SouthernWhiteGentile said:
Thank you blackdragon for the heartfelt REAL TALK. I will share with you my own experience with my “father” and see if I can help you with this.
The other week, “dad” tried to kill me. He shot three times into the living room ceiling and then pointed the gun right in my face. He had the biggest grin on his face I have ever seen. He called me a faggot bitch many times and talked about how we wanted to beat me to death. Thankfully my grandmother saved me and after he went to sleep she took me away from there.
I believe he has undiagnosed schizophrenia. He thinks whenever he walks into the store that everyone is talking about him. Extremely paranoid. He also smokes an absurd amount of marijuana and drinks a 12 pack almost every day. Refuses to seek any help or see a doctor. My grandmother is afraid to kick him out. It is an injustice that still today he is walking free today.
The day after he texted me some BS apology and I basically told him to fuck off and never speak to me again.
Almost every night when I’m lying in bed trying to sleep I relive this experience. I imagine myself violently murdering him and I absolutely would if I could get away with it. I believe it is the only way I can be set free. My mother thinks I need to talk to a therapist about this but honestly I trust you and most people here more.
My point is don’t be so upset that you don’t know your father, he is probably a bad person which is why he didn’t bother with you in the first place. I wish I didn’t know mine.
All we can do as men is like you said, just be the best fathers and role models that we can possibly be. The only reason I am weary of having children is because I don’t want to turn into him, I already see it in my mannerisms, the way I talk, some of my behaviors and tics. It is my ultimate fear. I think my paternal bloodline is cursed.
I'm very sorry about your father. Total idiot, especially with the drugs you are better off away from him. At the very least he should be in a mental institution or a rehab center for drug addicts.
My father was alcoholic too and would sometimes beat up my mom until she faked fainting. I understand why she ran away. I probably would have endured years of physical abuse at his hands.
I know you will be a great dad! Don't let that guy's wrong choices in life rub off on you. I can see your passion for your people in all your posts and you certainly would never give a damaged or neglected young man or woman to your society.
At this point you don't have a great need for a father figure so you will be well without him. If he could be taken to a rehab and get any other needed help, he may become a bit more ok and maybe you guys will have better relations some decades from now. But I strongly suggest for now the right authorities be contacted because it's uncertain who he may hurt during one of his episodes. I am even concerned about your grandmother. It would be better if he got the necessary help than spent some years in jail.
And your paternal bloodline is definitely not cursed. Patterns can repeat in families for some reason (like poverty, crime, drugs etc) but we as SS should not be prone to this. I would have said a prayer to Yahweh or something before I became a deadbeat dad in my life.
Henu the Great said:
I can relate to absent father / shitty father figure. It sucks, but we can raise above the low level thinking.
Which leads me to think maybe it's about our personal karma also? Not just theirs.
Quite true. It does show up in my birth chart (Neptune in the 4th for example, I don't want to reveal much). Collective degeneracy perhaps.
I've seen the same with another person. Their parent has Capricorn on their 5th house. They personally have Virgo on their 4th house and the ruler of this house in conjunction with Neptune which shows an abusive mother. The mother is one of the chief abusers in their life, especially emotionally.
SouthernWhiteGentile said:
Blackdragon666 said:
I heard he wanted to see me on his deathbed so I am always curious about what he wanted from that, and I always wonder whether he had experienced a change of heart and come to care in some way.
Also about this, he 100% did this for himself. These people are sociopaths. His thought process was probably,
“I never cared for this boy or gave him anything, but he still came and saw me on my deathbed”.
Do you know what this does for the ego of a narcissist? He would have been very happy if you went and visited, not because he actually cared or wanted to see you, but because he got one over on you.
I could be wrong and maybe he did change and wanted to make things right but doesn’t everyone want to do that when they are dying? Neither of us knew the man so who knows for sure. My mind is probably so fucked that I think everyone is like this.
You make a fair point. This man had so many years to reach out but apparently the last moments were when he wanted to see me. Even if he did change, you don't just erase certain things on a whim. I am just glad his absence didn't affect the person I became negatively.
victory666 said:
Hi BlackDragon666,
This is just a thought, but is there anyone that you can talk to that knew your father before he passed on ? Was he remarried and wife still alive that you could get information from about how he felt for you or if he had a change of heart but couldn't face you until his deathbed? Does he have other living relatives, or even other children that could help you understand the situation better?
Hang in there. You have a whole community here that is willing to help and give advice.
You've already started a worthy process by cleaning your soul of this issue. Yes, hatred will come out, but hanging onto it will probably effect your mind, soul, and ability to move forward.
Looking forward to hearing others chime in to help.
Hail Father Satan
I have one aunt who was close to him. Her daughter and I chat frequently and recently she told me the guy had three more kids with other women. Apparently he neglected two of those as well, which just makes me hate him more. I am considering talking to this aunt about the matter in depth, might pay her a visit.
It's honestly astounding how much pain the soul can burry. I never focused much on my childhood issues and I just pushed them to the back of my mind and enjoyed the little good things I could. Now I'm doing this working and out of nowhere I'm feeling so much pain and anger at someone I always thought I didn't care much about. But I'm doing better now, way better than two days ago where I was considering visiting his graveyard. Many people out here talk about healing but they really just forget, and we know the soul never forgets.
Indeed, I have actually only shared the issue on here and with two SS friends. Thanks a bunch and Hail Satan!
Ramier108666 said:
I can deeply understand that feeling. Same with my own. He's still alive but he's in jail. And plus add Six more kids. Five other girls and another son from different women. He wanted to get us together one day and honestly I have inner hatred because he talks to them alot and then calls me once in a while and pretends to say that he called when I have evidence by saving the prison number so I knew when he did. He has favorites, and I'm usually sitting there wanting some attention, outwardly just trying to be intelligent, uplift my race and bring some kind of honor in a way to my family line. Inwardly I cry, but hey guys gotta be tough. You know the whole new age masculinity.
So I decided I wouldn't go because I'll be too pissed off. Best to just not even be in contact. I have nothing to say to him. My other siblings? Well I'll let them be ignorant a little longer, then when they get a real good kicking, I'll enlighten them. Whether they listen well that's not on me.
Thank you for sharing as well brother. I've been rather angry and I know that coupled with the Jews, it's my feelings of being neglected that cause it.
I can relate about the favorite parts. On my side only one child got his attention but the rest of us were left to fate and other people, though I'm yet to get the full details.
Being an SS at this point in time when we're witnessing the jew world order unfold in America and the rest of the world is a very big honor.
A man has indeed got to be tough but we do feel too. Something about dad issues hits very deep, even for men. I hope you feel better brother. I can suggest you make plans someday for a 40 day working to heal this particular wound. Or maybe just regular cleaning or your serpent cleaning you may bring it up for you to deal with it and be free. I am way better than I was when I made the original post.
If it makes you feel better, he's not the only father you ever had (in terms of lifetimes). You can definitely do without his attention and love. If you want to talk to me I can give you one of my private emails.
Enki4ever said:
I understand about having a neglectful father. Mine was a total asshole and nuts to boot. My mom learned the hard way why she needed to stay away from him. I have no clue if he is alive or not. If he is dead then I know a few from his family that passed on that are kicking his ass because of the shit he had done. About the only good thing I got from him was part of my 'power'. Thanks to his grandma I was introduced to the spirit world at age 7 and have had a connection with her ever since. His grandma predictied my birth before she died and was strong spritually.
I still hold a lot of anger inside thanks to him. I'm not sure how to release it in a healthy way. It likes to try and come out in violent ways. How are you cleaning your soul of these issues?
Hail Father Satan
I understand you. You can add Lydia's base chakra yoga asanas to your meditation routine. Though I would really suggest a full working in the most convenient time for you (waning moon in Scorpio or Pisces) in addition to that.
As SWG mentioned, if you think about it you would have been more damaged if you had him in your life because of his abusive nature.
I am almost 20 days into this working, using Uruz and the Ganesha mudra during affirmations (I loosen the grip slowly until the 9th rep). The things coming out have been so intense, I have considered dropping the working several times but I will not.
Dahaarkan said:
He did owe you care and support, this is a man's role in his family. It's especially aggravating if he was financially capable but chose not to provide for his family. Subhuman trash. I can somewhat relate my father has always been a useless, distant pothead. It's important not to dwell on this for too long and move on though. Just keep moving forward and be a better man.
A man creates stability and security for his family first, for his nation second. Men who don't work towards this are in my opinion stunted and useless.
Very true. The bastard had kids with more than one woman, was wealthy but ignored them. I am doing better now, had to endure unending hours of intense negative emotions. Thanks
