpent tried to move up, and I had to go to hospital few times. I'm trying to heal it now. Something really odd happened and they found small wounds in my stomach. I had some problems with this before it seems, but now it got nasty. It should be better soon.
When I try to talk to people then or write somewhere to people I see them getting angry at me, yelling at me hitting me or similar. I also am afraid that I will hurt them somehow. I am afraid to talk and I am afraid to even be near people. I also feel inferior, sad and jealous, and I feel like everybody is better than me. I feel like a fucking failure no matter what I do. I feel like I have no place in this world and that nobody will accept me fully and understand me. I feel hopeless and depressed. Those pictures keep coming in my mind, feelings are bad and too strong and often followed by voices that are driving me insane. I completely keep losing my shit, and I don't know how to force myself to behave more normally then. I barely can void properly then. I just get consumed by bad energy and I don't want to even fight against it. Now it just fucked up my mind, I had this going on for a months and wanted to go in a mental hospital before few weeks but gave up.
Anyways, I want to say that I am sorry if I hurt, annoyed someone in some way. I am embarassed by my weird behaviour and actions lately. I have gone insane almost completely and I often act like that. I barely can interact with people as I am panicking a lot and going insane from it and I do stupid and weird things .
My friends are worried about me. I am sorry for being so stupid and this all is my fault, I feel like they should abandon me, they deserve someone better, I just keep being insane all the time and I still don't want to stop my meditations.
I will isolate myself as much as possible for few weeks or months from forums and people as I don't want to hurt anybody in some way, or to go even more insane. Hopefully others who are in this are doing better than me. I have not yet gave up, I just don't know how to be around others now.