I'm afraid to not become or already by bipolar... i don't even want to think about that, but sometimes i go through different moods, like from sad mood to tired, from tired to party, from party to love etc. I see that happen especially night, is because im tired? Cleaning aura, and aura of protection can get me ride out of this sick thoughts? This thoughts that you are sick, you have this and that, comes from the enemy?

You seem to have as stated an over reactive mind that is out of control and is causing you grief.

The most primary meditation for your right now should be void, and let the other details get on the side for now until you have control.

My younger brother is bipolar and is in and out of the hospital because of this. He has even gotten "ETC" treatment. Electronic shock to the brain. I would never even dream about doing that shit even if was suicidal :?

Meditation, yoga and exercise in general is my best advice along with being with good people who cares about you.
They never recommend yoga at the hospital and I've tried to push my brother to do some meditation at least but he's simply not into it. It feels a bit hopeless sometimes :/
And it's not just him who won't listen to me about the importance of yoga and meditation. Nobody ever does really.