Feeling Shame

The Proud Gentile · May 5, 2019

About a year ago, i attempted to create a relationship with satan by drawing his sigil on a piece of paper and lighting a blue candle and telling him about my self, and just having a conversation in general. I wanted to start off the relationship with pure honesty and respect towards him. And let me just say the envirement was the most loving and peaceful feeling I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I believe that I felt love. I felt different during this period of time.

I felt like he was just there listening to me speak. Anytime I said something funny or gullible, I would start smiling and laughing at myself and I would also "feel" him laughing with me.

All of this was great but after doing this repeatedly after a few days I began to experience mental attacks. I would start seeing black shadows or "ghosts" while laying in my bed with all the lights off. A disgusting dread of fear would come over me daily. I would also get overly sensitive very easily. I basicly fell into deep depression for no real reason. I wanted to just give up on everything, not just spirituality. And so I did. I stopped speaking with father satan, and i stopped meditating. I would also experience intense sleep paralysis in which I was being choked half to death by this grey/shadowy entity with huge black eyes.

Now just to be clear, I am not a dedicated member. I've dreamed of dedicating my soul to satan but I don't think I'm going to do it until I know for sure that I will be persistent and meditate daily. I don't want to dedicate my soul to satan, develop a serious relationship with him and then start backsliding like how I did a year ago.

Recently I've been trying to get back into Satanism by coming to this site. But in a sense I feel ashamed to come back to satan because of what I've done. It's almost like the enemy wants me to feel embarrassed for even asking for help on this forum. I am genuinely sorry for letting the attacks of the enemy stop me from developing a relationship with satan. It was stupid and I should have continued the meditation. I'm still only a teenager and there's lots that I have to learn, I will never be truly perfect.

The only thing that's bothering me now is intense shame. Satan has the full right to not trust me and I understand that. But I will turn things around, starting with the basic meditations and RtRs.

Now that we've gotten through my story, I would like to know if there's anyone on here that has experienced the same as me. Will satan be angry with me if I try and speak with him again? Should I do some kind of apology ritual before dedication? To be honest any kind of feedback would help. I am just really trying to turn things around.

Jack · May 6, 2019

basically the enemy is directing you towards this path of self destruction. Because your not dedicated and do not have spiritual power, it attacks you to break you so you do not become a problem for them afterwards. Let me tell you something important so listen carefully. On this website is literally every single problem answered for your life. You develop concentration, do void meditation learn to prioritize. You want to do good in school you use mannaz or aim. You want money you do something about that. You want something else, you do that. Everything is here ,you simply have to dedicate very little hours to meditate and advance, and help us in our spiritual warfare. The reason why you're directed on this path is because this my friend is your destiny. You we're with Father before in past lives and you are here now again. You must be stoic and follow this through.
The enemy is able to attack you because you do no have a strong aura of protection. I used to have sleep paralysis every single day and after I started using Surya ,it stopped completely. And it hasn't happened since then. The rule is consistent improvement and everything shall be fine.
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Aura_Cleaning.html
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Protection.html
(Use suraye as aura of protection).

You should start the 40 days meditation program and start advancing.
https://www.dropbox.com/s/t1hst8k63egjd4d/hp_hooded_cobra_40_day_meditation_program_April_2019.pdf?dl=1
Use Suryae *55,111,100 from day 1.
Everything will be fine. Don't worry.

Fuchs · May 6, 2019

The Proud Gentile said:
About a year ago, i attempted to create a relationship with satan by drawing his sigil on a piece of paper and lighting a blue candle and telling him about my self, and just having a conversation in general. I wanted to start off the relationship with pure honesty and respect towards him. And let me just say the envirement was the most loving and peaceful feeling I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I believe that I felt love. I felt different during this period of time.

I felt like he was just there listening to me speak. Anytime I said something funny or gullible, I would start smiling and laughing at myself and I would also "feel" him laughing with me.

All of this was great but after doing this repeatedly after a few days I began to experience mental attacks. I would start seeing black shadows or "ghosts" while laying in my bed with all the lights off. A disgusting dread of fear would come over me daily. I would also get overly sensitive very easily. I basicly fell into deep depression for no real reason. I wanted to just give up on everything, not just spirituality. And so I did. I stopped speaking with father satan, and i stopped meditating. I would also experience intense sleep paralysis in which I was being choked half to death by this grey/shadowy entity with huge black eyes.

Now just to be clear, I am not a dedicated member. I've dreamed of dedicating my soul to satan but I don't think I'm going to do it until I know for sure that I will be persistent and meditate daily. I don't want to dedicate my soul to satan, develop a serious relationship with him and then start backsliding like how I did a year ago.

Recently I've been trying to get back into Satanism by coming to this site. But in a sense I feel ashamed to come back to satan because of what I've done. It's almost like the enemy wants me to feel embarrassed for even asking for help on this forum. I am genuinely sorry for letting the attacks of the enemy stop me from developing a relationship with satan. It was stupid and I should have continued the meditation. I'm still only a teenager and there's lots that I have to learn, I will never be truly perfect.

The only thing that's bothering me now is intense shame. Satan has the full right to not trust me and I understand that. But I will turn things around, starting with the basic meditations and RtRs.

Now that we've gotten through my story, I would like to know if there's anyone on here that has experienced the same as me. Will satan be angry with me if I try and speak with him again? Should I do some kind of apology ritual before dedication? To be honest any kind of feedback would help. I am just really trying to turn things around.

just dedicate asap. dedicated members are under his protection. doing warfare (rtrs) is dangerous/invites new enemy attacks as such you allready did have without this protection. also after rtr do
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Returning_Curses.html
https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Returning_Curses2.html

if you feel bad just do as much extra rtrs until you feel good. (after dedication)

Ol argedco luciftias · May 6, 2019

The dedication is the cure to all of your problems. When you are dedicated, your soul is taken inside of Satan's soul, together with the souls of all the gods and all of us here. We are strong together. You were only attacked in that way because you didn't do the dedication, so the enemy tried to prevent you from ever being part of us. But all that goodness you felt from Satan is still there and he isn't mad about anything. He sees you were blocked for a time by a force from the enemy. But he brought you back here to get you to dedicate and get you on your path of improvement and strengthening.

Aquarius · May 7, 2019

Dedication is a start but it’s not everything, the way the bros say it is like if you will be immune to any kind of attack after it, that’s not true as you will have to work hard on building a solid aura of protection and meditate daily and it’s not like all your life’s problems will suddenly dissapear with the dedication.

Hoarfrost · May 7, 2019

The best you can do is move forward and advance. Do that and you won't be shunned. These things happen, the important part is you got past it and are willing to continue. Satan understands.

To reiterate what the others have said, you need to dedicate ASAP for protection. I used to be horribly depressed and see these 'shadow people' all the time since as far back as I can remember. Dedication + power meditation removed both of those things after a while. Keep pushing on. To paraphrase a signature from a user here, it's the best investment you can make.

NinRick · May 8, 2019

The Proud Gentile said:
About a year ago, i attempted to create a relationship with satan by drawing his sigil on a piece of paper and lighting a blue candle and telling him about my self, and just having a conversation in general. I wanted to start off the relationship with pure honesty and respect towards him. And let me just say the envirement was the most loving and peaceful feeling I've ever witnessed in my entire life. I believe that I felt love. I felt different during this period of time.

I felt like he was just there listening to me speak. Anytime I said something funny or gullible, I would start smiling and laughing at myself and I would also "feel" him laughing with me.

All of this was great but after doing this repeatedly after a few days I began to experience mental attacks. I would start seeing black shadows or "ghosts" while laying in my bed with all the lights off. A disgusting dread of fear would come over me daily. I would also get overly sensitive very easily. I basicly fell into deep depression for no real reason. I wanted to just give up on everything, not just spirituality. And so I did. I stopped speaking with father satan, and i stopped meditating. I would also experience intense sleep paralysis in which I was being choked half to death by this grey/shadowy entity with huge black eyes.

Now just to be clear, I am not a dedicated member. I've dreamed of dedicating my soul to satan but I don't think I'm going to do it until I know for sure that I will be persistent and meditate daily. I don't want to dedicate my soul to satan, develop a serious relationship with him and then start backsliding like how I did a year ago.

Recently I've been trying to get back into Satanism by coming to this site. But in a sense I feel ashamed to come back to satan because of what I've done. It's almost like the enemy wants me to feel embarrassed for even asking for help on this forum. I am genuinely sorry for letting the attacks of the enemy stop me from developing a relationship with satan. It was stupid and I should have continued the meditation. I'm still only a teenager and there's lots that I have to learn, I will never be truly perfect.

The only thing that's bothering me now is intense shame. Satan has the full right to not trust me and I understand that. But I will turn things around, starting with the basic meditations and RtRs.

Now that we've gotten through my story, I would like to know if there's anyone on here that has experienced the same as me. Will satan be angry with me if I try and speak with him again? Should I do some kind of apology ritual before dedication? To be honest any kind of feedback would help. I am just really trying to turn things around.

You are cute I like you

Simply you really wanted to establish an honest relationship with Father Satan. However you got attacked by Angels/Greys because they wanted to scare you away before it was too late for them.

Tell me, how could a parent be angry at a frightened child?
I am ofcourse not allow to speak for him, however how I know him everything is allright just as long as you stay honest with him.

Also first thing you should do is to dedicate your Self to Satan, join our Family

Also it is just a very bad idea to perform RTRs if you are not dedicated, once we dedicate our souls you have a greater protection, because Satan is protecting us.
So first thing I would do, dedicate yourself to Satan. But before I would recommend to go to him and tell him in all honesty what has happened.
I mean he knows everything but still do it, tell him everything.

There is really no need to be afraid of anything

NinRick · May 8, 2019

Aquarius said:
Dedication is a start but it’s not everything, the way the bros say it is like if you will be immune to any kind of attack after it, that’s not true as you will have to work hard on building a solid aura of protection and meditate daily and it’s not like all your life’s problems will suddenly dissapear with the dedication.

Well MANY problems will disappear

But yeah Aquarius is right you still have to work hard. This way you can be in charge of your own destiny.

Rook · May 8, 2019

The Proud Gentile said:
All of this was great but after doing this repeatedly after a few days I began to experience mental attacks. I would start seeing black shadows or "ghosts" while laying in my bed with all the lights off. A disgusting dread of fear would come over me daily. I would also get overly sensitive very easily. I basicly fell into deep depression for no real reason. I wanted to just give up on everything, not just spirituality. And so I did. I stopped speaking with father satan, and i stopped meditating. I would also experience intense sleep paralysis in which I was being choked half to death by this grey/shadowy entity with huge black eyes.

Welcome to the astral!
You're not scared are you? this isn't the place for the weak and timid, well i'm slightly joking, it's natural to be a bit scared when stepping into the unknown for the 1st time.

Either way, what you experienced is more common than you know, it's a 'hag attack' aka sleep paralysis like you said, this is quite common even for non-SS, so relax as this most likely wasn't an enemy ET attack.

People often feel a malevolent entity in the room with them, and most of the time there is, these astral entities feed of people's negative emotions and such like fear, draining their energy, which is most likely why you got depressed, depression is a sign of low energy.
You know what else drains energy? worrying constantly, so relax.
if you're being harassed, do a banishing ritual and forget about it.

btw doing the dedication won't magically solve your problems, YOU solve YOUR OWN problems, but it's easier when you're a dedicated SS as you receive guidance from the gods, and with Satan's protection you won't be harmed, unless you bring that harm to yourself.
also, it most likely won't stop things like what you experienced from happening, because you learn from being exposed to certain things.

[url=https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Undesirable.html said:
Dealing With Unwanted Entities[/url]"]Spirits can be unwelcome intruders. Unlike other religions, Satanism exposes us to many different experiences, so that we may become strong, knowledgeable, independent, and confident in our own abilities. Outsiders who have little or no experience with the astral are completely at the mercy of any entities they may encounter, because of a lack of knowledge, preparation, and experience.

You should read everything on the JOS site, and keep up with the clergy's sermons, this would stop you from being deceived and manipulated.

also if this does turn into a problem don't panic, this topic was quite frequent some time ago, just read up on them.
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=75127
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?p=75331

Welcome to our New Forums!

Welcome to Our New Forums

Feeling Shame

The Proud Gentile

New member

Jack

New member

Fuchs

Well-known member

Ol argedco luciftias

Well-known member

Aquarius

Well-known member

Hoarfrost

New member

NinRick

Well-known member

NinRick

Well-known member

Rook

New member

Similar threads

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

Official JoS Links

JoS Platform Sites