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This is making me insane.

MercuryWisdom

Well-known member
Joined
Feb 27, 2019
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Hel
I know I’ve vented about this before. (More times than I would like to count.)

But lack of sex and proper relationships (or any type of relationship even) is making me insane.

I’m highly desperate, starving, that it’s not even funny.

This is causing some questionable life choices and giving me extreme loneliness and depression in my daily life.

This has been on going for yeaaars. I think I felt this deep loneliness ever since 6th grade.
Sometimes, I feel like I need a real and powerful miracle for this to change.

I’m not bad looking however it feels I’m blocked from all this, maybe because of transits, astro placements, past life relationships, or karma, I don’t know.

It really is heavily affecting my mental health.

And I don’t know what to do about it.
 
I think that what you are experiencing is understandable. However it is important to manage it.
What I'd do in your situation is performing a working to attract a partner suitable to my needs, adding my sexual energy to it.
Furthermore, look at this situation and ask yourself "why am I experiencing this?"... A person may be beautiful, but not charismatic enough. A strong charismatic presence will help you so much in life you cannot even imagine. Just apply yourself, in every occasion, and work on your charisma (a "sexual nature" helps A LOT in this, and I always bring the example of D'Annunzio whose creative vehicle in art and poetics was his strong sexual drive). Study how to be a powerful presence and a better communicator (communication is very important to women).
You may also want to use this energy to improve spiritually, or to achieve any other material goal you desire.
 
Hi, I'm sorry to hear you're so hurt, but I advise you to take what you're going through as a strong motivation to overcome the situation. From personal experience I can tell you that this is a difficult vision to accept, but always from personal experience I assure you that it is the one that will make you grow as a better person.

I’m not bad looking however it feels I’m blocked from all this, maybe because of transits, astro placements, past life relationships, or karma, I don’t know.

extreme loneliness

As you can see on the website it says what you can do, even if it may take many days, even if it takes more than 360 to see changes, I assure you that it is WORTH IT if you feel this way.

So don't despair, soldier! Think of your future successes and make them current!

This is causing some questionable life choices and giving me extreme loneliness and depression in my daily life.

I personally assure you that the things I linked to work very well. I have tried them myself, so there is really no reason to get depressed. Those who are depressed think that the situation is unsolvable. But your situation IS SOLVABLE as you see, so there is no need to get depressed.

Now you just need the part where you get back what makes you feel good. But you will make it, of course.

This is causing some questionable life choices

When there is a problem, in my opinion, there are personal life choices that can fall into either the wrong ways of seeing things, or the right ones. If you know how to judge, as I see you actually do, what are the right and wrong ways of acting, it means that you are maturing and you realize what is the most correct way of living and this is very positive.
 
Why don't you attract a partner with a spell?
There are no available good astrological times left for a love spell for the rest of this year on the Satanic calendar.

Also, I think there are multiple problems regarding my love life that I would have to work on multiple sides spiritually and materially on this. Which I don’t have the energy or the focus for at the moment.

It will feel like someone who has suffered from extreme poverty all his life and is now trying to do a money spell.

But I don’t mind doing a spell if it is really powerful and effective that it fixes this situation, but as I said there are no good dates for love upcoming atm.
 
I think that what you are experiencing is understandable. However it is important to manage it.
What I'd do in your situation is performing a working to attract a partner suitable to my needs, adding my sexual energy to it.
Furthermore, look at this situation and ask yourself "why am I experiencing this?"... A person may be beautiful, but not charismatic enough. A strong charismatic presence will help you so much in life you cannot even imagine. Just apply yourself, in every occasion, and work on your charisma (a "sexual nature" helps A LOT in this, and I always bring the example of D'Annunzio whose creative vehicle in art and poetics was his strong sexual drive). Study how to be a powerful presence and a better communicator (communication is very important to women).
You may also want to use this energy to improve spiritually, or to achieve any other material goal you desire.
I think I’m really charismatic. It shows in my chart, and I’ve been told by girls and female friends/love interests before I have magnetic charisma.

I also have a powerful presence I’m always noticed by women and men even, and I communicate very well.

I am highly sexual, poetic, and deep. I remember writing heart melting poetry in my language.

I don’t think there’s a problem with my being in attracting people. I’ve been said that I’m overqualified to have relationships.

This is what I’ve been feeling too, I used to have trouble making friendships when I was a teen because I would either be too smart, too busy, too ambitious, too spiritual, too deep, too sexual, too intense, too mysterious, etc.
until I learned to dumb myself down and just be social.

However with a partner, I tried dumbing myself down and it doesn’t work they always notice the difference between us is earth shattering, and I want someone to merge with. I can’t merge with someone who is just not on my level.

However what makes all this more complex is that I’m an extremely diverse personality.

I have extreme depths of emotion of Scorpio, seriousness, responsibility and ambition of Capricorn, analytic mind of Virgo, vivid softness sensitivity empathetic and art of Neptune, and also rebellious and electric nature of Uranus.

I also have three chart rulers, most people have one or two.

So it’s really tough to meet someone who understands and meets the standards of all of me, and that’s beside the point that people here are religious, superficial and new souls, and I’m an SS.

But sad thing is I can’t even have like casual shit, I am blocked from it all.
 
I think I’m really charismatic. It shows in my chart, and I’ve been told by girls and female friends/love interests before I have magnetic charisma.

I also have a powerful presence I’m always noticed by women and men even, and I communicate very well.

I am highly sexual, poetic, and deep. I remember writing heart melting poetry in my language.

I don’t think there’s a problem with my being in attracting people. I’ve been said that I’m overqualified to have relationships.

This is what I’ve been feeling too, I used to have trouble making friendships when I was a teen because I would either be too smart, too busy, too ambitious, too spiritual, too deep, too sexual, too intense, too mysterious, etc.
until I learned to dumb myself down and just be social.

However with a partner, I tried dumbing myself down and it doesn’t work they always notice the difference between us is earth shattering, and I want someone to merge with. I can’t merge with someone who is just not on my level.

However what makes all this more complex is that I’m an extremely diverse personality.

I have extreme depths of emotion of Scorpio, seriousness, responsibility and ambition of Capricorn, analytic mind of Virgo, vivid softness sensitivity empathetic and art of Neptune, and also rebellious and electric nature of Uranus.

I also have three chart rulers, most people have one or two.

So it’s really tough to meet someone who understands and meets the standards of all of me, and that’s beside the point that people here are religious, superficial and new souls, and I’m an SS.

But sad thing is I can’t even have like casual shit, I am blocked from it all.

From reading this, there can be underlying assumptions like that the only relationship that would work is one which involves merging. There can even be an idea you may not ever find a partner, which then creates this desire to fully merge and "grip" at the tightest level, so they can never leave you. This idea may also reflect in how you view yourself here, not that what you say is not true, but the way you write it, which to me, seems like you are listing all the different aspects of your soul as "proof" that it is too hard or basically impossible to connect this with someone else. It is like saying, "look, I have too many puzzle pieces, I cannot connect them all into a harmonious way with you".

On the same note, it is also possible that you subconsciously present yourself in these ways as a method to "make sure" you are a good partner and ensure the existence of the bond which you may subconsciously fear may not exist otherwise. For example, if you put too much effort into your intellectual "input" of the relationship, this would make you seem valuable in a sense, but also hard to connect with.

At the end of the day, love is ruled by balance and the scorpionic aspects are harder for Venus to display, in theory. Venus in Scorpio is a sign of fall for Venus. I just write this here for the sake of clarity, not to cause distress, though.

It would not be impossible for you to achieve the deep relationship you are looking for, but it could be harder than normal, and it would likely require work on your end to transmute your venusian energies to where they can better connect with others. Maybe this comes through mental realizations such as the fact that relationships do lead to merging over time, just not right away. It is only for the beginning that some sort of dumbing down or generalizations need to occur to create an initial connection. This connection can then be worked upon later to grow to the desired state.

From a magickal standpoint, I would also understand that it can take some time to get to the desired goal here. There shouldn't be an expectation of a perfect relationship inbound from a super strong spell, but rather a steady transformation of your understanding of relationships and way you go about them, done through a combination of freeing workings, Astarte's ritual, along with love workings themselves. Doing a working and having a realization that gets you closer to your goal should still be considered a success here. The Gods' rituals can be done at any time, too, and they do help in a permanent sense.

Another thing to consider here is that by exposing yourself to casual relationships, especially in conjunction with spiritual work, this does give you some element of love, as well as better conditions for you to spiritually grow. It may not be perfect and may likely come with stress, but at least there is something for your soul to "have" in regards to love, which can counter subconcious ideas of not being able to have love. Doing this would be for the value of gaining experience, which would aid in successful merging in the future, as opposed to only seeking ideal partners from the start.
 
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I don’t think there’s a problem with my being in attracting people. I’ve been said that I’m overqualified to have relationships.
So you should answer yourself the question "Why am I experiencing this?"
I think @Blitzkreig [JG] answer is a very valuable one...
Furthermore, your tendency to approve only the "ideal", consistent with your profound personality, is truly admirable.
But this implies the risk of having to wait sometimes. In life, ideal conditions are built with a lot of effort.
 
From reading this, there can be underlying assumptions like that the only relationship that would work is one which involves merging. There can even be an idea you may not ever find a partner, which then creates this desire to fully merge and "grip" at the tightest level, so they can never leave you. This idea may also reflect in how you view yourself here, not that what you say is not true, but the way you write it, which to me, seems like you are listing all the different aspects of your soul as "proof" that it is too hard or basically impossible to connect this with someone else. It is like saying, "look, I have too many puzzle pieces, I cannot connect them all into a harmonious way with you".

On the same note, it is also possible that you subconsciously present yourself in these ways as a method to "make sure" you are a good partner and ensure the existence of the bond which you may subconsciously fear may not exist otherwise. For example, if you put too much effort into your intellectual "input" of the relationship, this would make you seem valuable in a sense, but also hard to connect with.

At the end of the day, love is ruled by balance and the scorpionic aspects are harder for Venus to display, in theory. Venus in Scorpio is a sign of fall for Venus. I just write this here for the sake of clarity, not to cause distress, though.

It would not be impossible for you to achieve the deep relationship you are looking for, but it could be harder than normal, and it would likely require work on your end to transmute your venusian energies to where they can better connect with others. Maybe this comes through mental realizations such as the fact that relationships do lead to merging over time, just not right away. It is only for the beginning that some sort of dumbing down or generalizations need to occur to create an initial connection. This connection can then be worked upon later to grow to the desired state.

From a magickal standpoint, I would also understand that it can take some time to get to the desired goal here. There shouldn't be an expectation of a perfect relationship inbound from a super strong spell, but rather a steady transformation of your understanding of relationships and way you go about them, done through a combination of freeing workings, Astarte's ritual, along with love workings themselves. Doing a working and having a realization that gets you closer to your goal should still be considered a success here. The Gods' rituals can be done at any time, too, and they do help in a permanent sense.

Another thing to consider here is that by exposing yourself to casual relationships, especially in conjunction with spiritual work, this does give you some element of love, as well as better conditions for you to spiritually grow. It may not be perfect and may likely come with stress, but at least there is something for your soul to "have" in regards to love, which can counter subconcious ideas of not being able to have love. Doing this would be for the value of gaining experience, which would aid in successful merging in the future, as opposed to only seeking ideal partners from the start.
I don’t know. I have a very idealistic/intense idea of love that I can’t let go. A soulmate or deeper.

But I’m getting none either way so it doesn’t matter much.

It is tiring sometimes, yet I need it deeply. I’m pretty sure if I was wealthy, healthy or powerful but didn’t have this aspect of life dealt with I think death would be a better option for me.

I hate when people do astro, psychic, or tarot readings for me regarding this they always say the same fucking thing which is become rich work on your career and earthly stuff and you’ll find someone someday.
But I just feel I can’t survive or function without someone! I don’t want to be rich or successful materially so I can get someone. I’m tired of this shit..

And I can’t stand a relationship or marriage with a normie or just any person, but at the same time I’m getting nada so I can be desperate too.
 
I don’t know. I have a very idealistic/intense idea of love that I can’t let go. A soulmate or deeper.

But I’m getting none either way so it doesn’t matter much.

It is tiring sometimes, yet I need it deeply. I’m pretty sure if I was wealthy, healthy or powerful but didn’t have this aspect of life dealt with I think death would be a better option for me.

I hate when people do astro, psychic, or tarot readings for me regarding this they always say the same fucking thing which is become rich work on your career and earthly stuff and you’ll find someone someday.
But I just feel I can’t survive or function without someone! I don’t want to be rich or successful materially so I can get someone. I’m tired of this shit..

And I can’t stand a relationship or marriage with a normie or just any person, but at the same time I’m getting nada so I can be desperate too.
You say you've had interests and opportunities present themselves. Have you taken them up?

What do you do to place yourself in situations where attraction and romance can manifest?

Have you tried dating apps, or matchmakers, or looking in areas where people similar to you are likely to be?

You say you're too smart and all these other things. Have you had your IQ tested? You should read the curse of the high IQ by Aaron Clarey, it talks about the issues of being abnormally intelligent in a society designed for the lowest common denominator.

Another issue is that women's intelligence is distributed closer to the mean, so there are fewer highly intelligent women to choose from who would be able to relate to you intellectually.
 
I think you're too stuck in your own head and stuck on yourself, you need you learn to lighten up and have fun. There's a place for superficiality, it can be necessary for something deeper to develop.
 
I think you're too stuck in your own head and stuck on yourself, you need you learn to lighten up and have fun. There's a place for superficiality, it can be necessary for something deeper to develop.
I don’t mind that, however I haven’t met someone either.
 
I don’t know. I have a very idealistic/intense idea of love that I can’t let go. A soulmate or deeper.

But I’m getting none either way so it doesn’t matter much.

It is tiring sometimes, yet I need it deeply. I’m pretty sure if I was wealthy, healthy or powerful but didn’t have this aspect of life dealt with I think death would be a better option for me.

I hate when people do astro, psychic, or tarot readings for me regarding this they always say the same fucking thing which is become rich work on your career and earthly stuff and you’ll find someone someday.
But I just feel I can’t survive or function without someone! I don’t want to be rich or successful materially so I can get someone. I’m tired of this shit..

And I can’t stand a relationship or marriage with a normie or just any person, but at the same time I’m getting nada so I can be desperate too.

None of what we do in life, especially through our Satanic development, should be framed or done through the scope of repressing yourself and your desires. However, sometimes the current expressions of our energy are difficult, therefore we have to transmute or advance them. Done properly, your desires would be better met in a meaningful way to you, not in a way that you were forced to let go.

What I described above should be thought of more like a release valve for unhappiness, as well as a training course to improve your relationship skills. This would help you release sensitivity and other hang ups that would improve your perception of love, which then makes finding your ideal partner more likely, not less likely.

In the past you had encountered some love difficulties and felt understandably burnt, but there are lessons to be learned from those situations, so it shouldn't feel like a total waste of time. To me, you already had such a learning experience, where you described learning to dumb yourself down a bit. On the surface, this may appear like not showing your true self, but it was done for the sake of the initial stage of the relationship.

Whenever there are compulsions in a chart, usually some of the lessons involve an element of patience to be learned. However, this should not be thought of as never getting the final goal, but just as doing a step that brings you closer. When you consider the mechanics of creating a very deep relationship, how can this be done instantly? There is bound to be some element of "awkwardness" here, but that is not a true obstacle to the full harmony, it is only temporal.

When people interact with each other even in minor settings or ways, there is always some element of energy exchange. Some people are more or less closed off to this, but it does occur and this can also create problems, hence why we don't want to hang around bad people. However, this same mechanism is what can lead to love. Better connections make a stable relationship more likely, but in theory, some element of connection exists and is fueled by continued interactions with that person. That is how we become comfortable with people over time, for better or worse.
 
You say you've had interests and opportunities present themselves. Have you taken them up?

What do you do to place yourself in situations where attraction and romance can manifest?

Have you tried dating apps, or matchmakers, or looking in areas where people similar to you are likely to be?
I didn’t specifically reject an opportunity but I didn’t get a suitable opportunity. I loved people before and I might’ve entered situationships but never a relationship.

I am in uni.

I’ve tried and they don’t work for me or they generally don’t work in my country. Even if you pay, I paid for premium Tinder but it doesn’t work anyway.

I’m in no way IQ smart I’m honestly really shit at maths and stuff like this, but I’m well studied about variety of topics. Philosophy, poetry, writing, business, marketing, weight lifting, spirituality, occult, and sexuality.

I’m a very curious person and I’ve been actively reading and learning since I was like 9. Which is rare compared to my peers and in my country, other than that I’m not that smart.
 
None of what we do in life, especially through our Satanic development, should be framed or done through the scope of repressing yourself and your desires. However, sometimes the current expressions of our energy are difficult, therefore we have to transmute or advance them. Done properly, your desires would be better met in a meaningful way to you, not in a way that you were forced to let go.

What I described above should be thought of more like a release valve for unhappiness, as well as a training course to improve your relationship skills. This would help you release sensitivity and other hang ups that would improve your perception of love, which then makes finding your ideal partner more likely, not less likely.

In the past you had encountered some love difficulties and felt understandably burnt, but there are lessons to be learned from those situations, so it shouldn't feel like a total waste of time. To me, you already had such a learning experience, where you described learning to dumb yourself down a bit. On the surface, this may appear like not showing your true self, but it was done for the sake of the initial stage of the relationship.

Whenever there are compulsions in a chart, usually some of the lessons involve an element of patience to be learned. However, this should not be thought of as never getting the final goal, but just as doing a step that brings you closer. When you consider the mechanics of creating a very deep relationship, how can this be done instantly? There is bound to be some element of "awkwardness" here, but that is not a true obstacle to the full harmony, it is only temporal.

When people interact with each other even in minor settings or ways, there is always some element of energy exchange. Some people are more or less closed off to this, but it does occur and this can also create problems, hence why we don't want to hang around bad people. However, this same mechanism is what can lead to love. Better connections make a stable relationship more likely, but in theory, some element of connection exists and is fueled by continued interactions with that person. That is how we become comfortable with people over time, for better or worse.
So what can I do?
I don’t mind learning patience. However I’m getting zero relationships either way or anyway.

Just a situationship two years ago that she never said we were in a relationship. She just used me then fucked me over. Which is okay I’m over it by now but that’s the most action I ever got.

I’ve never been loved or even touched. I want to but I can’t.

Maybe it’s also the transits I’m going through I’ve been having a couple of shit transits regarding this for a couple of years. With Saturn and Venus.

But then again I never got loved before any transit either.

At this point I don’t want a perfect person or soulmate. Just anything would suffice. (Maybe not anything) but I really don’t have high standards at this point.

Even one-night stands would seem nice. But of course, even the slightest bit of sex is a whole situation and more in my country.
 
I don’t mind that, however I haven’t met someone either.
That's bullshit and you know it. You say all these things about how women think you're amazing, you're gorgeous, you make money and you have charisma and all this, you're in the middle of a buffet and cry that you're starving. You made that thread where you had a sweet, feminine young girl who was interested in you and you cucked yourself because she's a "muslim" which is really just her being a product of her family, her country and her culture.

You being alone is a choice and you have to be realistic and stop living in fantasy land. Life isn't a romance movie, people are real and they have faults and there are limits to how they can relate. Your neptune/scorpio fantasy of "merging" is not realistic, it's an ideal, a mirage.

I had many people and female prospects say I was amazing and that they’ve never met or will meet someone like me. I take care of my looks, workout, I’m making good money at a young age, and am ambitious.

Yet, I’m starved from intimacy and have been starving for many years, or maybe since forever.

I’m highly desperate, starving, that it’s not even funny.

It will feel like someone who has suffered from extreme poverty all his life and is now trying to do a money spell.

I’ve been told by girls and female friends/love interests before I have magnetic charisma.

 
That's bullshit and you know it. You say all these things about how women think you're amazing, you're gorgeous, you make money and you have charisma and all this, you're in the middle of a buffet and cry that you're starving. You made that thread where you had a sweet, feminine young girl who was interested in you and you cucked yourself because she's a "muslim" which is really just her being a product of her family, her country and her culture.

You being alone is a choice and you have to be realistic and stop living in fantasy land. Life isn't a romance movie, people are real and they have faults and there are limits to how they can relate. Your neptune/scorpio fantasy of "merging" is not realistic, it's an ideal, a mirage.









Sure buddy, since you know my life so much on an anonymous online forum you should come and live it.

And no I didn’t “cuck” myself because she is a muslim, you apparently seem to have met no muslim women.

However would you like to go ahead and marry her in a mosque, go to Kaaba after, and pray 5 times a day to Allah and grow your children on islam. Because her and her family would accept nothing less and wouldn’t marry her to you and she wouldn’t want you either.

Maybe then I’m not a cuck, I should worship the jews and curse Satan while I’m at it. Just for some pussy.

And if her or the governement ever knew you are anything but a muslim your marriage is void and the children are legally muslim and taken from you and the mother is officially an adulterer by law and shariah.

Either way you have no idea about my life, I didn’t leave this girl because of islam even, we just got uninterested by time, right now we are just colleagues and friends. I’m not attracted to her and neither is she to me.

And if Neptune/Scorpio whatever is a mirage or a fantasy it shouldn’t have existed in the first place, I’m just describing some placements showing in my natal chart. If you don’t like it that’s your problem, rude dumbass.
 
I feel your pain. this too causes great stress to my mental health and makes me feel very alone and empty. It also seems to be a common theme among SS to garner envy or anger from NPCs for exceling in looks, skills, intellect or what have you. It creates a lot of silent enemies from envy, along with the empty feeling you cannot relate to the outside world. A lot of women have turned me down as well describing me as too intense and telling me my expecations are unrealistic when yet these are expectations i hold myself to. I have garnered alot of hate from people who do not fit my standards physically or otherwise even though i meet these myself. Its angering for me that "unrealistic" nowadays is to not want a woman to behave like a whorish boss bitch who wants to have her cake and eat it too, be treated like a princess but want hyperindepencance and to get shitfaced drunk every weekend. Not to mention Gen z in genral are absolute snowflakes and useless and cannot tolerate even the smallest slight without getting confrontational over nothing. I used to be stricter with age range and lately have gone 10 years older or younger as a guideline, to find some exceptions especially because almost no one is monogamous anymore. Most younger women hate masculine lesbians because of jewish second wave feminism and the older ones that share my values are wifed up or are bitter and defensive and have completely let themselves go. One i hit it off with who was 3 years older than me. The jab she took at me calling me a baby, when literally being a fucking baby when i was born was annoying but i let it slide. with her "sass" no suprise a fire dominant chart. Hilariously enough after literally calling herself a hard ass she told me she wouldnt talk to me anymore because i vented to her about wanting to punch someone in the face...and she didnt like hearing this even in jest. hard ass my ASS. talk about ditching at the drop of a hat. coworkers and me joke about beating EACH OTHERS asses all the time. And these are fucking pipefitters. I also got called "toxic masculine energy" just because i told a girl last night i dumped for the aforementioned that i wanted someone who basically was more feminine in her personality. feminine lesbians go on about their beauty standards and preferences for mascs or other fems all the time and no one bats an eye but when a masc or butch does it its "internalized mysogyny" and muh toxic masculine. fuck off.

I'm tired too. I keep hoping i can clear enough blockage for my jupiter return for someone to manifest. but if this transit passes and nothing happens i am done dating. Ill die alone. modern day LGBT is FUCKING CANCER and i will never own this community. It hates on women like me with all of its being anyway. Im just so angry and frustrated to the point of almost wanting to go into a violent rage that such simple standards to achieve nowadays such as bodily hygene, staying fit, FUCKING SHAVING, and taking pride in ones appearence and not looking like a circus freak is so goddamn unrealistic today. And dont get me started on the bitches who use queer labels as a fasion trend just because they are all pissed at men and want to experiment only to fuck someone up mentally.

Ok rant over. im sorry guys but i literally dont have anyone to give a shit. and i know so many SS are in the same boat with dating. I just want to tell people i relate and that they arent crazy. the bar is literally extremely low. thank sexual marxism and feminism. I look at all the women my age and im like.....if this is all there is. then its over for me.
 
I am also still angry and grieving over the fact that i finally accepted my true sexuality when it was probly too late because of abrahamic crap. I was always attracted top femininity and my mind first tried to reconcile finding this in feminine men thinking "its not against god then its fine!" great....good job asshole now any woman you want is probably wifed up. sigh
 
Sure buddy, since you know my life so much on an anonymous online forum you should come and live it.

And no I didn’t “cuck” myself because she is a muslim, you apparently seem to have met no muslim women.

However would you like to go ahead and marry her in a mosque, go to Kaaba after, and pray 5 times a day to Allah and grow your children on islam. Because her and her family would accept nothing less and wouldn’t marry her to you and she wouldn’t want you either.

Maybe then I’m not a cuck, I should worship the jews and curse Satan while I’m at it. Just for some pussy.

And if her or the governement ever knew you are anything but a muslim your marriage is void and the children are legally muslim and taken from you and the mother is officially an adulterer by law and shariah.

Either way you have no idea about my life, I didn’t leave this girl because of islam even, we just got uninterested by time, right now we are just colleagues and friends. I’m not attracted to her and neither is she to me.

And if Neptune/Scorpio whatever is a mirage or a fantasy it shouldn’t have existed in the first place, I’m just describing some placements showing in my natal chart. If you don’t like it that’s your problem, rude dumbass.
Anyone who criticizes you for this has no idea how harmful it can be to associate with someone like that and be trapped in an Islamic family.
 
So what can I do?
I don’t mind learning patience. However I’m getting zero relationships either way or anyway.

Just a situationship two years ago that she never said we were in a relationship. She just used me then fucked me over. Which is okay I’m over it by now but that’s the most action I ever got.

I’ve never been loved or even touched. I want to but I can’t.

Maybe it’s also the transits I’m going through I’ve been having a couple of shit transits regarding this for a couple of years. With Saturn and Venus.

But then again I never got loved before any transit either.

At this point I don’t want a perfect person or soulmate. Just anything would suffice. (Maybe not anything) but I really don’t have high standards at this point.

Even one-night stands would seem nice. But of course, even the slightest bit of sex is a whole situation and more in my country.

What options do you have through Uni, for example? In your culture, how easy is to develop a relationship with a girl? I don't mean through tinder where person will just swipe no if you are not a supermodel, but what about in your classes or any friend groups? The first thing I can think of is talking to a girl in your class in a friendly way, then asking if they want to get food or study together. You can ask a group of people to do this with you in order to build up relationships, but mitigate any one-on-one awkwardness.
 
I know I’ve vented about this before. (More times than I would like to count.)

But lack of sex and proper relationships (or any type of relationship even) is making me insane.

I’m highly desperate, starving, that it’s not even funny.

This is causing some questionable life choices and giving me extreme loneliness and depression in my daily life.

This has been on going for yeaaars. I think I felt this deep loneliness ever since 6th grade.
Sometimes, I feel like I need a real and powerful miracle for this to change.

I’m not bad looking however it feels I’m blocked from all this, maybe because of transits, astro placements, past life relationships, or karma, I don’t know.

It really is heavily affecting my mental health.

And I don’t know what to do about it.
everything has its moment I advise you to invoke the earth (control of yourself) and do labors of love, even if there are no specific dates if there is no door, create it, if it is less powerful but you always start with something and be constant.
 
I can also relate to you because I live in a country that is of a different subrace than me. So there is like actual no chance for me to get a fitting partner.
 
I don’t know. I have a very idealistic/intense idea of love that I can’t let go. A soulmate or deeper.
I do not know about you in deep but I read some of your posts and it seems you suffered from childhood, in some ways.
What others said is very supportive, rich of insights and helpful.
But - all we do with magick and meditation is done with our mind. So what if the mind has some "hidden fault" (programming) not allowing our workings to manifest for our own internal setback?

What I mean is. Have you been loved as a kid? How did you receive love, if any, have your caregivers been cold, warm, hating, loving... ?
Having been unloved as a child may reflect in the whole adult life. If deeply you feel you have not been love, you won't allow yourself to receive love as you have been trained not to be loved.
Idealistic idea of a partner may have its roots in the missing love of a mother/father.
I think, learning to love yourself, may be the key to open up to relationships.


And I can’t stand a relationship or marriage with a normie or just any person, but at the same time I’m getting nada so I can be desperate too.
I share this with you. I really cannot stand "normals" - each time they ever open their mouth to say something mainstream or idiot, I feel void and want to leave, I tried to correct and lead them to think too many times.

What I found out, is I am attracting the wrong people, for my own fault. Delving into "common people" is not helping as common people have no insight, they are basically workers striving to earn more money, and fighting each other to prevail. We need to look to higher people : there are, but you do not find them in the streets or in "common life", as they are few, and they stay in their "area" so to speak.
I am speaking for myself here - the desire to be "a common one" may have been ingrained in childhood together with self-unlove. So if I was not loved, am I worth to connect with higher people? Unconscious may probably say no.

I think, loving yourself and giving yourself value (on the unconscious deep level) might help to attract better people, thus relationships.
I hope my insights may be of help for your suffering,
 
This is a common problem with SS it seems like we all have been through this type of life, or we are going through this type of life which is, i haven’t found a suitable partner, or can’t find a partner and it seems most of us have these problems, I’ve been in a long relationship with a partner who is not compatible with me in many ways in fact I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who is actually my ideal so I stayed with the one I found even if it wasn’t the perfect person I stayed because every other person is going to have some issues one way or another and I’m just not bothered to be finding out about others problems or incompatibility, I’ve actually given up looking I’m too tired to be dealing with people, as a child me and my siblings never had a lot of parental love and affection or attention this is probably why me and my sibling’s stuffed up in our relationships because never really knew love, I’m now trying to focus on my spirituality trying to get to know my Guardian Demon and the Gods, because the people around me are just to stupid and too materialistic and so focused on what they want just out of this life, they couldn’t care less about the world’s conditions or about the Jews who have made our world so bad in so many ways, they are all blind and dumb to any truths I’m just not bothered by them anymore I keep to myself now, anyways sorry for going off topic just ranting again, all the best Mercury wisdom, I truly hope you find your other half and I’m sure you will eventually, good luck 🤞
 
I feel your pain. this too causes great stress to my mental health and makes me feel very alone and empty. It also seems to be a common theme among SS to garner envy or anger from NPCs for exceling in looks, skills, intellect or what have you. It creates a lot of silent enemies from envy, along with the empty feeling you cannot relate to the outside world. A lot of women have turned me down as well describing me as too intense and telling me my expecations are unrealistic when yet these are expectations i hold myself to. I have garnered alot of hate from people who do not fit my standards physically or otherwise even though i meet these myself. Its angering for me that "unrealistic" nowadays is to not want a woman to behave like a whorish boss bitch who wants to have her cake and eat it too, be treated like a princess but want hyperindepencance and to get shitfaced drunk every weekend. Not to mention Gen z in genral are absolute snowflakes and useless and cannot tolerate even the smallest slight without getting confrontational over nothing. I used to be stricter with age range and lately have gone 10 years older or younger as a guideline, to find some exceptions especially because almost no one is monogamous anymore. Most younger women hate masculine lesbians because of jewish second wave feminism and the older ones that share my values are wifed up or are bitter and defensive and have completely let themselves go. One i hit it off with who was 3 years older than me. The jab she took at me calling me a baby, when literally being a fucking baby when i was born was annoying but i let it slide. with her "sass" no suprise a fire dominant chart. Hilariously enough after literally calling herself a hard ass she told me she wouldnt talk to me anymore because i vented to her about wanting to punch someone in the face...and she didnt like hearing this even in jest. hard ass my ASS. talk about ditching at the drop of a hat. coworkers and me joke about beating EACH OTHERS asses all the time. And these are fucking pipefitters. I also got called "toxic masculine energy" just because i told a girl last night i dumped for the aforementioned that i wanted someone who basically was more feminine in her personality. feminine lesbians go on about their beauty standards and preferences for mascs or other fems all the time and no one bats an eye but when a masc or butch does it its "internalized mysogyny" and muh toxic masculine. fuck off.

I'm tired too. I keep hoping i can clear enough blockage for my jupiter return for someone to manifest. but if this transit passes and nothing happens i am done dating. Ill die alone. modern day LGBT is FUCKING CANCER and i will never own this community. It hates on women like me with all of its being anyway. Im just so angry and frustrated to the point of almost wanting to go into a violent rage that such simple standards to achieve nowadays such as bodily hygene, staying fit, FUCKING SHAVING, and taking pride in ones appearence and not looking like a circus freak is so goddamn unrealistic today. And dont get me started on the bitches who use queer labels as a fasion trend just because they are all pissed at men and want to experiment only to fuck someone up mentally.

Ok rant over. im sorry guys but i literally dont have anyone to give a shit. and i know so many SS are in the same boat with dating. I just want to tell people i relate and that they arent crazy. the bar is literally extremely low. thank sexual marxism and feminism. I look at all the women my age and im like.....if this is all there is. then its over for me.
Same, at this point I'm not worried about the things I didn't do when I was in my 30s, I've made up a definitive decision about that.
And if others think it's too idealistic to only share my personal intimate life with someone who is also SS and just as dedicated to the cause as I am, I don't give a shit.
I've already experienced the difference between your loved one being another SS person instead of a unspiritual person and the difference is huge.
 
I didn’t want to open the forums for 2 days at all because I was hurt by the overall personal situation and also person that just pissed on my wounds insulting me thinking they know what I’m going through when they don’t understand shit and how much of this is so fucking complicated and painful. (They can’t, it’s an online forum)
And other people reacting fire emoji to their message so they show they’re edgy and cool and I’m just, whatever.

But I’m thankful that when I gathered the courage to open it again I was able to help other brothers and sisters to vent as well, who actually might understand how complex and painful this can be no matter how different our individual situations actually are.

And I’m thankful to brothers who showed care and good advice regardless like brother Blitz and others.

However this whole thread was to vent because the hurt and loneliness was unbearable. I understand now I should only talk about this to people who are understanding either way and are good friends.

Plus, this is my own path and I should solve my own problems and think about them I just wanted to vent and share for a bit which has both helped and hurt but it’s okay.
 
This is a common problem with SS it seems like we all have been through this type of life, or we are going through this type of life which is, i haven’t found a suitable partner, or can’t find a partner and it seems most of us have these problems, I’ve been in a long relationship with a partner who is not compatible with me in many ways in fact I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who is actually my ideal so I stayed with the one I found even if it wasn’t the perfect person I stayed because every other person is going to have some issues one way or another and I’m just not bothered to be finding out about others problems or incompatibility, I’ve actually given up looking I’m too tired to be dealing with people, as a child me and my siblings never had a lot of parental love and affection or attention this is probably why me and my sibling’s stuffed up in our relationships because never really knew love, I’m now trying to focus on my spirituality trying to get to know my Guardian Demon and the Gods, because the people around me are just to stupid and too materialistic and so focused on what they want just out of this life, they couldn’t care less about the world’s conditions or about the Jews who have made our world so bad in so many ways, they are all blind and dumb to any truths I’m just not bothered by them anymore I keep to myself now, anyways sorry for going off topic just ranting again, all the best Mercury wisdom, I truly hope you find your other half and I’m sure you will eventually, good luck 🤞
Best of luck to us both.
 
I do not know about you in deep but I read some of your posts and it seems you suffered from childhood, in some ways.
What others said is very supportive, rich of insights and helpful.
But - all we do with magick and meditation is done with our mind. So what if the mind has some "hidden fault" (programming) not allowing our workings to manifest for our own internal setback?

What I mean is. Have you been loved as a kid? How did you receive love, if any, have your caregivers been cold, warm, hating, loving... ?
Having been unloved as a child may reflect in the whole adult life. If deeply you feel you have not been love, you won't allow yourself to receive love as you have been trained not to be loved.
Idealistic idea of a partner may have its roots in the missing love of a mother/father.
I think, learning to love yourself, may be the key to open up to relationships.



I share this with you. I really cannot stand "normals" - each time they ever open their mouth to say something mainstream or idiot, I feel void and want to leave, I tried to correct and lead them to think too many times.

What I found out, is I am attracting the wrong people, for my own fault. Delving into "common people" is not helping as common people have no insight, they are basically workers striving to earn more money, and fighting each other to prevail. We need to look to higher people : there are, but you do not find them in the streets or in "common life", as they are few, and they stay in their "area" so to speak.
I am speaking for myself here - the desire to be "a common one" may have been ingrained in childhood together with self-unlove. So if I was not loved, am I worth to connect with higher people? Unconscious may probably say no.

I think, loving yourself and giving yourself value (on the unconscious deep level) might help to attract better people, thus relationships.
I hope my insights may be of help for your suffering,
Trauma is weird, and childhood is a whole situation.

Hope that you can be happy and heal as well.
 
I can also relate to you because I live in a country that is of a different subrace than me. So there is like actual no chance for me to get a fitting partner.
If you can find someone that’s similar to you (racially) that can be healing, it’s best to not get caught up on technicalities so if you find someone similar to you that should be good enough.

I don’t know of your situation and feeling like a foreigner in your country can definitely be tough and lonely, but there can be another way if you try to seek it. You would know how to solve this best though because I’m not aware of your whole situation.
 
What options do you have through Uni, for example? In your culture, how easy is to develop a relationship with a girl? I don't mean through tinder where person will just swipe no if you are not a supermodel, but what about in your classes or any friend groups? The first thing I can think of is talking to a girl in your class in a friendly way, then asking if they want to get food or study together. You can ask a group of people to do this with you in order to build up relationships, but mitigate any one-on-one awkwardness.
I have female friends and I made new ones too recently, however I haven’t met one yet that’s more of a friend or colleague.

But it’s okay regarding this I just need to be patient, I’m still young too.

The sex situation is the one that’s more of an urgent want and need but that’s okay too, when the time is right.
 
Anyone who criticizes you for this has no idea how harmful it can be to associate with someone like that and be trapped in an Islamic family.
I think some people have no idea what Islam really is and how it’s like other than stereotypes, especially western people and these people are in for a really foul deathly surprise.
 
I feel your pain. this too causes great stress to my mental health and makes me feel very alone and empty. It also seems to be a common theme among SS to garner envy or anger from NPCs for exceling in looks, skills, intellect or what have you. It creates a lot of silent enemies from envy, along with the empty feeling you cannot relate to the outside world. A lot of women have turned me down as well describing me as too intense and telling me my expecations are unrealistic when yet these are expectations i hold myself to. I have garnered alot of hate from people who do not fit my standards physically or otherwise even though i meet these myself. Its angering for me that "unrealistic" nowadays is to not want a woman to behave like a whorish boss bitch who wants to have her cake and eat it too, be treated like a princess but want hyperindepencance and to get shitfaced drunk every weekend. Not to mention Gen z in genral are absolute snowflakes and useless and cannot tolerate even the smallest slight without getting confrontational over nothing. I used to be stricter with age range and lately have gone 10 years older or younger as a guideline, to find some exceptions especially because almost no one is monogamous anymore. Most younger women hate masculine lesbians because of jewish second wave feminism and the older ones that share my values are wifed up or are bitter and defensive and have completely let themselves go. One i hit it off with who was 3 years older than me. The jab she took at me calling me a baby, when literally being a fucking baby when i was born was annoying but i let it slide. with her "sass" no suprise a fire dominant chart. Hilariously enough after literally calling herself a hard ass she told me she wouldnt talk to me anymore because i vented to her about wanting to punch someone in the face...and she didnt like hearing this even in jest. hard ass my ASS. talk about ditching at the drop of a hat. coworkers and me joke about beating EACH OTHERS asses all the time. And these are fucking pipefitters. I also got called "toxic masculine energy" just because i told a girl last night i dumped for the aforementioned that i wanted someone who basically was more feminine in her personality. feminine lesbians go on about their beauty standards and preferences for mascs or other fems all the time and no one bats an eye but when a masc or butch does it its "internalized mysogyny" and muh toxic masculine. fuck off.

I'm tired too. I keep hoping i can clear enough blockage for my jupiter return for someone to manifest. but if this transit passes and nothing happens i am done dating. Ill die alone. modern day LGBT is FUCKING CANCER and i will never own this community. It hates on women like me with all of its being anyway. Im just so angry and frustrated to the point of almost wanting to go into a violent rage that such simple standards to achieve nowadays such as bodily hygene, staying fit, FUCKING SHAVING, and taking pride in ones appearence and not looking like a circus freak is so goddamn unrealistic today. And dont get me started on the bitches who use queer labels as a fasion trend just because they are all pissed at men and want to experiment only to fuck someone up mentally.

Ok rant over. im sorry guys but i literally dont have anyone to give a shit. and i know so many SS are in the same boat with dating. I just want to tell people i relate and that they arent crazy. the bar is literally extremely low. thank sexual marxism and feminism. I look at all the women my age and im like.....if this is all there is. then its over for me.
I know that you’ve been struggling with much of this and also with the love department for a long time as I was with you in some situations and it’s honestly really hard for you too.

I hope you really find someone that can compensate all this hurt and patience.
 
Same, at this point I'm not worried about the things I didn't do when I was in my 30s, I've made up a definitive decision about that.
And if others think it's too idealistic to only share my personal intimate life with someone who is also SS and just as dedicated to the cause as I am, I don't give a shit.
I've already experienced the difference between your loved one being another SS person instead of a unspiritual person and the difference is huge.
Even pagans or spiritual women would be nice. Some people have deep connection to the Gods in their soul and this shows with their obsession with Ancient Egypt, and all the other pantheons of the Gods.

Those people might not be fully SS as actually true SS are really a chosen few in this world and are building to be the elites of elites but just being spiritual and having the Gods in their memory or souls would be nice.

That’s my opinion at least. I know you’ve mentioned that you wanted someone who’s already dedicated SS.
 
I didn’t want to open the forums for 2 days at all because I was hurt by the overall personal situation and also person that just pissed on my wounds insulting me thinking they know what I’m going through when they don’t understand shit and how much of this is so fucking complicated and painful. (They can’t, it’s an online forum)
And other people reacting fire emoji to their message so they show they’re edgy and cool and I’m just, whatever.

But I’m thankful that when I gathered the courage to open it again I was able to help other brothers and sisters to vent as well, who actually might understand how complex and painful this can be no matter how different our individual situations actually are.

And I’m thankful to brothers who showed care and good advice regardless like brother Blitz and others.

However this whole thread was to vent because the hurt and loneliness was unbearable. I understand now I should only talk about this to people who are understanding either way and are good friends.

Plus, this is my own path and I should solve my own problems and think about them I just wanted to vent and share for a bit which has both helped and hurt but it’s okay.
It's all good if you need to vent a bit. It has even been helpful to me to read some of the responses too as some of them really struck a chord with me, especially the one written by Alicia666.

Although the situations and circumstances are different, we are all going through some struggle in some shape or form. So you are by no means alone in that sense.

Do not worry about the detractors as not everyone in this community has the same level of empathy, patience and maturity.

As for my experience, when I was roughly around your age. I went through a somewhat similar situation, and went looking for a woman and i wasn't successful at all. Looking back on it, I reckon I must have been giving off weird vibes trying to force it and appearing somewhat desperate in the process (which I was). In the end I gave up looking and decided to just live a good life and when I wasn't actively looking opportunities then presented themselves.

So hang in there, brother. This too shall pass. I sincerely hope this helps.
 
I didn’t want to open the forums for 2 days at all because I was hurt by the overall personal situation and also person that just pissed on my wounds insulting me thinking they know what I’m going through when they don’t understand shit and how much of this is so fucking complicated and painful. (They can’t, it’s an online forum)
And other people reacting fire emoji to their message so they show they’re edgy and cool and I’m just, whatever.

But I’m thankful that when I gathered the courage to open it again I was able to help other brothers and sisters to vent as well, who actually might understand how complex and painful this can be no matter how different our individual situations actually are.

And I’m thankful to brothers who showed care and good advice regardless like brother Blitz and others.

However this whole thread was to vent because the hurt and loneliness was unbearable. I understand now I should only talk about this to people who are understanding either way and are good friends.

Plus, this is my own path and I should solve my own problems and think about them I just wanted to vent and share for a bit which has both helped and hurt but it’s okay.
There are times when I had longstanding problems and I'd vent about them but never actually do anything to better my situation. It was only when friends gave me a reality check that I realized my errors, stopped "venting" and finally shifted from hyperfocusing on the problem/pain and started looking toward solutions.

My mind wasn't even open to the idea that things could improve, and being mentally closed off to things getting better doesn't exactly invite any sort of change from within or without. Venting kept my mind in a cycle of rumination over negativity, and focusing on negativity makes you lose sight of the positivity, which keeps your mind closed to the possibility that things can be better.

The reality check reminds you that responsibility is yours alone and things will not just get better on their own, you must direct your mind and will toward solutions. Recognizing the problem but also considering solutions.

Venting in addition to keeping one stuck in a negative thought loop, it can relieve stress, but in so doing dulls an important motivator for change, which is pain and discomfort and dissatisfaction. Taken to a toxic level it becomes emotional vampirism/parasitism where one uses his problems to bait for sympathy without taking action to solve them.

I'm telling you this just to give you my perspective and an understanding. Watch this if you want to learn more:

When I asked you about what you've done to improve things and got no answer except "I haven't met anybody"(your other posts weren't approved at the time so I interpreted this as ignoring the questions), I saw this as a contradiction among other things. I also know you've been stuck on these issues for a long time and venting about them for a long time with alot of wishy washy, woe is me type vibes yet there didn't seem to be alot of action being taken.

That's why I went the no nonsense route and spoke directly on what I saw and spoke plainly. Because that's what helped me in the past when I was in a similar spot. It was never meant to insult you, but I'm sorry it came across as insulting, it could have been worded better.
 
Men have to be problem solvers, we can't stay stuck.
 
I have female friends and I made new ones too recently, however I haven’t met one yet that’s more of a friend or colleague.

But it’s okay regarding this I just need to be patient, I’m still young too.

The sex situation is the one that’s more of an urgent want and need but that’s okay too, when the time is right.

What is the sexual situation at your Uni? I understand there is an Islamic influence, but surely there must be some hidden sex going on. Regardless of the environmental obstacles, it may still make sense to do a working aimed at a healthy or improved sexual expression. Now, I am not saying this would be easy, nor should it be framed as anything but something that is good, rather than going to get you in trouble, but it would also lead to an improvement in this area of life.

Probably Raidho, Kenaz, and other runes could be useful here for this, as well as consultation with your GD for ideas. I'm not sure if many people here can actually give specific advice if they do not know your situation too well.
 
There are times when I had longstanding problems and I'd vent about them but never actually do anything to better my situation. It was only when friends gave me a reality check that I realized my errors, stopped "venting" and finally shifted from hyperfocusing on the problem/pain and started looking toward solutions.

My mind wasn't even open to the idea that things could improve, and being mentally closed off to things getting better doesn't exactly invite any sort of change from within or without. Venting kept my mind in a cycle of rumination over negativity, and focusing on negativity makes you lose sight of the positivity, which keeps your mind closed to the possibility that things can be better.

The reality check reminds you that responsibility is yours alone and things will not just get better on their own, you must direct your mind and will toward solutions. Recognizing the problem but also considering solutions.

Venting in addition to keeping one stuck in a negative thought loop, it can relieve stress, but in so doing dulls an important motivator for change, which is pain and discomfort and dissatisfaction. Taken to a toxic level it becomes emotional vampirism/parasitism where one uses his problems to bait for sympathy without taking action to solve them.

I'm telling you this just to give you my perspective and an understanding. Watch this if you want to learn more:

When I asked you about what you've done to improve things and got no answer except "I haven't met anybody"(your other posts weren't approved at the time so I interpreted this as ignoring the questions), I saw this as a contradiction among other things. I also know you've been stuck on these issues for a long time and venting about them for a long time with alot of wishy washy, woe is me type vibes yet there didn't seem to be alot of action being taken.

That's why I went the no nonsense route and spoke directly on what I saw and spoke plainly. Because that's what helped me in the past when I was in a similar spot. It was never meant to insult you, but I'm sorry it came across as insulting, it could have been worded better.
I understand, and what you’re saying is true.

Good to know you understand that my other replies weren’t approved yet.

Venting/complaining too much can be a slippery slope, I understand what you’re saying and some reality checks have honestly changed my life to the better even if they hurt back then.

However, yes as you said you only replied on what you’ve seen (my other threads) but that is not the complete picture and I honestly hate when people reply or mention anything that I wrote before.

I’m at the time in my life where everything is extremely fast-paced, I’m not the same person I was a week ago, a year ago I had a completely different life I was in another city and working a full-time job that I think I’ll never work in again.

Two years ago I thought I met the love of my life, three years ago I fell in love for the first time with a colleague who we are now friends and now she is getting married soon, 4 years ago I thought I was a business owner or something. (I was barely a freelancer)

And these are just bits and pieces.
Life is tough and I’ve been longing for love ever since 6th grade but we actually had a boys-only school and high-school I met a female (other than relatives) for the first time 3 years ago or something.

So right now I’m still learning to deal with all of this, and the loneliness hurts, plus everything is so complicated I can’t explain it all in a couple of threads.

But anyways, thank you and it’s okay, and yes men are problem solvers and I trust I will find a way out of this and become better and stronger because of it.

Good luck.
 
It's all good if you need to vent a bit. It has even been helpful to me to read some of the responses too as some of them really struck a chord with me, especially the one written by Alicia666.

Although the situations and circumstances are different, we are all going through some struggle in some shape or form. So you are by no means alone in that sense.

Do not worry about the detractors as not everyone in this community has the same level of empathy, patience and maturity.

As for my experience, when I was roughly around your age. I went through a somewhat similar situation, and went looking for a woman and i wasn't successful at all. Looking back on it, I reckon I must have been giving off weird vibes trying to force it and appearing somewhat desperate in the process (which I was). In the end I gave up looking and decided to just live a good life and when I wasn't actively looking opportunities then presented themselves.

So hang in there, brother. This too shall pass. I sincerely hope this helps.
Thank you
 

Al Jilwah: Chapter IV

"It is my desire that all my followers unite in a bond of unity, lest those who are without prevail against them." - Satan

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