The Beginning
This Halloween marks my 10 year anniversary as a dedicated Satanist. One random day about a week before Halloween 10 years ago, someone I knew bought a copy of Anton LaVey’s Satanic Bible as a laugh, and then gave it to me for no apparent reason (I realized afterwards that it was Satan bringing me to Him). I read it, and thought it was much more logical and appealing than any crap I had previously read from other religions.
And then that Halloween, I knew I would have the house to myself all evening/night. I had been invited out to a Halloween party but declined and pretended to be sick, which made some people mad at me but whatever. I had planned to dedicate my soul to Satan, as my life sucked and I had a weird feeling that maybe dedicating would help in some way.
I then searched online for additional methods to dedicate, other than what was in the Satanic Bible. I have always enjoyed looking for additional methods to anything, for inspiration to create my own way of doing something. I googled “dedicate to Satan”, saw some awful images in the search results (typical of the enemy trying to scare people away from Satan), then saw a link from a website called joyofsatan.org. I thought the “joy” part was nice, and the (dot)org appealed to me as it made it seem official.
I read the method to dedicate, then decided to check out the rest of the website. I was blown away. While reading, I would have a thought having to do with what I just read, and then as if by magick, I would be lead to another page that answered my question. This continued for about 5 straight hours.
I then noticed the time, and realized the person I lived with was going to be home from a Halloween party soon. It was around 2am, I scrambled to get the tools needed for dedication. I happened to have 3 red candles, so I lit those and did the dedication. As soon as the paper with my signature in blood lit on fire to burn, I felt an immense weight off my shoulders. Like I had been carrying a solid ton of negativity or something, and it was all lifted. Intense peace and calmness, and a feeling of belonging.
Over the next bunch of months, I spent hours every day reading the website. I didn’t bother to look into the yahoo groups until I was around 4-6 months in. I just wanted to learn everything on the website. I also created an astral temple, a really awesome looking one. If I could, I would draw it for you all to see. I still occasionally pop in and am reminded of the time I took to make it. The day I created it, when I finished, I saw Satan in there. I could only see his head and face and only for a moment, but it was a beautiful moment and made me feel like I actually mattered to him in some way.
Finding My Guardian
I had read a method of finding one’s guardian, to simply relax and ask yourself who it might be, and then be lead to him/her.
I was visiting an elderly and sick relative, who had to go lie down for a short while during our visit, the usual routine we had. I sat on the couch by myself, went into a light trance, and asked myself who it could be. I then saw in my mind, a planet, Saturn. I walked to my astral temple, outside of it, where I had flowers along the nice pathway. I suddenly smelled flowers. I asked myself what flower it was, and the word “hyacinth” popped into my head. I had no idea what those flowers smelled like or even looked like, never even saw them in real life before.
So when I went home, I looked through the lists of Demons who matched both Saturn as their planet, and hyacinth as their plant. Lord Set was the only one. His color is red, which was my favorite as a child. I of course had doubts that he really was my guardian, as he is one of Satan’s sons and therefore high ranking and I was just a nobody. But then his name kept “coincidentally” coming up, both in my head and also in real life. I watched a TV show with a friend later that day (or maybe the next day, but no later than that), and there was a Demon named Set in that episode. It was probably in a blasphemous manner, but all the same, it was his name.
There were a few other signs, they were each once per day, but I forget the other signs (I’ll edit this if I remember). As well, Set’s name kept ringing in my head for weeks. I finally gave up doubting, and accepted that he was my Guardian.
Lord Set was my Guardian for the first 6 years of my dedication, and we had known each other in at least one of my past lives as well. On that anniversary, he told me I was going to have a new guardian, as he was going to be too busy for the next while. I also got the impression that I didn’t need one as much as I did back then. So even though he is no longer my Guardian, I have endless love, respect, and appreciation for him, always.
My First Group Ritual
Back in those days, RTR’s were not out yet. We did monthly rituals timed with the phase and sign of the Moon: a destruction ritual to destroy the enemy programs, and an awakening ritual to bring people to Satan.
After my months of reading the JoS, I finally decided to have a peek at the yahoo groups (this was before the forum existed). I noticed that there was only just over 3,000 members in the main group. There was a group ritual posted, by a HPS Zildar. It was for that day, or perhaps the next day, I can’t remember exactly. But I eagerly prepared for it, and did the ritual to the best of my ability. It was just a prayer, and vibrating a few runes 8 times each. She also included a way to clean the aura and chakras, the “table-top method”, of scanning light down the body and pushing out any negative energy, so I did that right after finishing the ritual.
The very exact moment I finished, my phone rang. It was the local pizza company, offering me a discount on my next order. I thanked them, hung up, and then realized this must have been some sort of gift from Satan, showing me that I was on the right path in participating in the group rituals. The timing was way too coincidental, them calling the exact moment I finished. Not during the ritual, or an hour later, but
exactly when I finished.
Over The Years
A few things I am proud of: I have never skipped a single day of meditation. This marks an entire decade of never having gone more that 24 hours without meditating. I have meditated in public bathrooms, park benches, on a bus… whatever it takes. I have also never lost faith in Satan. I have definitely doubted myself and if I was important or insignificant to him or anything, but I never gave up believing in Him and trying to advance myself under His guidance and will. That’s actually an affirmation I used to use daily, something about continuously advancing under Satan’s guidance and will, I can’t remember it fully now though.
I would also like to take the time to publicly thank a few other Gods and Goddesses who have helped me over the years. Osiris, for encouragement with yoga, leading me to new resources and encouraging me to challenge myself to learn more advanced asanas, and to re-learn some basics but at a deeper level. Erishkegal, for helping me with a Neptune transit. I never summoned them, they each came to me on their own accord. Erishkegal came to me when I was doing laundry one day, her energy feels so grounded and solid but also a bit fiery, perfect for dealing with Neptune. Maat, Furcas, Bifrons, Barbatos, Valefor, and a few others have also been of great help, in overall advancement but also in showing me how wonderful Satanism is, and how much better things can get. Opportunities that only dedicated Satanists are privileged to. Amon Ra for fixing something in my soul, also never summoned him, he came while I was just looking at his sigil one day. Inanna, Lilith. And others.
I have seen SS here who refuse to get in touch with the Demons, wanting to do things themselves. With all due respect, this is like the typical 2 year old who wants to be independent and do things, but they either make a mess, or break something. Satan and his Demons know us better than we know ourselves: they know our past, our fate, our karma, and our future. They want to help us, they want us to advance, evolve, overcome obstacles and issues, and perfect ourselves. Don’t ignore them. With some of the things I have been helped with, I had no idea there even was a problem. Like Amon Ra who randomly came to me and attuned something in my soul. I have always remained open to guidance from Satan and his Demons.
If you feel the need for guidance, but are unsure of what exactly, or maybe you just want to feel closer to Satan and the Demons, one idea is to have a look at our SS Calendar and see whose week it is. Meditate on their sigil, read their description on the JoS. One visualization exercise I do is seeing their sigil in my mind but in their candle color, and with their plants or anything next to it, and even incorporate their element if possible. Sort of like a fancy 3D portrait, the better your visualization and imagination, the better the portrait. And do this every 5 or so days for each one, through the year. At least 10 Demons have come to me from me just doing this exercise, or they at least quickly sent me a small piece of advice.
Wondering what to do for Halloween? You can read, or re-read, the JoS. I will also go looking for a pumpkin to carve, and then hold a thanksgiving ritual. Plus do the F-RTR, obviously. What are your plans?
Happy Halloween!
-Lydia
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