Kavya Shukra
New member
- Joined
- Apr 3, 2021
- Messages
- 661
This post is personal and quite touchy, and it's been affecting me for a long time. I grew up without my brothers and my dad due to them divorcing. Me and my mom moved to the U.S from Mexico and lived most of our lives here. I barely knew English at the time and became a really bright and smart student over the years. At around the age of 12 was the most dark points of my life. I was bullied at school for being gay, my mom had an abusive relationship with her now ex for over 10+ years. I was traumatized seeing and hearing my mom getting beaten and not being able to be strong enough to stop him. And tried calling the police multiple times and they deny everything and I end up looking stupid. I would scream from desperation and be alone at home and at school, since I have little to no friends. Loneliness haunts me and I always end up by myself no matter what I do. I feel alone when I'm around people, and then never could keep friends or keep a conversation going. I became a Christian and starting going to church at around 15 years old. I thought Jewsus and that filthy god would help me, as I saw testimonies of people's lives turning around for the better after meeting Jewsus, and it went from bad to worse. I ended up insane in a mental hospital twice, screaming and forced to take a lot drugs from the doctors that had my body stiff like a zombie. And this was while having to pass all my classes at school while my mom continued to ignore all advice from me and my family to let her abusive partner go. They FINALLY broke up by force because he went to jail, and not because she decided enough was enough. She never had intentions to break up. At first I thought it was for the money so she won't end up in the streets. But it was because my mom doesn't want to be alone so she prefers bad company than to be by herself, as I've seen her be desperate when she's alone. My dad passed away in 2018, and I had little to no contact with him. And I cherished him a lot because he was the ONLY man I know I can see as a role model. He was never abusive, never into alcohol or drugs, hard working man, but I never really had him to guide me and have that fatherly love and direction I desperately needed. My mom also grew up in an abusive home and it's not surprising why she finds abusive situations like this normal, but I'm just mentally drained. After graduation, I couldn't afford college and had very few ways to get work legally. I wanted to go back to Mexico, but it's way worse there than even in the U.S. I have been feeling like lost, like what am I supposed to do, where is the best place to go, and basically wandering throughout life alone. And I hate it. Not because loneliness is a bad thing, but because it's a curse I can never run away from, especially when everyone told me at school I was going to be someone in life and go very far. And now, life has been boring, dull, and even after dedicating my life to Satan, not a lot has changed. I've talked to Satan about my issues, which I'm pretty sure he listens. But the reason I'm posting is because I am hopeful things will change. If Jewsus couldn't help me (and never was going to anyway), then Satan, and most importantly, my own self, can.
After studying astrology, certain planets are in places where childhood abuse is prevalent, but looking at my birth chart, I have REALLY good placements and I want to make the best of life that I humanely can because I love my placements, save for a few. But it's just really just how to move on.
After studying astrology, certain planets are in places where childhood abuse is prevalent, but looking at my birth chart, I have REALLY good placements and I want to make the best of life that I humanely can because I love my placements, save for a few. But it's just really just how to move on.
