I don't know what I meditate for anymore.
There was a time when I meditated because it was good and it satisfied me, even with problems and imperfections I was calm and serene.
But now greed has taken over and I feel like crap for seeking spiritual powers, but deep down I know that without wisdom and understanding and satisfaction I will never be good. And happy, what I feel is not a healthy desire for something but an emptiness that I don't know how to fill.
At what level in Satanism will I truly settle down and be content with myself?
I feel bad for having such a horrible, unnecessary, spiritual ego.

It is possible that you just have a worse time to get through. Look at your soul and ask yourself if you have a problem inside you that needs to be overcome.

Never give up. All your hard work will be rewarded

AskSatanOperator said:

I don't know what I meditate for anymore.
There was a time when I meditated because it was good and it satisfied me, even with problems and imperfections I was calm and serene.
But now greed has taken over and I feel like crap for seeking spiritual powers, but deep down I know that without wisdom and understanding and satisfaction I will never be good. And happy, what I feel is not a healthy desire for something but an emptiness that I don't know how to fill.
At what level in Satanism will I truly settle down and be content with myself?
I feel bad for having such a horrible, unnecessary, spiritual ego.

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If you don't know what you want, ask yourself out loud every day - What do I want? The more you ask yourself, the better. As a result, answers will begin to come to you from the depths of your soul and you will understand what you really want!

The Realization of this Emptiness is the first step to the Realization of Kaivalya ,the path to liberation. Having gone through multiple birth the Soul experiences the first signs of anxiety arising from the confusion of infinite return. Like a Snake biting it's tongue ,

the Soul after going through the same motions again and again through various rebirths decides to search for deeper meaning in life.

"What am I doing here ?"
"Why is everything repeating itself ?"
"Why is everything going wrong, again and again.?"

The "ego" is a code word for the soul. There is a truly refined Consciousness, that is your true ego. But it is foreshadowed by a splintered imperfect personality borne out of this material world.

Through Yoga you need to begin to dissolve the imperfect parts of yourself and bring forth the true nature of you. And then go towards the ultimate reality "The One in One" or "The All in All".

You should be happy to feel thus emptiness. This means you truly have potential for the great work. The Gods will guide you. Prepare yourself mentally and keep moving forward with your resolve.

General Yeager said:

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The sense of emptiness that you are referring to is the greed of the OP? It seems a great sense of will power.