I still remember back when I dedicated, I hadn't really read much of the JoS site yet (a friend taught me personally, and I simply knew already at that point that there was nothing that could change my mind), so I didn't know anything about Guardian Demons or that I would be assigned one.
After I dedicated, the next few evenings when I did void meditation I sensed a warm, pleasant presence near me. I wondered if the energy I felt could be from a God or Goddess.
So I asked my friend about it, and he was like: "you do know you get assigned a Guardian Demon when you dedicate, right?"
We had a good laugh about it.
Then I figured I'd have a look at the list of Demons on JoS to see what They're like. If one of the Gods was trying to guide me, then I was curious who it might be. Various ones caught my interest, but none really in particular. So I figured I'd just figure out the name later when I was more advanced and left it at that.
But then the next morning as I was taking a shower, a name suddenly kept coming to mind. I vaguely remembered seeing that name on the list of Demons the night before, but at that time I happened to skim past Her description; and yet I felt a very strong connection when I focused on Her name.
So I looked up Her name, and as I read Her description, the connection felt even stronger. Then in the evening when I felt Her presence again during void meditation, I tried communicating with Her and asking Her about it, and that's how I figured out who my GD is.
It's a fond memory. She's really helped me so much. I'm very grateful, and when I focus on Her I always feel motivated to work hard and make Her proud.
Kudra said:
I heard this from this forum several months ago. I have forgotten who said this or why he said this and I know not everything from the forums are trustworthy, but I always keep this in my mind as it is said that this message is from Satan.
I was once curious about who is my guardian and tried to find out. But afterwards I stopped and think it is a waste of time. It is not myself who can decide or choose guardian. I feel myself is just like goods on the shelves, waiting someone to choose me or be abandoned to the dustbin. Does it matter which demon I have affection for or be attracted to?
Maybe I am wrong but I don't think every person who have dedicated have guardian demon. Demons choose us. If someone is annoying enough then he won't be chosen by any demon and he won't get any mercy from Satan. Then, sorry brother, just waiting for your death and don't forget to fight for Satan's interests at the last second of your miserable life although no one cares about you.
I also remember that it is mentioned in the Joy of Satan website that people can't perform the Dedication ritual twice and no one have the second chance. There is no way back. No matter what is the reason, those who made mistakes won't be forgiven, will never get the chance to improve themselves or live on. I hate it when someone tell me that Satan won't abandon those who follow him. How do you know this?
Anyway, ignore my babbles if you don't like this. I just want to relieve some of my pressures and sufferings in this way.
I'm trying to calm down and do something meaningful. Thanks for replying me at least it give me a sense that as if someone would care about me.
I think everyone is assigned a Guardian Demon and that the Gods always try to help in the most healthy and efficient way possible.
So if someone acts entitled and doesn't put in an effort (or as you put it, "is annoying enough"), then They help by showing him/her that one doesn't get anywhere in life by begging for things and leaving everything to others when there's so many things one could do for oneself. They help by keeping their distance.
If this person then realises his/her mistake and starts making a serious effort, the Gods will reward him/her by helping with the difficult parts.
So I don't think it's a matter of the Gods abandoning people who aren't worthy like you suggest, but rather, They try to motivate people to help themselves. Because that's the only way a person will truly grow.
As for forgiveness, I have another story. I realised two weeks ago that I had made a horrible mistake.
A few months ago, someone I was close to tried to connect to what he thought was his GD (who he thought was a very high ranking Goddess; I won't mention Her name, but that already seemed slightly odd), but instead this caused both of us to become connected to some kind of strange energy that replaced all of our connections with the Gods we knew with illusions resembling Them (even Satan), which then started telling us lies to manipulate us.
Not realising what happened, we took everything at face value and did many things that were very blasphemous in hindsight. We even got 7 other Satanists involved in it and began acting like some kind of hivemind.
With the help of one of the illusions, I was devising a plan to spread that hivemind on a global scale in order to control the masses to achieve world domination in Satan's name - which seemed like a noble idea to me at the time, but now I realise just how terrible the consequences would have been.
Even if such an insane plan succeeded, it would not be a Satanic world order; it would be a global cult full of blasphemous ideas that pretends to be kind of Satanic. Cults aren't Satanic at all to begin with. It would just lift yet another veil over the Truth, rather than enlighten anyone. And all the actual Satanists that got caught up would just become lost and stagnate.
When I realised I had been manipulated and believed so many blasphemous lies, I panicked because I could barely hear the real Gods anymore. Even as I spent hours meditating and trying to push out the dirt that had accumulated in my Soul, I just ended up exhausting myself, falling asleep and then waking up a few hours later from nightmares and feeling the hivemind's energies inside me again, and start over.
At times I felt hopeless. I was afraid of it just being an endless struggle, and I wondered if the Gods would really want to help someone who had fallen as far as me or if They would just abandon me.
But I'm not the type to give up. So that feeling of hopelessness just made me even more determined. I decided that even if rumors spread about what happened and other Satanists thought of me as an enemy, and even if the Gods were to abandon me and never talk to me again, I will dedicate my entire life to doing as much for Satanism as I possibly can, both in realistic, practical materialistic ways, by doing the rituals recommended by JoS, and by guiding more people to JoS so that they can grow and join our side.
It's been two weeks now and I'm starting to feel more and more like myself again. I even started to feel my GD's energy again, and Her energy feels just like it used to before the whole mess started (the energy of the fake version felt slightly different somehow, like it was mixed with some other energy). This leads me to believe that I've been given another chance, which really warms my heart and just makes me feel even more determined. I will always work as hard as I can so I can truly feel worthy of Their forgiveness. I am incredibly grateful that the Gods still intend to guide me in working for Them after everything that happened.
Mistakes are to be learned from. What meaning do the mistakes of the past have if the future is full of great achievements that help our cause at large?
I believe that whether or not someone should be forgiven depends
entirely on what he or she will do in the future. There may be people who are beyond redemption and will make the same mistakes over and over (or even pretend to learn from their mistakes while intentionally repeating them again), and people who have no intention of ever amounting to anything. But I believe those who learn from their mistakes and always strive to do as much good as they can - those who truly
dedicate themselves to Satan - should be given a chance to do so. There is no merit in rejecting someone like that.
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