Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

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HP Mageson666
Posts: 2425

Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby HP Mageson666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 4:44 am

Back by popular demand Slothz Tales


As the sound of motorcycles rumbled through the night, there Harley engines blasting at full throttle along with the sound of Billy Idol music filling the air the sound of the engines rumbled down highway 666. Caught in the high beams of the motorcycles was a lone ugly figure, running faster then a shitkinah wind as he gasped the look of wild panic and terror upon his already terrifying mug, his beak nose flapping in the wind, his blood shoot eyes wide with absolute terror. The freak was running hard but not hard enough and he knew it. The day of reckoning was here.

Jesus had made his second coming, being dropped off at a bus station by a reptilian space ship, to beg for hobo change with interest and generally bum things off normal people and harass them with incoherent shrieking in between trying to fart on them. However the one fatal flaw in Jesus's plans was the Slothz's found about him being back in earth town and after two thousand years of talking shit about Sloth, the Slothz had decided it was time to find Jesus.....And fuck his shit up.

The Slothz's caught up with Jesus at the local bus station bathroom that Jesus was cruising for ten year old catholic altar boys in, in between huffing the toilet bowls while shrieking his father is Hashit and this toilet bowl is his kingdumb. And threatening to unleash the shitkinah of his wrath upon people from the turd eye of his kabbalah god by farting on them if they didn't give him hobo dough.


As Jesus was running for his worthless life down highway 666 as the biker gang of motocyclingz Slothz's chased him, pelting him with rotten eggs, one of the Slothz's launched a bag of doggy diarrhea from a high powered sling slot as the gallon bag burst across the back of Jesus's head the mess splatting over his head and running down his back and whole face, pouring into his open gasping mouth causing him to gag harder and choke for more air as he ran with his arms waving through the air in front of him his attempts to shriek becoming even more worthless. Jesus liked to call Gentiles, Dogs and now he got to choke on doggy doodoo in return.


Jesus in a panic realized he was totally fucked as the leader Slothzbrah closing in on Jesus, yelled dominatingly "Slothz anit sin......Slothz is WINZ!" As he popped a wheelie with the front tire going right up Jesus's ass. Jesus had once talked clown like shit about telling Satan to get behind him and now here was the Devil's animal putting the Devil's boot up his worthless backside.

Jesus flew miles into the air attempting to shriek as the doggy doo ran out his mouth and down his throat, his ass on fire as he shot through the night sky as he sailed upwards. Slothzbrah pulled from the magic bag the swastika of Slothz charged with the power of the Final RTR he threw it like a chakram as it spun blazing with blue fire it hit Jesus blowing him into nothing but a dissipated could of fart gas causing all the grass within a mile radius to wilt.


And that was the end of Jesus.

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Shael
Posts: 2833

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Shael » Fri Dec 06, 2019 5:51 am

I'm glad Slothz Tales are back :)

Btw about the word "Chakram", is it a legit term or just a corruption? I saw it mentioned in LoL lately so I assumed it was just a corrupted word. What are its origins?
'Do not do anything useless.'
-Miyamoto Musashi

HP. Hoodedcobra666
Posts: 5851

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby HP. Hoodedcobra666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 5:57 am

Jesus: the only thing in the universe to ask interest on a nickel and say it will send you to hell for not giving it.
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ConsistentMeditator
Posts: 137

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby ConsistentMeditator » Fri Dec 06, 2019 8:36 am

The earlier slothz tales had more of a focus on the protagonists, for my personal taste this one seemed too gross in a lot of ways since it was all about the disgustingness of Jesus, the way they killed him was the biggest problem to me. I did really like the joke about how Jesus achieved his second coming by just hobo'ing his way onto reptillian spaceship and getting dropped off and then just randomly wandering around, though.

HP. Hoodedcobra666
Posts: 5851

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby HP. Hoodedcobra666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 8:51 am

ConsistentMeditator wrote:The earlier slothz tales had more of a focus on the protagonists, for my personal taste this one seemed too gross in a lot of ways since it was all about the disgustingness of Jesus, the way they killed him was the biggest problem to me. I did really like the joke about how Jesus achieved his second coming by just hobo'ing his way onto reptillian spaceship and getting dropped off and then just randomly wandering around, though.


Jesus is...

Image
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lilquote
Posts: 143

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby lilquote » Fri Dec 06, 2019 9:38 am

YES :D

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Shadowcat
Posts: 264

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Shadowcat » Fri Dec 06, 2019 9:54 am

This is great stuff great imagery too. Made me picture the southpark image of jewsus getting fucked up the butt with a boot :lol:.
Image

serpentwalker666
Posts: 233

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby serpentwalker666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 11:09 am

:lol: :lol: :lol: The imagery with this one, is just hilarious. HP Mageson Always on top of his Sloth Talez writing, this has to be almost my favorite one.

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Blackdragon666
Posts: 157
Location: Satan's earth

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Blackdragon666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 5:50 pm

HP Mageson666 wrote:Back by popular demand Slothz Tales


As the sound of motorcycles rumbled through the night, there Harley engines blasting at full throttle along with the sound of Billy Idol music filling the air the sound of the engines rumbled down highway 666. Caught in the high beams of the motorcycles was a lone ugly figure, running faster then a shitkinah wind as he gasped the look of wild panic and terror upon his already terrifying mug, his beak nose flapping in the wind, his blood shoot eyes wide with absolute terror. The freak was running hard but not hard enough and he knew it. The day of reckoning was here.

Jesus had made his second coming, being dropped off at a bus station by a reptilian space ship, to beg for hobo change with interest and generally bum things off normal people and harass them with incoherent shrieking in between trying to fart on them. However the one fatal flaw in Jesus's plans was the Slothz's found about him being back in earth town and after two thousand years of talking shit about Sloth, the Slothz had decided it was time to find Jesus.....And fuck his shit up.

The Slothz's caught up with Jesus at the local bus station bathroom that Jesus was cruising for ten year old catholic altar boys in, in between huffing the toilet bowls while shrieking his father is Hashit and this toilet bowl is his kingdumb. And threatening to unleash the shitkinah of his wrath upon people from the turd eye of his kabbalah god by farting on them if they didn't give him hobo dough.


As Jesus was running for his worthless life down highway 666 as the biker gang of motocyclingz Slothz's chased him, pelting him with rotten eggs, one of the Slothz's launched a bag of doggy diarrhea from a high powered sling slot as the gallon bag burst across the back of Jesus's head the mess splatting over his head and running down his back and whole face, pouring into his open gasping mouth causing him to gag harder and choke for more air as he ran with his arms waving through the air in front of him his attempts to shriek becoming even more worthless. Jesus liked to call Gentiles, Dogs and now he got to choke on doggy doodoo in return.


Jesus in a panic realized he was totally fucked as the leader Slothzbrah closing in on Jesus, yelled dominatingly "Slothz anit sin......Slothz is WINZ!" As he popped a wheelie with the front tire going right up Jesus's ass. Jesus had once talked clown like shit about telling Satan to get behind him and now here was the Devil's animal putting the Devil's boot up his worthless backside.

Jesus flew miles into the air attempting to shriek as the doggy doo ran out his mouth and down his throat, his ass on fire as he shot through the night sky as he sailed upwards. Slothzbrah pulled from the magic bag the swastika of Slothz charged with the power of the Final RTR he threw it like a chakram as it spun blazing with blue fire it hit Jesus blowing him into nothing but a dissipated could of fart gas causing all the grass within a mile radius to wilt.


And that was the end of Jesus.

That was a good Laugh :lol:
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EnkiUK3
Posts: 243

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby EnkiUK3 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 6:41 pm

Sloth Krew Number 1 HP :lol:

likman666
Posts: 129

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby likman666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 9:52 pm

"Oy Vey goyims how dare you make fun of our lord and saviour you think this is a joke goyims you are going to roast goyims in an eternal lake fire. OY GEVALT!!"

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Ramier108666
Posts: 371
Location: Duat

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Ramier108666 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 10:19 pm

serpentwalker666 wrote::lol: :lol: :lol: The imagery with this one, is just hilarious. HP Mageson Always on top of his Sloth Talez writing, this has to be almost my favorite one.



HP Mageson hands down brought Joy to my day.
Shael wrote:I'm glad Slothz Tales are back :)

Btw about the word "Chakram", is it a legit term or just a corruption? I saw it mentioned in LoL lately so I assumed it was just a corrupted word. What are its origins?


Aren't they magic discs used as weapons amplified by a element or rune?
"To one who knows, there is balance. In this balance one must see light and dark as two opposite sides of coin in nature. That knowledge holds true when one uses both sides to an end, no matter what it be. With power comes great responsibility, at all times in every way." -Azazel

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Belial45
Posts: 6

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Belial45 » Fri Dec 06, 2019 10:20 pm

Nice :lol:
If the genius of invention were to reveal tomorrow the secret of immortality, of eternal beauty and youth, for which all humanity is aching, the same inexorable agents which prevent a mass from changing suddenly its velocity would likewise resist the force of the new knowledge until time gradually modifies human thought -Nikola Tesla

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Shittu Ur
Posts: 79

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Shittu Ur » Sat Dec 07, 2019 12:08 am

Oh my fuck, I'm crying, I fucking love it. Fuck yes Slothz tales. I had such a garbage day today and this just smashed those shitty feelings to bits like smashing them hebrew letters to dust with every vibration of the RTR. Wonderfully disgusting, and a fitting death for that fictitious skid mark. 10/10, almost puked from laughing so hard.
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HAIL THE GODS OF DUAT, MAY THEY LIVE ON ETERNALLY!

Master
Posts: 470

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Master » Sat Dec 07, 2019 12:28 am

HP Mageson666 wrote:Back by popular demand Slothz Tales


As the sound of motorcycles rumbled through the night, there Harley engines blasting at full throttle along with the sound of Billy Idol music filling the air the sound of the engines rumbled down highway 666. Caught in the high beams of the motorcycles was a lone ugly figure, running faster then a shitkinah wind as he gasped the look of wild panic and terror upon his already terrifying mug, his beak nose flapping in the wind, his blood shoot eyes wide with absolute terror. The freak was running hard but not hard enough and he knew it. The day of reckoning was here.

Jesus had made his second coming, being dropped off at a bus station by a reptilian space ship, to beg for hobo change with interest and generally bum things off normal people and harass them with incoherent shrieking in between trying to fart on them. However the one fatal flaw in Jesus's plans was the Slothz's found about him being back in earth town and after two thousand years of talking shit about Sloth, the Slothz had decided it was time to find Jesus.....And fuck his shit up.

The Slothz's caught up with Jesus at the local bus station bathroom that Jesus was cruising for ten year old catholic altar boys in, in between huffing the toilet bowls while shrieking his father is Hashit and this toilet bowl is his kingdumb. And threatening to unleash the shitkinah of his wrath upon people from the turd eye of his kabbalah god by farting on them if they didn't give him hobo dough.


As Jesus was running for his worthless life down highway 666 as the biker gang of motocyclingz Slothz's chased him, pelting him with rotten eggs, one of the Slothz's launched a bag of doggy diarrhea from a high powered sling slot as the gallon bag burst across the back of Jesus's head the mess splatting over his head and running down his back and whole face, pouring into his open gasping mouth causing him to gag harder and choke for more air as he ran with his arms waving through the air in front of him his attempts to shriek becoming even more worthless. Jesus liked to call Gentiles, Dogs and now he got to choke on doggy doodoo in return.


Jesus in a panic realized he was totally fucked as the leader Slothzbrah closing in on Jesus, yelled dominatingly "Slothz anit sin......Slothz is WINZ!" As he popped a wheelie with the front tire going right up Jesus's ass. Jesus had once talked clown like shit about telling Satan to get behind him and now here was the Devil's animal putting the Devil's boot up his worthless backside.

Jesus flew miles into the air attempting to shriek as the doggy doo ran out his mouth and down his throat, his ass on fire as he shot through the night sky as he sailed upwards. Slothzbrah pulled from the magic bag the swastika of Slothz charged with the power of the Final RTR he threw it like a chakram as it spun blazing with blue fire it hit Jesus blowing him into nothing but a dissipated could of fart gas causing all the grass within a mile radius to wilt.


And that was the end of Jesus.

Very funny. Not to mention jewsus, which is stuffed with juicy excrements and being insatiable, suffocates itself accordingly.

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Ghost in the Machine
Posts: 1829
Location: We are the future gods of our people. Start acting like it.

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Ghost in the Machine » Sat Dec 07, 2019 3:04 am

Takes quite a bit to make me laugh. You indeed have achieved this.

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Wildfire
Posts: 338
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Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Wildfire » Sat Dec 07, 2019 6:14 am

HP Mageson666 wrote:
As Jesus was running for his worthless life down highway 666 as the biker gang of motocyclingz Slothz's chased him, pelting him with rotten eggs, one of the Slothz's launched a bag of doggy diarrhea from a high powered sling slot as the gallon bag burst across the back of Jesus's head the mess splatting over his head and running down his back and whole face, pouring into his open gasping mouth causing him to gag harder and choke for more air as he ran with his arms waving through the air in front of him his attempts to shriek becoming even more worthless. Jesus liked to call Gentiles, Dogs and now he got to choke on doggy doodoo in return.


Jesus in a panic realized he was totally fucked as the leader Slothzbrah closing in on Jesus, yelled dominatingly "Slothz anit sin......Slothz is WINZ!" As he popped a wheelie with the front tire going right up Jesus's ass. Jesus had once talked clown like shit about telling Satan to get behind him and now here was the Devil's animal putting the Devil's boot up his worthless backside.

Jesus flew miles into the air attempting to shriek as the doggy doo ran out his mouth and down his throat, his ass on fire as he shot through the night sky as he sailed upwards. Slothzbrah pulled from the magic bag the swastika of Slothz charged with the power of the Final RTR he threw it like a chakram as it spun blazing with blue fire it hit Jesus blowing him into nothing but a dissipated could of fart gas causing all the grass within a mile radius to wilt.


And that was the end of Jesus.


*Wildfire gets up stage after chugging a 666% concentrated bottle of mead stuffed with Hitler ice cream, puts on shades, grabs microphone, screams with hate towards the enemy "LET'S GO KICK SOME JOO, REPTARD AND KAKA BUG ALIEN CHEEEEEEEEKS!!!!!!"(Jarhead reference) and starts singing this:*
https://youtu.be/0Ms49WIuL-M

ConsistentMeditator
Posts: 137

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby ConsistentMeditator » Sat Dec 07, 2019 9:01 am

HP. Hoodedcobra666 wrote:
ConsistentMeditator wrote:The earlier slothz tales had more of a focus on the protagonists, for my personal taste this one seemed too gross in a lot of ways since it was all about the disgustingness of Jesus, the way they killed him was the biggest problem to me. I did really like the joke about how Jesus achieved his second coming by just hobo'ing his way onto reptillian spaceship and getting dropped off and then just randomly wandering around, though.


Jesus is...

Image


Yes, he's a pig, but it still grossed me out. The biggest element that bothered me was the grossness of his method of execution, since it made the protagonists the cause of things getting more gross with making him eat shit. At least he exploded at the end.

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Larissa666
Posts: 1175
Location: Earth, Satan's Kingdom

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Larissa666 » Sat Dec 07, 2019 11:19 am

Wonderful! :D

Please, never stop with Slothz Tales. :)
Thank You, Lord Azazel!!! Hail to you, The Shining One! Forever!!!

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Shittu Ur
Posts: 79

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Shittu Ur » Sat Dec 07, 2019 8:16 pm

ConsistentMeditator wrote:
HP. Hoodedcobra666 wrote:
ConsistentMeditator wrote:The earlier slothz tales had more of a focus on the protagonists, for my personal taste this one seemed too gross in a lot of ways since it was all about the disgustingness of Jesus, the way they killed him was the biggest problem to me. I did really like the joke about how Jesus achieved his second coming by just hobo'ing his way onto reptillian spaceship and getting dropped off and then just randomly wandering around, though.


Jesus is...

Image


Yes, he's a pig, but it still grossed me out. The biggest element that bothered me was the grossness of his method of execution, since it made the protagonists the cause of things getting more gross with making him eat shit. At least he exploded at the end.


Personally, I just see it as the equivalent of what has been done to the gentile peoples over the years being returned ten thousand fold upon their pathetic "MeSsIaH" all at once, but that's just me. It is totally disgusting, but in an incredibly satisfying way. :lol:
Do you have trouble visualizing the death of the hebrew alephbet?
Would you like to learn to, so you can execute a more potent Final RTR?!
Presentling the Paintable Final RTR (In Black) With Destructo-Gifs!!
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Thanks to all who helped out!

HAIL ENKI, THE ALLMIGHTY FATHER SATAN!
HAIL PAIMON, MY GURUU AND FRIEND!
HAIL ADOLF HITLER, THE UNDENIABLE ANTICHRIST!
HAIL THE GODS OF DUAT, MAY THEY LIVE ON ETERNALLY!

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Wotanwarrior
Posts: 987

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Wotanwarrior » Sat Dec 07, 2019 11:41 pm

Once in a while one also relaxes and do some laughs
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Heil Hitler!
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Stormblood
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Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Stormblood » Sun Dec 08, 2019 9:38 am

Wotanwarrior wrote:Once in a while one also relaxes and do some laughs


Is this laughing QiGong? :lol:
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Wotanwarrior
Posts: 987

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Wotanwarrior » Sun Dec 08, 2019 10:32 pm

Stormblood wrote:
Wotanwarrior wrote:Once in a while one also relaxes and do some laughs


Is this laughing QiGong? :lol:


Yeah! I have already tried it and it is very effective in strengthening the point between the solar chakra and the sacral chakra.
Hail Father Satan!
Heil Hitler!
Hail Astarté!
Hail Baalzebul!
Hail Gomory!
Hail Horus!
Hail all the gods of duat!

_____________________________

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The medicine that cures this disease: Final RTR https://evilgoy.com/

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Hps.mlimlal666
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Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Hps.mlimlal666 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 12:36 am

:lol: Too funny!
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Lordbaphamet666
Posts: 178

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Lordbaphamet666 » Mon Dec 09, 2019 6:27 am

HP. Hoodedcobra666 wrote:
ConsistentMeditator wrote:The earlier slothz tales had more of a focus on the protagonists, for my personal taste this one seemed too gross in a lot of ways since it was all about the disgustingness of Jesus, the way they killed him was the biggest problem to me. I did really like the joke about how Jesus achieved his second coming by just hobo'ing his way onto reptillian spaceship and getting dropped off and then just randomly wandering around, though.


Jesus is...

Image

What's the origin of sloth takes ? And why a sloth ?

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Shael
Posts: 2833

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Shael » Mon Dec 09, 2019 7:10 am

Lordbaphamet666 wrote:What's the origin of sloth takes ? And why a sloth ?
Because slothz is winz. :P
'Do not do anything useless.'
-Miyamoto Musashi

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SdD
Posts: 506

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby SdD » Mon Dec 09, 2019 10:39 pm

Ramier108666 wrote:
Shael wrote:I'm glad Slothz Tales are back :)

Btw about the word "Chakram", is it a legit term or just a corruption? I saw it mentioned in LoL lately so I assumed it was just a corrupted word. What are its origins?


Aren't they magic discs used as weapons amplified by a element or rune?


I've seen it in another DoTa style too.

Net say…

The chakram is a throwing weapon from South Asia and parts of the Middle East. It is believed that the weapon was developed more than three thousand years ago, having been widely found in regions where today are countries such as India, Pakistan and Iran.“
And

“The chakram is a razor sharp disc and Xena's main weapon.”

https://warriorprincess.fandom.com/wiki/Chakram

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Shael
Posts: 2833

Re: Slothz Tales Finding Jesus

Postby Shael » Tue Dec 10, 2019 6:59 am

SdD wrote:
Ramier108666 wrote:
Shael wrote:I'm glad Slothz Tales are back :)

Btw about the word "Chakram", is it a legit term or just a corruption? I saw it mentioned in LoL lately so I assumed it was just a corrupted word. What are its origins?


Aren't they magic discs used as weapons amplified by a element or rune?


I've seen it in another DoTa style too.

Net say…

The chakram is a throwing weapon from South Asia and parts of the Middle East. It is believed that the weapon was developed more than three thousand years ago, having been widely found in regions where today are countries such as India, Pakistan and Iran.“
And

“The chakram is a razor sharp disc and Xena's main weapon.”

https://warriorprincess.fandom.com/wiki/Chakram
Cool :)
'Do not do anything useless.'
-Miyamoto Musashi


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