Viego
Active member
- Joined
- Oct 30, 2019
- Messages
- 151
Hello everyone. I'm going to use a platform to translate what I have to say. I speak English but it's easier for me to explain these things in my native language so I will translate using the platform.
I don't want to give too much information from my astrogram so I'll just go into little details, let's just say that I have 12th's houses and some business with Pluto especially in the Areea I am gonna speak about which would be [Love]. Also Venus is retro in the 12.
Now jumping on the subject.
I know everyone has his own problems and life can be tough to anyone. I am not that little princess who is whingy and ask for kisses here and I don't wanna sound like "I am more fu*** then others" so on on. I do understand it's all about our perception and how we receive and process things. The fact I went in depth knowledge helped me a lot , I don't know who I would had been or if I would actually even still be here if it weren't for the deep investigations of the information and myself including.
Something I can't control like my stages of emotions and mind. I can go from been Smiley and happy and very social into very sinister , melancholic , deep ,cruel and so on. My cruelty and taste of revenge goes so Big when I see I am so nonsuccessful in Love matter . It's a feeling like :If I can't have happiness regarding Love then why I wouldn't transform myself in a destruction machine not to myself I mean here but to all things. Because I feel forgotten , like a shadow like an error not worthy of having such great beauty of life , like the life itself hates me. But the other problem on the bottom is more important .I know the way I think over here regarding love is very wrong but I don't know how shall I understand it all of my life I've been f**** in this matter [Love].
At the moment I am going trough a very melancholic state and I know in what will this transform.
I've did passed the suicide attempts I've had and ya..
Regarding Anger, usually is never there especially on the right moment [when I'm been provoke by others] I am very passive and controlled , not because I am afraid of anything in this world but I am afraid of myself the fact I wouldn't been able to control it. I am not the guy who would fight you and go to have a beer in a Pub afterwards and talk about how stupid and foolish we were. One has to go , no matter what.
Let me tell you a little story so it would explain it better.
I remember once. I was younger , 15 I think . I was with my friend walking down the street and talking then one guy appears [ Bigger guy ] and started to act very nasty then we just leave and he follow us later and he's singing a song yelling it in the street a song that would say you're a woman [something like refusing a provocation idk how to explain this so basically he tried to piss me off ] he was also yelling "Who wants to fight?" he was thinking he's riding 5 mountains in his back or smth and then he showed his finger to me and I asked a afraid and a bit shaking " what's the problem? " when he heard that he suddenly changed and started to run towards me very angry and 100% ready to smack the sh1t out of me.
In that moment i was on the bench with my friend eating something and I can feel the everything even when I explain that like it was a second ago , this energy deep in me so the thing is everything went in slow motion for a 10 seconds until I burst. I've throwed my food very disgusted but extremely calm and then I started to unbuttoning the coat and throw that too I walked slowly to him and I've asked calmly " Do you wanna fight?" then i walked normal and started to yell " "I WILL *******" " then It's like I become possessed I was running towards him with all of my deepest speed and I was yelling with all of my voice " Do you wanna fight?" . and he run out so scared and i was chasing but others were holding me saying it's not worth it.
I've notice this happens in the most intense situations another one was more spiritual , I was to a friend of mine and he indeed had some strange entity in his house who was visiting very rarley expecially when we were asleep , I don't know what it was but it would had paralyze me and give us nightmares for instance I was sleeping with my friend in the same bed and I told him if i make noises it means I am awake and I can't move so he would Know that I am not gone or whatever.
I was with him in the living room and I explained to him not to give attention to this kind of entity because it feeds from our fear and we were sitting on the couch and his dogs were barking then suddently stop then he wanted to look over the window to see what are they doing if they are alright and I told him not to . In that exactly moment his vision and mine were connected to each other I could see what he had seen and i can remember his funny reaction when he've seen it " what the ... " Basically one of the dogs come out of the corner but insteed of his own head it had a human head without eyes and blood under the eyes [ which he did not had] and looking with the head a bit bent to right.
My point with the second story is that it's exactly like the first one . This entity thing whatever it was put me in a stage that I was afraid for my own life and then i suddenly astral project myself involuntary and I bursted in Rage and chase her insinde the entierly house and this ghost or whatever was running from me and I was saying : COME!!!
And since then no more visits . I surprise myself and the power deepth within which I don't have fully control.
In magic related I did had many success and very quick manifestations my only barrier I think its my mind.
And this deep desire for vengence hits me hard sometimes and I think about my enemies and I ask myself : What have they done today? Did they eat? What did they eat , where they've been , how many times do they breath in those 24 days?
I bury this 'energy' or this 'monster' deep inside me and I am not easly provoked like I used to be . I am very controlled but it feels like more then half of myself is missing and I hate myself for doing such thing to me I would like to control it and it also a thing of morality here which I don't understand. For example let's say in a relation I did mistakes too , big ones and my morality it says "It wouldn't be fair to revenge because I was bad as well] and in the same time it's like another voice [Me] says "DO IT! You weak, you're patethic , you cannot even destroy what have ruined you".
Regarding me as a person sometimes when this part of me awakes I can take somebody breath with my deep words which would be philosophical or some harsh cruel realities of existence and leave them complete speechless.
In conflicts I try not to react and just get bullied and think smart [ is no point arguing with insects ] but then later I hate myself for not reacting on that moment but again if I were to react it would escalate because I know myself , my heart will beat faster , my mind would go on 10x speed and my emotions will take over my ration and logic.
For instance I have this Mars sextile Pluto and everything it says on the website about it it's true. I would wait big years and even lifetimes and I would still finish the business forever when the time will be right but when would be that time? Because even using the spiritual path lets say runes to attack I am afraid that my huge energy and anger will explode my mind and change me , probably forever.
What advises would you give to me and what books would you recommended to me . Philosophical's one like Nietzsche's books and also psychological books to help me control and especially understand more about what I've just shared with you guys.
I don't want to give too much information from my astrogram so I'll just go into little details, let's just say that I have 12th's houses and some business with Pluto especially in the Areea I am gonna speak about which would be [Love]. Also Venus is retro in the 12.
Now jumping on the subject.
I know everyone has his own problems and life can be tough to anyone. I am not that little princess who is whingy and ask for kisses here and I don't wanna sound like "I am more fu*** then others" so on on. I do understand it's all about our perception and how we receive and process things. The fact I went in depth knowledge helped me a lot , I don't know who I would had been or if I would actually even still be here if it weren't for the deep investigations of the information and myself including.
Something I can't control like my stages of emotions and mind. I can go from been Smiley and happy and very social into very sinister , melancholic , deep ,cruel and so on. My cruelty and taste of revenge goes so Big when I see I am so nonsuccessful in Love matter . It's a feeling like :If I can't have happiness regarding Love then why I wouldn't transform myself in a destruction machine not to myself I mean here but to all things. Because I feel forgotten , like a shadow like an error not worthy of having such great beauty of life , like the life itself hates me. But the other problem on the bottom is more important .I know the way I think over here regarding love is very wrong but I don't know how shall I understand it all of my life I've been f**** in this matter [Love].
At the moment I am going trough a very melancholic state and I know in what will this transform.
I've did passed the suicide attempts I've had and ya..
Regarding Anger, usually is never there especially on the right moment [when I'm been provoke by others] I am very passive and controlled , not because I am afraid of anything in this world but I am afraid of myself the fact I wouldn't been able to control it. I am not the guy who would fight you and go to have a beer in a Pub afterwards and talk about how stupid and foolish we were. One has to go , no matter what.
Let me tell you a little story so it would explain it better.
I remember once. I was younger , 15 I think . I was with my friend walking down the street and talking then one guy appears [ Bigger guy ] and started to act very nasty then we just leave and he follow us later and he's singing a song yelling it in the street a song that would say you're a woman [something like refusing a provocation idk how to explain this so basically he tried to piss me off ] he was also yelling "Who wants to fight?" he was thinking he's riding 5 mountains in his back or smth and then he showed his finger to me and I asked a afraid and a bit shaking " what's the problem? " when he heard that he suddenly changed and started to run towards me very angry and 100% ready to smack the sh1t out of me.
In that moment i was on the bench with my friend eating something and I can feel the everything even when I explain that like it was a second ago , this energy deep in me so the thing is everything went in slow motion for a 10 seconds until I burst. I've throwed my food very disgusted but extremely calm and then I started to unbuttoning the coat and throw that too I walked slowly to him and I've asked calmly " Do you wanna fight?" then i walked normal and started to yell " "I WILL *******" " then It's like I become possessed I was running towards him with all of my deepest speed and I was yelling with all of my voice " Do you wanna fight?" . and he run out so scared and i was chasing but others were holding me saying it's not worth it.
I've notice this happens in the most intense situations another one was more spiritual , I was to a friend of mine and he indeed had some strange entity in his house who was visiting very rarley expecially when we were asleep , I don't know what it was but it would had paralyze me and give us nightmares for instance I was sleeping with my friend in the same bed and I told him if i make noises it means I am awake and I can't move so he would Know that I am not gone or whatever.
I was with him in the living room and I explained to him not to give attention to this kind of entity because it feeds from our fear and we were sitting on the couch and his dogs were barking then suddently stop then he wanted to look over the window to see what are they doing if they are alright and I told him not to . In that exactly moment his vision and mine were connected to each other I could see what he had seen and i can remember his funny reaction when he've seen it " what the ... " Basically one of the dogs come out of the corner but insteed of his own head it had a human head without eyes and blood under the eyes [ which he did not had] and looking with the head a bit bent to right.
My point with the second story is that it's exactly like the first one . This entity thing whatever it was put me in a stage that I was afraid for my own life and then i suddenly astral project myself involuntary and I bursted in Rage and chase her insinde the entierly house and this ghost or whatever was running from me and I was saying : COME!!!
And since then no more visits . I surprise myself and the power deepth within which I don't have fully control.
In magic related I did had many success and very quick manifestations my only barrier I think its my mind.
And this deep desire for vengence hits me hard sometimes and I think about my enemies and I ask myself : What have they done today? Did they eat? What did they eat , where they've been , how many times do they breath in those 24 days?
I bury this 'energy' or this 'monster' deep inside me and I am not easly provoked like I used to be . I am very controlled but it feels like more then half of myself is missing and I hate myself for doing such thing to me I would like to control it and it also a thing of morality here which I don't understand. For example let's say in a relation I did mistakes too , big ones and my morality it says "It wouldn't be fair to revenge because I was bad as well] and in the same time it's like another voice [Me] says "DO IT! You weak, you're patethic , you cannot even destroy what have ruined you".
Regarding me as a person sometimes when this part of me awakes I can take somebody breath with my deep words which would be philosophical or some harsh cruel realities of existence and leave them complete speechless.
In conflicts I try not to react and just get bullied and think smart [ is no point arguing with insects ] but then later I hate myself for not reacting on that moment but again if I were to react it would escalate because I know myself , my heart will beat faster , my mind would go on 10x speed and my emotions will take over my ration and logic.
For instance I have this Mars sextile Pluto and everything it says on the website about it it's true. I would wait big years and even lifetimes and I would still finish the business forever when the time will be right but when would be that time? Because even using the spiritual path lets say runes to attack I am afraid that my huge energy and anger will explode my mind and change me , probably forever.
What advises would you give to me and what books would you recommended to me . Philosophical's one like Nietzsche's books and also psychological books to help me control and especially understand more about what I've just shared with you guys.
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/m/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}
![Blitzkreig [JG]](/data/avatars/s/21/21286.jpg?1704756304){kind=avatar}
