Magia
New member
I tried opening up to Satan when it was dark I lit up a black candle and I wrote a letter that I need Satan by my side and that I need help. I didnt write that I sell my soul I just wrote that I really need the help and then I even cut my arm and used blood... I burned the letter when I was outside. Didnt feel nothing changing and as I look at my life still nothing has changed.
When I open up anxiety comes in. I am even scared when I see a bird flying by so witnessing an astral projection in reality infront of my eyes outside would be more terrifying and I would be anxious enough to even pass out. I cant handle the anxiety. I am cursed with anxiety and panic attacks. I dont think anyone can ever heal or free me from that. Not even myself. I asked for help from Satan but as I look today nothing has changed and I didnt receive any help. I am still cursed. Often I feel like a corpse walking with no soul.
And hard reality is that nobody will come and save me... I think of death many times in a day. Death is so close to me. I dont know what has caused this. I gave my birthdate to some people in the past they propably cursed me. An eye opening experience which I was hoping for leaded me to suffer. Evil eyes were part of my childhood. Good people get killed. And people take any opportunity to take your blessings away. I am anxious living in this world. I should have been never born and I am tired to live just to suffer. The happiness I used to have as a child is long gone. Everything was so much better. On my way from a child til now I have experienced lots of failed relationships, heartbreaks and bullying. I dont feel at home anywhere not even at home. The family spirit I had is now dead and I am way too introverted to even say "I love you" to my own mother. I try to indirectly symbolize it by sending heart emojis but its not the same. I am ashamed to even show love to my family. Ashamed to talk to people in reality. Everything feels dead. That is how I know I am dead. I am a ghost. I feel the problems coming my way, they are close. Suicide is not possible I am enprisoned of reality. I am a corpse with no soul but I cant just kill my body because I wouldnt kill anyone so killing my body also doesnt work and since I dont wanna disappoint my family there is no way that I can consider suicide.
I am enprisoned with depression. I dont feel anything and everything feels so empty. I was really disappointed when I cut myself to bleed because it was so hard for me to even get to cutting myself... I have overcome but still got disappointed. I felt like such a loser and when I was done burning the paper I walked home in the cold feeling like the biggest idiot.
Everything will be forgotten just like this post and people will get to continue their lives. I will suffer and watch others rise I really love that they rise but I wish I'd be the one that could rise along them likewise.
When I open up anxiety comes in. I am even scared when I see a bird flying by so witnessing an astral projection in reality infront of my eyes outside would be more terrifying and I would be anxious enough to even pass out. I cant handle the anxiety. I am cursed with anxiety and panic attacks. I dont think anyone can ever heal or free me from that. Not even myself. I asked for help from Satan but as I look today nothing has changed and I didnt receive any help. I am still cursed. Often I feel like a corpse walking with no soul.
And hard reality is that nobody will come and save me... I think of death many times in a day. Death is so close to me. I dont know what has caused this. I gave my birthdate to some people in the past they propably cursed me. An eye opening experience which I was hoping for leaded me to suffer. Evil eyes were part of my childhood. Good people get killed. And people take any opportunity to take your blessings away. I am anxious living in this world. I should have been never born and I am tired to live just to suffer. The happiness I used to have as a child is long gone. Everything was so much better. On my way from a child til now I have experienced lots of failed relationships, heartbreaks and bullying. I dont feel at home anywhere not even at home. The family spirit I had is now dead and I am way too introverted to even say "I love you" to my own mother. I try to indirectly symbolize it by sending heart emojis but its not the same. I am ashamed to even show love to my family. Ashamed to talk to people in reality. Everything feels dead. That is how I know I am dead. I am a ghost. I feel the problems coming my way, they are close. Suicide is not possible I am enprisoned of reality. I am a corpse with no soul but I cant just kill my body because I wouldnt kill anyone so killing my body also doesnt work and since I dont wanna disappoint my family there is no way that I can consider suicide.
I am enprisoned with depression. I dont feel anything and everything feels so empty. I was really disappointed when I cut myself to bleed because it was so hard for me to even get to cutting myself... I have overcome but still got disappointed. I felt like such a loser and when I was done burning the paper I walked home in the cold feeling like the biggest idiot.
Everything will be forgotten just like this post and people will get to continue their lives. I will suffer and watch others rise I really love that they rise but I wish I'd be the one that could rise along them likewise.