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Meditation Results & Perseverance

Sundara

Active member
Joined
Jan 20, 2020
Messages
1,562
As satanists we take a head on dive into the battle of life. We enter into a world of chaos in search of something greater than ourselves, and the ultimate pursuit of knowledge and truth. Self-knowledge and purification being the highest form of achievement a person can go to, all while continuing a life far removed from where it should be and how the Gods intend our planet to be. Educating ourselves every day on not just ideals but how to fill in a proper role as a Satanist here. It’s filled with not only mental chaos but physical chaos, and we grab a hold of this life and choose to live it despite any resistance. At times it’s one step forward two steps back, hell, even most of the time.

A person can choose to do this in any way they would like, but all true satanists have courage whether they wear it on their sleeve for the world to see or keep it inside and carry on in silence. A person can do this without isolating themselves from the outside world just as healthily as staying in the shadows. Even in places where the sun doesn’t shine much, there’s still something this world has to offer us and we can find our place in it. We are all interconnected in this war through consciousness whether we like it or not, and I’ve found that isolation for me doesn’t make a single bit of a difference. I don’t think any of us should be afraid of growing up and having friends and a career, it’s not a risk to your satanic values if you’re a real Satanist. We’re capable of understandings that the Gods carry and they work with people every day in any way they can, even if some they’re helping are not their personal favorites or friends or really much to them. I personally care heavily about other people, near or distant and I have to find ways to express that fully. Whether it be helping someone cross a street or being a shoulder to cry on. Or calling on child or animal abuse whenever I recognize it. Or planning something that could prevent suffering for a large number of people.

This road has been packed with a lot of humbling experiences and roadblocks but there really isn’t a single thing that can’t be worked past, and a part of living is the fight that comes with it.

After this last year of going to places in my mind I never imagined I’d reach or see, taking meditation to a level I didn’t realize I was capable of, the results have been worth every second. It took time (years) of perseverance, trust, and living in order to gather the rest of what I needed to safely reach these places - there are physical results that are undeniable.

I had been dealing with a condition that would’ve likely resulted in death eventually, not odds I wanted to gamble on, and it was inescapable for the most part. It was not leveling out and I was in a place where I truly thought this was just going to be a fate to accept and I even reached a certain point of acceptance of it. Facing that though gave me this immense push forward and a fearlessness that I needed. The condition has now leveled out entirely and has seemingly dissipated after just a year. Something unheard of coming from where it was. I made no dietary changes or changes to exercise aside from yoga. I had tried every diet before then. My actual tests are actually normal, I broke down when I got that test back recently. Pure happiness.

I dealt with extreme ocd and it was debilitating for years, since a year after my dedication. My mind was filled with total chaos and repetitive thoughts, sometimes spiritual. Mantras repeating through my head 24/7, but also filled with other strange abilities that set it apart from regular ocd like this obsessive urge to do math in my head. Sometimes equations would obsessively run through my head at lightning speed and it was total misery. I’d sometimes even be able to do calculus that I’d never been taught and I’d get the answers right, but it was utterly miserable. I obsessively wrote out pages of natural laws that I’d observed, only to find out they were Newton’s laws and were already there. That was kind of fun but strange. Overall it was miserable though. There was this obsessive urge to know everything in existence and it was just some weird thing my mind had to do and the more I tried to control it, it sank me under. So through years of just practicing letting go of all of this despite how tough it was it got to a bearable point, but was still there. I still counted out stupid pointless things, and had trouble settling thoughts down.

This is completely gone now. All of it. Every obsessive anxious thought I had, gone. My mind is no longer like a broken record in any way shape or form for the first time in 13 years. There’s now a mental clarity and peace constantly. And any second I’m not busy, like driving or listening to music, it’s even more peaceful. Everything just seems so alive.

I don’t feel insecure anymore and I understand all different parts of myself in a way that flows perfectly together. Life just makes sense now. All of that mental chaos and so many questions are just gone. I don’t even have any questions anymore, hardly ever even for the Gods. I use to ask them so many questions, just in passing. I received an answer for every single one of them and even when I didn’t realize it.

In short the most amazing thing is that I’m no longer looking at having a liver transplant in 5-7 years and that’s really something. That alone makes every bit of this path worth it. We have so much to live for.

On top of that my financial situation just improved greatly, on top of a massive work improvement right on Ostara. Perfect timing. We get to have it all as satanists, even through the wildest of storms, we get to come out on top. We don’t have to be sunken under, as long as we can understand patience perseverance and will. We truly CAN have it all. Wealth, health, family, passions, careers, and happiness. We can have it all in this life if we have the will to do so and make sacrifices for it. We don’t have to live in misery.

Life is really good and it’s always a blessing to be living this life, especially in the hands of the Gods. We can come out of anything. As long as we always want to improve. Others can’t say the same.

Hail Satan and Happy Ostara! I hope everyone has a fulfilling holiday.
 
Beautiful post, Sundara! I am glad you are finally happier and peaceful. Keep at it and stay strong my satanic sister!

By the way why are you describing your past condition as the worst thing to happen to you? I mean the way you describe it it sounds like a super power or a siddhi. Writing down laws that you thought of then discovering it was Newton's laws? That is extraordinary!

Maybe it is the mental noise, obsession and lack of focus that hurt you?

I don't know what is ocd. But what you had sounds interesting and could really be a powerful siddhi once sublimated and controlled in some way. Or maybe it is my lack of knowledge talking haha.

Either way I am glad you are happy and peaceful. Best of luck sister!
 
Extremely happy to hear our SS succeeding to their purposes and evolving. Know that this is only the beginning and we have a garden full of fruits ahead of us to indulge from.
 
mercury_wisdom said:
Beautiful post, Sundara! I am glad you are finally happier and peaceful. Keep at it and stay strong my satanic sister!

By the way why are you describing your past condition as the worst thing to happen to you? I mean the way you describe it it sounds like a super power or a siddhi. Writing down laws that you thought of then discovering it was Newton's laws? That is extraordinary!

Maybe it is the mental noise, obsession and lack of focus that hurt you?

I don't know what is ocd. But what you had sounds interesting and could really be a powerful siddhi once sublimated and controlled in some way. Or maybe it is my lack of knowledge talking haha.

Either way I am glad you are happy and peaceful. Best of luck sister!


Thank you for listening!

It was really strange the way it was coming out, I’m sure in some way it’s an ability but it came along with suffering because it was something I had little control over. Void meditation even seemingly made it worse but I can’t verify. It took a long time to unwind my mind. I had to strongly make myself desire giving that up in order to have mental clarity and peace. I can still do certain things but it’s a more intuitive and gut-based now. Observing natural law is still something I enjoy and like to think about. I had actually tried to “decode” the entire universe once and even received an idea about nuclear fission energy creation but that was something someone was already working on too. In a way it was all kind of pointless especially because of the lack of peace. And no ability to recreate the equations on paper. I think it was important to understand and find these things on my own, but at the end of the day it seems like the highest realization and peace comes from just existing in the moment. I seriously could not do that in the past though, and I tried everything. Obsessions are weird and hard to deal with. Acceptance of the fact that abilities and power can come through this can help a person control them more than just trying to get it to go away and be “normal,” but also I do just try to get on another persons level at times and just be normal which does also help.
 
Congratulations for your achievements!
I am really glad you fought your problems and now is over.

How did you deal with your ocd? What kind of spiritual works did you do?
I am not thinking always to equations like you, but my mind is always elaborating something. I have
more than one aspect on my chart (Neptune retrograde, Grand Trine in Water, ...) which point to "live in my own fantasy world and daydreaming", which it is, but now that I am developing more on my spiritual path, this has become unbearable.

I can try to hold it like 30/40 seconds, but If I try to do something else, puff, back again to my fantasy world.

Your experience and your success is very inspiring to me.
Thank you.

HH
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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