Insight for a troubled soul

[springfire]

Hi every enlightened soul of HELL.
I'm dearly pleased to introduce myself into this unique community. See I'm at a time in my life, when everything seem to go wrong. I'm in a fluctuating state between hope and despair.
It really seems that life gives me a hard deal, and test how long I can hold up. Siblings in Satan my situation ain't unique. Currently it seems hard to have the proper conditions for advancement, but His Majesty feels pretty close, yet very far if that make sense. How do I get to balancing my life. It's pretty messed up right now. Sad thing is I have no one to count on. Life is pretty dark, I feel like I can achieve greatness and use it to fight with blood and tears for the justice of our species. Without getting to personal, I'd kinda make lesser sense.

But as I pray tonight to the Inevitable Lucifer, insight will pour from one of his disciples, as I'll get môre personal with Him.


Hail Satan!!

 

[springfire]

Hi every enlightened soul of HELL.
I'm dearly pleased to introduce myself into this unique community. See I'm at a time in my life, when everything seem to go wrong. I'm in a fluctuating state between hope and despair.
It really seems that life gives me a hard deal, and test how long I can hold up. Siblings in Satan my situation ain't unique. Currently it seems hard to have the proper conditions for advancement, but His Majesty feels pretty close, yet very far if that make sense. How do I get to balancing my life. It's pretty messed up right now. Sad thing is I have no one to count on. Life is pretty dark, I feel like I can achieve greatness and use it to fight with blood and tears for the justice of our species. Without getting to personal, I'd kinda make lesser sense.

But as I pray tonight to the Inevitable Lucifer, insight will pour from one of his disciples, as I'll get môre personal with Him.


Hail Satan!!

Need to mention I'm not dedicated yet. Still I'm feeling strongly toward satanism and to embrace divine truth.

 

[SeguaceDiSatanas]

Hi every enlightened soul of HELL.
I'm dearly pleased to introduce myself into this unique community. See I'm at a time in my life, when everything seem to go wrong. I'm in a fluctuating state between hope and despair.
It really seems that life gives me a hard deal, and test how long I can hold up. Siblings in Satan my situation ain't unique. Currently it seems hard to have the proper conditions for advancement, but His Majesty feels pretty close, yet very far if that make sense. How do I get to balancing my life. It's pretty messed up right now. Sad thing is I have no one to count on. Life is pretty dark, I feel like I can achieve greatness and use it to fight with blood and tears for the justice of our species. Without getting to personal, I'd kinda make lesser sense.

But as I pray tonight to the Inevitable Lucifer, insight will pour from one of his disciples, as I'll get môre personal with Him.


Hail Satan!!

Life is made up of difficulties and challenges. Situations that have to be overcome are normal. Thinking that we would have an exclusively happy life just because we probably deserve to have a happy life is just illusory, just as remaining still and observing our life while it continues in a condition of pain is useless and we should not expect things to resolve themselves because we want it.

Personally, I have been in this situation for years, hoping that one day things would get better, and obviously they didn't get better just because I hoped that way. They only got better when I started taking care of myself to make sure I had enough spiritual and physical power to solve the problems in my life on my own and ensure a happy existence. Suffering was my motivation to get better and I got better.

Now you are in the initial phase where you realize that there is something to improve in your life. And it is the phase from which your work will have to start to actually improve it. If you are aware of how these things work you will know that it will take time, time that will have to be characterized by consistency, commitment and desire to improve to a concretely manifest level where you actually meditate and live a healthy life.

Eventually you will be able to take control of your life through spiritual means, because if you persist it really couldn't be any other way. When, in the end, you have achieved what you have always wanted and you know that you have achieved it through your hard work of personal evolution, you will be truly satisfied and this will have brought you great honor.

Obstacles will be in your path. Lack of time, situations that you have to deal with to allow you to find time to meditate, etc., will probably be the order of the day. But obstacles, of course, are there to be overcome.

Finding that half hour of time to dedicate to yourself by meditating or looking for the right situation where you can breathe energy into the chakras or similar things, life may not want to play in your favor and the situations it is made up of may not want to collaborate with you so that you get your wishes.

Be wise and smart, manage the time you have well and be very motivated to do it, as soon as you can find a small space of time in your days to meditate, don't hesitate.

And if in life you can only count on yourself, know that, by definition, you are the person who really matters in your life. This is being spiritually autonomous, if you can only rely on your own resources, that's fine because you don't need anything else but your own strength.

So resist, apply and succeed, it's your duty to yourself. Make Father Satanas proud!

I wish that your life itself can make you the strongest person you know, you will succeed in this.

 

[springfire]

Thank you so much. Very motivating it is, reading your reply. I'm truly blessed, stumbling upon this platform.

 

[april]

Suffering was my motivation to get better and I got better.

Just wanted to remind you, that is an extremely good and powerful mindset, much respect to you. It's very commendable to continue helping and motivating others when you previously had a lot of issues yourself, and maybe even lost hope somewhere along the way, remember to be proud of your tough times, this goes for all JoS contributors who experienced the same!

...

In regards to the original poster, the advice from @SeguaceDiSatanas is extremely good and should suffice, I would seriously consider dedicating yourself though, because it has a lot of benefits. (https://satanisgod.org/Dabbling.html) for more information about that. While I can see that you're properly motivated and informed, still, make sure to read a lot of the articles on joyofsatan.org if you haven't already.

All the best to both of you

 

[springfire]

Just wanted to remind you, that is an extremely good and powerful mindset, much respect to you. It's very commendable to continue helping and motivating others when you previously had a lot of issues yourself, and maybe even lost hope somewhere along the way, remember to be proud of your tough times, this goes for all JoS contributors who experienced the same!


In regards to the original poster, the advice from @SeguaceDiSatanas is extremely good and should suffice, I would seriously consider dedicating yourself though, because it has a lot of benefits. (https://satanisgod.org/Dabbling.html) for more information about that. While I can see that you're properly motivated and informed, still, make sure to read a lot of the articles on joyofsatan.org if you haven't already.

All the best to both of you

Yes I agree wholeheartedly. I intend to apply what he said. One must struggle. One must think for themselves. One must overcome by themselves. Guidance is one thing, application another. I've steady my mind on application, and my heart on the guidance of Godly input.

Changing the subject_ My Sexuality...
Once I could actually have sex with girls. Now it's only boys that can turn me on. Problem being I hardly find it easy getting intimate. On the rare occasion that I do, I feel utterly dirty and repulsive afterward. I also end up alot in homophobic conversations, feeling silently guilty...
It's just one of those things making me socially introverted and a cast out(I'm not gay acting though).Maybe it's because of watching gay porn that girls cannot turn me on anymore.
What steps can I take to correct this.

 

[april]

Yes I agree wholeheartedly. I intend to apply what he said. One must struggle. One must think for themselves. One must overcome by themselves. Guidance is one thing, application another. I've steady my mind on application, and my heart on the guidance of Godly input.

That is very good to hear, good luck with your progress, feel free to track it by posting on the forums if you want to

Changing the subject_ My Sexuality...
Once I could actually have sex with girls. Now it's only boys that can turn me on. Problem being I hardly find it easy getting intimate. On the rare occasion that I do, I feel utterly dirty and repulsive afterward. I also end up alot in homophobic conversations, feeling silently guilty...
It's just one of those things making me socially introverted and a cast out(I'm not gay acting though).Maybe it's because of watching gay porn that girls cannot turn me on anymore.
What steps can I take to correct this.

Please don't feel disgusted or guilty by any of that. We are not people who shame others for their sexuality here, it's totally fine to be confused about your sexuality and it is completely normal, challenging existing ways of living is part of finding your true self. It's a very big step that you are able to be open with people about this.

Introversion is very normal, on that note, you seem submissive by your way of typing; your excessive way of respecting other people shows that you want to get validated by other people because you have not received the attention you deserved during childhood or your day-to-day life, this is understandable and also nothing to be ashamed about, it is NOT your fault, don't blame yourself.

On the rare occasion that I do, I feel utterly dirty and repulsive afterward.

It is okay and normal to feel that as a male, especially if you are the sub in that situation. (which i assume, please excuse me if that was not the case)
A lot of people feel this way, it is mostly because of sexual hang-ups, you need to stop feeling like its "wrong", it is a totally healthy way of expressing yourself sexually.

Is it possible that you are attracted to masculine males and have fantasies of getting "used" / dominated by them? if yes
Have you had any issues with your mother or father in childhood? If you do, please work on that trauma, it is very important. If they would not be angry at you or lash out at you, then seriously have a deep conversation with them about your own feelings.

What steps can I take to correct this.

all in all, my impression of you is that you are a shy and neglected individual, you try to compensate by trying to be overly nice and respectful to people but it gives them the ability to take advantage of your insecurity. You need more self-esteem and confidence.

I would highly recommend for you to create a safe-space for yourself, to be who you truly are; for this, try connecting with others who feel the same, engage in deep conversations with them and create a private blog/internet diary to express yourself on how you feel.

this quote below, is a context related excerpt for your situation of an article i wrote on balancing gender. I am sure that it will help you a lot
I marked things with (X) that I feel like are NOT applicable to your situation, please read the notes I gave.

On individuals with perceived negative-femininity:

We all have a desire for validation but it is important to heighten your own sense of self-worth, it does not matter what society thinks, what matters is how YOU feel. Focusing on validation from external sources instead of from yourself makes you dependent upon others, this, in turn, makes other people want to distance themselves from the responsibility of being involved with you or take advantage of your vulnerability. "I will change myself to please my love interest" is a very toxic kind of mindset to have because the true you is worthy of love, even if you have never experienced it before! I know, you're just trying your best to finally get what you deserve from life, to feel safe, loved, and cared for... but you are subconsciously transforming yourself into a thorned rose by closing yourself off to others. All of your trauma, like abuse/neglect from your parents or others in your childhood, has had serious consequences on your mental health, you formed a lot of bad habits that you can't get rid of. Behaving impulsively towards others because you're angry at yourself is a behavior you need to work on (X). Your thoughts are very confusing and contradicting, you feel drawn to people but you hate yourself for it because you don't want to hurt them.. you're self aware of your faults but you do not work on them. This repetitive cycle of suffering has to stop. You need to shed your thorns and transform yourself into the rose you were always supposed to be. You can do this, but you'll have to work hard.

Main Takeaways:

1. Focus on self-worth instead of validation from other people.
2. Recognize that your true self is worthy of being genuinely loved.
3. Face your traumas and experiences.
4. Find a person you can trust and be genuine about your feelings and struggles to them. (preferably a professional)
5. Don't repress your emotions, it is okay to be vulnerable with yourself.
6. Be more open with/to yourself.
7. Change your way of treating others and be more empathetic. X (your empathy is fine but you're overly people pleasing, change that to be more neutral and less self deprecating)
8. Find a group of people you can truly be yourself around.
9. Work hard towards self improvement

While this may be stigmatizing for you, remember to talk to an actual therapist too, and truly be open about your feelings, there is literally no shame in any of it, you are worthy of help and you deserve it.

All the best and remember to love yourself! You ARE worthy of being loved but first you need to focus on yourself instead of trying to prove this to others.

 

[springfire]

"How weird"
I should be more careful I presume, I'm being written like a book here. True I had alot of childhood trauma, and neglect. Mostly my father. Some therapist told my mom I'm being manipulative. I don't have any faith in that.
Regarding my sexual preference_ I need to get a balance there. I only fear further rejection. I have full faith as I'm growing in knowledge and power, that things will turn.
Right I try hard to please people, but I feel the desire to be of use.
It's who I am. I'm a . But that's not much appreciated, and it cause pain. I don't deserve any grace, since Ive done alot of stupid things. I do need to heal my subconscious; get strong, and then help others.
NO.. therapist..Rather Dedicate and get Closer to The God's.
Since by free association, one can tap into my unconscious.. I'd rather play save..
Look you just sort of did.
In closing.. thanks alot your input is highly valued...

That is very good to hear, good luck with your progress, feel free to track it by posting on the forums if you want to


Please don't feel disgusted or guilty by any of that. We are not people who shame others for their sexuality here, it's totally fine to be confused about your sexuality and it is completely normal, challenging existing ways of living is part of finding your true self. It's a very big step that you are able to be open with people about this.

Introversion is very normal, on that note, you seem submissive by your way of typing; your excessive way of respecting other people shows that you want to get validated by other people because you have not received the attention you deserved during childhood or your day-to-day life, this is understandable and also nothing to be ashamed about, it is NOT your fault, don't blame yourself.


It is okay and normal to feel that as a male, especially if you are the sub in that situation. (which i assume, please excuse me if that was not the case)
A lot of people feel this way, it is mostly because of sexual hang-ups, you need to stop feeling like its "wrong", it is a totally healthy way of expressing yourself sexually.

Is it possible that you are attracted to masculine males and have fantasies of getting "used" / dominated by them? if yes
Have you had any issues with your mother or father in childhood? If you do, please work on that trauma, it is very important. If they would not be angry at you or lash out at you, then seriously have a deep conversation with them about your own feelings.


all in all, my impression of you is that you are a shy and neglected individual, you try to compensate by trying to be overly nice and respectful to people but it gives them the ability to take advantage of your insecurity. You need more self-esteem and confidence.

I would highly recommend for you to create a safe-space for yourself, to be who you truly are; for this, try connecting with others who feel the same, engage in deep conversations with them and create a private blog/internet diary to express yourself on how you feel.

this quote below, is a context related excerpt for your situation of an article i wrote on balancing gender. I am sure that it will help you a lot
I marked things with (X) that I feel like are NOT applicable to your situation, please read the notes I gave.



While this may be stigmatizing for you, remember to talk to an actual therapist too, and truly be open about your feelings, there is literally no shame in any of it, you are worthy of help and you deserve it.

All the best and remember to love yourself! You ARE worthy of being loved but first you need to focus on yourself instead of trying to prove this to others.

 

[springfire]

And yes I'll keep track on my advancement. I keep rereading that first reply to my post. Right now I'm doing aura cleaning, foundation, and aura of protection. Tomorrow I'll add void. The foundation is extremely pleasant, though it now starts to cause a wild shaking that's uncontrollably scary. The aura cleaning causes alot of windbreaking(if you understand me, English is not my native language)

 

[april]

"How weird"
I should be more careful I presume, I'm being written like a book here.

You're not "readable", there simply exist people who can bring forth extremely impactful implications from intricate psychological nuances.
In short, it's not about you revealing too much about yourself, it's more about the intuition and experience of the individual developing conclusions from all of your factors.

Like you are working towards, your goal should be making yourself spiritually and emotionally impenetrable, a lot of people have the misconception that this subsequently involves a lot of dichotomy in terms of closing yourself off to emotions but that is simply not true, because being spiritually impenetrable makes you fundamentally and inherently emotionally and psychologically paradoxical.

This means that the more spiritually developed and awakened you get, the less psychologically and emotionally profilable you become.

True I had alot of childhood trauma, and neglect. Mostly my father.

You should not neglect the impact of those experiences, your childhood shapes the way you think, perceiving the experience from a point of self-improvement is very crucial. Those were parts of your life that made you into what you are today and it will continue to direct your life unless you change your way of perceiving it.

NO.. therapist..Rather Dedicate and get Closer to The God's.

I can understand your sensitivity towards therapists but you should think about the concept of there being humans who genuinely take pride in and love helping others; exactly like you. You are not the only one like this; you are not alone. There needs to be someone who can support you along your journey.

Also, very important. You are very gullible, please under no circumstances get lost in delusions. That is the WORST thing that could happen to you right now when you're so insecure. This includes things such as divination / using pendulums, they give you the answers you want to hear and expect, they are not things told to you by spirits or your higher self, for that you need more spiritual development. Be extremely skeptical of things like that and only believe them upon 100% certain proof by asking questions you should not know.
In general, stay away from all kinds of divination but if you need any answers, ask verifiably experienced practitioners of divination until you fix all of your issues with yourself.

The Gods are currently a major psychological weakness for you, you have a very strong emotional and psychological dependence on them right now since you cling onto them for the possibility that they can magically "fix" you. Make sure not to get tricked by your own mind into thinking they are communicating with you out of your own desire for it.

In regards to that, read this article. (but please finish reading everything I have written you first)

It's who I am. I'm a (virgo). But that's not much appreciated, and it cause pain. I don't deserve any grace, since Ive done alot of stupid things.

No, you are YOURSELF. It does not matter what sun sign you are, it does not matter what you did, there will always be things that will set you apart from others who have the same properties. Everyone did "bad things" and no one is a saint, everyone has their own flaws, including me. Getting stronger means realizing that you do deserve grace and you do deserve love, just like every other human who is genuinely trying to improve themselves. You also have to realize that every negative thing that negative figures in your life like your father told you, is simply not true and is based around their own self-hatred for themselves. You should not get influenced by the opinions of others, you are an INDEPENDENT human, you don't need external validation, you need to love and accept yourself. I know it's all hard and confusing.. we're all just being pushed through currents that we cannot control at times, whether that be from astrological, socioeconomic, or other circumstances, but if you truly do want to control the current, you will have to control yourself first. Give yourself the permission to take control of your life

I'm sure this all sounds very complicated, and yes, I intentionally used "difficult" language, it is vital for you to conceptualize these philosophical concepts on a level that transcends language. Translate this into your first language if you are confused. Please understand that I am in no way trying to be condescending to you.

In closing.. thanks alot your input is highly valued...

I'm glad to help, the highest gift you could give in return for this knowledge is to apply it for yourself.

Right I try hard to please people, but I feel the desire to be of use.

So how about desiring to be of use to yourself? The one who needs your help the most is you.

Happy self-improvement! mwah
April

 

[springfire]

Thank you April. Yes I'll consider a therapist. You yourself are a great catharsis. Alot of reading I think can also aid in healing my mind. I'm now reading through Jos. In any case can you suggest any mind blowing books I can download.
HAIL SATAN!!!!

 

[springfire]

Thank you April. Yes I'll consider a therapist. You yourself are a great catharsis. Alot of reading I think can also aid in healing my mind. I'm now reading through Jos. In any case can you suggest any mind blowing books I can download.
HAIL SATAN!!!!

In correction of any misconception- I am know there is no quick magical fix to any of this. Right now time and patience is my greatest defence. I consider myself strong and enduring. Great things is what I put my entire faith and effort in.

 

[april]

Thank you April. Yes I'll consider a therapist. You yourself are a great catharsis.

Right now time and patience is my greatest defence. I consider myself strong and enduring. Great things is what I put my entire faith and effort in.

Awwww I'm very glad to hear that

Alot of reading I think can also aid in healing my mind. I'm now reading through Jos. In any case can you suggest any mind blowing books I can download.
HAIL SATAN!!!!

I can highly vouch for the knowledge contained within JoS articles however true wisdom is not gained from books; It is gained from personal experience. Outside of JoS, I have not encountered a book that has impacted me fundamentally and spiritually so your best bet would be to check out satanslibrary.org, which is our main library of articles and other works.
Make sure to do the 40 day meditation program if you haven't already come across it.

Hail Satan indeed.

 

[springfire]

Great thanks dearest april