I need additional support guidance, in the form practical advice and Satanic intervention, my hope i that in attention to my own daily efforts. First I must say I am a spiritual Satanist, view Satan as my Ancestral God (God of Gods, Enki) an primogenitor an am aligned in support of the Gods (Demons) Divine ones. My hope is I will be offered help.
Fist some background I and my Sister have been involved in left hand path since childhood I think it innate.
I perceive the Astral can sense movement of it, an have had some genuine occult expenses but this is about horrible delusion and the still effective though lessen consequences of a nervous break down, risk, and hospitalization followed by what I believe to be post traumatic stress. Still suffering the after effects.
Given the Alien delusion I suffered, though three are other analytical reason for my nervous breakdown.
I have,given the ability of shifting perception to alter hearing of ones own voice
then suspending disbelief to facilitate the illusion that I am talking to someone (fictional recognized character) or any sound I wish at will ''to think in.
As it is now, I suffer from largely insulting childish an cruel imaged insults. No hidden psychological intent.
I have gotten past reaction or often wording of fantastic elements, mostly just brutal gang/thug yet childish sophomoric (but obscene) style bully auto Responder message, (metaphor) AND OBSCENE WORD GAMES WHERE i COMPLETE ALMOST INSISTINGLY THE SENTENCES WITH OBSCENITIES AND KEEP GOING AWww CALLING MYSELF IT...AND THOUGHTS ARTICULATE INANELY mentally,HUMILIATING MYSELF WITHOUT INTENT...Although I cannot honestly be, by words as thoughts, I do not intend no made by anyone else. Logically speaking.
( i HAVE Even HAD A-HOLE ADE TO HE END OF MY OWN Sentences NORMALLY SPOKEN (THOUGHT IN TH MIND, BUT HAVE BEEN TOTAL SANE AND Functional THIS WHOLE TIME . iT SEEMS JUST TO BE WORDS....( LUCKILY MY PHILOSOPHY Is SELF ACCEPTANCE AND NON-PROBLEM Ownership.
I always know I am right sane, intelligent and have ingrained the habit through trauma and previous creative means of simulating talking an answering myself, it is, sometime rarely intermittent but wont stop,. but interactive sometimes horrible.
I understand the why of this an how it came to be, anyone could incur this mental lucidity and program, without physiological complex auto resulted messages (self insulting, Blasphemous into there head.,
This story is about a nervous breakdown an mental self endangerment that ended in hospitalization and a morbid fantasy of being in a alien simulation (while really walking up the road being integrated while lying in my bed.
In my hearing was made to feel I was inducted, threaten an even trained, to the point of questioning reality and after not eating for 7-10 days but soda to the point of refusing food walking up the road an being told to jump out in front of a car to en the Alien simulation, more but I wont say ''all fiction''...the worse came from every horror movie and anti-communist propaganda piece I ever read) (news stories an such atrocities)
This is highly censored and I am very ethical the opposite of that, of Satanic ethic, is well...very bad to imagine (or hear) in ones mind.physiological suffering beyond imaging to most people.
Words of delusion Against everything I love and stand for. I would appreciate keeping me in mind in the Satanic sense.
This could not have happen without lack of food and sleep for an extended period of time and other extraneous factors. I would have known at once.
I annualized it all, took apart the mental images, recognized there sources, but u to word avoidance for 6 months could not gt back into the occult watch a television program (no input) was insulting myself in the toilette and shower.
Trying to avoid haring blasphemous insults against Satan and avoiding the word Alien at all cost. fear avoids and post traumatic stress kept m avoiding the fact that I was speaking to myself, massive stimulation of the fight or flight mechanism near constant panic sometimes.
I would forget I could make the sound (thinking in voice+fear searches+mental aversion to not recognizing you think altering perception of voices by turns) tell jokes or any anything,.
The essential unreality horror story and sexual perversion nearly drove me mad ''not really but in a manner of speaking.
It is and clearly me talking to myself. (it was about fake tests, communion, lizard (while in the ambulance) in in the sky blasphemous false hearings of not-satan.
When they took me in the ambulance... I had stomped my glasses thought I had been force to wriht I heart communism in my note book experienced existential horror imagining and was overheard in the hospital and it go me involuntarily committed (during which I had a horrible mental interlude think horror hospital movies, being no more 300 years gone and torched physco-sexual put in machine...forgot borg interlude and such charming thoughts as experimental animal no world/brain in a jar type ((like the 80's horror movie)..
All that.
That was 8 months ago.
The damn pattern of talking to myself like I said hearing of inane thoughts (word association, repeated and add libed, (can sometimes or at will catch myself...this tortures me still as I said. I started to us mental pictures astral body language, mapping feature of the brain to react to this.Sense feeling of things, recall from 8 month ago imagined experience. This is mostly gone.I have mostly stop the picturing for he sounds now. loathing but no more irrational fear bad response, Never any real inner intellectual fear.
Though I'm totally sane and as a Satanist by force of will living a normal life. I think its also the minds fixation on the insults and patterns, Ie answer/respond repeat phrase add lib, (no intend, no real meaning, much cross contextualization, redundancy beyond imaging (totally repellent and idiotic, with lines from fiction...as I would never willingly insult myself.
For a time I had to o the mental equivalent of doing everything one handed. I intend to ask Daemonic involvement as I do the work of the 8 fold path of Astarte.
Fist some background I and my Sister have been involved in left hand path since childhood I think it innate.
I perceive the Astral can sense movement of it, an have had some genuine occult expenses but this is about horrible delusion and the still effective though lessen consequences of a nervous break down, risk, and hospitalization followed by what I believe to be post traumatic stress. Still suffering the after effects.
Given the Alien delusion I suffered, though three are other analytical reason for my nervous breakdown.
I have,given the ability of shifting perception to alter hearing of ones own voice
then suspending disbelief to facilitate the illusion that I am talking to someone (fictional recognized character) or any sound I wish at will ''to think in.
As it is now, I suffer from largely insulting childish an cruel imaged insults. No hidden psychological intent.
I have gotten past reaction or often wording of fantastic elements, mostly just brutal gang/thug yet childish sophomoric (but obscene) style bully auto Responder message, (metaphor) AND OBSCENE WORD GAMES WHERE i COMPLETE ALMOST INSISTINGLY THE SENTENCES WITH OBSCENITIES AND KEEP GOING AWww CALLING MYSELF IT...AND THOUGHTS ARTICULATE INANELY mentally,HUMILIATING MYSELF WITHOUT INTENT...Although I cannot honestly be, by words as thoughts, I do not intend no made by anyone else. Logically speaking.
( i HAVE Even HAD A-HOLE ADE TO HE END OF MY OWN Sentences NORMALLY SPOKEN (THOUGHT IN TH MIND, BUT HAVE BEEN TOTAL SANE AND Functional THIS WHOLE TIME . iT SEEMS JUST TO BE WORDS....( LUCKILY MY PHILOSOPHY Is SELF ACCEPTANCE AND NON-PROBLEM Ownership.
I always know I am right sane, intelligent and have ingrained the habit through trauma and previous creative means of simulating talking an answering myself, it is, sometime rarely intermittent but wont stop,. but interactive sometimes horrible.
I understand the why of this an how it came to be, anyone could incur this mental lucidity and program, without physiological complex auto resulted messages (self insulting, Blasphemous into there head.,
This story is about a nervous breakdown an mental self endangerment that ended in hospitalization and a morbid fantasy of being in a alien simulation (while really walking up the road being integrated while lying in my bed.
In my hearing was made to feel I was inducted, threaten an even trained, to the point of questioning reality and after not eating for 7-10 days but soda to the point of refusing food walking up the road an being told to jump out in front of a car to en the Alien simulation, more but I wont say ''all fiction''...the worse came from every horror movie and anti-communist propaganda piece I ever read) (news stories an such atrocities)
This is highly censored and I am very ethical the opposite of that, of Satanic ethic, is well...very bad to imagine (or hear) in ones mind.physiological suffering beyond imaging to most people.
Words of delusion Against everything I love and stand for. I would appreciate keeping me in mind in the Satanic sense.
This could not have happen without lack of food and sleep for an extended period of time and other extraneous factors. I would have known at once.
I annualized it all, took apart the mental images, recognized there sources, but u to word avoidance for 6 months could not gt back into the occult watch a television program (no input) was insulting myself in the toilette and shower.
Trying to avoid haring blasphemous insults against Satan and avoiding the word Alien at all cost. fear avoids and post traumatic stress kept m avoiding the fact that I was speaking to myself, massive stimulation of the fight or flight mechanism near constant panic sometimes.
I would forget I could make the sound (thinking in voice+fear searches+mental aversion to not recognizing you think altering perception of voices by turns) tell jokes or any anything,.
The essential unreality horror story and sexual perversion nearly drove me mad ''not really but in a manner of speaking.
It is and clearly me talking to myself. (it was about fake tests, communion, lizard (while in the ambulance) in in the sky blasphemous false hearings of not-satan.
When they took me in the ambulance... I had stomped my glasses thought I had been force to wriht I heart communism in my note book experienced existential horror imagining and was overheard in the hospital and it go me involuntarily committed (during which I had a horrible mental interlude think horror hospital movies, being no more 300 years gone and torched physco-sexual put in machine...forgot borg interlude and such charming thoughts as experimental animal no world/brain in a jar type ((like the 80's horror movie)..
All that.
That was 8 months ago.
The damn pattern of talking to myself like I said hearing of inane thoughts (word association, repeated and add libed, (can sometimes or at will catch myself...this tortures me still as I said. I started to us mental pictures astral body language, mapping feature of the brain to react to this.Sense feeling of things, recall from 8 month ago imagined experience. This is mostly gone.I have mostly stop the picturing for he sounds now. loathing but no more irrational fear bad response, Never any real inner intellectual fear.
Though I'm totally sane and as a Satanist by force of will living a normal life. I think its also the minds fixation on the insults and patterns, Ie answer/respond repeat phrase add lib, (no intend, no real meaning, much cross contextualization, redundancy beyond imaging (totally repellent and idiotic, with lines from fiction...as I would never willingly insult myself.
For a time I had to o the mental equivalent of doing everything one handed. I intend to ask Daemonic involvement as I do the work of the 8 fold path of Astarte.
