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Help - I want to die

Yagami Light

Active member
Joined
Sep 21, 2017
Messages
589
Location
Greece
Website
odysee.com
I've been meditating for more than 7 years now. I had been doing yoga for a long time and other various meditations. I stopped doing most of these due to time restraints. Nowadays I follow all the RTR Schedules, do protection and Raum. I also started the Sun square for healing (for a physical problem).
For the last two years I have been wanting to die but I don't commit suicide because I don't want to hurt my family.
I know that solar plexus rules our will, self-confidence etc. However, I've done so many meditations and I don't think empowering my solar plexus chakra will solve the problem. I've done yoga etc (5 Tibetans, hatha, kundalini etc)... I've done munka with the proper affirmations... I've done meditations to raise my energies and used affirmations to attract situations and people that make me happy and satisfied... Nothing has worked even though I did it with the utmost emotion. I just don't want to live. I don't want to try for anything to survive.
I still do the rituals though, because I love Satan and the Gods, and I do wish to make Satan's children realize the truth about him and about the enemy.

But my life is purposeless.
I don't have many friends (just one) and that's because I don't have common things with others. I prefer to be alone anyway. I am now searching for another job with the intention of moving to another country with that friend. But many times I wonder why I do that. Why search for another job? Why earn money? Why move? For "better living conditions?" To "earn money easier" in another country? What for? I don't care.
I used to dream of having enough money to buy two houses, then rent them, then I wouldn't have to work. But even under those conditions I wouldn't be happy. It would all be the same.
No one knows how I feel. I don't know what to do. I just feel empty.
I'm also very embarrassed that I admit these emotions here. I'm embarrassed of how I feel.
 
I completely understand how you feel with this. This world seems like a completely empty and meaningless place. I have really given up on the idea of having a lot of money gaining it the normal way under the current system anyways I don't want to be a slave to do it but I still do money meditations over and over in hopes of causing the energy to force something.

Suicide no.

Yes I truly wish I could just leave this forsaken planet with everything in my being. However I am reminded I am not even alone so far as the Gods are concerned. For example Lucifuge went through being on a planet totally overrun by the enemy. I think of that whenever I start to lose hope. That many others have been through what I have and we're awake.

But this planet truly is not my home I understand that. But I could not commit suicide cause I would be right back here through reincarnation anyways and there is hope.

Things are getting better day by day so far as the energy. People are waking up. Soon we may be able to be at home on a planet that isn't our home. We will have other SS and people to talk to who are more free.

So meaningless and purposeless yes that is my life and yours but own it and don't worry it will have purpose soon enough it's a waiting game.

Have hope.
 
New Username said:
I've been meditating for more than 7 years now. I had been doing yoga for a long time and other various meditations. I stopped doing most of these due to time restraints. Nowadays I follow all the RTR Schedules, do protection and Raum. I also started the Sun square for healing (for a physical problem).
For the last two years I have been wanting to die but I don't commit suicide because I don't want to hurt my family.
I know that solar plexus rules our will, self-confidence etc. However, I've done so many meditations and I don't think empowering my solar plexus chakra will solve the problem. I've done yoga etc (5 Tibetans, hatha, kundalini etc)... I've done munka with the proper affirmations... I've done meditations to raise my energies and used affirmations to attract situations and people that make me happy and satisfied... Nothing has worked even though I did it with the utmost emotion. I just don't want to live. I don't want to try for anything to survive.
I still do the rituals though, because I love Satan and the Gods, and I do wish to make Satan's children realize the truth about him and about the enemy.

But my life is purposeless.
I don't have many friends (just one) and that's because I don't have common things with others. I prefer to be alone anyway. I am now searching for another job with the intention of moving to another country with that friend. But many times I wonder why I do that. Why search for another job? Why earn money? Why move? For "better living conditions?" To "earn money easier" in another country? What for? I don't care.
I used to dream of having enough money to buy two houses, then rent them, then I wouldn't have to work. But even under those conditions I wouldn't be happy. It would all be the same.
No one knows how I feel. I don't know what to do. I just feel empty.
I'm also very embarrassed that I admit these emotions here. I'm embarrassed of how I feel.
For a person to feel like this, there is a lot weighing down on their soul. These problems may even stem from past lifetimes. As you can see, the problem is not external. Because money, a well paying job, the people around you all didn't help with fixing the underlying issues. You might want to dive deep and ask yourself a number of questions. Why do you think you feel like this? Was there a time you were genuinely happy? What happened to change that?

Try identifying what may have caused you to feel empty inside. Empowering the chakras is not always the solution. Sometimes you might be empowering the dross in them. As has been stated before, cleaning is way more important than empowering. In your case you will likely need to do a full working to heal whatever is causing these feelings. This working by Lydia is also excellent for healing all sorts of psychological issues and mental hang ups.
https://ancient-forums.com/viewtopic.php?f=17&t=22610&p=96188&hilit=Waunyo#p96188
 
New Username said:

This makes me sad. Don’t commit suicide, your problems won’t vanish, they would get worse and you would also carry them in your next life. You have to work on them here and now, advancing, removing your problems and empowering your life and soul.

Intention in magick is very important, I don’t know if strong emotions help you with that. Intention does.
However if you feel too strongly about something and your mind keeps driving on that all times, I think it even destroys your magick.

Sorry to see that you are severely depressed.. you have to remove it.

Blackdragon said empowering is sometimes even bad... but a higher level of vril makes me actually very happy.
Try to do a working and state that you are always happy. I did it recently, and it worked... I didn’t care about it, but now, I realise that this is actually VERY nice to be happy I mean.

„Don’t quit. Suffer now, and life the rest of your life as a champion.“
Imagine how amazing your life will become, once you removed all the blockages and problems, empower your life and shape it as you like.
This alone should be reason enough to keep fighting.
 
New Username said:
I've been meditating for more than 7 years now. I had been doing yoga for a long time and other various meditations. I stopped doing most of these due to time restraints. Nowadays I follow all the RTR Schedules, do protection and Raum. I also started the Sun square for healing (for a physical problem).
For the last two years I have been wanting to die but I don't commit suicide because I don't want to hurt my family.
I know that solar plexus rules our will, self-confidence etc. However, I've done so many meditations and I don't think empowering my solar plexus chakra will solve the problem. I've done yoga etc (5 Tibetans, hatha, kundalini etc)... I've done munka with the proper affirmations... I've done meditations to raise my energies and used affirmations to attract situations and people that make me happy and satisfied... Nothing has worked even though I did it with the utmost emotion. I just don't want to live. I don't want to try for anything to survive.
I still do the rituals though, because I love Satan and the Gods, and I do wish to make Satan's children realize the truth about him and about the enemy.

But my life is purposeless.
I don't have many friends (just one) and that's because I don't have common things with others. I prefer to be alone anyway. I am now searching for another job with the intention of moving to another country with that friend. But many times I wonder why I do that. Why search for another job? Why earn money? Why move? For "better living conditions?" To "earn money easier" in another country? What for? I don't care.
I used to dream of having enough money to buy two houses, then rent them, then I wouldn't have to work. But even under those conditions I wouldn't be happy. It would all be the same.
No one knows how I feel. I don't know what to do. I just feel empty.
I'm also very embarrassed that I admit these emotions here. I'm embarrassed of how I feel.
If you'd truly align your intentions with Satan's , you'd understand that He wants you to be Happy , Powerful and Functionally Satisfied! You simply don't find purpose in the world because, as it is now , is a shallow , superficial realm, where nothing external really ever satisfies any desire, and where manifestations of positive things , if not backed up by large amounts of effort and energy, simply fall apart.

It is HARD! But nobody ever told me it's gonna be easy when I entered this path! And I'm in the same fucking situation as you are(mostly)! Apparently aimless, No Friends, No social interaction , and even jobless 4 the moment. Is this where I'm going to cut the line only because I feel sad?? What sorry ass FEELS ever brought fourth anyway???

Be a Warrior , for Ancient Gods sake and fight! Fight the gloom! Fight the fog and just AIM for a true desire! Even if that is finding YOURSELF! Life is WAR!

You never ever actually wanted to end your existence , you only ever wanted to live in full blown ecstasy and total experience of what REALITY ,the TRUE Satanic one, Has to offer! When you'll arrive at that conclusion your inner DAEMON will react and you'll start blazing away petty limits like those! RISE AND BURN LIKE THE SUN!

black-sun-symbol-wallpaper-digital-art-wallpapers-om-symbol-wallpaper--800x445.jpg
 
You have to defeat this cynical mindset. Life is about living it, and doing the utmost to be happy.

You should go to the woods sometime, go in a place where you will not be disturbed, and observe the life around you.

In the vastness and infinity of this universe that has no end, what is the purpose of this little flower?
9e8427f969f6558e6199b1a1349ffadd.jpg

Think about this.
 
New Username said:
I also started the Sun square for healing (for a physical problem).
Yet you haven't said what your problems are? Is that you do not have friends? Is the physical problem you wrote about? If yes, what is that problem? Is lack of money?
 
New Username said:
For the last two years I have been wanting to die but I don't commit suicide because I don't want to hurt my family.
Actually, you would hurt yourself the most in the case of suicide over such an issue. You're basically trying to run away from fixing your own problems. If you would do that then you would have harder time fixing the same sort of situation in your future life/lives and actually even risk dissipation of your soul.

Best to heed the advice others have given you and attack this issue head on. Fix it, and enjoy the fruits of your labor when problems are in the past.

Good luck.
 
I understand how you feel most of the time i feel like i don't want to do anything or even live most of the time yet something still makes me continue with life and not completely give up i however have become pretty numb and mostly don't feel much emotion at all toward really anything even evil stuff i've unfortunately given up for the most part people don't seem to want to change for the better except of here an the Joy of Satan and some places online from where i live and most parts of the world the people are so asleep that they seem okay with being destroyed no matter how blatant it is and my family is brainwashed with those stupid abratard "religions" like my brother today said pisslam taught science and i didn't seem to care and other nonsense and some fun stuff they were talking about i felt nothing and rather disconnected just like how i feel while typing this just no emotion no passion barely motivated have to ALWAYS force myself to do something even if minor like walking or little exercise or yoga before tiring out and of course i'm still a virgin but thankfully i got plenty of advice on how to fix that from here and multiple sources i'm just not sure if a dating app will work or not but i'll try it regardless of the outcome but i barely feel any sex drive whatsoever like that part of me seems to be giving up for some reason even though almost everyday i masturbate yet barely feel anything probably due to porn and no sex which i've cut back most of the porn especially since i barely get feelings from it anyway. also i truly feel that most people will probably perish if they don't wake up soon yet most channels on youtube for example support those fucking religions seriously are people that dumb and atrophied also after being told how i still have trouble visualizing so i don't know how i'll ever work magick to fix some of my problems especially karmic love problems and yes sometimes i think of harming myself like destroying my sex drive and cutting off my penis however i would never go through with it since its fucked up and also despite having friends i feel empty and never really do what i want if i could do what i want i would just make a decent pay contributing to society even if it was a simple contribution and live in my own home or apartment have a firepit and once or month visit a brothel and have a bisexual orgy since i don't trust anyone enough to really wanna be in a relationship with them despite society saying that you must be in a relationship to have sex or else your "bad/selfish" seriously can't wait to go back to Polytheistic ways in society and forget about modern society and its kike leaders. sorry for the long rant i felt like i had to vent and tell how i really feel and yes i'm really depressed and take that stupid ablify which i'm sure is harming me.
 
New Username said:
I've been meditating for more than 7 years now. I had been doing yoga for a long time and other various meditations. I stopped doing most of these due to time restraints. Nowadays I follow all the RTR Schedules, do protection and Raum. I also started the Sun square for healing (for a physical problem).
For the last two years I have been wanting to die but I don't commit suicide because I don't want to hurt my family.
I know that solar plexus rules our will, self-confidence etc. However, I've done so many meditations and I don't think empowering my solar plexus chakra will solve the problem. I've done yoga etc (5 Tibetans, hatha, kundalini etc)... I've done munka with the proper affirmations... I've done meditations to raise my energies and used affirmations to attract situations and people that make me happy and satisfied... Nothing has worked even though I did it with the utmost emotion. I just don't want to live. I don't want to try for anything to survive.
I still do the rituals though, because I love Satan and the Gods, and I do wish to make Satan's children realize the truth about him and about the enemy.

But my life is purposeless.
I don't have many friends (just one) and that's because I don't have common things with others. I prefer to be alone anyway. I am now searching for another job with the intention of moving to another country with that friend. But many times I wonder why I do that. Why search for another job? Why earn money? Why move? For "better living conditions?" To "earn money easier" in another country? What for? I don't care.
I used to dream of having enough money to buy two houses, then rent them, then I wouldn't have to work. But even under those conditions I wouldn't be happy. It would all be the same.
No one knows how I feel. I don't know what to do. I just feel empty.
I'm also very embarrassed that I admit these emotions here. I'm embarrassed of how I feel.


Pointless killing yourself.


Seek help instantly.

Satan needs strong warriors.

Come on Pal.
 
You need to start working on cleaning your charkas from filth and blockages. Also freeing your soul workings would do good. Plus healthy lifestyle without excessive passive entertainment will help you get on the right track.

In your current condition even if you would get off with a prostitute every day you would still have underlying problems. You need to fix the internal for the external to work in your favor.

As for the so called medication you are taking. In best case scenario it would hide the issue you are having all the while causing side effects, and that's the best case scenario. Please, take control of your life.
 
New Username said:
I've been meditating for more than 7 years now. I had been doing yoga for a long time and other various meditations. I stopped doing most of these due to time restraints. Nowadays I follow all the RTR Schedules, do protection and Raum. I also started the Sun square for healing (for a physical problem).........

Man,i guess you didnt apply energies properly,or there has to be something that you are doing wrong.
7 years is a lot of time and you are opening about it now is kinda strange,most people talk about it in 5-6 months of practice but anyways try cleaning ur chakras everyday and a little empowerment everyday,main focus should be on cleaning and a little empowerment everday.
Also are u using affirmations correctly? Stating in present tense while focusing on what u want and imagine what u want in the color which supports it?
Other factor can be,you started things in void of moon and kept on contuining on it which wont bring u results.
About sun square use proper affirmations and check if u started in its signs of fall and when sun is detriment,if u did it will have little to no effects at all.

I hope u are not a kike and using "meditations dont work even if you do them for 7 yrs" kinda thing to infiltrate and driving away newbies by making them feel these meds are of no use.
Suicide is not an option u will only carry problems in ur next life.

This forum unlike others will really treat u like a family,take care teach you and guide u in the right direction.

NinRick said:
.........

Yes,emotions helps to amplify magic. for example **Feeling** having sex with loved one while attracting particular person amplifies it drastically.Whatever it is use astral senses while affirming,after u are done with raising energies,feel the touch,smell,feel it happening right now while also engulfing it in the color supportive of working. It sounds kinda complicated but once u get used to it is really helpful and comes easy. It all is done at once.
 
I got_abs said:
Yes,emotions helps to amplify magic. for example **Feeling** having sex with loved one while attracting particular person amplifies it drastically.Whatever it is use astral senses while affirming,after u are done with raising energies,feel the touch,smell,feel it happening right now while also engulfing it in the color supportive of working. It sounds kinda complicated but once u get used to it is really helpful and comes easy. It all is done at once.

What you say is true. But this is not really emotional, but rather a good visualisation and Intention. And both is very important.

Visualisation amplifies your working by a lot, and Intention alone makes it possible.

Often, when you reached a certain point, INTENTION alone is enough to manifest certain things.

Emotions on the other hand can either amplify your working, in so far that you put intention into it... OR it destroys your working, because you want it too bad and let your mind drive on it all the time, and let doubts appear, etc.

This is my view on things tho.
 
NinRick said:
What you say is true. But this is not really emotional, but rather a good visualisation and Intention. And both is very important.

Visualisation amplifies your working by a lot, and Intention alone makes it possible.

Often, when you reached a certain point, INTENTION alone is enough to manifest certain things.

Emotions on the other hand can either amplify your working, in so far that you put intention into it... OR it destroys your working, because you want it too bad and let your mind drive on it all the time, and let doubts appear, etc.

This is my view on things tho.

Oof i worded my post differently. What i meant was if u use astral senses while affirming the emotions do follow automatically and emotions do amplify workings. Using astral senses to attract someone while affirming,u automatically start to feel those feelings of love and those butterflies in stomach,for money workings u start to feel “rich” and joyful inside even if u were neutral before starting affirmations. Emotions automatically follows good visualisation. Keep them going in a relaxed way and dont fight them.
For the second part Yes that is true brother,i myself wonder on workings and results sometimes but then where voids comes in,one can easily bring his/her mind in present and not think about it and it goes away.
 
Thank you everyone for your responses. After writing my topic and reading your messages I got a lot of things to think about. I now understand that my problem is not so much spiritual as it is mental. (my perspective on certain things and how I considered them to be some sort of 'punishment' for me) I still do need a lot of empowering, I know that. But the way I was looking at things made me feel trapped in a way that life was pointless. Truly thank you for your responses, as you made me think through things I wouldn't have considered otherwise.
I also started reading from the start the notes I had been writing on my black journals for all these years. I was so happy back then as I had a different mindset. I can now understand what is the problem that made me feel so trapped.

Crystallized Mushroom said:
Hey, it's good to rant. :) If you have such low libido/energy/will, and if you have sexual hangups, perhaps your sacral and solar chakras have issues? I would advise a munka meditation with affirmation to release yourself from sexual hangups: https://www.satanisgod.org/www.angelfire.com/empire/serpentis666/Freeing_the_Soul_2.html
As for people being asleep to the truth, and stupid youtube channels that promote the jewish religions, you should remember that people who have our beliefs do not make their beliefs public. So we're hiding, we're working in the shadows. But we're still here. So it's normal to see more often the delusional people, than people like us. Because people like us hide their beliefs in order to be safe.

I got_abs said:
I hope u are not a kike and using "meditations dont work even if you do them for 7 yrs" kinda thing to infiltrate and driving away newbies by making them feel these meds are of no use.
Anyone who does this sort of thing must rot. I am and will always be forever grateful to Satan for everything he has given me and to all humans as a whole. And I have changed significantly as a person (surpassed countless mental/emotional/spiritual issues) by meditating.
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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