Cynthia said:
For some reason if I'm working I'm happy. I do my meditations daily and I'm happy to have a lot to do. But then on my days of I feel unmotivated and sad. I still do my meditations and exercise but I don't see a point in doing anything else really. There is meaning in Satanism but I'm having a hard time caring about any other aspects of my life and work is just a good distraction from negative feelings. Does anyone else feel this way? Meditations definitely help, I was in a much worse headspace years ago compared to today. But I still have lows that I just want to sleep off and I don't know what my problem is. I'm not willing to be on medication as I was a long time ago and finally got off of it a few months ago and I want to be able to advance spiritually. Does anyone else feel this way? Should I just work every day so I can stay happy? Any advice is appreciated.
Thank you for your time,
Hail Satan
It sounds to me like discipline and control is simply part of your personality that fulfills and keeps you happy, perhaps you're a Saturnian?
Saturn is known as The Task Master and for those of us who have it as one of our ruling planets in personality, we need to be productive for a good portion of our day to keep happy, otherwise, yes, we get depressed. I am the same way as well as a Saturnian, I need something planned to do as a task and to keep me busy for the majority of the day. Having free time is simply not satisfying or worthwhile until I get things done as they are tasked to be done. When I have nothing to do, all I really do is lay down in bed and stare at the ceiling or sleep. Or in the worse scenario, grow hard on myself for not doing anything worthwhile or feeling like crap as if I'm wasting away even though it's literally just one or two days off of nothing but free time, anyone else would be ecstatic for their days off but nah, not for us really, can make us feel like shit and look upon all the progress we
could be making and doing, just sitting there and moping. Sound familiar?
What you can do is for your days off, you can create and plan a schedule for yourself on things that need to be done for that day/s, is there any cleaning that needs to get finished, does your room or home/apartment need tidying? And remember the important factor here that binds this for personal fulfillment is creating a to-do list or an agenda, trust me it's important and helps you order your plans and thoughts, it feels so absolutely good to us to check things off a to-do list as well I'm sure you know.
Look around your home, is there anything that should be done? Does a bathroom need major cleaning, the cupboards, behind the toilet, any creases or areas one might not look to clean like radiators or behind a fridge or oven? Is there any projects you'd be interested in starting such as deciding to learn how to knit, sew, heck learn a new language, repairing something in your home that is broken, maybe something could do with a fresh new coat of paint or perhaps you could try an exercising regime and stick to it. Maybe you could do with some fresh air and can plan a hike (Please make sure you always know where you are and where you're going and plan ahead, does no good to get lost).
It doesn't even always have to be physical labour either, maybe there's a movie you keep telling yourself you want to watch or planning on seeing but you never do and might as well force yourself to do so, or perhaps there's a tv series you've been wanting to finish or anything related, maybe there's a book that's collecting dust that you haven't touched in a while. There's a lot of things as a "Task Master" you can do for yourself to keep you happy. Simply not being productive just isn't for us, we're working folk and are the one's people look at weirdly when we tell them we love our job and love working. We need order, and production, things to be scheduled in time because Saturn is also the ruler of time and controlling the time in our day through scheduling and planning makes us happy and satisfied with ourselves.
You say you don't care about other aspects of your life but the reality likely is that you're jumbling everything into one pot instead of looking at things one step at a time in a line and making plans for them step by step. Planning, scheduling, working towards one or two things in focus in time, organizing things, timing your days, this will help make you feel fulfilled and happier, trust me.
Also why not check your natal chart and refer to
Azazel's astrology, see how significant your Saturn is and if it's one of your chart rulers, because I'm telling you right now, it sounds to me like you got that Task Master blood in you my friend and that's a good thing, it means production and progress is in your soul.
Hope this helps.
I appreciate this so much
