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Stuck in a loop

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Anonymous

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Hi folks, I need some advice.
I believe I am stuck in some sort of loop, some curse maybe? Past life trauma? Who knows.
Long story short, I have been dealing with depression and addiction for long time now. There are even posts I made about this in the past, seeking help. I had other account of which I forgot the password. Anyway, some time of the year I meditate, but then I reach some point where I just stop, start giving up slowly until I give it all up altogether and start smoking again and all sorts of destructive behavior. Some times there is something that triggers it. Some bad event that triggers bad emotions. Other times I get super exhausted. I'm beginning to see a pattern here. A loop. I am ok and feel unstoppable, manage to get my stuff together for about 6.months then begin falling down. Until I am at the point of considering suicide. I feel I keep getting closer to it. Always living on the edge of my sanity. I feel my own self fading away. My emotions, my humanity, my personality what used to make me happy. I feel empty. It's awkward and incredibly hard to explain.

I have a group of friends that helped me out the last time. Helped me get me on my feet again, and I started doing meditations and working out, stopped smoking drugs for almost a month, all was going fine, until something bad happened and I couldn't deal with it and I broke apart again, I lost the entire progress. Then due to all the motivation I had working out and what not, I damaged my legs and my back. Can't do any physical exercise or yoga for a very long time. Plus I believe my aura of protection is making my family ill at times. Having depression you get called a lazy ass pretty often because I lack the energy to lift a finger, most of the time, and people get mad at me without realizing what I'm going through then of course I lack the communication skills and the energy to explain. And I suppose that anger is thrown at me and it gets reflected into them. Which is not something I want to do. And it gets things really worse. I love my family and I don't want them hurt... I feel I'm running out of options here. And I don't think I'm going to live much longer, one day I'm afraid I'll pull the trigger. Im getting so used to giving up that one day it's not gonna matter. And I don't like this one bit. However I have ran out of energy to fight this. You have no idea how much of an hassle it is for me to just get out of bed and face a new day.

I'm not sure you guys are able to understand what I'm trying to explain here. I have been in solitude in my own desperation and anguished, for years and years and I have the same communication skills as a potato. And even if I wanted to seek professional help. I wouldn't know how to explain to people how deeply messed up I am. I can't even begin to understand the depths of it. There's something really wrong and I believe I've barely scratched the surface of it. I look around and see people acting normal. But me, always locked down in my own world.

I lost count to the times I fell, got back up just to fall down again a few months later.
I can't figure out what's going on. Im starting to think this is all pointless. I feel the warrior in me slowly turning into a coward and hiding in his corner. And it's not something I like. But I feel like I'm just observing it unfold before my eyes, without any power over it whatsoever. It's frustrating to have so many goals and stuff to achieve, and be totally powerless. Watch things evolve in the opposite direction and not be able to lift a finger to change the course of things.

I really hate asking people for help. And due to all of this madness, I'm not sure you would even believe me. My life is too crazy.
But I am desperate and I don't know what else to do. I dont believe there is a way out of this, if not through Satan. But I can't figure out how. I also feel pretty ashamed to even consider asking Satan for help. Not even sure I am able to reach him anyway.
I know I have asked this in the past... But I'm still stuck in here.

I am very sorry for the long text. And hopefully someone went through the same and managed to climb out of the hole successfully and has some useful tips. Would love to hear them. Thanks
 
What triggers your destructive tendencies? When you want to do something that is good for you what is it that prevents you from doing it? I don`t think it`s just a lazy feeling, there must be some kind of mental loop, do you feel that whatever you do will be meaningless? Do you feel like there is no hope? Tell me what you feel inside of you, the negative self talk that you dwell on and your emotions that impede your growth.
 
Aquarius said:
What triggers your destructive tendencies? When you want to do something that is good for you what is it that prevents you from doing it? I don`t think it`s just a lazy feeling, there must be some kind of mental loop, do you feel that whatever you do will be meaningless? Do you feel like there is no hope? Tell me what you feel inside of you, the negative self talk that you dwell on and your emotions that impede your growth.
At this point I just don't have the energy anymore... And I am aware that the more I think bad of myself the worse it gets. But I can't help it.
I get too stressed at home and I think it's what makes it even harder... And then I get exhausted to the point of simply not care anymore as everything seems pointless no matter how hard I try. That's when I start losing hope when I keep getting stressed despite my efforts. And then when something bad happens, when I'm put under extremely stressful situations, I eventually break. And then I give up. Last time I was in really bad shape financially. And that made me just quit. The other time heart broken. The other time... Who knows anymore. I don't keep track anymore. Been way too many times. Honestly I feel anything may trigger it these days...

I've been thinking and I believe it's related with my aura of protection... The stress at home. Somehow. That part anyway. I think that I pick up bad energy that may or may not be meant to me anyway and I reflect into the people around me, originating stressful situations or worse... And I'm not sure how to fix this easily in a proper way. As I don't really have much time to sit down and relax and do meditations... I'm always on the run. I used to meditate at 5 am before work. And do some stuff while at work, or during driving. These days I can barely crawl out of bed in time for work...

I think a lot about quit smoking drugs and get active somehow despite the injuries. Get productive. Quit eating thrash and all that stuff. But there's just no motivation... I get up the next day, get wasted in the morning to ease the pain and get going with my day. I know someday I'll get the motivation back up and running but I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it going or for how long.

Another thing I forgot to mention before is, I keep seeing Ravens everywhere I go. This has been happening on and off for months now. I'm not sure what to make of this. I've done some research on the matter, and it's actually what brought me back here, been reading through the forums to see if anyone had this happen before as well... From what I gathered the Raven had all sorts of interpretations from all around the world. Some folks believe it's a bad omen, some folks think otherwise. Everyone seems to agree that it's definitely a sign of change. Whether it be good or bad. I personally would like to think it's a sign from Satan himself. The Raven is sacred to him. So it would make sense. However I find it hard to believe that a being light years away would be interested in some random dude that's been stuck in his head for the past decade. Sometimes I wonder if these Ravens smell death approaching me. I know they do that in Nature. They'll spot an injured animal and wait until it dies. I'm feeling lost and hopeless. And can't find the means to fix this. I thought the meditations would clean me from inside out and fix me in time. Little by little. But I haven't even been consistent enough to see that happen. There's always something that makes me give up.
 
You feel powerless because you have little understanding and consequent seriousness. You need to study and learn more to improve your life.
 
Invictus2 said:
Hi folks, I need some advice.
I believe I am stuck in some sort of loop, some curse maybe? Past life trauma? Who knows.
Long story short, I have been dealing with depression and addiction for long time now.
You should read this:

Functions of the Mind: Basic Functions and Obstacles in Meditation by High Priest HoodedCobra (HP HC)

Satan and Self Love, Identity by HP HC

Excuses About Meditation - And It’s Necessity by HP HC

No Excuses!: The Power of Self-Discipline by Brian Tracy

Atomic Habits by James Clear

Emotional Wisdom: Daily Tools For Transforming Anger, Depression and Fear by Mantak Chia

There can be many causes such as lacking the earth element or negative karma but the most likely reason is because your mind is programmed to be against meditation.

You could use these affirmations in Satanic Hypnosis to reprogram your mind:

“I am positively accepting the new habit of meditation in my life, and I know it is positive for me.”
High Priestess Maxine Dietrich said:
When one encounters problems and obstacles, one should go to the bottom of this and every night before going to sleep, affirm 20-30 times when relaxed, for example: "I have perfect concentration."

Other affirmations for example- "I am always highly motivated and I always meditate every day", “I always have time to do quality meditations", “I am able to enter deep trances easily" you get the general idea. Remember, affirmations should always be in the present tense because the subconscious mind and soul do not have a time frame such as in the future tense "will" happen. Always make your affirmations in the present tense.

Before sleeping, affirmations should be done some 25-30 times for 40 days straight.
Source: JoS Newsletter 2008-2009 Sermons and Important Messages (Page 8)
 
Hey, Invictus,

I understand how you are feeling, really I do. I can get into phases when I feel super happy and on top of the world and phases where I just give up, succumb and obsess over my addictions.

Listen to me Invictus you have to pull yourself out of this. I will give you my advice after fighting my inner monsters and fighting so much to conquer myself.

First of all please don't kill yourself. Realize that you don't win anything if you kill yourself. Neither do you finally "relax into nothingness" either.

Instead your shit karma and negative addictions will carry themselves to your next life and you'll be stuck in an even bigger loop where you are imprisoned until you dissipate after lifetimes of torturing yourself.

YOU NEED TO LIBERATE YOURSELF IN THIS LIFETIME!! So you can escape this negative cycle.

You are also incredibly lucky because you have found father Satan and you were born in the age of the internet.

Those two give you an incredible edge to finally free your soul. You have to belive this, YOU CAN ACTUALLY DO IT! You can escape this negativity. You can escape this torture. You have all the tools spiritual and physical that enable you to be free.

But ask yourself this, do you really want to be free? Do you really want to be happy and positive again? If you are, then how much effort, self control and will power are you willing to put into freeing yourself permanently?

It won't be easy. It would be hard as fuck. You will need to have balls of steel to achieve this. But let me ask you, do you think it will be worth it in the end? I know that I do think it is worth it to be free.

Here's what you NEED to do to permanently free your soul:

1-Daily Consistent Meditation:
This is the number one and most important thing to do. Do this without fail, NOT EVEN FOR ONE DAY!! You feel like shit? Do your schedule. Your parents are arguing and fighting and annoying the shit out of you? Go to the shower, to a park or close your room and meditate. Enemies are attacking you and you feel so much pain, negative thoughts, and filth on your soul? Ignore all this and meditate.

When you first start meditating you will literally feel filthy as shit. You will get negative thoughts, heavy enemy attacks and even the enemy can cause serious pain in your chakras and soul because they are afraid of you advancing.

All of these are side effects of you not meditating. But what happens when you meditate consistenly? After a month you will be much cleaner than when you started, you will have more control on your thoughts and you will be proud of yourself. When you start this NEVER stop. Not even for one day.

Allow yourself no excuses. I meditated when I got attacked like hell. I meditated when my mudslime parents kept interrupting me and annoying the shit out of me. I meditated when I didn't sleep till 9 am which was hard as fuck. But did I allow this as an excuse? Did I say it's no biggie I am so tired and I will meditate tommorow? FUCK NO! Allow yourself no excuses and go through literal hell to meditate if you have to.

Don't you dare think that I was born like this or that I had strong willpower and you are different.

I would literally go a month meditating feel great, get attacked, and give up.

Some time ago I was incredibly weak and hardcore addicted because of extremely prominent Neptune transits and solar return chart hitting my already prominent Neptune. I felt like shit, I acted like shit, and I was shit.

Instead of indulging more and more into self-destruction I started meditating no matter what. I made it a rule MEDITATE NO MATTER WHAT! I don't give a fuck if I am literally dying I will still meditate.

Of course I also followed a simple, yet effective schedule consisting of protection, cleaning and void. Only these three things when I followed them consistenly every day literally made me a different person. My old non-meditating me died.

Even if you end up relapsing into addictions. Still keep doing your meditations. I know you would feel like a failure and your mind would do anything to convince you to give up meditating. But don't give up! Even if you relapse. Never give up actually, no matter what happens.

There is no reason for you to stop meditations. Eventually you will become elevated and you will reap the delicious, blissful fruits of meditations. Keep it simple, keep it easy and stay consistent.

2-Start a freeing the soul working.
https://www.joyofsatan.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Freeing_the_Soul.html
https://web.archive.org/web/20170301125247/https://eridu666.webs.com/Words-of-Power.htm

Start a working on a good date for freeing your soul. This working will take time do it for 90 days without missing a single day.

3- Stop feeling guilt:
Don't feel guilty. Even if you relapse. Just accept it, move on and do better next time.

4- Talk with father Satan:

You should talk with father Satan or your gaurdian demon about your situation. Tell them all what your heart feels. Cry with them if you feel like it. Let it all out and ask father Satan or your GD to support you in freeing your soul and ask them for help or guidance when you need it.

The Gods are here for us and they listen to us. We are not alone. Do not feel guilty about this. A father or a mother loves to listen to their child even when they are going through a rough time and they give their most to support their child to improve.

5- Do Hatha when you can. Ask your doctor if it's okay.

6- Learn more about your astrology and natal chart.

What causes your addictions? Astrology helps you to learn that.

It also helps you learn about yourself and what would happen if you sublimate your energies and free your soul.

For example people prone to addiction most likely have prominent Neptune. It manifests as addiction but on the other side if you successfully sublimate this you can have incredible psychic power, and talent.

My addiction is caused by my 8th house stellium and my other Neptune placements. This manifests as obsessive porn addiction to the point of insanity (literally. You might think porn is no biggie. But believe me when I said it almost made me insane).

But on the other hand when I sublimated this I have intense Magick abilities, incredible sexual power to the point of merging with my lovely demoness lover♥️, and a strong and focused mind.

Check out your natal chart and learn more about yourself and how you could be if you sublimate your energies (with meditations)

7- Go to www.satanslibrary.org and search for the sermon by HP HC titled: Addictions

This took me an hour to write and edit and was very tiring. So please don't take my advice for granted and liberate yourself. Also if you liked my post please tell me. I love when my brothers and sisters appreciate my help. Forgive any spelling or other mistakes on my part I wrote this on my phone. I am also not a native english speaker.
 
Invictus2 said:
Aquarius said:
What triggers your destructive tendencies? When you want to do something that is good for you what is it that prevents you from doing it? I don`t think it`s just a lazy feeling, there must be some kind of mental loop, do you feel that whatever you do will be meaningless? Do you feel like there is no hope? Tell me what you feel inside of you, the negative self talk that you dwell on and your emotions that impede your growth.
At this point I just don't have the energy anymore... And I am aware that the more I think bad of myself the worse it gets. But I can't help it.
I get too stressed at home and I think it's what makes it even harder... And then I get exhausted to the point of simply not care anymore as everything seems pointless no matter how hard I try. That's when I start losing hope when I keep getting stressed despite my efforts. And then when something bad happens, when I'm put under extremely stressful situations, I eventually break. And then I give up. Last time I was in really bad shape financially. And that made me just quit. The other time heart broken. The other time... Who knows anymore. I don't keep track anymore. Been way too many times. Honestly I feel anything may trigger it these days...

I've been thinking and I believe it's related with my aura of protection... The stress at home. Somehow. That part anyway. I think that I pick up bad energy that may or may not be meant to me anyway and I reflect into the people around me, originating stressful situations or worse... And I'm not sure how to fix this easily in a proper way. As I don't really have much time to sit down and relax and do meditations... I'm always on the run. I used to meditate at 5 am before work. And do some stuff while at work, or during driving. These days I can barely crawl out of bed in time for work...

I think a lot about quit smoking drugs and get active somehow despite the injuries. Get productive. Quit eating thrash and all that stuff. But there's just no motivation... I get up the next day, get wasted in the morning to ease the pain and get going with my day. I know someday I'll get the motivation back up and running but I'm not sure I'll be able to keep it going or for how long.

Another thing I forgot to mention before is, I keep seeing Ravens everywhere I go. This has been happening on and off for months now. I'm not sure what to make of this. I've done some research on the matter, and it's actually what brought me back here, been reading through the forums to see if anyone had this happen before as well... From what I gathered the Raven had all sorts of interpretations from all around the world. Some folks believe it's a bad omen, some folks think otherwise. Everyone seems to agree that it's definitely a sign of change. Whether it be good or bad. I personally would like to think it's a sign from Satan himself. The Raven is sacred to him. So it would make sense. However I find it hard to believe that a being light years away would be interested in some random dude that's been stuck in his head for the past decade. Sometimes I wonder if these Ravens smell death approaching me. I know they do that in Nature. They'll spot an injured animal and wait until it dies. I'm feeling lost and hopeless. And can't find the means to fix this. I thought the meditations would clean me from inside out and fix me in time. Little by little. But I haven't even been consistent enough to see that happen. There's always something that makes me give up.
You'll have to understand that this is life. Life is hard, at least in this jew dominated society. You have to learn how to cope naturally with stress, it's unpleasant but it's what will make you grow into a happy and more mature person. Using drugs will just prolong your suffering, you're doing yourself no favor by using drugs.
But not only do you have meditations, you also have Satan and the Gods as a guide, they will always be with you and guide you, you literally have gold in your hands, but you can't see it. Satan DOES care about you, you're his child, I'm inclined to believe that the ravens aren't a coincidence, Satan wants you to take care of yourself and advance, you must stop the self destructive tendencies, only then will you grow and become a great person.
Don't go all in, it will be very difficult, start with stopping drugs, then remove the bad tendencies along the way. Speak to Satan, tell him your problems, open your heart to him, and ask him to guide you.

Good luck.
 
Guys first of all I must apologize for the long text I'm about to write. I'm sorry you guys have to go to the trouble of reading all of this nonsense to help a brother out. And I really understand the effort and I know how tiring it is. I have been on that side, in what feels like a lifetime ago, when I was at my best moment. But I feel I must explain it thoroughly so you can interpret it correctly and hopefully successfully help me out.

@Academic Scholar
Thank you very much! This helps put things into perspective. I have read the articles and have downloaded the books to start reading. I'm also getting more active in the forums and have been reading some stuff, there's a lot going on. I've missed so much information in this whole time... I need to catch up.

Thanks for the suggestions, I have never tried invoking the earth element never got that far into working with the elements, but doesn't seem to be too hard to do, I'll try that when I manage to get on my feet and start meditating again. The affirmations you quoted from Maxine, I already do them. And they work like a charm. It's great boost in the beginning until all the dust settles, it helps me keep going, and I usually do 40 days and then stop. Suppose I should do it for longer. Also I used to do them while at work because sometimes I fell asleep. But at work I guess I can't achieve the same level of relaxation and might not be as effective. As well as being interrupted constantly by people asking for stuff (I work as security guard). I guess it's just like HP Cobra said one on of those posts, me trying to hack my way through, deluding myself it will work without dedicating all the required effort on it. I mean it did work, but not as much as it should, since I eventually quit, so I must be doing something wrong.
Will also add the “I am positively accepting the new habit of meditation in my life, and I know it is positive for me.”
Never tried that one either.

I did try some workings a very long time ago, with Ur and even done the Munka one. But I got lazy and quit. Again. The Munka was several years ago, and I remember having some bad reactions to it... Lots of weird feelings came to the surface. Which I later figured was normal and was to be expected. But I couldn't handle it back then. And it even lead me to sort of renouncing Satan and the whole JoS for a long time. It was that crazy. You have no idea. I deeply regret the things I said, the things I felt, the things I did and what I did not do. I have already apologized to Father Satan and the Gods for that one. But... Apologies are for the weak. I am well aware of that. Actions is what truly matters. In the big picture.

I need to rethink my whole schedule. Again. And include these meditations. I know the lack of time excuse is old. But I don't really have much time on me. With working, cleaning, taking care of pets, my plants and vegetables, family that needs me, go shopping and whatever unexpected shit that gets thrown my way quite frequently... Everything is so time consuming. However, as Cobra said, time is wasted on a daily basis without people even realizing and I am perfectly aware of that. I can relate to all those words. So I'll have to pay attention to my behaviors and improve my time management. Which is why I prefer to do it first thing in the morning. I usually wake up at 5 am and do my thing. Because after work, I will fall asleep even if I just sit in a chair... If I sleep in the morning or for whatever reason I can't do my meditation in the morning. The day is shit. Because afterwards I most likely won't be able to stay awake if I sit down and try to relax. I need a back up plan. Also the anxiety kicks in, for not being able to keep up with the schedule. And starts snowballing into bigger things. And that's when I eventually get exhausted physically and mentally and give up.

@Master - I know in my heart it is entirely true. What you just said. Basically sums it all up. Which is what I'm trying to fight here. The lack of self discipline and seriousness, and figure out how to keep pushing forward no matter what. I believe it is a "symptom" and not the actual root of the problem. I'm afraid it goes deeper than that. You make it sound like I'm lazy for the sake of being lazy. Which sometimes I feel like it. Because after all, all I know is laziness. Honestly, I feel like that sometimes, that I'm just a lazy ass with no hope of salvation. But I like to believe it's possible to overcome this. It must be. Otherwise I'll be doomed that's for sure.


@mercury_wisdom
Thanks for the kind words. They really mean a lot for me.

I know what you said about suicide to be true. I guess the programming does play a role in that one, as the mind thinks suicide is an easy way out. Dissipating into the universe and cease to exist. Honestly if I didn't have people and animals depending on me, I might have pulled the trigger by now. And I am well aware it doesn't work that way, not until I am fully depleted... But the dumb part of my brain usually thinks it's best on the other side. Can't imagine what that would feel like. If I can barely hold my shit together these days. Don't want to imagine getting worse on another lifetime... I guess for a normal person, that alone should be motivation enough to get moving.

I like your idea of engraving it on the soul not to postpone the meditations and do it no matter what. I might have to make that my life mission...

What you said about feeling filthy and negative, I can totally relate to that. Specially the pain. I literally thought I was going to die like a week ago. I had a very strange serious pain in my chest out of nowhere, I thought that was it, I could barely breathe. Do you want to guess what my thought was? "I'm not ready to die" lol it actually makes one laugh, because I spend my days thinking about suicide and when the time to die may come, I don't want it anymore. Which is my whole dilemma. I can't live and I can't die. One time I was watching YouTube videos on suicide came across this girl that had a very rare disease and she said that she always thought about death, the life was very miserable having to deal with that illness living in hospitals. And I remember on her last videos before she died, where she spoke about actually having died before, for a couple minutes, and also about her imminent death that was inevitable, she was saying she was wrong all along. That she didn't want to die at all. And when the time comes, a person only thinks about life and how it could've been. But in that moment, it is too late. Really sad story, brings me tears to remember that girl that has sadly passed already, but I learned from that lesson. I will never forget those words. Though my mind plays tricks on me still, from time to time.

I am a completely different person from the one who meditates. Like day and night. It's like there's 2 of me living inside me. Like one day I'm smoking a joint wasting my time playing video games, then the switch turns on in my brain for some reason, next day all the weed is in the thrash can, and I'm meditating and doing things. And I can keep going for months feeling unstoppable. Until something happens. When one arises, the other dies out. And I don't like being this way. Not one bit. I don't like instability and not being able to be in control sometimes.

As for talking with Father Satan... I used to speak with him in my mind when I started. It was good. But at some point I assumed no one was listening. Either I didn't have the power to reach him, or he wasn't interested in me. Who cares about a junkie anyway.. Either way I had too many expectations back then. I still think I might not be able to reach out. Not even sure that I do it properly. When I try to connect, I imagine the sigil in gold white. And try to imagine myself surrounded with electric blue energy. Then I say what I gotta say. Also I don't know my who my GD is. I've done the working the first time figured was Astaroth, second time I figured was Amon Ra. Who knows if it's true. I'm not gonna trust the judgment of my younger self on that one. Might have to do it again.

I'm not going to be able to do yoga in like forever, because it aggravates the condition. I can't force my spine can't twist it either. I've done hours and hours of research on easier Asanas. But I have little knowledge of what is good and what is not. And I didn't try much of it. Paid a professional to help me out, and that didn't work either obviously. Kundalini yoga hurts as well. I don't know what to do. I feel like I'm missing out. I asked this question years ago, because I always have had a back injury but I can get some things done. Sometime ago people said to replace with breathing exercises. And the bioelectricity is there, that's true. But it's not the same thing. I can get the yoga going, but after a while it adds up and I start feeling pain. Now with the condition worse. Can't even imagine. I wish there were easier poses.

Now on astrology I have read the entire thing on the JoS website, and I didn't get to the point where I was able to read my chart and understand it. I also did some research outside the JoS and needless to say got me even more confused. I know it's the most important thing and I have been lazy, again trying to hack my way through, but what can I say... Another excuse... I'm reading the JoS again, I feel I need to read it again through the eyes of today, and that might help remind me of what I'm doing here. So eventually I'll get to the Astrology part hopefully will get it better this time.

Also, I would like to ask, how can I prevent my family from getting their own bad or my own energy getting into them by being deflected by my aura of protection. I noticed this happens some times and it makes me uncomfortable with that fact. My family despite being Christian, I love them and I will continue to care and provide for them for as long as I am able to. This is not something I can just ignore. I tried in the past and didn't feel good. I was thinking maybe add an aura of protection to each and every person living in the same space. But that would add like 30min to 1 hour to my already tight schedule. Don't think just affirmations would do the trick. Runes and whatnot are also time consuming. But I don't want to leave this one behind this time. Nor do I want to do a shitty job trying to save time. it must be done properly. So I gotta come up with something that works and is not hard to do, and hopefully something I can do anywhere if I must.


@Aquarius
Yeah, that is correct, I need to learn how to be in peace with myself at the very least to be able to face the world. There's no point in running or trying to hide I know. Sooner or later I'm faced with a choice of either continue on with the destruction and embrace death. Or make my move and fight to live another day. I'll have to work on the connection with Satan and the Gods. I admit it has not been on top of my priorities as it should. Been trying to figure this out on my own but it seems is not the right approach. I'll start slowly this time and see how it goes from there.



I'm glad you guys understand where I'm coming from. I will keep your advice in my mind and will came back here to keep re reading this post. I really appreciate you taking the time to write all this to share your experience and knowledge. This have helped me greatly, I have some new ideas that I have never tried and they do look promising. I'm not saying I'm gonna start meditating tomorrow (it's not impossible, I've done that sort of thing some times), but I'll keep reading what was suggested and hopefully the switch will turn on soon enough. I don't want to let your time go to waste and I will apply what I read here as best as I can. I will write all these ideas and come up with a plan and start working on it.
It's really exhausting for me to open up with other people and this text took me several hours to write (on and off during work), but hopefully I managed to explain myself properly. I can't thank you guys enough. Really warms my heart to know I'm not alone in this fight.
 
Hi! I'm back here. I got good news and bad news. I've been working on a plan to work on the issues mentioned. I wasn't even going to say anything until I completed the plan, but recent developments made come back in here. The plan was simple, whenever my brain switches to warrior mode (should be soon, I can feel it coming...) I'll start very simple, 40 day program as I usually do. When I finish the program, I've got my own which I already figured out which is:

4x Kundalini Yoga - basic spinal series (I know it's nothing, but it doesn't hurt the back doing just 4 reps, and I suppose it counts for something though little...)
Breathing exercises x8
Void 2min
Aura/Chakra cleaning
Aura of protection - 10x Surya / 10x a cool affirmation I found in the forums.
Chakra rotation
4x sanskrit mantras in each chakra
Emotional/psychological working with VIN (starting Sunday, 20th June at 16:05 London time)
Meditation to connect with Father Satan
Affirmations for self hypnosis (to make boost the acceptance of meditation in my life)

I'm also going to try taking a couple breaths of Earth. Going very very very slowly as I read it's dangerous and I don't want to create another problem.

Also trying to come up with a safe Hatha program. Found some great stuff looking through the forums that do look promising. I haven't been paying much attention to that right now as my mind is all over astrology at the moment.

Now, what brought me here.
I thought the program above would solve most of the issues... Or at the very least boost me up into the next level. In which I intended to start a Munka working. Anyway, though I said I would read the Astrology part whenever I get there as I read the JoS again... Something inside me kept insisting that I learned it now. And so I did. I've been reading it non stop for the past couple days and it's mind blowing. And it's not as hard to understand as I pictured it. Though it is extremely hard... Simply put, I figured it all out. I need to search no further. I know why the things evolved into what they did during my life. I knew it all along it had to be something very deep within my soul. All this suffering... I only understand a few things, I'm still studying, but from what I've been able to comprehend so far, it doesn't look good. Saturn rules my chart. Neptune retrograde in the first house. Also saturn in the first house. Along with other two planets I haven't read about yet. The anxiety is high right now. I had a little panic attack when I figured it out... And this is only what I know so far, which is very little. Haven't even gained the courage to look into the aspects... Scared of what I might find. Also there's a lot of stuff I don't understand but I'll cover those on another topic in the Astrology forum.

Anyway, what I want to ask is, is this program enough to sublimate all of this energy working against me plus whatever else I don't even know yet? I believe not, but I'd like to confirm with you guys. How can I even do that? And when? Should I bring bigger guns to this fight right now with 0 progress, or wait until I'm a bit more advanced...? I'll keep trying to figure out the chart for now but I'd like to come up with a plan to fix this issue once and for all otherwise all of this will be pointless for the millionth time and the loop is going to repeat itself again as it's fated.

Thanks for all the help, really. I got a feeling this might be it. The breaking of the loop. I never had this knowledge before. And knowledge is indeed power... I now know where it all started and hopefully will find out how to make it work.
 
The more you focus on "simple" things such as cleaning, aop, void and hatha yoga the better you get and placements such as yours will not manifest their negative side, but rather the positive side for you.

I found out that using the following hatha yoga routine as a template worked for me: https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Yoga2.html

I simply add and remove what I want to that one, and repeat it every day. It is very important to stay consistent with this practice as that way one will reap the most benefits and advance steadily.

One more thing. As your knowledge of yourself increases and you can handle doing workings no problem you can target specific areas of yourself with mantras to effectively changing the course of your life. It's not going to be huge at the start, but change is change no matter how small. I see that you have begun increasing the knowledge. Now you simply have to stay on that path and keep on improving so that you'll get somewhere. So don't be afraid of what you'll find out. You were made to beat the challenges ahead of you.

Good luck. You are off to a good start. Don't give up.
 
Empowering mantras, at this point, is useless for yourself. You're gonna empower dirty chakras and empower the dirt too. You need to do a cleaning regiment. Instead of sanskrit mantras use the mantra Visuddhi, it's a cleaning mantra, clean all your chakras one by one and your aura too.
 
Aquarius said:
Empowering mantras, at this point, is useless for yourself. You're gonna empower dirty chakras and empower the dirt too. You need to do a cleaning regiment. Instead of sanskrit mantras use the mantra Visuddhi, it's a cleaning mantra, clean all your chakras one by one and your aura too.

I wasn't going to use the empowering mantras straight away. My program was to be started as soon as I completed the 40 day program from HP Cobra. This is what I usually do. However might still be too soon regardless? Never really experienced the effects of empowerment... Maybe that's why.

Visuddhi - vibrate this in each Chakra? How many times? Any affirmation required?
Also should I vibrate that into the aura as well?
I found that Sun related stuff work really well on the aura. Tried a few, aum, RAUM, Sowilo and Suryae they work great for the aura, I never done it on a daily basis though. I need to completely change my strategy and how I approach my spiritual life. Whatever strategies I tried in the past didn't work. I'm going to be very well prepared this time. I want to think it all through. And prepare for the worst times. Get my guns ready to strike when needed.

Thanks!
 
Invictus2 said:
Aquarius said:
Empowering mantras, at this point, is useless for yourself. You're gonna empower dirty chakras and empower the dirt too. You need to do a cleaning regiment. Instead of sanskrit mantras use the mantra Visuddhi, it's a cleaning mantra, clean all your chakras one by one and your aura too.

I wasn't going to use the empowering mantras straight away. My program was to be started as soon as I completed the 40 day program from HP Cobra. This is what I usually do. However might still be too soon regardless? Never really experienced the effects of empowerment... Maybe that's why.

Visuddhi - vibrate this in each Chakra? How many times? Any affirmation required?
Also should I vibrate that into the aura as well?
I found that Sun related stuff work really well on the aura. Tried a few, aum, RAUM, Sowilo and Suryae they work great for the aura, I never done it on a daily basis though. I need to completely change my strategy and how I approach my spiritual life. Whatever strategies I tried in the past didn't work. I'm going to be very well prepared this time. I want to think it all through. And prepare for the worst times. Get my guns ready to strike when needed.

Thanks!
Whatever of those sun related mantras or Visuddhi you decide to use it is paramount that you do it every day when you wake up and before sleeping. Also always after rtr, and sometimes just for the sake of it after meeting alot of people and such. It will not only lift you up, but help you be well and grow.
 
Invictus2 said:
Aquarius said:
Empowering mantras, at this point, is useless for yourself. You're gonna empower dirty chakras and empower the dirt too. You need to do a cleaning regiment. Instead of sanskrit mantras use the mantra Visuddhi, it's a cleaning mantra, clean all your chakras one by one and your aura too.

I wasn't going to use the empowering mantras straight away. My program was to be started as soon as I completed the 40 day program from HP Cobra. This is what I usually do. However might still be too soon regardless? Never really experienced the effects of empowerment... Maybe that's why.

Visuddhi - vibrate this in each Chakra? How many times? Any affirmation required?
Also should I vibrate that into the aura as well?
I found that Sun related stuff work really well on the aura. Tried a few, aum, RAUM, Sowilo and Suryae they work great for the aura, I never done it on a daily basis though. I need to completely change my strategy and how I approach my spiritual life. Whatever strategies I tried in the past didn't work. I'm going to be very well prepared this time. I want to think it all through. And prepare for the worst times. Get my guns ready to strike when needed.

Thanks!
It might take years, as HPS Maxine has also stated, to completely clean your soul.
You can vibrate in your chakras 4,8,9,18 times in your chakras, or whatever other number you want. And yes you vibrate in your aura too.
Empowerment comes after having a clean soul, before that it's counter-productive.
With cleaning it's also intended to do freeing the soul workings for the areas you struggle in life.
 
Invictus2 said:
Aquarius said:
Empowering mantras, at this point, is useless for yourself. You're gonna empower dirty chakras and empower the dirt too. You need to do a cleaning regiment. Instead of sanskrit mantras use the mantra Visuddhi, it's a cleaning mantra, clean all your chakras one by one and your aura too.

I wasn't going to use the empowering mantras straight away. My program was to be started as soon as I completed the 40 day program from HP Cobra. This is what I usually do. However might still be too soon regardless? Never really experienced the effects of empowerment... Maybe that's why.

Visuddhi - vibrate this in each Chakra? How many times? Any affirmation required?
Also should I vibrate that into the aura as well?
I found that Sun related stuff work really well on the aura. Tried a few, aum, RAUM, Sowilo and Suryae they work great for the aura, I never done it on a daily basis though. I need to completely change my strategy and how I approach my spiritual life. Whatever strategies I tried in the past didn't work. I'm going to be very well prepared this time. I want to think it all through. And prepare for the worst times. Get my guns ready to strike when needed.

Thanks!

I found doing tai chi & hatha yoga the easiest. Just start doing this every morning for half an hour with no exceptions. You'll feel better after a while for sure, there is light at the end of the tunnel, trust me
 
I don't think I can consider this to be advice, but it is something I started today for myself and I think it could help you.
It comes from this article by Lydia:

https://www.ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=92

...
Step 2: Part 1

When you are in the process of changing your life, you need to go all-out. This is your life we are talking about, are you going to half-ass it with a watered-down method to kinda see if things maybe change a bit, or are you going to be like a machine and ruthlessly obliterate your obstacles to create the life you know deep down that you deserve?

….Which takes us to the optional Part 1 of this Step 2. Many people, from lifetimes of brainwashing, do not believe they are worthy. Worthy of happiness, worthy of success, worthy of love, and so on. You need to change this. Why? Because you are a child of Satan, one of His Warriors. Of course you are worthy. You are of the Elite, you deserve to have the very best in life. The completion of this step will benefit all workings you do from now on.

...

I never did this working and got stuck in the same loop as you, even emotionally. I did other workings, but something prevented them from manifesting completely, and my intuition tells me it is this feeling of "no matter what, it won't work for me."

So I say we try this together!!!
I am using the Uruz rune x100 vibrations, my affirmation (translated from italian) is "Any and all obstacles preventing me from feeling worthy of happiness and success are now destroyed and completely dissolved, in a healthy, positive and permanent way for me."
 
Regardless !of the miserable life you may be going through, don't take your life away, you have no idea what happens to those who do this…

If they knew the entities they attract when they smoke and drink, they wouldn't use drugs...

Do you think your protective aura harms your family?! Ouch!
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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