It's no secret that I dedicated around ten years ago and fell off and on the path until recently. For those slip ups, I blame myself and hold onto that blame, though I don't know why. I was raised by a very self-hating mother who would always openly speak of the insecurities she held and participated in self destructive beauty regimes: notably bulimia, but in denial about what it actually was. And encouraged me to do the same. About three years ago, I knew something was wrong but I hid that truth from myself. My mother passed away from a blood clot that took a while to take her. The weeks leading up to it, I felt it coming. But I denied all the signs. Brushed them off as a new reaction to a change in her meds. The day of, people kept saying I was in shock. I had already cried. Wasn't that enough? They told me not to blame myself. Why would they say that? I was fine. Recently I came face to face with the reality that I did ignore the signs out of my own weakness and fear. But now it is physically. I cannot look into a mirror without destroying my worth, seeing my physical self only through hate. The past examples I've shared are the major incidents that I think helped form this current state of emotion.

I've been doing a regular meditation program and believe this is also why such feelings have surfaced.

I'd like to ask: how does one work through this? How do I accept and forgive myself?

Cyn666 said:

It's no secret that I dedicated around ten years ago and fell off and on the path until recently. For those slip ups, I blame myself and hold onto that blame, though I don't know why. I was raised by a very self-hating mother who would always openly speak of the insecurities she held and participated in self destructive beauty regimes: notably bulimia, but in denial about what it actually was. And encouraged me to do the same. About three years ago, I knew something was wrong but I hid that truth from myself. My mother passed away from a blood clot that took a while to take her. The weeks leading up to it, I felt it coming. But I denied all the signs. Brushed them off as a new reaction to a change in her meds. The day of, people kept saying I was in shock. I had already cried. Wasn't that enough? They told me not to blame myself. Why would they say that? I was fine. Recently I came face to face with the reality that I did ignore the signs out of my own weakness and fear. But now it is physically. I cannot look into a mirror without destroying my worth, seeing my physical self only through hate. The past examples I've shared are the major incidents that I think helped form this current state of emotion.

I've been doing a regular meditation program and believe this is also why such feelings have surfaced.

I'd like to ask: how does one work through this? How do I accept and forgive myself?

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Influences from our past and at a young age can attach to us on the soul level and can be quite the annoyance to remove depending on how strongly they are attached. When it comes to these influences and events, in order to move on from them we must disconnect ourselves first. Throughout our life-times many people, living or dead, can affect our perspective upon life as their very souls connect to us even without either individual's knowledge or awareness.

These connections can have an individual reflect their negative outlooks, opinions, feelings, etc upon us where we end up suffering from them as well even very subtly; and in your case it is your mother's self-hate manifesting in you which sounds to me like an attachment. These connections show up as 'strings' of energy that 'hook' onto us in the astral and they can come in a variety of colours and levels of strength. If you want to free yourself from this attachment you need to sever it on the astral.

The more you think about someone or focus energy on someone even if they aren't alive, you will form a connection over time at the soul level, thus it is important to protect yourself from all manner of negativity and to move on emotionally from those who only hinder you. We've had many mothers and fathers over the course of our soul's existence, just because we recognize our current ones doesn't mean we should allow our affections, etc to let them negatively impact us. This is not to say you can't care for them, but if you're going to obsess your affections and love for them as a loved one then you must be wary of the influences they can spiritually have on us and either disconnect yourself or protect yourself. This is where the Binding Spell comes in very handy.

Cyn666 said:

It's no secret that I dedicated around ten years ago and fell off and on the path until recently. For those slip ups, I blame myself and hold onto that blame, though I don't know why. I was raised by a very self-hating mother who would always openly speak of the insecurities she held and participated in self destructive beauty regimes: notably bulimia, but in denial about what it actually was. And encouraged me to do the same. About three years ago, I knew something was wrong but I hid that truth from myself. My mother passed away from a blood clot that took a while to take her. The weeks leading up to it, I felt it coming. But I denied all the signs. Brushed them off as a new reaction to a change in her meds. The day of, people kept saying I was in shock. I had already cried. Wasn't that enough? They told me not to blame myself. Why would they say that? I was fine. Recently I came face to face with the reality that I did ignore the signs out of my own weakness and fear. But now it is physically. I cannot look into a mirror without destroying my worth, seeing my physical self only through hate. The past examples I've shared are the major incidents that I think helped form this current state of emotion.

I've been doing a regular meditation program and believe this is also why such feelings have surfaced.

I'd like to ask: how does one work through this? How do I accept and forgive myself?

Click to expand...

I also want to add that thoughts carry energy, in order to reverse these feelings you must continue to do your daily meditations to clear this up PLUS affirmations every night that consist of affirming self love and such. Every night in order to reprogram yourself. Please clean your aura consistently using Raum.

Furthermore, it would be best to forgive yourself and accept by looking at yourself in the mirror and affirming positive things to yourself. Looking in the mirror is one way to start.

We all know that the enemy influence has gone soooo far that everyone in the world is subject to misfortune, your mother's situation is no different. The enemy is to blame. Its all on them. If it wasnt for them, we would live in a beautiful world. Dont blame yourself, Cyn666.

I think that since you are here asking for assistance and actively meditating, you are already practicing self love and care.

In knowing that life is not perfect, we should come to realize that nor will be our actions be. Everyone makes mistakes, big and small. You wont get far spiritually if you cannot heal your psyche. Let your meditations clean out all of it.

If you are not doing so, please vibrate Satanama every day for spiritual healing and perfection.