HP. Hoodedcobra666 said:
TopoftheAbyss said:
Aren't the enemy ETs powerful enough to destroy an individual SS if they consider us a threat?
We are not Hitler and the National Socialists and the Gods may have more important matters to attend to instead of protecting a single SS.
They protect everyone so stop worrying. All SS are real important to them.
Is this a legit reply, or are you being a bit sarcastic here?
Anyways I disagree with you. Ive tried to do work for the gods in the past and ask them for help on certain things, but its like I was being ignored and everything was a disaster in the end. One of the things was about money and I had a bit of income that I was about to lose, but I ended up really losing it and that put me into complete misery and poverty that now even 5 years later I never have recovered from and still have 0 income and on the edge of homelessness. The total amount of money I have to my name right now is only like $115 and that's it, and it was just given to me by family members.
Ive tried to do money spells and things like that on my own in the past, and not ask for help from the gods so much, but the truth is I really cant free myself from this shithole all by myself and im going to need some serious help out of this soon, like within the next year or i'll just give up on life.
I also feel like im being attacked constantly and I always feel like im being watched by something and that something is always trying to keep my stuck in this shit and not letting up with it. I guess that most emotional outbursts and things that I go through are just caused by repressed emotions, and are coming mostly from me, but I cant say that a lot of the mental and emotional depression attacks that I have are coming from me alone, and they are most likely caused by enemy entities, curses, and things like that.
The gods have their own lives and the gods that are our guardians are mostly high ranking and are busy helping running Satan's empire. I understand they cant watch over us 24/7 but they do sometimes leave a aura of protection around us whenever they're busy in case we get attacked.
I wonder sometimes if its really just me that's overreacting and causing myself to go into fits of anger and emotional outbursts, or if it really is some enemy thing messing with me. And I wonder why I feel so damned alone and unimportant all the time, even though Ive tried so hard in the past to be a part of this. Ive always had a feeling of 'weakness and unimportance' that's plagued me and its effected my deeply to where Im completely quiet and I don't try to socialize with anyone anymore, or talk with any of my family.
I remember back years ago when I told Satan that I wanted to be a soldier and fight for him, but now it seems embarrassing to me that I ever said that, because of how low down and depressed I am all the time, and I admit that I haven't been doing a good job with the RTR lately and ive really been In a bad mood for a really long time.
Ive been seeing the number 666 like everywhere lately. Its completely obvious that the gods are trying to tell me something, give me some kind of sign, but im unsure what they want or what they are trying to tell me. Probably to do more of the RTR most likely.
I cant really do some of the vibrations of the RTR anymore, or some of the vibrations for important mantras, runes, etc. My front teeth are fucked beyond repair, and I cant get them replaced or anything without money.
I don't know what I should do anymore. I first came to Satanism because of greed and a need to escape the same shit im going through now. But the shit im going through now is much worse than it was 5 years ago. I don't want to say that this was an attempt to just escape from my problems in life, but Indeed it was for me. When I found joy of Satan I was happy to have found something that could help me out with the shit life ive been given, and I could use my own powers to do things and get myself out of bad times. It never really helped me at all to tell the truth. It was me just basically vibrating and chanting words to myself while sitting in my bedroom while my bitch methheaded mom was screaming and bitching at me to stop. I guess I am really a bad person and im just too greedy and shit on the inside for the gods to care much about me. But I will never say that I was always like that. When I was younger I was one of the most selfless and helping person ever and I loved animals and nature and things and I was a benevolent person. I guess over time poverty, greed, and hatred started to wither me down to who I am today. I had the most unhappy childhood, and I cant describe how much I hated my mom, and still do.
I guess ive turned into a really nasty and evil greedy person and that's why the gods don't care much about me. Ive been in some very unfortunate situations throughout my life, and through out my years in Satanism, and even though I ask for help in some of the most critical points of my life, It has always failed, and I suffer in life even more. Ive tried to be a part of this but I guess im failing too much and Its not really for me. I cant really stop though. I cant let everyone just go on and blaze past me while I don't even try to meditate or something like that. I'll always be trying to advance now that I know the truth, there is no stopping. But im always not making progress and im always stressed out over life issues to actually sit down and focus most of the time. I wonder in the future if everyone would just want to make fun of me for being 'weak' or something even though Ive been shit on all my life and Ive tried fighting for Satan and being a soldier. Ive tried to make Satanism the center of my life because I don't have much of anything else. Nothing has really changed for the better, even with all my effort to help myself. I know who my guardian demon is. I have known for a while now, I have never seen or spoken with them, or any others. I have never really felt any kind of presence around me, in my room, or whatever that indicates they may be there. The only thing ive ever felt around me is negativity and paranoia. I guess they think im not mentally prepared or something like that to be casually speaking with them or whatever, I guess I could agree, but im also saddened by all the quietness and failed attempts to contact them or ask for some help.
Sorry this is a little long, I needed to vent some things
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